Happy Love Day!

I wasn't going to do it but the opportunity for a Valentine's post was just too much!

I have this male friend who likes to send Valentine cards to his girly friends every year. I think he just thinks we would like it. He texted me earlier this week to see if I was still cool with it. The way he asked really quite annoyed me: the friendly (and that is all there is to it) suggestion was that in my "prettiness" (wasn't even about my all-round fabulousness, grrrrrr) I shouldn't not get one. I turned it down as politely as I could.

Where to begin?! Shallowness aside and ignoring the assumption that I wasn't going to receive any otherwise (I get the irony that I am bothered by this!), I have to say that I really do take offense to the idea that a girl's (nay person's) worth is measurable by whether someone sends them a [fake] sentiment on a predestined occasion! A crappy festival where most of the messages in cards these days are rude or suggestive and almost all the motivation is consumer driven. I can't believe how much people will spend to try and impress their partners at the time of year when everything is more expensive (I used to work in a florist, it is shocking) and any gesture made is more than likely to be mass produced.

I'm trying not to sound bitter at being alone on Valentine's Day. I'm really not, singleness is something I sometimes struggle with (though the idea of not being is often a lot more scary!) but today of all days I am glad to be out of that mess. I can take my moral high ground without having to worry about being chuffed at what my boyfriend does for me, or being narked if it isn't original enough, or being shocked by how much he spent, or quietly disappointed that he didn't think I was worth more...! It is a right ole mess. Even if you decide together to not buy into it I reckon the pressure from couples around you whispering that you aren't as "in love" as they are would be a bit of a bind.

Awww. Poor cynical Kat(i)e. I want to see the good in these things, I really do. But the stock's been out since straight after Christmas, we are in the middle of a credit crisis (though granted that is old news and people don't want it to spoil their "fun") and too many people are in relationships that are stop gaps because they are lonely and afraid of not getting a Valentines... what is with this "love" culture..? 'Cause then of course you end up with a load of broken hearts and baggage and fear and old cards with cheap sentiments that people won't throw away or accept that it wasn't never that good but even if it was it's over now; and all this gets fed round the cycle again into more fragile even less sincere relationships with increasingly vulnerable and damaged people. Oh the sadness.

I've been reading Stuff Christians Like, which I do sometimes and it can be pretty good. They had this "share about being dumped" post which was quite interesting (though several of people's comments were either far too open or still bitter. I, of course, found just the right balance...!). One girl said that her boyfriend told her that God told him to give her up like Abraham did with Isaac. He actually drove her off in his car somewhere quite remote to do it - I'd have gotten out screaming! The thing with that though is I don't really think that God would say: "I'm asking you to give Sally (random name) up so that when you show you are willing to I will give her straight back to you." Duh. He was wrong in the end, they didn't have a reconciliation and give birth to a nation. Probably for the best, brains like that.

I bet everyone has at least one crappy relationship story. Mostly best unshared, nay unremembered. I tell you, there are a lot of reasons to be glad for singleness! Bring on the convent...

Though perhaps I've bought too strongly into this stance of independence and it all seems a little too much like the fear I described above. Having started to take my lead from nuns these days it's quite ironic, don'tcha think, that my all time favourite one chucked it in for a bloke: "Climb Every Mountain!"

A little too soon to be worrying that I am heading toward self-inflicted spinsterhood, me thinks. Still, gotta love it when a running theme follows to it's logical conclusion and bites you on the bum! ;-)

Ma'wedge... tha dweam wivin a dweam

T'other day I was havin' a chat with Darryl (by which I mean I talked across him about me as he tried to tell me about apertures) and he said that he thought I was the kind of person that would need to 'be with' someone that was able to give me lots of stimulation - suppose that is 'cause I am all loud and excitable and what not. I was not at all convinced. I mean, I get verbose about things all on my own quite a lot of the time anyway. For those that know me, doesn't the idea of someone who would magnify that just scream terrifying? Darryl even got my point that were I to be in that situation I may just explode. Kinda why it works so well with Robyn and I me thinks. I can be quiet, I like being by myself; indeed, sometimes all I want is for people to bugger off!

But this blog is not about finding my match. For one I am quite content to pine after Colin Firth for the next 10 years as I go about being a busy career woman (OK, as I sit in my flat with my cat and blog and write poetry and cross-stitch and grow my own veg) before I start to fret about the biological clock. And that is good because, besides the impossible task of finding someone with the right balance of calm, capable and visionary (I feel a Mr Perfect blog coming on one day but those three are a concise list for now), I need a lot of time to plan The Wedding.

Yes, there is of course a Wedding. You may think I would be unwise to share it with you, given that they are supposed to be a big exciting time and well, these are the plans that surprises are made of. But they are also the plans that broken engagements are made of and it seems a little optimistic that were I to find Mr Right he would also be Mr Themed Wedding. Alors, I can only live this one out through sharing it with you.

Well, the dress will be white and though I have some ideas it is not the most important thing. Surprisingly, the bride in this one plays a relatively small part (the groom even less so!) and anyway, I have to hold a little back. So, the only outfit info is the shoes. They will be red and sparkly and I have always know this. That is not subject to change.

And it is from the shoes that everything else stems. Yes, you must have guessed it: The Wizard of Oz.

So. What does this involve? Well, first off I will walk down the aisle to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". The Eva Cassidy version of course. Except, the aisle will actually be paved with yellow bricks (there could be some scope for lino to be used). The church will be emerald green and flowers made of foliage only. That kind of thing.

My bridesmaids. Well there is only space for 3. No more, no less. My dog Wendy will be the ring-bearer with a little plaid coat and behind me are three creations of wonder: a silver foil-esque dress (tin man); a Hawaiian style grass skirt theme (scarecrow) and last but not least a fur creation (need I say, the lion). The last will be mostly leopard print 'cause it has to get in there somewhere but it shall involve a fluffy 'mane-like' trim. That should be just right.

The scene is set. Next is where the hubby will have to be a bit forgiving 'cause it is likely that his friends will not get to be ushers as they will probably not fulfill the necessary requirements. That is, I will need to hire actors of a certain height in order that they can effectively dress up as Munchkins. I mean, if it is legitimate to employ them based on their size to play a role in a film I don't think it is wrong to try and recreate that at a serious themed wedding. They may even be the ones from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and could do a dance while people wait for me..?

That aside, we will need a tolerant pastor to marry us. The building I am not worried about, it is all about where we are happy (once you green wash something it doesn't really matter where it is) but the minister will have to be up for hiding behind a giant throne with a big moving head and talking through a microphone with a scary voice "DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN... " Not that big an ask really and I think it's less silly that writing your own vows. Oooooh, writing your own vows, maybe that is not such a bad idea now I think of it in this context...? "I want to walk this road with you in boldness, seeking love and in pursuit of common sense... and magical shoes"?

So, last one and this is just simple and obvious. I always wanted a gospel choir at my wedding and, without wanting to sound politically incorrect, I have come up with the perfect way to incorporate them: they can be an army of flying monkeys and the director will be the Wicked Witch of the West complete with hat and green skin. Maybe they could sing something from the musical while we sign the register?

I am not sure how I will incorporate Glinda in this. The MC of the reception? Perhaps she could be the maid of honour... Carolyn, good witch, yes? You'd get a wand.

But you know, of course I will let my husband choose some things. The song as we leave almost definitely. The button holes? No, I will need to supervise that. He does have to wear green. But there will be something...

Now really Darryl, you think I need someone that stimulates me?