Christian Hell Hole

On Monday I went to dinner at one of my new friends flats (grammar?). I very much buy into the New Testament model of faith related meal provision, particularly when it involves 3 courses. When I first went to GVA I joined a church to meet people obliged to be friendly that wouldn’t try and sleep with me. I achieved both and called them my “wholesome” friends. Now I’m back in BRS some of the people I have reconnected with are those that I met in the pub over Christmas. They hold somewhat different views to my Swiss crew; thus, for the sake of continuity (and ‘cause it makes me smile) I shall refer to them as my “unwholesome” friends.

One of the things we discussed was the university residence that their flatmate used to live in. This particular one is called ‘Clifton Hill House’ but, due to the dominating number of Christians (get in there), it got rechristened ‘Christian Hell Hole’. Apparently they would do things like give away toasties whilst inviting them to Alpha courses.

The irony of the name, combined with the cheesiness (literally and in reference to stereotyped behaviour) of the gesture amused me. As did the following comment:

“Why would I become a Christian. They’d only stop bringing me toasties… AND then I’d have to make them for other people?!”

Woah. Talk about profound.

I used to be the toastie receiver. Just to clarify: a toastie is a grilled cheese sandwich. And I am being metaphorical. Before I went to Geneva I lived in the roof of a church with a load of other students, most of who were, inevitably, Christian. I KNEW about the whole reaching out thing. The church would put on free BBQs for freshers and all year long we would get leftovers sent upstairs from various other events. I seldom had to do food shopping. Also, a lot of my flatmates had this whole “I’ve got to be a good witness thing going on” and I can’t lie, it is nice to be surround by people that are consciously making an effort to be friendly.

Then of course going to Switzerland and looking for friends: you can’t go wrong turning up at a church and saying I don’t believe in this but I want to hang out with you and I will listen. People were falling over themselves to spend time with me – not least when I started showing signs of cracking – live conversions would be such a hit on the God channel.

Ok, I do exaggerate a *little*. However, the premise remains that I am batting for the other side now. Which in turns means that I have to go out and make the toastie. Or, failing that, the BBQ. Or, failing that, the excessive niceness. It really must be worth it.

Today (Tuesday but what with the no internet yet I am blogging in advance.) I woke up in a terrible mood. I have a tendency to react quite strongly to lots of activity, by getting really fatigued and 'low mooded' and as such have to be careful not to follow my natural 'go go go go STOP' model. I had overdone it slightly by staying out till 4 am at aforementioned dinner party (OMGoodness you have to watch 'Big Stan'. If you can get past the gay rape premise you will LOVE it. It’s got the feel good factor of Sister Act. Well, some of you may love it, Carolyn definitely won’t ;-)) having been away all weekend visiting and making music in the South. So on Monday I was starting to go and by Tuesday really wasn’t in a good place. Physically, conversationally, compassionately... it was all a big no no.

Or no no no no STOP. Stop letting things get in my way and hold me back from living life and serving God. See I have found that when you don't want to do anything, the last thing you should do it nothing. I started writing this post before I left the house and, well, with strength I would not have had before, I actually went out and got involved. (Which by the way is AMAZING and such fantastic encouragement given the trepidation with which I begin a year of high demands.) This day that meant helping with the welcome BBQ at the church I used to live in. Alongside the people I used to take advantage of and argue with!

So I gave out the proverbial toasties (which is not a grilled cheese sandwich with proverbs hidden inside fortune cookie stylee though how AMAZING would that be?!), made a conscious effort to care and found that I really did. With a hell of a lot of energy! I was reminded of exactly why I changed sides. And it felt good.

After all, everybody is a slave to someone. Why make friends with the ones that have toasties when you can be friends with the One that provided the toasties in the first place – unlimited supply.

Forward

I felt like God wanted me to send an email today. So I did. It was about something that I really knew he'd taught me and then suddenly I decided he wanted to teach someone else too. Now I think perhaps I will tell you, just in case it is relevant:

When I quit smoking I did not at first succeed and then, when I found myself doing it and keeping it a secret because everyone at church thought I had stopped, I felt a lot of guilt and shame. God really spoke to me about this. It is a huge area in which Satan has power if we give it to him. The way I started to look at it was that I was already falling into a trap of temptation by giving in to the desire to smoking, but if I also felt guilty about it then that gives the devil a double victory.

So I would encourage you, as you tackle this issue, to not give in to the second temptation. God will help you with you addiction and He does not judge you for it but loves you despite it. You have no right to feel bad about yourself as you are loved by God and your path is in Him. Seek after Him help, tell Him you can't do it, but don't tell yourself you are rubbish or can't succeed or have failed. He is the God of second chances, and third and fourth...

So that is it. If you are going to smoke, try reading your bible as you do it. I did and I felt like I was give the finger to Satan because even though I was struggling in one area it did not keep me from seeking after God. And I think it is one of the ways that I was freed from need because it helped me give the issue more and more to God. He can see us in everything we do so why not do it in front of Him and be open about the problem.

It is in the loneliness and guilt that the strong hold comes, don't let Satan keep you down.

There you go. Combining the ease of not having to write a new post with confession! Good for the bedtime and the soul. Note that you can insert for "smoking" any sin, vice or temptation. I know I do!

Ciao ciao...