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A review.

My trip is coming to an end. Indeed, I am in my final destination as I write this and come ce soir I will be back in the Brooker-Bright love nest, complete with lots of dirty washing and a serious need for intensive conditioner... I don't think I have ever been this excited about people speaking French to me; I sure won't miss looking like a total retard - partial suits me so much better.

So what say me about the whole experience? Well, I am not entirely sure if I have managed to capture just how much of a blessing my travels have been, so I suppose I shall just state it in a really boring obvious manner - better that than miss the point entirely and have you thinking I just had a nice lil' hoilday, which frankly would be an utter misjudgment.

For one thing, I have had a fair few experiences where I have not been conventionally happy. That is to say I've cried, been angry, been lost, been lonely, been starkly not lonely(!), missed opportunities and wasted precious time on fruitless pursuits. In all of this I have at times wanted to give up, go home, throw things or get drunk. Some of those things I may well even have done...!

So, what is my point exactly?

God was with me the whole time.

Do you know the 'Carlsberg don't make [insert word here] but if they did they would probably be the best [repeat word here] in the world' adverts? Well, foolishly and more for the sake of the phrase, I was about to say that God doesn't make holidays but if He did they would doubtless be the best holidays the world. Then I realised that God DOES make holidays. He is a travel agent. An agent of all things in fact. He's an interior designer, a consultant physician, a head chef and a traffic warden. There ain't nothing that He can't do and whatever He does do He do's the best.

What a fabulous role model for us all. That and a continual blessing :-)

I've learnt so much about listening to God, then relistening to God (and no doubt in due course will be learning to rerelisten to Him too). I eventually got the realisation that He wants to be my number 1 all the time and have since been delighted as He started to show me how. Even better, as I made mistakes and felt like I was failing at putting Him first, He showed me that it was ok. Wanna hear a cute story as to how?

Well, I gonna tell you anyway.

Remember how I said in Vienna that I gave someone directions having just got off the train? Well, as I wrote about it in my journal (like my blog but with the juicy bits left in and souvenir train tickets stuck inside the front cover) I realised that God was doing more than giving me a friendly face. What happened was this:

She approached me about 30 seconds after I had left the flat for the first time. I was taking a walk and was in a 'bit' of a bad mood - tired from traveling and being a grumpy cow that was frightfully aware of it and totally inept at dealing with it. Just before we met I had been saying to God how I had let Him down/would shortly be doing so. You know, when you feel bad about it but haven't got the drive to stop it happening? I warned Him that I would be no use at all in Vienna but was instead falling off the path for a bit, which was really rubbish given I thought I had been doing so well since my B and had half hoped it was be the end of all that crap! (Note, I am a perfectionist and am well aware that this was not realstic but was clinging onto the dead sinful nature part of things as opposed to the thorn in the flesh warning... but that's a whole other topic.)

Anyway. A sweet Austrian girl at the tram stop asks me for directions to the number 37 (we were at 37a which strangely is in a totally different place). Observe here that everyone it seems speaks two languages - I felt like a reet fool. (And by here I mean anywhere that isn't England). Now, David had recently texted me info for getting into town using the number 37 tram and at the time I had thought "Fool why did you do that? I have to be at your place in an hour so as to let you in 'cause you gave me your keys..." Suddenly, the message had a use and I was able to take Agnes to the stop. We had a nice but pretty mundane conversation and afterwards I was like "Ok God, it gave me sommat to do I 'spose. No major wisdom or messages from You but maybe it was supposed to cheer me up, what with her cute smiley Austrianess". It didn't really work but at least I felt a bit good helping her get there.
Then it hit me (only two days later) that what He was really saying is this:

It doesn't matter if you are being or feeling rubbish, God can still equip and use you to His own special purpose if you let Him.

Now, stands to reason really. I mean, I don't know about you but I am pretty sure that even when I am on 'top form' I am probably not actually as good as Jesus. So, seeing as we always have to be topped up by God in order to be of effect, what difference do our own fluctuating and finite measures of goodness make anyway?

The key is not in how much we have to offer: it is never enough (remember the loaves and fishes...). It is in the offering that He rejoices and uses us. Obvious when you think about it but how cool that He will arrange the universe around us, just to make sure the message gets through?

For those of you avid followers that saw me planning my social life in the comments, I am currently sitting in an über cute farmhouse about an hour outside of Zurich. I didn't make it to the city and will not now given how late it has gotten, but what I did do was SO MUCH better I don't care in the slightest. More to follow but basically God was at work yet again and I slept in a Heidi hayloft last night and petted a cow this afternoon. Could it be more of a Swiss experience?

Geneva I have missed you and can't wait to get back; but be warned, I done gone changed again. Two and a half weeks post baptism, I would say a big fat "Wow!". Who the hell am I anyway?

Laters, x