Don't forget how much it changes things. DO IT! Wow, does it change things. God is there and interactive and as we ask for things (and sometimes seek and hammer on doors for them) the most incredible stuff happens. Wow do they happen!
I just got exhorted. Can you tell? If I remember I'll put the link up but find it at http://www.woodlandschurch.net/ sometime soon otherwise. This guy is a good speaker, overtly charismatic (I am suspicious of all things charming) but real with it; raises a smile... and an eyebrow... and a response.
There is lots to share and comment on, not least battling with encroaching legalism, I don't have time now 'cause bed is calling me and I am beyond processing. However, remember that prayer really is about relationship and hanging out with God... but also that it can make INCREDIBLE differences in the world now and The Kingdom forever.
PRAY!!! Even if you don't believe it don't matter, 'cause it isn't a trick of the mind actually!
Don't despair at the difficulty and incredible responsibility it brings though. My favourite way to pray is "please help me pray" (it's my favourite way to do anything actually). The rule of willingness being the most important thing is still applicable here. Not by my might or power but by His spirit - that one never stops being true. One time I was at a night of prayer and getting totally depressed and wanting to give up and die (or at least go to bed and cry). At one point I was supposed to be praying for someone and all I could say was "bless her bless her bless her" lots and lots. Sometimes it doesn't really matter what we do, just that we do it. Sure sometimes we also gotta go for it big guns, but always only by His guidance and propulsion, so just roll wid it...
The key is to be ready to roll. People say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I beg to differ. I rather think that the road to heaven is paved with good intentions. All we can do is "mean well", that is to say 'I am willing but unable', and then good old JC steps in with His Holy Ghost posse and does the rest in us, for us and through us. The Kingdom is brought about by our choice to have good intentions so don't let that ol' idiom get you down, 'tis lies I tells ya!
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Hot Topic
This news article has created quite a stir in the UK. Here is but one example and here is another though you may need to sign into Facebook to see it (for mum and dad, it is a countering group that says there is a God so stop worrying and have fun).
Now. Almost all my friends in Bristol are outraged, the Methodists are optimistic and, as is a recent theme, I am pretty apathetic. But I'm going to put out there some of my pre-blues views and try and see objectively just how I feel about it. It's a long shot I know but I wouldn't mind your opinion either...
I think it is stupid 'cause it is scientifically bogus. Any sensible logician can see that opening this can of worms as an issue of "probability" brings up all kinds of questions, not least semantic, and that certainly one must question the legitimacy of trying to rationalise or mathematically assess such a claim. By definition God is bigger than our intellects and lies outside of our comprehesive logic (duh, miracles) so probability doesn't come into it. You can't prove something unproveable so the game just doesn't apply. He comes from the powerset of the world as we know it so is a whole set level above (if you want to talk maths let's do it properly). It makes the atheists look stupid.
There is an argument is that young impressionable people would read it and accept it. If only that were true. There is a lot more spending power behind the church and if we could get a whole load of signs up that say "God loves you so much but He's a gentleman so He's waiting for you to invite Him in" on the side of buses then does that mean we'd see a revival? Maybe?! It would be pretty sweet...!
Thing is, I think there is legitimacy behind the reasoning that atheism, requiring the step of faith that it does to so avidly believe in nothing, is a faith group and as such has the same freedom to express views that "we" do.
There is also a claim of arrogancy. Now, a few hundred people facebook group (I don't actually dis what they're doing I just would have phrased it differently) isn't a lot but the statement there IS a God seems a lot more arrogant than a foolishly laid down, not-fully committed conversation stirrer (and by the way I think the Methodists are right. It's publicity isn't it? Any publicity is good publicity, just ask Paul). To go one step further, the Alpha course (which again I think is really cool actually) says things like "Is this it?" and "What am I doing here" which could be construed as condescending to anyone that finds themselves to be perfectly content with life. "Well, actually, you're not. You need more purpose..."
The thing about it that is most stupid, in my opinion and as the counter-group rightly says, is that [if] God does exist then we can stop worrying and enjoy life to the full. "Fun" being such a subjective word. That is why these signs are so bogus. They don't listen to any of the irrefutable claims (irrefutable in that they are undeniably premises of Christianity) that are true (by definition or 'a priori') about the consequence of the existence of God... No, instead they look at the demonstrations they have around them.
Which is why we (Christians) cannot get outraged: because the world saw us when they looked around them. We are the reason that this statement made it onto the buses and didn't scream ridiculous. No one knows by what they see in us that worrying and being boring are not symptoms of God. If we were living under those promises then no matter what a person thought about God's existence, they would never accept these posters are even close to being legitimate. Richard Dawkins would get laughed at. Back in the good old days of Acts people wanted to get close to the early followers of The Way because they liked what they saw. No-one could accuse them of being wet. READ. Highly regarded. People were scared to join then, nevertheless they were added to daily.
Christianity is a laughing stock, pathetic or at best a vaguely interesting personal choice right now in England. The guy that stood up for his beliefs to not drive that bus went back on the condition that he "would only have to do so if there were no others available". WTF. Talk about pushover. These people back then were respected. The fear of what it would mean with the Romans was not enough to keep the people away. That defied logic - how could they not dare to join yet still come in? The TRUTH of what was being taught was and is more powerful that whatever was/is preventing them - be it angry Roman soldiers, strict Jewish rabbi's, snide post-Christendom taunting or post-Enlightened independence.
What people need is a posteriori logic, that is they need to experience what it means for God to be real to someone and then use that observed evidence to determine truth. Unfulfilled claims are worse than empty, they are dangerous. That's why Satan likes them.
Luckily, though, despite all our failings God is still huge and totally in control and The Truth is still The Truth and the Spirit still here. So that is another reason not to fret about them silly buses... 'cause it really isn't a very big deal in the grand scheme of things and is certainly not the end of the story. Richard Dawkins has missed a really vital key in his quest to kill "religion" (let's use the word for sake of communication, I don't mean that old legalistic crap) - he doesn't realise that it is immortal and he isn't. Yet.
I rather think good old Professor D may have even more currency in the conversion stakes than our lovely Russelly B. Get prayin'.
Lol. My nice, objective surmise. I can still rustle up the ole' passion when required it seems. ;-)
Now. Almost all my friends in Bristol are outraged, the Methodists are optimistic and, as is a recent theme, I am pretty apathetic. But I'm going to put out there some of my pre-blues views and try and see objectively just how I feel about it. It's a long shot I know but I wouldn't mind your opinion either...
I think it is stupid 'cause it is scientifically bogus. Any sensible logician can see that opening this can of worms as an issue of "probability" brings up all kinds of questions, not least semantic, and that certainly one must question the legitimacy of trying to rationalise or mathematically assess such a claim. By definition God is bigger than our intellects and lies outside of our comprehesive logic (duh, miracles) so probability doesn't come into it. You can't prove something unproveable so the game just doesn't apply. He comes from the powerset of the world as we know it so is a whole set level above (if you want to talk maths let's do it properly). It makes the atheists look stupid.
There is an argument is that young impressionable people would read it and accept it. If only that were true. There is a lot more spending power behind the church and if we could get a whole load of signs up that say "God loves you so much but He's a gentleman so He's waiting for you to invite Him in" on the side of buses then does that mean we'd see a revival? Maybe?! It would be pretty sweet...!
Thing is, I think there is legitimacy behind the reasoning that atheism, requiring the step of faith that it does to so avidly believe in nothing, is a faith group and as such has the same freedom to express views that "we" do.
There is also a claim of arrogancy. Now, a few hundred people facebook group (I don't actually dis what they're doing I just would have phrased it differently) isn't a lot but the statement there IS a God seems a lot more arrogant than a foolishly laid down, not-fully committed conversation stirrer (and by the way I think the Methodists are right. It's publicity isn't it? Any publicity is good publicity, just ask Paul). To go one step further, the Alpha course (which again I think is really cool actually) says things like "Is this it?" and "What am I doing here" which could be construed as condescending to anyone that finds themselves to be perfectly content with life. "Well, actually, you're not. You need more purpose..."
The thing about it that is most stupid, in my opinion and as the counter-group rightly says, is that [if] God does exist then we can stop worrying and enjoy life to the full. "Fun" being such a subjective word. That is why these signs are so bogus. They don't listen to any of the irrefutable claims (irrefutable in that they are undeniably premises of Christianity) that are true (by definition or 'a priori') about the consequence of the existence of God... No, instead they look at the demonstrations they have around them.
Which is why we (Christians) cannot get outraged: because the world saw us when they looked around them. We are the reason that this statement made it onto the buses and didn't scream ridiculous. No one knows by what they see in us that worrying and being boring are not symptoms of God. If we were living under those promises then no matter what a person thought about God's existence, they would never accept these posters are even close to being legitimate. Richard Dawkins would get laughed at. Back in the good old days of Acts people wanted to get close to the early followers of The Way because they liked what they saw. No-one could accuse them of being wet. READ. Highly regarded. People were scared to join then, nevertheless they were added to daily.
Christianity is a laughing stock, pathetic or at best a vaguely interesting personal choice right now in England. The guy that stood up for his beliefs to not drive that bus went back on the condition that he "would only have to do so if there were no others available". WTF. Talk about pushover. These people back then were respected. The fear of what it would mean with the Romans was not enough to keep the people away. That defied logic - how could they not dare to join yet still come in? The TRUTH of what was being taught was and is more powerful that whatever was/is preventing them - be it angry Roman soldiers, strict Jewish rabbi's, snide post-Christendom taunting or post-Enlightened independence.
What people need is a posteriori logic, that is they need to experience what it means for God to be real to someone and then use that observed evidence to determine truth. Unfulfilled claims are worse than empty, they are dangerous. That's why Satan likes them.
Luckily, though, despite all our failings God is still huge and totally in control and The Truth is still The Truth and the Spirit still here. So that is another reason not to fret about them silly buses... 'cause it really isn't a very big deal in the grand scheme of things and is certainly not the end of the story. Richard Dawkins has missed a really vital key in his quest to kill "religion" (let's use the word for sake of communication, I don't mean that old legalistic crap) - he doesn't realise that it is immortal and he isn't. Yet.
I rather think good old Professor D may have even more currency in the conversion stakes than our lovely Russelly B. Get prayin'.
Lol. My nice, objective surmise. I can still rustle up the ole' passion when required it seems. ;-)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Passing Thoughts
People go on about secret sin. Does that mean if it's not secret it's OK? I feel like sometimes all we have to do to make it OK is confess it but people, it's still there! Some of my sin is worse when it's not secret 'cause it's obvious. Like, not being gracious. Stay between me and God: sort it out and say sorry; show/tell other people: cruel, bitchy and potentially astray leading. Plus, isn't telling people sometimes a bit like bragging? "Oh I feel so bad, I went out last night and pull these three amazing birds and now they all keep ringing me and I don't know how to tell them I'm not interested and I don't go out with non-Christians." Lol, no I don't know that person - but don't you want to judge them? Ah ha! Sin. Shit, I led you astray...
Also, I'm annoyed that the Christmas message has already gotten old on me. I've only been to my third carol service of the season and I am already done with it. How do you long timers last? I can see what C.S.Lewis meant when he talked about time being one of the greatest weapons of the enemy. When I got back to England I was sort of told by someone that I would calm down and reality would kick in. It was my biggest fear and my reaction was a total denial and refusal. Now what? Angel, mother, stable, baby, angels, shepherds, star, kings, escape. Ta da!
Don't be like me. Do pray for me (seriously if you're gonna then do it before Tuesday: I have an exam).
Sorry to be a grumpy! N'night x
Also, I'm annoyed that the Christmas message has already gotten old on me. I've only been to my third carol service of the season and I am already done with it. How do you long timers last? I can see what C.S.Lewis meant when he talked about time being one of the greatest weapons of the enemy. When I got back to England I was sort of told by someone that I would calm down and reality would kick in. It was my biggest fear and my reaction was a total denial and refusal. Now what? Angel, mother, stable, baby, angels, shepherds, star, kings, escape. Ta da!
Don't be like me. Do pray for me (seriously if you're gonna then do it before Tuesday: I have an exam).
Sorry to be a grumpy! N'night x
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Thinkin 'bout Angels
I was at a uni carol service on Friday and it was the first time this season that I've really heard the Christmas message. I went to another service at Bath Abbey last week which was a rather fabulous setting but I don't think there was much direct bible storyage... this one went through the birth, the shepherds and the wisemen - each with a bit of a "thought" afterward about how you would actually interpret this humanly. That is: teenage mum in a dark, dirty, smelly stable; shepherds all rough and scary and untrustworthy; the wisemen being, I don't remember but not a Christmas card stereotype. Two things that really came to mind:
1) Carols are not written in a good key. Bearing in mind the church wants to try and get people in at Christmas with the lure of a good singsong I really think they should drop them all by about a third.
2) I was thinkin about how Christmas looked from Heaven. Like, from the angels perspective. In particular this line I love that goes: "Heaven sings Hallelujah, Hallelujah the earth replies."
You look at the story of the shepherds too, with the whole host of angels telling the good news, and it makes you wonder what it was like up there that day.
I don't think about Heaven that much. I will one day but I've got enough to be getting on with for now, plus there's the fact that we can't really know what it will be like. It is kinda cool to sometimes sit and think about all the crazy shit there still is to come though... One thing is for sure, "when like stars His children crowned, all in white shall wait around" doesn't really say it. Hanging around waiting for something to happen whilst wearing a white dress? I don't think so.
What were the angels doing that day though? The real tangible angels that DO exist and are out there serving God on this very earth. Something along the lines of being SO excited that Jesus had come that they got to the point where they couldn't wait anymore, they had to tell someone, they had to sing about it! They had to pop down to earth find the first people they could that would respond (people that really needed this great glad tiding nonetheless) and shout for joy about how amazing it was. A human interpretation on the one hand looking at the dark and difficult side of the Christmas message, the way it was worldlyly so uncomfortable; an angelic interpretation on the other about how incredible and historic and totally indescribably amazing it is that THE SON OF GOD HIMSELF WHO IS ALSO GOD has come in human form to this earth to bring light and hope to all of mankind!!
They were making a cacophony (justifiably I do believe) and they weren't just about then. Everywhere they are there, rejoicing at our reconciliation, witnessing and cheering us on, protecting and delivering us. Not to mention the fighting of our spiritual battles, bringing messages from God, transporting people on their wings(!), worshipping alongside us... Really and truly actually there!
I really enjoyed reading 'The Screwtape Letters' when I was a bit nearer the start of this journey. I confess I didn't actually finish it as I gave it back to Miss Spitfire before I left and never got round to getting another copy, but I love how it brings the spiritual into the real world and makes you think about what is going one around us that we can't see. Jennifer Rees Larcombe has written a spectacular book which does something quite similar from an angel's perspective. It's title is 'An Angel Called Mervin'. I heard a section read out at my sister's church a while back and really wanted to get it - I found out C had a copy and she brought it round this week... I just started reading the prologue when I had to stop to write! I will totally transcribe the whole piece when I find it, it is that good, but for now this is something from the preface:
"I believe spiritual warfare is all about holy angels fighting fallen angels, but it is human faith which decides which side wins in each skirmish"
Yet again: prayer. Prayer is a powerful weapon. DO IT.
1) Carols are not written in a good key. Bearing in mind the church wants to try and get people in at Christmas with the lure of a good singsong I really think they should drop them all by about a third.
2) I was thinkin about how Christmas looked from Heaven. Like, from the angels perspective. In particular this line I love that goes: "Heaven sings Hallelujah, Hallelujah the earth replies."
You look at the story of the shepherds too, with the whole host of angels telling the good news, and it makes you wonder what it was like up there that day.
I don't think about Heaven that much. I will one day but I've got enough to be getting on with for now, plus there's the fact that we can't really know what it will be like. It is kinda cool to sometimes sit and think about all the crazy shit there still is to come though... One thing is for sure, "when like stars His children crowned, all in white shall wait around" doesn't really say it. Hanging around waiting for something to happen whilst wearing a white dress? I don't think so.
What were the angels doing that day though? The real tangible angels that DO exist and are out there serving God on this very earth. Something along the lines of being SO excited that Jesus had come that they got to the point where they couldn't wait anymore, they had to tell someone, they had to sing about it! They had to pop down to earth find the first people they could that would respond (people that really needed this great glad tiding nonetheless) and shout for joy about how amazing it was. A human interpretation on the one hand looking at the dark and difficult side of the Christmas message, the way it was worldlyly so uncomfortable; an angelic interpretation on the other about how incredible and historic and totally indescribably amazing it is that THE SON OF GOD HIMSELF WHO IS ALSO GOD has come in human form to this earth to bring light and hope to all of mankind!!
They were making a cacophony (justifiably I do believe) and they weren't just about then. Everywhere they are there, rejoicing at our reconciliation, witnessing and cheering us on, protecting and delivering us. Not to mention the fighting of our spiritual battles, bringing messages from God, transporting people on their wings(!), worshipping alongside us... Really and truly actually there!
I really enjoyed reading 'The Screwtape Letters' when I was a bit nearer the start of this journey. I confess I didn't actually finish it as I gave it back to Miss Spitfire before I left and never got round to getting another copy, but I love how it brings the spiritual into the real world and makes you think about what is going one around us that we can't see. Jennifer Rees Larcombe has written a spectacular book which does something quite similar from an angel's perspective. It's title is 'An Angel Called Mervin'. I heard a section read out at my sister's church a while back and really wanted to get it - I found out C had a copy and she brought it round this week... I just started reading the prologue when I had to stop to write! I will totally transcribe the whole piece when I find it, it is that good, but for now this is something from the preface:
"I believe spiritual warfare is all about holy angels fighting fallen angels, but it is human faith which decides which side wins in each skirmish"
Yet again: prayer. Prayer is a powerful weapon. DO IT.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Someone Else's Words
I haven't really got much to say about politics. I try to think about them but I am still forming thoughts a lot so I feel like I don't really want to comment. Which is quite ironic given how much I love to opinionate about other things... I suppose I believe that the God stuff is at least based in some way upon something unchanging and true whereas really and truly I don't know what government is based upon. No, wait, that's not true:
The government is upon His shoulders.
Crap. I've started talking and what I want to say is not at all what I have ended up saying. The above verse gives me a lot of faith in society and how we run the world. Not necessarily in the actual but certainly in potentia. The bible not only tells us to submit to those in authority but also to pray for them and I find that exciting as I think a) How people are intrinsically made in the image of God so why can't we achieve leadership that is at least a semblance of Godly? and b) Prayer works so Duh let's do it and know that things can change where they need to ('cause I'm sure not saying that every authority in this world right now is getting things right).
One specific localised (to London) political issue that is long past (in the time frame of politics) but still very pertinent (as is true with all major news stories that come out blazing then get shoved aside in the boringness of truth) is to do with when someone I actually have a very formulated opinion on in government got shot down. Not JFK stylee, I'm talking 'bout his reputation. You may not even know him or the story but a very incredible man named Ray Lewis, who's vision for young people has actually made a difference and has the potential to do moreso (and I have worked with him so I know), was made a deputy mayor of London. It was fabulous, he has amazing things to contribute in sorting out some really bad messes, given half the chance (not just to do with the link below, that's just a part of his vision). Then it all went bad and in my humble opinion he was left to fend off, by himself, the pack of wolves that is the media while Boris Johnson - disreputed for bigger and far more recent mistakes but equipped with the right PR - didn't support someone that could have made (and I trust still will go on to make) some mighty changes in this country.
I just got sent this link: you should read it. Gives me hope.
I have hope to know that there is going to be a resurrection of this man, fallible yet Christ seeking is his heart and totally spirit filled. Hope that we as individuals and as a church can see renewal in situations that humanly speaking one may dismiss as defeat. Hope to remember to pray for our leaders and to know that we CAN see a change in our nation(s) - some would use the Obama example, I don't know enough about politics to be confidant with that (apparently I broke some law of the internet by not blogging about the election but better late than never...). Hope to make a difference on the BIG scale as well as the small; whilst also having hope in the reminder of the small and significant changes (think about where that kid has come from and where he is now going).
Looks like the crazy extra thought I had does actually fit with where I was going after all. And I have got some things to say about politics. Seriously though, read the link. I was impressed.
The government is upon His shoulders.
Crap. I've started talking and what I want to say is not at all what I have ended up saying. The above verse gives me a lot of faith in society and how we run the world. Not necessarily in the actual but certainly in potentia. The bible not only tells us to submit to those in authority but also to pray for them and I find that exciting as I think a) How people are intrinsically made in the image of God so why can't we achieve leadership that is at least a semblance of Godly? and b) Prayer works so Duh let's do it and know that things can change where they need to ('cause I'm sure not saying that every authority in this world right now is getting things right).
One specific localised (to London) political issue that is long past (in the time frame of politics) but still very pertinent (as is true with all major news stories that come out blazing then get shoved aside in the boringness of truth) is to do with when someone I actually have a very formulated opinion on in government got shot down. Not JFK stylee, I'm talking 'bout his reputation. You may not even know him or the story but a very incredible man named Ray Lewis, who's vision for young people has actually made a difference and has the potential to do moreso (and I have worked with him so I know), was made a deputy mayor of London. It was fabulous, he has amazing things to contribute in sorting out some really bad messes, given half the chance (not just to do with the link below, that's just a part of his vision). Then it all went bad and in my humble opinion he was left to fend off, by himself, the pack of wolves that is the media while Boris Johnson - disreputed for bigger and far more recent mistakes but equipped with the right PR - didn't support someone that could have made (and I trust still will go on to make) some mighty changes in this country.
I just got sent this link: you should read it. Gives me hope.
I have hope to know that there is going to be a resurrection of this man, fallible yet Christ seeking is his heart and totally spirit filled. Hope that we as individuals and as a church can see renewal in situations that humanly speaking one may dismiss as defeat. Hope to remember to pray for our leaders and to know that we CAN see a change in our nation(s) - some would use the Obama example, I don't know enough about politics to be confidant with that (apparently I broke some law of the internet by not blogging about the election but better late than never...). Hope to make a difference on the BIG scale as well as the small; whilst also having hope in the reminder of the small and significant changes (think about where that kid has come from and where he is now going).
Looks like the crazy extra thought I had does actually fit with where I was going after all. And I have got some things to say about politics. Seriously though, read the link. I was impressed.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
I just had a lovely girly night out. Day in fact. I spent the afternoon at the Christmas market in Bath with a friend from Geneva who now lives in South UK (which is great!) and then came back for a chocolate party with "my ladies" and other friends. SO great. It was buy nothing day but I decided that legalism loses to relationship any time and so went shopping. Consumerism is my pet hate but it totally doesn't win over love :o)
Then I went out with this wonderful chick named Whitney. She is from Toronto!! I love having Canadian friends, I am so used to them now it would suck if I didn't know any. We were going out to party with her friend for his bday but we had one of those moments where, like, it was totally, just, impossibly rubbish. You know? Got in a taxi across Bris (wearing heels and also on rapist alert) and so that cost like £8 to find out that they were about to head back across town to go to a club that, I kid you not, we got into the taxi in front of.
Now, I might fool you as a clubbing girl but to be honest I am too lazy. I like to dance but I don't like to be out tired when there is a journey ahead of me and I could have been in bed already. It's quite a sad confession. I had gotten all excited but then when it came down to it I was not that cool. My feet were hurting, I didn't know anybody and we had just wasted money to be in this uncomfortable place. I nearly panicked. I lie, I had a full minute and a half where I wanted to cry over the obvious mistake. Why didn't I assert against this? Then, in my place of prayer and repentance (possible unnecessary use of word there) God made things OK. I decided we weren't going to go - I have to sing at church in the morning anyway and there was no way that the way to correct a mistake is to keep persevering at it! But we were already on Gloucester Road so we made the most of it: went for a drink together and then picked up chips (from the best chippy in Bristol) on the way home! And lo, God made something good out of it... Thank you :-)
So, what's all this about love in the title? Well, the thing is that when girls get together, I can't lie, we talk about boys. We don't ONLY talk about boys but it does have a tendency to come up. If you have one, if you want one, if you don't have one, if you don't want one...! It doesn't stop being interesting. All day it had been somehow or other on the agenda and so I come home thinking about how I feel about them. Which is mixed.
As I have shared before, I have had a bit of a tendency to be in a dependent place with men. Seeing them as an easy fix for the love that we are all programmed to desire but should be finding in God. This would be an all too simple way to describe my relationship problems. Now I don't think I am worse that other people but today I want to address the common theme of conversation and share some thoughts (albeit it in a convoluted manner), which are quite the opposite of previous assertions. I don't just struggle with too much want of relationships... oh no, in keeping with the popular theme of "complicated" too often it is all about the not wanting them enough...
We are talking about fear of commitment. Or maybe not commitment but affection. Or a mixture of all kinds of scary tings. I wrote a poem t'other day that says it a lot better so I will now copy that in:
So many people are afraid of love
Afraid to feel love
Afraid to be loved
Afraid to not feel love
Afraid to not be loved
Why are we afraid?
Fear: There to protect us
A response to something more powerful than us
We fear God because he is Awesome
God is love
Is that why we fear love?
The theory: That when we fear God we need not fear anything else
Though there are many things more powerful than me there are none more powerful than He
But that does not make me think that when I fear it is always right and good
I often fear when I should not
‘Tis not my vulnerability but independency that stops me being worry free
Love
So beautiful yet so fierce
There is every chance it will destroy one heart… two… more?
We have a reaction that tells us fight or flight in the face of danger
So tell me, is that why we run and just ignore?
A threat
Keep it far away and not live to regret
A broken heart just cannot be worth the risk of it
Love
Descended from God
Corrupted for sure but in essence Oh so pure
This fear must be a lie
Born out of brokenness and all set up to make us miss what God has in store
A damaged heart is always going to be a risk when we are gambling with love less perfect than His
But remember who is in charge
The only one to fear, the reason you are here, the restorer of the broken heart
Mine will not be destroyed ‘cause God is on guard
My point? I am pretentious. More seriously, that both these extremes are negative. I have been all too down on relationships in the past I confess (eg) but at the same time I realise that they are a great example of God's love for us (read these lyrics and tell me they aren't divinely inspired) when used correctly. There is no way that God wants us to avoid dependency in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this is just another lot of deception to discover.
What is the application to life? I don't know! My hair's not long enough anyway... It's just gossip over red wine and chocolate fondue. I need to go to bed now... x
Then I went out with this wonderful chick named Whitney. She is from Toronto!! I love having Canadian friends, I am so used to them now it would suck if I didn't know any. We were going out to party with her friend for his bday but we had one of those moments where, like, it was totally, just, impossibly rubbish. You know? Got in a taxi across Bris (wearing heels and also on rapist alert) and so that cost like £8 to find out that they were about to head back across town to go to a club that, I kid you not, we got into the taxi in front of.
Now, I might fool you as a clubbing girl but to be honest I am too lazy. I like to dance but I don't like to be out tired when there is a journey ahead of me and I could have been in bed already. It's quite a sad confession. I had gotten all excited but then when it came down to it I was not that cool. My feet were hurting, I didn't know anybody and we had just wasted money to be in this uncomfortable place. I nearly panicked. I lie, I had a full minute and a half where I wanted to cry over the obvious mistake. Why didn't I assert against this? Then, in my place of prayer and repentance (possible unnecessary use of word there) God made things OK. I decided we weren't going to go - I have to sing at church in the morning anyway and there was no way that the way to correct a mistake is to keep persevering at it! But we were already on Gloucester Road so we made the most of it: went for a drink together and then picked up chips (from the best chippy in Bristol) on the way home! And lo, God made something good out of it... Thank you :-)
So, what's all this about love in the title? Well, the thing is that when girls get together, I can't lie, we talk about boys. We don't ONLY talk about boys but it does have a tendency to come up. If you have one, if you want one, if you don't have one, if you don't want one...! It doesn't stop being interesting. All day it had been somehow or other on the agenda and so I come home thinking about how I feel about them. Which is mixed.
As I have shared before, I have had a bit of a tendency to be in a dependent place with men. Seeing them as an easy fix for the love that we are all programmed to desire but should be finding in God. This would be an all too simple way to describe my relationship problems. Now I don't think I am worse that other people but today I want to address the common theme of conversation and share some thoughts (albeit it in a convoluted manner), which are quite the opposite of previous assertions. I don't just struggle with too much want of relationships... oh no, in keeping with the popular theme of "complicated" too often it is all about the not wanting them enough...
We are talking about fear of commitment. Or maybe not commitment but affection. Or a mixture of all kinds of scary tings. I wrote a poem t'other day that says it a lot better so I will now copy that in:
So many people are afraid of love
Afraid to feel love
Afraid to be loved
Afraid to not feel love
Afraid to not be loved
Why are we afraid?
Fear: There to protect us
A response to something more powerful than us
We fear God because he is Awesome
God is love
Is that why we fear love?
The theory: That when we fear God we need not fear anything else
Though there are many things more powerful than me there are none more powerful than He
But that does not make me think that when I fear it is always right and good
I often fear when I should not
‘Tis not my vulnerability but independency that stops me being worry free
Love
So beautiful yet so fierce
There is every chance it will destroy one heart… two… more?
We have a reaction that tells us fight or flight in the face of danger
So tell me, is that why we run and just ignore?
A threat
Keep it far away and not live to regret
A broken heart just cannot be worth the risk of it
Love
Descended from God
Corrupted for sure but in essence Oh so pure
This fear must be a lie
Born out of brokenness and all set up to make us miss what God has in store
A damaged heart is always going to be a risk when we are gambling with love less perfect than His
But remember who is in charge
The only one to fear, the reason you are here, the restorer of the broken heart
Mine will not be destroyed ‘cause God is on guard
My point? I am pretentious. More seriously, that both these extremes are negative. I have been all too down on relationships in the past I confess (eg) but at the same time I realise that they are a great example of God's love for us (read these lyrics and tell me they aren't divinely inspired) when used correctly. There is no way that God wants us to avoid dependency in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this is just another lot of deception to discover.
What is the application to life? I don't know! My hair's not long enough anyway... It's just gossip over red wine and chocolate fondue. I need to go to bed now... x
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Get Over It
My boiler is playing up. Which is basically resulting in no heating and lukewarm showers. And winter is coming. And it is colder here than in Geneva so I can attribute a slight shock of return as well.
So I have been struggling gallantly through. I still shower as often as ever, I just shiver a lot more and complain and tell myself it is all for a good lesson and some people have it a lot harder this time of year. Then I sit around grumpy 'cause I haven't warmed up yet and spend lots of time on facebook. I discovered I have two extra hours before my seminar, so why not waste them too?
I didn't even think about praying for hot water. That would be too easy. Yet I also didn't take seriously my thought that it was cold so I can learn empathy (*incidentally* something I have prayed for recently 'cause I am quite good at "being autistic" and not noticing other people - I realised this lately when a friend was sharing a prayer request and I was like "Kat(i)e duh they've said this before but you really didn't process did you?" then cut across the next person to add my own request in!).
So the plan is to actually pray for my boiler. Then, if it stays cold to stop my grumpy act. I really haven't got a leg to stand on when it comes to being unfortunate and I have more than enough jumpers to get me through. We in The West (not the South West mind but the Western world) wash too much anyway - it's consumerism and all their ploys for shiny hair, supple skin, nice nails and a perfect complexion.
Kneel to Jesus. Two fingers to The Man.
(I didn't publish that post yet did I? I have more to say about 'The Man', watch this space...)
So I have been struggling gallantly through. I still shower as often as ever, I just shiver a lot more and complain and tell myself it is all for a good lesson and some people have it a lot harder this time of year. Then I sit around grumpy 'cause I haven't warmed up yet and spend lots of time on facebook. I discovered I have two extra hours before my seminar, so why not waste them too?
I didn't even think about praying for hot water. That would be too easy. Yet I also didn't take seriously my thought that it was cold so I can learn empathy (*incidentally* something I have prayed for recently 'cause I am quite good at "being autistic" and not noticing other people - I realised this lately when a friend was sharing a prayer request and I was like "Kat(i)e duh they've said this before but you really didn't process did you?" then cut across the next person to add my own request in!).
So the plan is to actually pray for my boiler. Then, if it stays cold to stop my grumpy act. I really haven't got a leg to stand on when it comes to being unfortunate and I have more than enough jumpers to get me through. We in The West (not the South West mind but the Western world) wash too much anyway - it's consumerism and all their ploys for shiny hair, supple skin, nice nails and a perfect complexion.
Kneel to Jesus. Two fingers to The Man.
(I didn't publish that post yet did I? I have more to say about 'The Man', watch this space...)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Nice to be in Geneva, 'Citing!
[I wrote this on Tuesday... there is a part II to come...]
I was talking to my mum yday and she observed that I had not actually written anything in my blog about the weekend retreat that I came to Geneva for... this is not because it was rubbish, far from it, I just didn't know quite what to share. A brief overview would be that I was TOTALLY full of joy and learned a lot about prayer - a main point I came away with being that righteousness is a key factor in the effectiveness thereoff... which is cool and given my name means pure not entirely unexciting (your name being the first prophetic thing to be said over your life!).
So that was great and I had a lovely time with friends - writing music, playing music, catching up on what has seemed a VERY long 2 months, celebrating my 5 month rebirthday, playing silly word games, eating fondu etc etc etc
And then yday I was like "What to do with this week?".
I came back for 10 days because I wanted to do the retreat and church and as I could not decided between the two went for the both. Midweek there is YAGs, music practise, pub quiz and, well, other good opps to catch up with friends... but it was basically looking like a bit of an empty time (albeit a chance to work). Not so now...
Last night at the quiz a coupla us were moved to offer to pray for our friend the quiz master/'ents coordinator at this main English speaking pub in Geneva called Pickwick's. Having been limping all night and clearly in a lot of pain, well, it just seemed right. She was well up for it, until she interpreted correctly what we had said... whereupon she refused. Well acknowledged as her right! However, realising that what she had heard was pLay for her we were like "what do you mean Yes?!" Before we knew it she had offered us the warm up slot for the band playing on Friday at Halloween!!!!!
So, we have a gig, all we need now is to be a band. As all involved are total music geeks we simply can't say no to this opportunity, even if we end up being dreadful. I comfort myself that I don't live here anymore so it doesn't really matter but I am still full of too much nervous energy to sleep and am feeling far too sick to eat a thing.
Another element in play is that we need to be dressed up. I think that is the thing scaring our otherwise far too gifted pianist... drummer boy just doesn't want to have to lug his kit around... my spitfire on guitar feigns nerves but is awesome and has done this before and then there's me... Arggggghhh!
But yet this is a total blessing and excitement and, I kid you not, sitting there in the pub about an hour before it came up I was thinking that the one thing I regretted about last year was not taking the opportunity to do a gig there. What is it with God answering prayers we don't even speak out? It's like He's saying "I love you and just want to bless you for the sake of it".
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was talking to my mum yday and she observed that I had not actually written anything in my blog about the weekend retreat that I came to Geneva for... this is not because it was rubbish, far from it, I just didn't know quite what to share. A brief overview would be that I was TOTALLY full of joy and learned a lot about prayer - a main point I came away with being that righteousness is a key factor in the effectiveness thereoff... which is cool and given my name means pure not entirely unexciting (your name being the first prophetic thing to be said over your life!).
So that was great and I had a lovely time with friends - writing music, playing music, catching up on what has seemed a VERY long 2 months, celebrating my 5 month rebirthday, playing silly word games, eating fondu etc etc etc
And then yday I was like "What to do with this week?".
I came back for 10 days because I wanted to do the retreat and church and as I could not decided between the two went for the both. Midweek there is YAGs, music practise, pub quiz and, well, other good opps to catch up with friends... but it was basically looking like a bit of an empty time (albeit a chance to work). Not so now...
Last night at the quiz a coupla us were moved to offer to pray for our friend the quiz master/'ents coordinator at this main English speaking pub in Geneva called Pickwick's. Having been limping all night and clearly in a lot of pain, well, it just seemed right. She was well up for it, until she interpreted correctly what we had said... whereupon she refused. Well acknowledged as her right! However, realising that what she had heard was pLay for her we were like "what do you mean Yes?!" Before we knew it she had offered us the warm up slot for the band playing on Friday at Halloween!!!!!
So, we have a gig, all we need now is to be a band. As all involved are total music geeks we simply can't say no to this opportunity, even if we end up being dreadful. I comfort myself that I don't live here anymore so it doesn't really matter but I am still full of too much nervous energy to sleep and am feeling far too sick to eat a thing.
Another element in play is that we need to be dressed up. I think that is the thing scaring our otherwise far too gifted pianist... drummer boy just doesn't want to have to lug his kit around... my spitfire on guitar feigns nerves but is awesome and has done this before and then there's me... Arggggghhh!
But yet this is a total blessing and excitement and, I kid you not, sitting there in the pub about an hour before it came up I was thinking that the one thing I regretted about last year was not taking the opportunity to do a gig there. What is it with God answering prayers we don't even speak out? It's like He's saying "I love you and just want to bless you for the sake of it".
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Welcome
I just wanted to say a big hi, howdy and hello there to everyone! Particularly my "follower" who I didn't even know read this let alone put a link to mine in his. Note that Darryl. Without me even asking. And anyone else that I don't know is reading, or don't even know. It's cool when I discover the most obscure associations (and those I know and love are pretty neat too) so be aware that I don't just like you visiting, I am wholeheartedly self-professed dead chuffed you stopped by. Thank you.
I must go. The folks are coming to visit :-D and I still have to go buy a textbook for a presentation I'm making next Tuesday. You can pray for it actually, if you are that way inclined...
Ciao Ciao! x
I must go. The folks are coming to visit :-D and I still have to go buy a textbook for a presentation I'm making next Tuesday. You can pray for it actually, if you are that way inclined...
Ciao Ciao! x
Monday, October 6, 2008
Back 2 School
So uni started again today. I get really impatient sitting down doing my blog when I could be at home drinking tea, which is why I have not really done much. Sorry but at least I am honest. I try to do it in advance but life has been so busy you know. Well not actually, 'cause I've not been telling you.
But good news on that front is that my phone line got connected today! I don't know why it took them 2 weeks to reopen something that was already there but I am one step away from being overtly prolific in my blogging.
Which is inevitable seeing as I started lectures today and will need something to procrastinate with.
Oh my there is lots I could say. Noting all the crazy analogies I have going down, updating you on my follicle growth, 'citing stories about God, letting you in on my latest secret sin... but I haven't got that much time and need to get in touch with talktalk before dinner. [After thought: I just did and they are going to connect me at the end of the month! How RUBBISH is that? Maybe God is trying to keep me off the internet...?]
SO, I will just give you a little answer to prayer from this morning that I thought was pretty neat.
My Facebook friends will know that I was all rejoicing over the fact that my timetable gave me Thursday afternoons and Fridays off - leaving things incredibly open for long weekends to, well anywhere but I reckon La Suisse might be a top candidate.
Anyway. First lecture of day really good and enthusing and I am remembering exactly why I like maths this much. Second opened up a whole can of worms. The timetable coordinator lady (oh how I do not envy her) was there and it ensued that they needed to reschedule 2 out of 3 lectures for that course. Put total fear into me for the preservation of my über sweet life. First one they moved to Mon lunch time which was cool but then the next clash was announced... I was terrified for my Friday and it was looking like I was going to lose it. Maybe that seems silly or selfish but I am pretty damn sure I NEED that time off and anyway, why not ask God for a blessing?
So I am sitting there ferociously praying (I think I may have freaked out the girl next to me) and it is seeming like an inevitable loss. One guy kinda said he couldn't do it but the lecturer couldn't do the other option and he is a little more integral. Then a decision is reached... and they said that it would be Friday... but for those that can't make it, a smaller group will be arranged at another time! Which is wicked and totally better than a whole lecture full anyway.
There are only three of us in the group and the other girl admitted straight up that she was only there 'cause it would be a better learning environment. I was avoiding my stance until someone asked me outright if I was the same and I was like "well.. the thing is.. I CAN make Friday... but bearing in mind how many problems I have with studying, it is really in everyone's interest that I have a a 3 day weekend..." The lecturer was surprisingly cool and said himself that atleast we are honest!
Clearly it is only working because one person actually cannot make the Friday at 1pm slot. And why is it that he can't? 'Cause he is a devout muslim and has to say his prayers...!
Praise the Lord, what a wonderful way to work. I'm not sure if the department would support that but I for one think it's ace.
Uni with God is turning out to be pretty OK; actually I am kinda excited actually by how different things are going to be. Not just to do with peace but actual miraculous stuffs too like. But that is for another day. My tea awaits me...
But good news on that front is that my phone line got connected today! I don't know why it took them 2 weeks to reopen something that was already there but I am one step away from being overtly prolific in my blogging.
Which is inevitable seeing as I started lectures today and will need something to procrastinate with.
Oh my there is lots I could say. Noting all the crazy analogies I have going down, updating you on my follicle growth, 'citing stories about God, letting you in on my latest secret sin... but I haven't got that much time and need to get in touch with talktalk before dinner. [After thought: I just did and they are going to connect me at the end of the month! How RUBBISH is that? Maybe God is trying to keep me off the internet...?]
SO, I will just give you a little answer to prayer from this morning that I thought was pretty neat.
My Facebook friends will know that I was all rejoicing over the fact that my timetable gave me Thursday afternoons and Fridays off - leaving things incredibly open for long weekends to, well anywhere but I reckon La Suisse might be a top candidate.
Anyway. First lecture of day really good and enthusing and I am remembering exactly why I like maths this much. Second opened up a whole can of worms. The timetable coordinator lady (oh how I do not envy her) was there and it ensued that they needed to reschedule 2 out of 3 lectures for that course. Put total fear into me for the preservation of my über sweet life. First one they moved to Mon lunch time which was cool but then the next clash was announced... I was terrified for my Friday and it was looking like I was going to lose it. Maybe that seems silly or selfish but I am pretty damn sure I NEED that time off and anyway, why not ask God for a blessing?
So I am sitting there ferociously praying (I think I may have freaked out the girl next to me) and it is seeming like an inevitable loss. One guy kinda said he couldn't do it but the lecturer couldn't do the other option and he is a little more integral. Then a decision is reached... and they said that it would be Friday... but for those that can't make it, a smaller group will be arranged at another time! Which is wicked and totally better than a whole lecture full anyway.
There are only three of us in the group and the other girl admitted straight up that she was only there 'cause it would be a better learning environment. I was avoiding my stance until someone asked me outright if I was the same and I was like "well.. the thing is.. I CAN make Friday... but bearing in mind how many problems I have with studying, it is really in everyone's interest that I have a a 3 day weekend..." The lecturer was surprisingly cool and said himself that atleast we are honest!
Clearly it is only working because one person actually cannot make the Friday at 1pm slot. And why is it that he can't? 'Cause he is a devout muslim and has to say his prayers...!
Praise the Lord, what a wonderful way to work. I'm not sure if the department would support that but I for one think it's ace.
Uni with God is turning out to be pretty OK; actually I am kinda excited actually by how different things are going to be. Not just to do with peace but actual miraculous stuffs too like. But that is for another day. My tea awaits me...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Blog-down
It is the final week and though I am busy and have many other things in the agenda, I want to do a bit of a blog based count down. Making little observations everyday kinda thing. It is no doubt just classic procrastination to avoid packing and cleaning. Problem is, my blogbook (the place where I write down all the nonsensical trite that happens to me when I am not near a computer) is overflowing from just a few hours of life; and there is some AMAZING praise points which really should be included; and I already had an idea of what I wanted to write for this entry from days ago but it looks like I may not get the chance. I have, afterall, already filled a paragraph with the introduction.
Was my last day at JdeM. That is the homeless kitchen for those that don't know. I was going to summarise what I've learnt there, catch up on what actually happened with the music idea and stuffs like that. Now you will have to wait, again, 'cause even today more über-cool wicked bad shit went down.
I was reading in Joshua the other day (just the first coupla chapters and no that does not mean I have finished Genesis, I am just skipping ahead - I love that about the Bible!) about how God was going to give him every place that he set his foot. Pretty acebloodytastic stuff in beaucoup trop ways and I would encourage you to dwell ont 'cause I probably won't be spending time exegesing it. Anyways this portion, combined with a friend that has been encouraging me to pray for what lies ahead and claiming it for my own before I get there, plus the fact that at the end of the chapter 2 it talks about the people melting in fear because God will conquer, got me really excited about the idea of seeing Him moving in places where He is not yet and the power of praying for it and seeing it happen. So, during a lull at the kitchen (mid-morning we tend to have a bit of a wait period and I am disadvantaged in the standing around smoking and gossiping stakes on several fronts) I decided to walk all around and pray for the place and the people there and those coming in and for the future that there would be God in da house and a way made for it and all that jazz. Yes it came across as a shuffling mutter but they see that quite a lot there. I was really excited by the idea, particularly in light of some of the progress that I had already seen in the attitudes of the people that worked there (which I am yet to mention but it did happen and was cool). Wanted to see the people's issues left at the door and not picked up again. I was quite up for believing that it would be an effective thing to make a difference - I think that I am such a prime example of prayer working that my propensity to doubt is not as high as my propensity to other things... as Robyn and I were taking about over dinner though, this just leaves more room for other propensities.
Anyways, did I see results? Did I ever! Not exactly what I was expecting mind. It was like the Tracy Chapman song - poor people were rising up and taking what was theirs. There was a new woman working there who had not had the weeks of prayer that had gone down, way back when the last grumpy cow was in charge (no offense intended, just the best description going) and she was overwhelmingly opposed to anyone being, well, happy. The thing in Geneva is that the poor aren't nearly as poor as in other places and half of what we give them is not food so much as a brief place to be and find some love. They got none of that from her and, while they can lack friendliness at times, never have I seen anyone refusing seconds to hungry street walkers when there is plenty there and it is normal policy. It was like she was fighting against joy. Pretty damn stressful actually and it occurred to me that, while I was subject to her direction, God clearly says only follow the law of the land when it does not go against His - and His says clearly in Isaiah 58 (as well as many other places I am sure) about feeding the hungry. Was I Supposed to rebel? I was, after all, holding the spoon... and it was my last day. With a lot of pressure from those talkin' bout a revolution and bit of feeble eventual arguing from me (I like to claim language barrier as an excuse but it doesn't really graduate to reason), she finally gave in a bit for a time, though stayed firmly in the misery camp (the rubbish alternative to the glory camp). Really felt like a "things have been stirred up" situation. If that makes sense. Was cool to watch in a horrifying manner mind, and would defo have made a good music vid for Trace.
Talking about being able (or not) to do pretty awesome/intense stuff in the name of following God's commands: a not very close friend of mine (some guy I met through the reggae crew) that I have in the past had some pretty interesting chats with (where I try not to be judgmental over him putting veganism above sexual purity) totally blew me away today. I have been getting really excited with his coming to church and really getting into God stuff and hearing about breakthroughs in his life. It is really cool actually but I have been awakened to the patronisation of my attitude - it didn't take long to go from new and open to set in ways and condescending did it? Amidst all this "I want to see you coming into God's way like I have" he tells me - when I finally noticed the 5 inch gash down the side of his face and asked about it - that it happened when he brought back a guy from the park to sleep at his place 'cause he had nowhere else to go. The dude attacked him with a knife from his own kitchen! And now he is all Jamaican and relaxed about it and joking about how the next person he meets in the park will just have to stay there! I would be a bit more pissed and a lot more martyr than that.
People really surprise you don't they?
Was my last day at JdeM. That is the homeless kitchen for those that don't know. I was going to summarise what I've learnt there, catch up on what actually happened with the music idea and stuffs like that. Now you will have to wait, again, 'cause even today more über-cool wicked bad shit went down.
I was reading in Joshua the other day (just the first coupla chapters and no that does not mean I have finished Genesis, I am just skipping ahead - I love that about the Bible!) about how God was going to give him every place that he set his foot. Pretty acebloodytastic stuff in beaucoup trop ways and I would encourage you to dwell ont 'cause I probably won't be spending time exegesing it. Anyways this portion, combined with a friend that has been encouraging me to pray for what lies ahead and claiming it for my own before I get there, plus the fact that at the end of the chapter 2 it talks about the people melting in fear because God will conquer, got me really excited about the idea of seeing Him moving in places where He is not yet and the power of praying for it and seeing it happen. So, during a lull at the kitchen (mid-morning we tend to have a bit of a wait period and I am disadvantaged in the standing around smoking and gossiping stakes on several fronts) I decided to walk all around and pray for the place and the people there and those coming in and for the future that there would be God in da house and a way made for it and all that jazz. Yes it came across as a shuffling mutter but they see that quite a lot there. I was really excited by the idea, particularly in light of some of the progress that I had already seen in the attitudes of the people that worked there (which I am yet to mention but it did happen and was cool). Wanted to see the people's issues left at the door and not picked up again. I was quite up for believing that it would be an effective thing to make a difference - I think that I am such a prime example of prayer working that my propensity to doubt is not as high as my propensity to other things... as Robyn and I were taking about over dinner though, this just leaves more room for other propensities.
Anyways, did I see results? Did I ever! Not exactly what I was expecting mind. It was like the Tracy Chapman song - poor people were rising up and taking what was theirs. There was a new woman working there who had not had the weeks of prayer that had gone down, way back when the last grumpy cow was in charge (no offense intended, just the best description going) and she was overwhelmingly opposed to anyone being, well, happy. The thing in Geneva is that the poor aren't nearly as poor as in other places and half of what we give them is not food so much as a brief place to be and find some love. They got none of that from her and, while they can lack friendliness at times, never have I seen anyone refusing seconds to hungry street walkers when there is plenty there and it is normal policy. It was like she was fighting against joy. Pretty damn stressful actually and it occurred to me that, while I was subject to her direction, God clearly says only follow the law of the land when it does not go against His - and His says clearly in Isaiah 58 (as well as many other places I am sure) about feeding the hungry. Was I Supposed to rebel? I was, after all, holding the spoon... and it was my last day. With a lot of pressure from those talkin' bout a revolution and bit of feeble eventual arguing from me (I like to claim language barrier as an excuse but it doesn't really graduate to reason), she finally gave in a bit for a time, though stayed firmly in the misery camp (the rubbish alternative to the glory camp). Really felt like a "things have been stirred up" situation. If that makes sense. Was cool to watch in a horrifying manner mind, and would defo have made a good music vid for Trace.
Talking about being able (or not) to do pretty awesome/intense stuff in the name of following God's commands: a not very close friend of mine (some guy I met through the reggae crew) that I have in the past had some pretty interesting chats with (where I try not to be judgmental over him putting veganism above sexual purity) totally blew me away today. I have been getting really excited with his coming to church and really getting into God stuff and hearing about breakthroughs in his life. It is really cool actually but I have been awakened to the patronisation of my attitude - it didn't take long to go from new and open to set in ways and condescending did it? Amidst all this "I want to see you coming into God's way like I have" he tells me - when I finally noticed the 5 inch gash down the side of his face and asked about it - that it happened when he brought back a guy from the park to sleep at his place 'cause he had nowhere else to go. The dude attacked him with a knife from his own kitchen! And now he is all Jamaican and relaxed about it and joking about how the next person he meets in the park will just have to stay there! I would be a bit more pissed and a lot more martyr than that.
People really surprise you don't they?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Experiment
You know when you hear something crazy and you just want to know for yourself if it is true? Like Jesus for example. Or the guy who only ate McD's for a month. (Or the guy who only ate McSalads... I could go on). Anyway, I am a sucker for trying things out for myself. First with Jesus and now carrots.
This is not a new mindset for me. Once I read in the metro about detoxing on a liquids only diet. It was the day before lent and the day after a heavy night out so when a few friends said it would be impossible to survive properly not eating for 5 weeks I took them up on the challenge. Only fruit and veg based liquids but I don't mean smoothies or soup - no pulp allowed. It was actually totally manageable. I did obviously lose a lot of weight, but I put most of it back on the week after! That said, I did go on holiday...
This time it is the turning orange story. I want to know if it is true and if so, how much carrots and how quickly does it happen? So, I bought a kilo and I am going to be introducing them into my diet pretty intensely from now on. I may even go almost totally carrot once all the food in my fridge is gone.
Almost similarly, I am starting to test more and more what it is people say about God and what He can do. If turning orange is interesting how much more so is healing, miracles, reconciliation for others, prophecy et all...?! So, I am pretty sure that if I am eating great quantities of carrots in expectation, how much more so should I be praying fasting and awaiting for God to do amazing things... (I may have to put carrots on hold when I choose to fast, there are such things as priorities.)
2 carrots so far today (with humous, I was so happy when I found it in COOP!). 1 burden of prayer. I think it shall be a race between turning orange and seeing an answer... I'll keep you posted but remember, I am the only one that can eat carrots (well you can eat them but it won't turn me orange); we can all pray!
This is not a new mindset for me. Once I read in the metro about detoxing on a liquids only diet. It was the day before lent and the day after a heavy night out so when a few friends said it would be impossible to survive properly not eating for 5 weeks I took them up on the challenge. Only fruit and veg based liquids but I don't mean smoothies or soup - no pulp allowed. It was actually totally manageable. I did obviously lose a lot of weight, but I put most of it back on the week after! That said, I did go on holiday...
This time it is the turning orange story. I want to know if it is true and if so, how much carrots and how quickly does it happen? So, I bought a kilo and I am going to be introducing them into my diet pretty intensely from now on. I may even go almost totally carrot once all the food in my fridge is gone.
Almost similarly, I am starting to test more and more what it is people say about God and what He can do. If turning orange is interesting how much more so is healing, miracles, reconciliation for others, prophecy et all...?! So, I am pretty sure that if I am eating great quantities of carrots in expectation, how much more so should I be praying fasting and awaiting for God to do amazing things... (I may have to put carrots on hold when I choose to fast, there are such things as priorities.)
2 carrots so far today (with humous, I was so happy when I found it in COOP!). 1 burden of prayer. I think it shall be a race between turning orange and seeing an answer... I'll keep you posted but remember, I am the only one that can eat carrots (well you can eat them but it won't turn me orange); we can all pray!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Progress
When homeless people first started giving me their mobile numbers I got really confused. Talk about 'modern times' when you have a phone but not a bed... But then it made sense to me. How else are they to plan their social life? I mean, it's not like they can have a landline is it.
Blur said that modern life is rubbish. I'm not sure I concur with that; BGB would not be here were it not for the internet... but still, we are a bit too dependent aren't we? T'other day (OK, this was about three months ago and would have been blog no.3 were I to have gotten around to talking about it then) I was on my way home from Darryl's when I realised I did not have my phone. I managed a good 30 seconds without it but as soon as I noticed life stopped. Telling the others to go on without me while I go back to pick it up, I was suddenly alone; stranded in the island that is 'nophone'. This turned from an irrational insecurity to a real problem as I realised that the trusty door code (best kept secret in Geneva) was stored in my mobile so I never had to worry about forgetting/remembering it. My backup would normally be to call from downstairs - not gonna happen was it?
So there I was: standing in the dark street at about 11pm at night, shouting up 4 floors in the vain hope that Darryl will hear me through an open window (even though he normally shuts them to keep the noise of the busy street out). Is that how people used to do it in the olden days?
Aside: I had a friend once without a mobile (or 'cell'); but she got one about a month ago. Then the other day I got got a phone call, she rang me on it just to see how: she'd only ever done texting (sms-ing) and hadn't a clue! Some people take longer, but eventually even she has become caught up in the technology bug...
But when it comes down to it, was it the 'old methods' that helped me? Not at all! I realised after a few minutes (of looking mental) that I had my laptop with me (I had been blogging in Starbucks before YAGs) so I just sat on the step, fired it up and checked my downloaded mail inbox. It was technological progress that that had saved the day, not looking back.
I like to think that if God can answer prayers using a computer He can't despise technology that much (wow, this post did not start out as Amish bashing!). I had asked Robyn to take my laptop home for me and then last minute decided not to bother; thus my desperate prayer outside Mike Wong's was fulfilled 5 minutes prior in front of Kafé Deko. But then, time and space not really a problem for Him are they?
On the way out I managed to fall down the stairs whist holding my computer, I think this is less the fault of technology and more flip flops on stone steps. I do that *quite* a lot... I am still, it seems, subject to the laws of gravity and friction. Damn it. My reaction to the situation was frustration and angst (anyone who saw my Facebook status that night would testify to that fact...!). Not something I am feeling nearly so much these days. But then, as the song goes, "Little by little, everyday..."
So, really, progress is all right by me. And, just for the hell of it, let's chuck in a biblical reference! Not wanting to akin myself to a tanned goatskin with the legs and tail cut off, I am very much enjoying the new wine. (Have I taken a reference and completely altered the meaning? Do tell me if so. I am, after all, only a month and 10 days old and still very much learning...)
À la prochaine!
Blur said that modern life is rubbish. I'm not sure I concur with that; BGB would not be here were it not for the internet... but still, we are a bit too dependent aren't we? T'other day (OK, this was about three months ago and would have been blog no.3 were I to have gotten around to talking about it then) I was on my way home from Darryl's when I realised I did not have my phone. I managed a good 30 seconds without it but as soon as I noticed life stopped. Telling the others to go on without me while I go back to pick it up, I was suddenly alone; stranded in the island that is 'nophone'. This turned from an irrational insecurity to a real problem as I realised that the trusty door code (best kept secret in Geneva) was stored in my mobile so I never had to worry about forgetting/remembering it. My backup would normally be to call from downstairs - not gonna happen was it?
So there I was: standing in the dark street at about 11pm at night, shouting up 4 floors in the vain hope that Darryl will hear me through an open window (even though he normally shuts them to keep the noise of the busy street out). Is that how people used to do it in the olden days?
Aside: I had a friend once without a mobile (or 'cell'); but she got one about a month ago. Then the other day I got got a phone call, she rang me on it just to see how: she'd only ever done texting (sms-ing) and hadn't a clue! Some people take longer, but eventually even she has become caught up in the technology bug...
But when it comes down to it, was it the 'old methods' that helped me? Not at all! I realised after a few minutes (of looking mental) that I had my laptop with me (I had been blogging in Starbucks before YAGs) so I just sat on the step, fired it up and checked my downloaded mail inbox. It was technological progress that that had saved the day, not looking back.
I like to think that if God can answer prayers using a computer He can't despise technology that much (wow, this post did not start out as Amish bashing!). I had asked Robyn to take my laptop home for me and then last minute decided not to bother; thus my desperate prayer outside Mike Wong's was fulfilled 5 minutes prior in front of Kafé Deko. But then, time and space not really a problem for Him are they?
On the way out I managed to fall down the stairs whist holding my computer, I think this is less the fault of technology and more flip flops on stone steps. I do that *quite* a lot... I am still, it seems, subject to the laws of gravity and friction. Damn it. My reaction to the situation was frustration and angst (anyone who saw my Facebook status that night would testify to that fact...!). Not something I am feeling nearly so much these days. But then, as the song goes, "Little by little, everyday..."
So, really, progress is all right by me. And, just for the hell of it, let's chuck in a biblical reference! Not wanting to akin myself to a tanned goatskin with the legs and tail cut off, I am very much enjoying the new wine. (Have I taken a reference and completely altered the meaning? Do tell me if so. I am, after all, only a month and 10 days old and still very much learning...)
À la prochaine!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Hmmm, what to do now?
So. This morning I gave my day to God. It's easier I find. When you have lots on He is there, coordinating the diary and making things fall into place with as much blessing as possible. When there is not a lot on I like it even more. I think this is because I am naturally adverse to inactivity; it leaves me feeling a bit directionless. But with Him in control I am learning that nothing happening is just a chance to spend time together uninterrupted. Not always easy but definitely good.
Well, that said it's not like I was not busy today. Just slightly less. I went to my last music lesson in the morning and spent the afternoon recording some songs with Caro. Quite fun musically, I rather think this summer may be heavy on the tunes which is good :-). I went on a bit of a wild goose chase around midday to take a Bob Marley CD back to Lindell which gave me some time to think. I don't know about you but I have a bit of a tendency to be busy in order that thinking doesn't have to happen... I found myself in a tired, hungry, stressed situation whereby all I wanted to do was be miserable and feel let down and dwell on self-pitying issues. These are some of my major temptations and it is hard to avoid this type of 'sin' when the only witness is you. And God obviously, but He is a given. It's times like that that I understand why people drink/smoke/eat/shut down emotionally. It is hard being with yourself 24/7. Pleasantly surprising though, we talked it through and I came out feeling alright actually. Good thing I prayed when I got up, couldn't have done that in my own strength. It reminded me once again how big the struggle is: I'm in a constant fight against temptation and a bad mindset is such an easy one to fall for. Thorn in the flesh, OK, still: doesn't make it easier does it? On the way home however, I was reading my bible (my headphones are too broken to use so it is all I have to do on the bus!) and I rerealised for the umpteenth time that it is full of some good shit. Kinda puts things into perspective.
Then tonight I went to watch the football at Plainpalais fanzone. Well, I'd done it in Vienna, it had to happen for completeness. I was a bit tired and could have gladly stayed home, watched Eastenders and blogged a little, but boy am I glad I went. Lavanya (my darling Indian friend who was born in the wrong country for sure - rebel at heart and intolerant of heat!) is a big fan of sporting events and knows a lot about the game. She also knows a lot about the bible. As we left (thoroughly disappointed by the 3-0 Spain-Russia result) we had a good long Jesus chat and I love it when I hear His voice coming at me from the people I am with. Our meeting may have been last minute for me but as we talked I knew that this time had been penciled in by my wholly reliable Secretary (not meant as a belittling description, just observing one of the many qualities of God) long ago. She reminded me in a stark and obvious way how important The Word is. There is so much to remember about this faith (well, not a lot in the sense that Salvation is pretty straightforward but everything after that seems pretty complicated) I had quite forgotten how intrinsic reading the Bible is. It makes sense. There is no way that an invisible (well, for the most part) God can communicate with us securely otherwise. Voices and images are subject to question and interpretation and just plain wrongness. Written down and unchanging, checkable and validatable; the Bible is a great way for God to talk to us so that we cannot question what He is saying (once we have accepted it as true obviously). The thing is, I have been trying so hard to pray and listen to what God wants by reading the world around me (which, by the way is full of confusing and misleading signs) that I forgot He already gave all the answers and wrote them down that there be no confusion. Duh! It's kinda like having a one-sided conversation if you don't read the bible. Also, faith comes from hearing and hearing comes from the word (Romans 10:17) and boy do I need more faith. And it is a sword (Ephesians 6:17) which is handy in this constant battle of temptation - bonus!
So, I get home and I am all excited about this. I love how much I am learning all the time - if I haven't mentioned it before I see this summer as my Crash Course in Jesus before I return to Brizzle and face the future.
Then I get an email from my friend who is helping coordinate with the shelter about venues and what not...
Now, recently things musical have been picking up even more. I met a street musician who plays worship songs and he did some at lunch yesterday which was very well received - music brings so much joy and boy does that place need it. Those who worked there seemed positive (I think, there goes the French again) and yet more people were coming into light that may be able to get involved. Then I am told that we can't use the room.
Only this eve we prayed about hearing what God has planned and as far as this goes I have always wanted to be sure that this is not just some notion of mine. For a start it can't go anywhere under my own direction - I haven't a clue! I was waiting to see what doors get opened (which until now seemed all of them) and while I don't want to give up easily I also don't want to ignore the answers. So. Do I take this as a sign that really I should stick to drying dishes and smiling, or see where else it can go? It is tempting to take up the offer of a vacation (correction, holiday) to the South of France and spend time reading the bible. I mean, I need to be prepared before I can do God's work...
It does seems a little early to write it off completely. And the park has proved great thus far...? Well, no matter what, something is coming out of this - relationships which, after all, are the most important thing. In that I can persevere if nothing else.
One thing is for sure; what I learnt this eve is going into action. Next step: listening to The Word and seeing/hearing exactly what it says about what to do now.
Well, that said it's not like I was not busy today. Just slightly less. I went to my last music lesson in the morning and spent the afternoon recording some songs with Caro. Quite fun musically, I rather think this summer may be heavy on the tunes which is good :-). I went on a bit of a wild goose chase around midday to take a Bob Marley CD back to Lindell which gave me some time to think. I don't know about you but I have a bit of a tendency to be busy in order that thinking doesn't have to happen... I found myself in a tired, hungry, stressed situation whereby all I wanted to do was be miserable and feel let down and dwell on self-pitying issues. These are some of my major temptations and it is hard to avoid this type of 'sin' when the only witness is you. And God obviously, but He is a given. It's times like that that I understand why people drink/smoke/eat/shut down emotionally. It is hard being with yourself 24/7. Pleasantly surprising though, we talked it through and I came out feeling alright actually. Good thing I prayed when I got up, couldn't have done that in my own strength. It reminded me once again how big the struggle is: I'm in a constant fight against temptation and a bad mindset is such an easy one to fall for. Thorn in the flesh, OK, still: doesn't make it easier does it? On the way home however, I was reading my bible (my headphones are too broken to use so it is all I have to do on the bus!) and I rerealised for the umpteenth time that it is full of some good shit. Kinda puts things into perspective.
Then tonight I went to watch the football at Plainpalais fanzone. Well, I'd done it in Vienna, it had to happen for completeness. I was a bit tired and could have gladly stayed home, watched Eastenders and blogged a little, but boy am I glad I went. Lavanya (my darling Indian friend who was born in the wrong country for sure - rebel at heart and intolerant of heat!) is a big fan of sporting events and knows a lot about the game. She also knows a lot about the bible. As we left (thoroughly disappointed by the 3-0 Spain-Russia result) we had a good long Jesus chat and I love it when I hear His voice coming at me from the people I am with. Our meeting may have been last minute for me but as we talked I knew that this time had been penciled in by my wholly reliable Secretary (not meant as a belittling description, just observing one of the many qualities of God) long ago. She reminded me in a stark and obvious way how important The Word is. There is so much to remember about this faith (well, not a lot in the sense that Salvation is pretty straightforward but everything after that seems pretty complicated) I had quite forgotten how intrinsic reading the Bible is. It makes sense. There is no way that an invisible (well, for the most part) God can communicate with us securely otherwise. Voices and images are subject to question and interpretation and just plain wrongness. Written down and unchanging, checkable and validatable; the Bible is a great way for God to talk to us so that we cannot question what He is saying (once we have accepted it as true obviously). The thing is, I have been trying so hard to pray and listen to what God wants by reading the world around me (which, by the way is full of confusing and misleading signs) that I forgot He already gave all the answers and wrote them down that there be no confusion. Duh! It's kinda like having a one-sided conversation if you don't read the bible. Also, faith comes from hearing and hearing comes from the word (Romans 10:17) and boy do I need more faith. And it is a sword (Ephesians 6:17) which is handy in this constant battle of temptation - bonus!
So, I get home and I am all excited about this. I love how much I am learning all the time - if I haven't mentioned it before I see this summer as my Crash Course in Jesus before I return to Brizzle and face the future.
Then I get an email from my friend who is helping coordinate with the shelter about venues and what not...
Now, recently things musical have been picking up even more. I met a street musician who plays worship songs and he did some at lunch yesterday which was very well received - music brings so much joy and boy does that place need it. Those who worked there seemed positive (I think, there goes the French again) and yet more people were coming into light that may be able to get involved. Then I am told that we can't use the room.
Only this eve we prayed about hearing what God has planned and as far as this goes I have always wanted to be sure that this is not just some notion of mine. For a start it can't go anywhere under my own direction - I haven't a clue! I was waiting to see what doors get opened (which until now seemed all of them) and while I don't want to give up easily I also don't want to ignore the answers. So. Do I take this as a sign that really I should stick to drying dishes and smiling, or see where else it can go? It is tempting to take up the offer of a vacation (correction, holiday) to the South of France and spend time reading the bible. I mean, I need to be prepared before I can do God's work...
It does seems a little early to write it off completely. And the park has proved great thus far...? Well, no matter what, something is coming out of this - relationships which, after all, are the most important thing. In that I can persevere if nothing else.
One thing is for sure; what I learnt this eve is going into action. Next step: listening to The Word and seeing/hearing exactly what it says about what to do now.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Bye Bye Baby (don't make me cry)
Today I was supposed to be meeting a friend at their place early. She lived across town and I was to be there at 8.30 so I could help get her and all her cases to the airport where she would thus depart back to the USofA. Sadness. Also standard Geneva occurrence so we all get pretty hard hearts to it (till it's our turn that is... not thinking about that yet though).
So it was a bummer that my wake up call never happened. I only realised as my cell (nope, I can't/won't do it. It is a mobile; I already called my fringe bangs on Saturday I must stop this before it takes over) rang: it was 8.30 and I was 1 hr minimum from being at her place. Major whoops!
The thing that really peed me off about this whole situation was that I had really wanted to help her out and what I actually managed to do was make her life harder as she had to get down the hill with all her bags (instead of dropping one off the day before) while I rushed over to meet her at the bank so I could help get to the airport at the very least. I hate letting people down and it is rubbish to know that even when I want to be good I am still a fallible human. What hope is there if we can't even rely on ourselves?
I suppose that is what God is for. I mean I was crap and a total let down but still she met someone that gladly helped her to the bus stop (a good 10 minutes down a steep hill in the pouring rain); I got there in record time and met her easily; we got to the airport fine and she still at least got someone to say goodbye to (not to mention she was very forgiving of my faux pas); her flight had been rearranged the day before which was going to make her change in London a LOT easier and as we prayed in the luggage queue for her to not be over-allowance she gets to the desk and they say she had 32 not 23 kgs. Wow! (Some may argue a bummer she did not know sooner I suppose, but that does not help me make my point! She would have struggled to get 64+ kilos on a bus at the other end anyway...).
We then sat in the restaurant and had a drink and a cry and a bit of a pray. We were sitting eyes shut (I know, how cliché) and when we opened them someone had left a pile of napkins on the table for the purposes of tear wiping! How lovely is that?! Awww. People aren't always rubbish now are they?
But I have learnt plenty of other times that they can be (rubbish that is... haven't we all?!) and it is hard to realise that oneself can be too. I suppose it is humbling in a way and reminds us not to be pissed at the people that let us down since we are all just as crappy. The tenuous lesson I would like to take from today (just because I can) is therefore that people can suck, they can be great but that God is always spot on. (Well as evidence thus far proves. All scientists know that it takes infinite successful experiments to prove a theory and only one failed one to disprove it, so we have to agree after "many" trials that something seems consistently reliable, build our whole life upon it and hope that it doesn't all fall apart at the last variable. But then, it's either that or have no theory at all...)
Bye bye Andrea, you will be missed... See you in Nashville!!
So it was a bummer that my wake up call never happened. I only realised as my cell (nope, I can't/won't do it. It is a mobile; I already called my fringe bangs on Saturday I must stop this before it takes over) rang: it was 8.30 and I was 1 hr minimum from being at her place. Major whoops!
The thing that really peed me off about this whole situation was that I had really wanted to help her out and what I actually managed to do was make her life harder as she had to get down the hill with all her bags (instead of dropping one off the day before) while I rushed over to meet her at the bank so I could help get to the airport at the very least. I hate letting people down and it is rubbish to know that even when I want to be good I am still a fallible human. What hope is there if we can't even rely on ourselves?
I suppose that is what God is for. I mean I was crap and a total let down but still she met someone that gladly helped her to the bus stop (a good 10 minutes down a steep hill in the pouring rain); I got there in record time and met her easily; we got to the airport fine and she still at least got someone to say goodbye to (not to mention she was very forgiving of my faux pas); her flight had been rearranged the day before which was going to make her change in London a LOT easier and as we prayed in the luggage queue for her to not be over-allowance she gets to the desk and they say she had 32 not 23 kgs. Wow! (Some may argue a bummer she did not know sooner I suppose, but that does not help me make my point! She would have struggled to get 64+ kilos on a bus at the other end anyway...).
We then sat in the restaurant and had a drink and a cry and a bit of a pray. We were sitting eyes shut (I know, how cliché) and when we opened them someone had left a pile of napkins on the table for the purposes of tear wiping! How lovely is that?! Awww. People aren't always rubbish now are they?
But I have learnt plenty of other times that they can be (rubbish that is... haven't we all?!) and it is hard to realise that oneself can be too. I suppose it is humbling in a way and reminds us not to be pissed at the people that let us down since we are all just as crappy. The tenuous lesson I would like to take from today (just because I can) is therefore that people can suck, they can be great but that God is always spot on. (Well as evidence thus far proves. All scientists know that it takes infinite successful experiments to prove a theory and only one failed one to disprove it, so we have to agree after "many" trials that something seems consistently reliable, build our whole life upon it and hope that it doesn't all fall apart at the last variable. But then, it's either that or have no theory at all...)
Bye bye Andrea, you will be missed... See you in Nashville!!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Stop The Press
I was going to write about a fun time had with rafting today (though I am now publishing on Sunday as I never got round to finishing the post). First day back in Geneva and I went off on some rapids going at it hardcore and even swimming down a mini-waterfall. Cool or what!
But then something even more amazing happened... I lost my virginity!! Shock value is to be attributed to Robyn, you know what that saucy minx is like. Today was the first time I ever drove a car on the 'wrong' side of the road. Actually it was the right side but it definitely felt strange.
Kudos to be attributed to Beautiful Brian for being so muchos generous and trusting of me with his mega beast of a car. (Though I did later find out he is already scheduled in for a paint job in two weeks!) We were having a BBQ and had shamefully forgotten the marshmallows so he the darling that he is said I could take his car to the Intermarché down the road. I did a roundabout and everything!! And I know that other people were happy for me 'cause I got all kinds of lovely encouraging beeps ;-)
Yeah, first time on the other side; first time in years in an automatic (you may think it's easier but when you are using the break as a clutch...); first time in 6 months that I have even been on the road and all this in a giant 4x4 machine. Good thing I prayed!
The rafting was excellent as well and yet another new experience. As was the dins afterwards: I tried the North America treat smorges (sp??) which takes the classic melted mallow and sandwiches it between Graham Crackers and then adds chocolate. Those Yanks sure like to take things to a new level... Also, beforehand me and the Mr/Mrs went to the international school fair (kurmesse) and set up a stall for her peace building work - I got to do hand printing!! We had a whole judo class dressed in white join in, so yet more risk taking...
Taking risks. It is fun and the results are all the better for it, since you would never have the win if you didn't make the gamble. I have not really mentioned my time in Zurich yet, simply cause I have been 'quite' busy, but I learned a lot there not least about the idea of healing. I know God can do it and I am quite excited to think that maybe 'one day' I will see it first hand in a really real way but well, why not make one day today?
Miracles in general are a tricky thing since, let's face it, they don't always happen the way we ask. I mean take healing: the Bible says ask and it shall be given; it also says that God wants to see people made well and Jesus certainly never picked and chose. So when you look at 'failed prayers' there is a lot of space for potential hurt and confusion. And one of the reasons is that the issue of insufficient faith get bandied about. Well, I asked the guy at the meeting and he was pretty cool about it. He said that Yes, faith is integral but in so many ways. The faith of the receiver, the prayer, even other people around can all be seen in different bible stories (lady who bled, when the disciples prayed, the friends of the guy who got lowered...) but lack of faith is not sufficient to get in the way of healing if God so desires.
"What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!" (Romans 3: 3&4a)
So I think that attaching blame or judgment to those that do not see healing just isn't on.
Because the thing is, we can never understand what God is doing in the bigger picture. There is a difference between getting to know God better and getting to know God and He will always surprise us if he wants to. (Aside: I was saying today that in the past two weeks I had been 'wise' twice! A 'good friend' turns round and says to me that maybe my spiritual gift is Surprise! Meanie. Not totally biblical but totally funny as an idea of what that gift might look like... Back to God...)
One of the key things about the whole question though does seem to be boldness. We need to be able to ask God and be prepared for bad answers, no answers, rejection and foolish appearances. (On the subject of foolish appearances I was sitting on the train from Zurich to GVA yesterday and had a lovely seat: quiet carriage and space to even put my feet up and rest on the table. Then the ticket man comes along and I had even learnt to have my demi-tariff ready. Not sufficient. He looks at it then at me and sternly points out that I was in 1st class. Whoops! I had not meant to at all, it was one of those double decker trains and I didn't know they did classes. Nothing is worse than packing up and realising for the first time that everyone around was really posh and must have been looking at me dodge the whole way; then walking through all the other carriages with people clearly knowing why you were moving; and then arriving in 2nd class to realise that the reason the guard didn't trust you was 'cause it was choca block with soldiers and football fans and they all saw me looking for a seat with 3 bags in tow and probably also knew that I had been, how shall we say it, dislodged? Good thing I don't have to be ashamed anymore isn't it! Back to God...)
But it is hard not to feel foolish or indeed afraid of being let down. That is where the risk taking comes in. Sometime asking God for a miracle is the biggest risk of all because your faith has the potential to be damaged or nullified if the results are not what you hoped.
For example...
I was trying to unscrew a really tight bit on an easel today and it would not budge. So, I thought: let's pray. If God can release demons He sure can loosen bolts. I was totally confident in this new exciting idea of the miraculous and yet it was not moving. Bit deflating actually 'cause even though I am aware that you can't assume God would answer just so, in a way I was like "why not?" Doesn't He wants to help and bless us and is generally the King of the Universe...?
Anyway, we get on with the problem solving and two minutes later I realise that that bolt did not need undoing. In fact, it was holding a large part of the construction together...! I can truly see now that that prayer was not one to be answered.
But what would have happened if there was not this saving factor of a reason? How could I have reconciled that unanswered prayer? Well, maybe the thing is that there always is - a reason that is. Somewhere God has underlying purpose, we just need to be aware that we cannot always understand it. There are constructions that are harder to figure out than the mechanical design of an easel.
So, risk taking is scary. And I think more so with God than in the physical world (unless the physical world involves being fully dependent on God to be your own personal ski instructor! I will not go on another tangent today though...) as there you can see the full extent of the outcomes and have a rough idea of what you are working with. But, with that step of boldness comes huge rewards and so given the screw was not a complete let down maybe next time I will try for sommat else...
Sorry about the length of the post. Everyone that reaches the end gets a Gold Star!
But then something even more amazing happened... I lost my virginity!! Shock value is to be attributed to Robyn, you know what that saucy minx is like. Today was the first time I ever drove a car on the 'wrong' side of the road. Actually it was the right side but it definitely felt strange.
Kudos to be attributed to Beautiful Brian for being so muchos generous and trusting of me with his mega beast of a car. (Though I did later find out he is already scheduled in for a paint job in two weeks!) We were having a BBQ and had shamefully forgotten the marshmallows so he the darling that he is said I could take his car to the Intermarché down the road. I did a roundabout and everything!! And I know that other people were happy for me 'cause I got all kinds of lovely encouraging beeps ;-)
Yeah, first time on the other side; first time in years in an automatic (you may think it's easier but when you are using the break as a clutch...); first time in 6 months that I have even been on the road and all this in a giant 4x4 machine. Good thing I prayed!
The rafting was excellent as well and yet another new experience. As was the dins afterwards: I tried the North America treat smorges (sp??) which takes the classic melted mallow and sandwiches it between Graham Crackers and then adds chocolate. Those Yanks sure like to take things to a new level... Also, beforehand me and the Mr/Mrs went to the international school fair (kurmesse) and set up a stall for her peace building work - I got to do hand printing!! We had a whole judo class dressed in white join in, so yet more risk taking...
Taking risks. It is fun and the results are all the better for it, since you would never have the win if you didn't make the gamble. I have not really mentioned my time in Zurich yet, simply cause I have been 'quite' busy, but I learned a lot there not least about the idea of healing. I know God can do it and I am quite excited to think that maybe 'one day' I will see it first hand in a really real way but well, why not make one day today?
Miracles in general are a tricky thing since, let's face it, they don't always happen the way we ask. I mean take healing: the Bible says ask and it shall be given; it also says that God wants to see people made well and Jesus certainly never picked and chose. So when you look at 'failed prayers' there is a lot of space for potential hurt and confusion. And one of the reasons is that the issue of insufficient faith get bandied about. Well, I asked the guy at the meeting and he was pretty cool about it. He said that Yes, faith is integral but in so many ways. The faith of the receiver, the prayer, even other people around can all be seen in different bible stories (lady who bled, when the disciples prayed, the friends of the guy who got lowered...) but lack of faith is not sufficient to get in the way of healing if God so desires.
"What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!" (Romans 3: 3&4a)
So I think that attaching blame or judgment to those that do not see healing just isn't on.
Because the thing is, we can never understand what God is doing in the bigger picture. There is a difference between getting to know God better and getting to know God and He will always surprise us if he wants to. (Aside: I was saying today that in the past two weeks I had been 'wise' twice! A 'good friend' turns round and says to me that maybe my spiritual gift is Surprise! Meanie. Not totally biblical but totally funny as an idea of what that gift might look like... Back to God...)
One of the key things about the whole question though does seem to be boldness. We need to be able to ask God and be prepared for bad answers, no answers, rejection and foolish appearances. (On the subject of foolish appearances I was sitting on the train from Zurich to GVA yesterday and had a lovely seat: quiet carriage and space to even put my feet up and rest on the table. Then the ticket man comes along and I had even learnt to have my demi-tariff ready. Not sufficient. He looks at it then at me and sternly points out that I was in 1st class. Whoops! I had not meant to at all, it was one of those double decker trains and I didn't know they did classes. Nothing is worse than packing up and realising for the first time that everyone around was really posh and must have been looking at me dodge the whole way; then walking through all the other carriages with people clearly knowing why you were moving; and then arriving in 2nd class to realise that the reason the guard didn't trust you was 'cause it was choca block with soldiers and football fans and they all saw me looking for a seat with 3 bags in tow and probably also knew that I had been, how shall we say it, dislodged? Good thing I don't have to be ashamed anymore isn't it! Back to God...)
But it is hard not to feel foolish or indeed afraid of being let down. That is where the risk taking comes in. Sometime asking God for a miracle is the biggest risk of all because your faith has the potential to be damaged or nullified if the results are not what you hoped.
For example...
I was trying to unscrew a really tight bit on an easel today and it would not budge. So, I thought: let's pray. If God can release demons He sure can loosen bolts. I was totally confident in this new exciting idea of the miraculous and yet it was not moving. Bit deflating actually 'cause even though I am aware that you can't assume God would answer just so, in a way I was like "why not?" Doesn't He wants to help and bless us and is generally the King of the Universe...?
Anyway, we get on with the problem solving and two minutes later I realise that that bolt did not need undoing. In fact, it was holding a large part of the construction together...! I can truly see now that that prayer was not one to be answered.
But what would have happened if there was not this saving factor of a reason? How could I have reconciled that unanswered prayer? Well, maybe the thing is that there always is - a reason that is. Somewhere God has underlying purpose, we just need to be aware that we cannot always understand it. There are constructions that are harder to figure out than the mechanical design of an easel.
So, risk taking is scary. And I think more so with God than in the physical world (unless the physical world involves being fully dependent on God to be your own personal ski instructor! I will not go on another tangent today though...) as there you can see the full extent of the outcomes and have a rough idea of what you are working with. But, with that step of boldness comes huge rewards and so given the screw was not a complete let down maybe next time I will try for sommat else...
Sorry about the length of the post. Everyone that reaches the end gets a Gold Star!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Coffee and Sacraments
It's been a whole day since I blogged. You think you've suffered, imagine what it's like in my head with all the latest ideas swimming about. Think about it, if I can publish 7 posts over 2 days when things are quiet imagine how much I have to write about when I've been too busy to blog?
So, what will this one be about then? I think I shall write about today now and then maybe do yesterday this evening, if that makes sense. It’s not that I think I have to give a detailed account of my whole life on here (well, it would be ideal obviously but a little over reaching me thinks) and indeed I am still behind when it comes to cool stories from two weekends ago. It's just I’ve just had lots of fabulously cool things happen and 'profound' thoughts crop up that I want to share.
First off, I am in Starbucks writing this. And it is the one by the hairdressers (Rive); AKA the one with the mean lady. I arranged to meet Robyn here after music practise and the risk factor didn’t occur to me until I was in the queue and saw her behind the counter. It was definitely her and short of upping stakes and heading to the other side of the river (which wasn’t really an option) I was going to have to ask her for my coffee *expresses look of trepidation*. So, I decided to pray. Just a quick bless her and bless my Venti Frappuccino Mocha Light avec noisettes. Do you know what, it worked. I got service with a smile, she doubled checked my order and it all came through perfectly. I even went back, skipping ahead of a long queue, to ask for 2 Internet access cards and she gave me them with a smile. Now, that to me is like honey from a rock.
Rubbish, I've written loads of junk without even going into the revelations I had planned. Tell you what, I’ll make a quick comment about the post-baptism week instead then write another one later to break it up for you.
It has been cool. I feel really different. I am quite delighted by this fact give that at the time it felt like a big risk and I was scared of a let down; more so than in coming to this Starbucks. I suppose last Sunday was a little bit like today. I was standing in that queue and saying “God, I could walk out right but I have a lot staked on this (a good seat, a settled friend and no nearby alternative) so could you just take over the situation please”. Similarly last week as I waited to get dunked it was all about “God I have a lot staked on this and absolutely NO alternative but there is still a lot ahead that terrifies me so would you be able to take over”. Tenuous analogy but true. So, really what I am saying is that even over one week I am more convicted of the decision to do it. I am a New Creation and really feel like it is the start of the rest of my life – a proper rebirth. He does comes through for you. Woohoo! :-D
Yeah, baptism is great, it is a physical act that works in the spiritual world and makes an actual tangible difference within. You do need to have some faith else it is just getting wet, but a mustard seed’s worth is enough for God to do great things with. Even now I find myself liking the obvious sins less and less (leaving it clear for me to notice and struggle with the less obvious ones mind!) and that is ‘cause I am changing. And once He has you He won’t let you go and you will only become more and more part of his 'flock' (check out John chpt 10) so I am excited to see how I will feel at 2 weeks old. Yeah there is temptation from all sides and regular hiccups (and that is only the ones I am aware of) but I am not the same person I once was and that in itself gives me a fighting chance.
In everything pray. You will grow more, glorify God better and get the coffee that you ordered complete with a smile!
So, what will this one be about then? I think I shall write about today now and then maybe do yesterday this evening, if that makes sense. It’s not that I think I have to give a detailed account of my whole life on here (well, it would be ideal obviously but a little over reaching me thinks) and indeed I am still behind when it comes to cool stories from two weekends ago. It's just I’ve just had lots of fabulously cool things happen and 'profound' thoughts crop up that I want to share.
First off, I am in Starbucks writing this. And it is the one by the hairdressers (Rive); AKA the one with the mean lady. I arranged to meet Robyn here after music practise and the risk factor didn’t occur to me until I was in the queue and saw her behind the counter. It was definitely her and short of upping stakes and heading to the other side of the river (which wasn’t really an option) I was going to have to ask her for my coffee *expresses look of trepidation*. So, I decided to pray. Just a quick bless her and bless my Venti Frappuccino Mocha Light avec noisettes. Do you know what, it worked. I got service with a smile, she doubled checked my order and it all came through perfectly. I even went back, skipping ahead of a long queue, to ask for 2 Internet access cards and she gave me them with a smile. Now, that to me is like honey from a rock.
Rubbish, I've written loads of junk without even going into the revelations I had planned. Tell you what, I’ll make a quick comment about the post-baptism week instead then write another one later to break it up for you.
It has been cool. I feel really different. I am quite delighted by this fact give that at the time it felt like a big risk and I was scared of a let down; more so than in coming to this Starbucks. I suppose last Sunday was a little bit like today. I was standing in that queue and saying “God, I could walk out right but I have a lot staked on this (a good seat, a settled friend and no nearby alternative) so could you just take over the situation please”. Similarly last week as I waited to get dunked it was all about “God I have a lot staked on this and absolutely NO alternative but there is still a lot ahead that terrifies me so would you be able to take over”. Tenuous analogy but true. So, really what I am saying is that even over one week I am more convicted of the decision to do it. I am a New Creation and really feel like it is the start of the rest of my life – a proper rebirth. He does comes through for you. Woohoo! :-D
Yeah, baptism is great, it is a physical act that works in the spiritual world and makes an actual tangible difference within. You do need to have some faith else it is just getting wet, but a mustard seed’s worth is enough for God to do great things with. Even now I find myself liking the obvious sins less and less (leaving it clear for me to notice and struggle with the less obvious ones mind!) and that is ‘cause I am changing. And once He has you He won’t let you go and you will only become more and more part of his 'flock' (check out John chpt 10) so I am excited to see how I will feel at 2 weeks old. Yeah there is temptation from all sides and regular hiccups (and that is only the ones I am aware of) but I am not the same person I once was and that in itself gives me a fighting chance.
In everything pray. You will grow more, glorify God better and get the coffee that you ordered complete with a smile!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Good Food Diaries, part III - Recipe for Kat(i)e's 'Brownie' Surprise
So I'm being lazy. I wrote this last November and just copied and pasted from a Facebook note. I know it's not particularly inventive and more than a little irrelevant but I have to get to French. Anyway, some of you may even remember eating this shit; now you know how it was done...:
If you have several hours to kill and the desire to impress new friends with your baking abilities you may wish to try this exciting patisserie dish... Or possibly not:
Ingredients
A Swiss Brownie kit with cake mix inside and instructions in French, German and Italian
100g of butter (partially melted, partially congealed)
3 eggs
0.5 litres of water
400g of chocolate (just in case)
200g hazelnuts
any old breakfast cereal you have lying around
Taking the simple to follow instructions make the decision to try and amend the recipe. Melt a 1/4 of the chocolate in the microwave in a non-microwaveable bowl and watch your kitchen start to smoke and smell of melted plastic.
Meanwhile, chop up whole hazelnuts, because you don't believe in paying extra for ready ground.
Empty the packet labeled 'melange pour gateaux' into a large bowl and add the required eggs and butter (don't bother melting it properly, the excess water will ruin it anyway) then add ten times the required 0.5 dl of water. Mix it up and feel the realisation dawn on you that you have just created chocolate soup. Don't forget to note that the mix inside the box is for 'gateaux' which you are pretty sure is French for 'cake'.
Persevere. You can not give up now, this has cost you 15CHF. Maybe it will condense down as it bakes.
At this point take a break (with more chocolate in the microwave) and check your facebook status. Note that friends are offering you exciting recipes for tasty baked goods and you are struggling to follow 'Dr. Oetker's' simple brownie mix. Watch your mixture congeal as you reply to pointless wall posts...
Carry on melting the choc a line at a time until you remember the safer and more professional method of a bowl in a saucepan of hot water. Marvel that you manage to burn the chocolate but remember, that was the last of it so it goes in anyway. As you see the water bubbling into the mix and realise the sides are too high to remove the scalding bowl note that you will never make a good wife.
With the burnt chocolate setting hard, exectutively decide to add it to the rest of the mess. And the put that whole bowl into the saucepan of hot water to encourage the butter to melt and the chocolate to mix properly. Realise a little too late that it is the same type of plastic that melted in the microwave. A familiar smell returns...
Quickly fish out the bowl. Your back up of chocolate cornflake cakes is gone since you used all the chocolate in an attempt to salvage the brownies. What the hell, might as well waste some more food. Crush and mix in almost a whole box of Kellogg's Cornflakes (other brands are available) and smile that the mixture is indeed thickening. Get bored as you chop the rest of the nuts (very badly by this point) and don't forget to change your status at least three times throughout.
This should have taken you approximately 1 1/2 hours by now. The mixture is considerable larger than you anticipated and it dawns on you that there are no cake trays at all, let alone sufficient for this monstrosity. Never mind, a couple of shallow oven trays later and a lot of mess, as you have to go back and grease the tins after pouring the mixture, and you are ready to cook them. OR should they be put in the fridge? Who know. Choose any setting you like on the oven and place them inside for an undetermined length of time.
Check often and pray.
If you have several hours to kill and the desire to impress new friends with your baking abilities you may wish to try this exciting patisserie dish... Or possibly not:
Ingredients
A Swiss Brownie kit with cake mix inside and instructions in French, German and Italian
100g of butter (partially melted, partially congealed)
3 eggs
0.5 litres of water
400g of chocolate (just in case)
200g hazelnuts
any old breakfast cereal you have lying around
Taking the simple to follow instructions make the decision to try and amend the recipe. Melt a 1/4 of the chocolate in the microwave in a non-microwaveable bowl and watch your kitchen start to smoke and smell of melted plastic.
Meanwhile, chop up whole hazelnuts, because you don't believe in paying extra for ready ground.
Empty the packet labeled 'melange pour gateaux' into a large bowl and add the required eggs and butter (don't bother melting it properly, the excess water will ruin it anyway) then add ten times the required 0.5 dl of water. Mix it up and feel the realisation dawn on you that you have just created chocolate soup. Don't forget to note that the mix inside the box is for 'gateaux' which you are pretty sure is French for 'cake'.
Persevere. You can not give up now, this has cost you 15CHF. Maybe it will condense down as it bakes.
At this point take a break (with more chocolate in the microwave) and check your facebook status. Note that friends are offering you exciting recipes for tasty baked goods and you are struggling to follow 'Dr. Oetker's' simple brownie mix. Watch your mixture congeal as you reply to pointless wall posts...
Carry on melting the choc a line at a time until you remember the safer and more professional method of a bowl in a saucepan of hot water. Marvel that you manage to burn the chocolate but remember, that was the last of it so it goes in anyway. As you see the water bubbling into the mix and realise the sides are too high to remove the scalding bowl note that you will never make a good wife.
With the burnt chocolate setting hard, exectutively decide to add it to the rest of the mess. And the put that whole bowl into the saucepan of hot water to encourage the butter to melt and the chocolate to mix properly. Realise a little too late that it is the same type of plastic that melted in the microwave. A familiar smell returns...
Quickly fish out the bowl. Your back up of chocolate cornflake cakes is gone since you used all the chocolate in an attempt to salvage the brownies. What the hell, might as well waste some more food. Crush and mix in almost a whole box of Kellogg's Cornflakes (other brands are available) and smile that the mixture is indeed thickening. Get bored as you chop the rest of the nuts (very badly by this point) and don't forget to change your status at least three times throughout.
This should have taken you approximately 1 1/2 hours by now. The mixture is considerable larger than you anticipated and it dawns on you that there are no cake trays at all, let alone sufficient for this monstrosity. Never mind, a couple of shallow oven trays later and a lot of mess, as you have to go back and grease the tins after pouring the mixture, and you are ready to cook them. OR should they be put in the fridge? Who know. Choose any setting you like on the oven and place them inside for an undetermined length of time.
Check often and pray.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Cleopatra comin' at'cha and other incites
It seems that Cleopatra is feeling at home... I am sitting on the bed with a cat licking my toes and walking over my keys. Awwww. Yet a little arggggh as well! Does she not know I am disturbingly attach to my laptop?
Well. Apparently I am a blogger at heart now. I have spent a most fabulous day-off in Geneva doing all kinds of wonderful things and being rather insightful throughout (or not as it turns out) but the consistent thought I have had is: "This would make a good blog." Oh dear. Particularly since most of the time they were not very good things at all! So, the following entry is a random hotchpotch of everything that half amused or endeared me and I do hope it does not begin to look like a list but given the lateness of the evening I fear that it is inevitable. I hope more that I will eventually find a way to balance real life with cyber stories else it will become a pretty pitiful existence...
[Aside: there is an adorable tabby chasing a wooden mouse around my parquet. If only we were all this easily satisfied.]
Today is (well, it was) the Swiss national holiday marking Ascension. Isn't that cool/weird? I suppose it stems from the days of reformation and Calvin (am I convincing you with this feeble unresearched postulate?) but I liked it 'cause it meant a lie in (OK, everyday is a lie in for me) and I could then hang with my hommies from midi de minuit. It also meant that I got another gift from my generous benefactors - tradition has it that you give lilies of the valley and mine turned up in a cute vase and are stinking out the place in the best possible way.
First thought and a very important one: probiotic yoghurt drinks suck, don't bother. I tried one that Robyn left here and it minged to high kingdom come. Anything dairy and banana flavoured ought to taste like milkshake; needless to say, this one did not. I'd rather be bloated thank you very much.
Having moved the cat in and secured all possible escape routes (I'm not sure why she would want to leap off a first floor balcony but the risk was posed) I then "left her to make herself at home" and headed to my producer's place to do some serious jammin'. En route I walked past a car with a small child in the back seat. Not that unusual. I was however slightly perturbed by the fact that he had decided to victimise me with the worst attack he knew how and was sticking his tongue out in what can only be described as a violent manner. Turn the other cheek aside, this kid needed to learn some manners - it was clear what I had to do and I must admit I took great relish in returning the favour... only to worry for the next few minutes that he had in fact been eating a pink ice lolly (it was a warm day) and I was the meanest passerby in the history of pedestrianisation and had scarred him for life. Luckily I don't think about anything for too long so the guilt quickly passed.
I particularly like jamming with Caro 'cause we make some pretty special harmonies together. She struggles, apparently, with syncopation... and I can't stick to the beat if I try. I'm sure glad her flat mates are francophone 'cause at least I can't understand the comments. I also made a great discovering this afternoon - I can play the guitar. I am not sure how I forgot this fact but sure as hell there were at least two songs that I could join in with. I am rather delighted!
So today was pretty good, and I must say it's ones like this - sharing with beloved friends, music, deep conversation, learning and glorious walks in the sun - that really make you happy to be alive. I am fabulously chilled out, but perhaps a little too much. It turns out I have lost my bank card and with some thought I can honestly say I haven't seen it for a week. How does one go about dealing with issues like this when you don't know who to ring or what to say when you get through? Oh well, I sorted through my small change and 5 cents, approx 2.5p (I remember when it was 2p...), suddenly look a whole lot more appreciable. I really am far too blasé about the whole thing seeing as when I left Caro's I still headed to Starbucks pre-French class. But I did only get a 'grande coffee maison' (anyone else note that un caffee ought to be grand?) so I was almost being frugal. Hmmm. I do hope my card appears miraculously over the next 12 hours as this weekend will be pretty crappy on 8 CHF.
This brings me, in an almost cohesive manner, to my French lesson. Now, I am not being glib when I say that at the moment I genuinely feel like one of the luckiest girls alive; and my French 'class' pose no threat to this. Aside from the fact that it is a beautiful language with wonderful culture (and I am not saying this 'cause Bee might be reading... she is German anyway!) but really and truly I don't think that learning French ever has or will be this fun again. The general form is that I turn up around 7.30/8pm and gossip (these days in a mixture of English and French) about our week and we always have at least one praise point :-). We have a bit of a pray, a bit of food and then manage to throw in a bit of dictation without even really noticing! Today was a particularly fab time - I had to leave early as I had a last minute "I invited you to dinner today but forgot to tell you" from Anna so we squeezed in 2 lessons and a week's worth of news over a table top picnic of sausage, cheese, olives, nuts and red wine! Bee even gave me a gorgeous pair of bronze earrings. This is a far flung experience from the days of Mrs ...? (how have I forgotten your name scary ginger teacher-points for anyone who remember GCSE French) who chased me down for bunking my oral and oversaw the only school detention I ever got (not for bunking said oral but for having my nose pierced in a 'defiant manner').
Then to the eve which, glorious though it was is bringing me way over my self-imposed word count. Anna made great beef borgin-stuff which I did sample though très full and I met Robyn's new lover who is distressingly lovely. Much banter (I think the deep convos can have a separate entry) and wine/dessert/tea later and I was on the bus listening to my iPod and realising that it was time for an update. 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' is a tune but, like many fabulous things, there is a time and a place and I find it hard to delight in the arrival of spring to that wonderful ditty. Why doesn't every season have it's own songs? Maybe you have some ideas as to what the soundtrack to spring ought to be...?
Hmmm, a 'deep' last thought. My successor had a fabulous mishearing today that lead us (her, Robyn and myself) to an almost poignant question. I was describing something/someone as really insightful (it wasn't me!) and she thought I said greedy and spiteful(?!). We then asked ourselves: if you had to choose one or t'other of those things to categorise yourself as, which would honestly be the best fit? Sadly I think today's blog inevitably leaves me looking like a mean glutton...
...though I could always claim I meant inciteful: I am really good at getting other people to do stuff!
Well. Apparently I am a blogger at heart now. I have spent a most fabulous day-off in Geneva doing all kinds of wonderful things and being rather insightful throughout (or not as it turns out) but the consistent thought I have had is: "This would make a good blog." Oh dear. Particularly since most of the time they were not very good things at all! So, the following entry is a random hotchpotch of everything that half amused or endeared me and I do hope it does not begin to look like a list but given the lateness of the evening I fear that it is inevitable. I hope more that I will eventually find a way to balance real life with cyber stories else it will become a pretty pitiful existence...
[Aside: there is an adorable tabby chasing a wooden mouse around my parquet. If only we were all this easily satisfied.]
Today is (well, it was) the Swiss national holiday marking Ascension. Isn't that cool/weird? I suppose it stems from the days of reformation and Calvin (am I convincing you with this feeble unresearched postulate?) but I liked it 'cause it meant a lie in (OK, everyday is a lie in for me) and I could then hang with my hommies from midi de minuit. It also meant that I got another gift from my generous benefactors - tradition has it that you give lilies of the valley and mine turned up in a cute vase and are stinking out the place in the best possible way.
First thought and a very important one: probiotic yoghurt drinks suck, don't bother. I tried one that Robyn left here and it minged to high kingdom come. Anything dairy and banana flavoured ought to taste like milkshake; needless to say, this one did not. I'd rather be bloated thank you very much.
Having moved the cat in and secured all possible escape routes (I'm not sure why she would want to leap off a first floor balcony but the risk was posed) I then "left her to make herself at home" and headed to my producer's place to do some serious jammin'. En route I walked past a car with a small child in the back seat. Not that unusual. I was however slightly perturbed by the fact that he had decided to victimise me with the worst attack he knew how and was sticking his tongue out in what can only be described as a violent manner. Turn the other cheek aside, this kid needed to learn some manners - it was clear what I had to do and I must admit I took great relish in returning the favour... only to worry for the next few minutes that he had in fact been eating a pink ice lolly (it was a warm day) and I was the meanest passerby in the history of pedestrianisation and had scarred him for life. Luckily I don't think about anything for too long so the guilt quickly passed.
I particularly like jamming with Caro 'cause we make some pretty special harmonies together. She struggles, apparently, with syncopation... and I can't stick to the beat if I try. I'm sure glad her flat mates are francophone 'cause at least I can't understand the comments. I also made a great discovering this afternoon - I can play the guitar. I am not sure how I forgot this fact but sure as hell there were at least two songs that I could join in with. I am rather delighted!
So today was pretty good, and I must say it's ones like this - sharing with beloved friends, music, deep conversation, learning and glorious walks in the sun - that really make you happy to be alive. I am fabulously chilled out, but perhaps a little too much. It turns out I have lost my bank card and with some thought I can honestly say I haven't seen it for a week. How does one go about dealing with issues like this when you don't know who to ring or what to say when you get through? Oh well, I sorted through my small change and 5 cents, approx 2.5p (I remember when it was 2p...), suddenly look a whole lot more appreciable. I really am far too blasé about the whole thing seeing as when I left Caro's I still headed to Starbucks pre-French class. But I did only get a 'grande coffee maison' (anyone else note that un caffee ought to be grand?) so I was almost being frugal. Hmmm. I do hope my card appears miraculously over the next 12 hours as this weekend will be pretty crappy on 8 CHF.
This brings me, in an almost cohesive manner, to my French lesson. Now, I am not being glib when I say that at the moment I genuinely feel like one of the luckiest girls alive; and my French 'class' pose no threat to this. Aside from the fact that it is a beautiful language with wonderful culture (and I am not saying this 'cause Bee might be reading... she is German anyway!) but really and truly I don't think that learning French ever has or will be this fun again. The general form is that I turn up around 7.30/8pm and gossip (these days in a mixture of English and French) about our week and we always have at least one praise point :-). We have a bit of a pray, a bit of food and then manage to throw in a bit of dictation without even really noticing! Today was a particularly fab time - I had to leave early as I had a last minute "I invited you to dinner today but forgot to tell you" from Anna so we squeezed in 2 lessons and a week's worth of news over a table top picnic of sausage, cheese, olives, nuts and red wine! Bee even gave me a gorgeous pair of bronze earrings. This is a far flung experience from the days of Mrs ...? (how have I forgotten your name scary ginger teacher-points for anyone who remember GCSE French) who chased me down for bunking my oral and oversaw the only school detention I ever got (not for bunking said oral but for having my nose pierced in a 'defiant manner').
Then to the eve which, glorious though it was is bringing me way over my self-imposed word count. Anna made great beef borgin-stuff which I did sample though très full and I met Robyn's new lover who is distressingly lovely. Much banter (I think the deep convos can have a separate entry) and wine/dessert/tea later and I was on the bus listening to my iPod and realising that it was time for an update. 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' is a tune but, like many fabulous things, there is a time and a place and I find it hard to delight in the arrival of spring to that wonderful ditty. Why doesn't every season have it's own songs? Maybe you have some ideas as to what the soundtrack to spring ought to be...?
Hmmm, a 'deep' last thought. My successor had a fabulous mishearing today that lead us (her, Robyn and myself) to an almost poignant question. I was describing something/someone as really insightful (it wasn't me!) and she thought I said greedy and spiteful(?!). We then asked ourselves: if you had to choose one or t'other of those things to categorise yourself as, which would honestly be the best fit? Sadly I think today's blog inevitably leaves me looking like a mean glutton...
...though I could always claim I meant inciteful: I am really good at getting other people to do stuff!
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