I just had a lovely girly night out. Day in fact. I spent the afternoon at the Christmas market in Bath with a friend from Geneva who now lives in South UK (which is great!) and then came back for a chocolate party with "my ladies" and other friends. SO great. It was buy nothing day but I decided that legalism loses to relationship any time and so went shopping. Consumerism is my pet hate but it totally doesn't win over love :o)
Then I went out with this wonderful chick named Whitney. She is from Toronto!! I love having Canadian friends, I am so used to them now it would suck if I didn't know any. We were going out to party with her friend for his bday but we had one of those moments where, like, it was totally, just, impossibly rubbish. You know? Got in a taxi across Bris (wearing heels and also on rapist alert) and so that cost like £8 to find out that they were about to head back across town to go to a club that, I kid you not, we got into the taxi in front of.
Now, I might fool you as a clubbing girl but to be honest I am too lazy. I like to dance but I don't like to be out tired when there is a journey ahead of me and I could have been in bed already. It's quite a sad confession. I had gotten all excited but then when it came down to it I was not that cool. My feet were hurting, I didn't know anybody and we had just wasted money to be in this uncomfortable place. I nearly panicked. I lie, I had a full minute and a half where I wanted to cry over the obvious mistake. Why didn't I assert against this? Then, in my place of prayer and repentance (possible unnecessary use of word there) God made things OK. I decided we weren't going to go - I have to sing at church in the morning anyway and there was no way that the way to correct a mistake is to keep persevering at it! But we were already on Gloucester Road so we made the most of it: went for a drink together and then picked up chips (from the best chippy in Bristol) on the way home! And lo, God made something good out of it... Thank you :-)
So, what's all this about love in the title? Well, the thing is that when girls get together, I can't lie, we talk about boys. We don't ONLY talk about boys but it does have a tendency to come up. If you have one, if you want one, if you don't have one, if you don't want one...! It doesn't stop being interesting. All day it had been somehow or other on the agenda and so I come home thinking about how I feel about them. Which is mixed.
As I have shared before, I have had a bit of a tendency to be in a dependent place with men. Seeing them as an easy fix for the love that we are all programmed to desire but should be finding in God. This would be an all too simple way to describe my relationship problems. Now I don't think I am worse that other people but today I want to address the common theme of conversation and share some thoughts (albeit it in a convoluted manner), which are quite the opposite of previous assertions. I don't just struggle with too much want of relationships... oh no, in keeping with the popular theme of "complicated" too often it is all about the not wanting them enough...
We are talking about fear of commitment. Or maybe not commitment but affection. Or a mixture of all kinds of scary tings. I wrote a poem t'other day that says it a lot better so I will now copy that in:
So many people are afraid of love
Afraid to feel love
Afraid to be loved
Afraid to not feel love
Afraid to not be loved
Why are we afraid?
Fear: There to protect us
A response to something more powerful than us
We fear God because he is Awesome
God is love
Is that why we fear love?
The theory: That when we fear God we need not fear anything else
Though there are many things more powerful than me there are none more powerful than He
But that does not make me think that when I fear it is always right and good
I often fear when I should not
‘Tis not my vulnerability but independency that stops me being worry free
Love
So beautiful yet so fierce
There is every chance it will destroy one heart… two… more?
We have a reaction that tells us fight or flight in the face of danger
So tell me, is that why we run and just ignore?
A threat
Keep it far away and not live to regret
A broken heart just cannot be worth the risk of it
Love
Descended from God
Corrupted for sure but in essence Oh so pure
This fear must be a lie
Born out of brokenness and all set up to make us miss what God has in store
A damaged heart is always going to be a risk when we are gambling with love less perfect than His
But remember who is in charge
The only one to fear, the reason you are here, the restorer of the broken heart
Mine will not be destroyed ‘cause God is on guard
My point? I am pretentious. More seriously, that both these extremes are negative. I have been all too down on relationships in the past I confess (eg) but at the same time I realise that they are a great example of God's love for us (read these lyrics and tell me they aren't divinely inspired) when used correctly. There is no way that God wants us to avoid dependency in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this is just another lot of deception to discover.
What is the application to life? I don't know! My hair's not long enough anyway... It's just gossip over red wine and chocolate fondue. I need to go to bed now... x
Showing posts with label Dancing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dancing. Show all posts
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The streets are alive with the sound of...
Music! Obviously. Actually not, there are lots of sounds the streets could be alive with; not least football fans (at the moment in Geneva anyway). Then there is screaming, sirens, gun fights, domestics... on the whole I think music may be the only nice sound that the streets could be alive with. Not so much obvious as relieving.
This is the weekend of the Fête de la Musique in Geneva. Woo! What a wonderful day was had in town. Fabulous. And glorious weather for the first time in too long. (Note that today I was not a stupid sun person!) Though it does leave one feeling how much better Geneva would be if the other 51 weekends of the year (wait, 50 'cause l'Escalade rocks too in a cool winter way) had as much activity. It's just so festive to sit out in the balmy evening with music all around and that lovely air of holiday fun. I know, I know; it's like Christmas: only good 'cause it's once a year (well, Christmas does have other merits but my past 22 have been spent in a secular haze so I am yet to know for sure what it is like from the significant angle).
The day started slow. Robyn and Caro are both with me this weekend which, aside from a lot of hormone charged tension (!) means we had the pleasure of rising together, dining on a breakfast of fruit (I was gifted a sackful yesterday by my generous benefactor), putting the washing out to dry and heading down to Parc des Bastion early afternoon to see what it had to offer. Word of advice - don't buy sushi in Paquis then carry it all the way across town in the blazing sun. Let's just say out stomachs are in God's hands (it's a good thing Caro mended the toilet!). I think that raw fish should only be consumed in air conditions restaurants or ice fields. Anything else just feels and tastes wrong.
We took a long time getting round to seeing anything. But when we did it was ace! Met up with a few friends from church, one of whom brought their two adorable children - 8 weeks and at a rock concert; that kid will not be able to help being cool! One thing I'll say is this: the Swiss are definitely dull. I have withheld judgment for a long time on this one but seriously, who doesn't dance to rock'n'roll? Everyone but me apparently! I mean, to the point that people acknowledged with wonder that I was doing it at all... I am literally lost for words on what I think of this phenomenon. It's definitely not natural that is for sure.
It seems to rub off on others too. I went to a reggae concert with Dave and Lindell this eve and I found them sitting on chairs by the stage. Not impressed. Like I said at the time, I should not be showing two black men how to dance. The thing about reggae music, I have realised, is this: they talk incredibly fast and move incredibly slowly. Go figure.
I love music. All different kinds. The problem is, I hear it and it's cool but I don't know who it's by or even what name the style goes by so I have no hope of a) finding it again and making it mine or b) being able to answer that really frustrating question of "What kind of music are you into?" I hate it when people say "anything" 'cause that sounds like they are trying to be non-committal and fit whatever you want to hear. I can't say "everything" 'cause I don't know enough and I definitely don't want to say "The Spice Girls" 'cause, limiting factor aside, them being the last band I was a 'fan' of does not make them my favourite. I'm semi-actively seeking to learn more about music so feel free to tell me what your liking at the moment and I may well go listen and tell you what I think (this is me saying "please help make me cool" by the way).
I have run out of things to say about it all. I saw my friend's daughter's Modern Jazz trio after seeing her play with a Ragga band last night. That's quite cool. There was a walking on the spot brass band covering Natalie Imbruglia and others who we listened too as we hung outside La Clemence (or La Cloche as the locals call it - bit of an insight there) early evening. We saw a pig in a buggy (pic to follow...)!
It was just nice to be out of the house and not to think about things too much, or at least not to think about doing things. I have become very aware these days of why God commanded a day of rest. When the body is tired the mind and the emotions find it very hard to cope and this has a tendency of overshadowing the spirit. Jesus said "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." in Matthew 11v30 (thank you Robyn for pointing me towards that little gem when I really needed it!) so if you find yourself with too much on your plate then you aren't actually carrying His burden; or if you are you have forgotten to get into the yoke. Resting is one of His constructions to ensure we can cope and, since God by his very nature probably did not need to stop on the 7th day, maybe that was Him creating rest. That one was my brother-in-law's and I liked it.
On that note, I'm going to bed!
This is the weekend of the Fête de la Musique in Geneva. Woo! What a wonderful day was had in town. Fabulous. And glorious weather for the first time in too long. (Note that today I was not a stupid sun person!) Though it does leave one feeling how much better Geneva would be if the other 51 weekends of the year (wait, 50 'cause l'Escalade rocks too in a cool winter way) had as much activity. It's just so festive to sit out in the balmy evening with music all around and that lovely air of holiday fun. I know, I know; it's like Christmas: only good 'cause it's once a year (well, Christmas does have other merits but my past 22 have been spent in a secular haze so I am yet to know for sure what it is like from the significant angle).
The day started slow. Robyn and Caro are both with me this weekend which, aside from a lot of hormone charged tension (!) means we had the pleasure of rising together, dining on a breakfast of fruit (I was gifted a sackful yesterday by my generous benefactor), putting the washing out to dry and heading down to Parc des Bastion early afternoon to see what it had to offer. Word of advice - don't buy sushi in Paquis then carry it all the way across town in the blazing sun. Let's just say out stomachs are in God's hands (it's a good thing Caro mended the toilet!). I think that raw fish should only be consumed in air conditions restaurants or ice fields. Anything else just feels and tastes wrong.
We took a long time getting round to seeing anything. But when we did it was ace! Met up with a few friends from church, one of whom brought their two adorable children - 8 weeks and at a rock concert; that kid will not be able to help being cool! One thing I'll say is this: the Swiss are definitely dull. I have withheld judgment for a long time on this one but seriously, who doesn't dance to rock'n'roll? Everyone but me apparently! I mean, to the point that people acknowledged with wonder that I was doing it at all... I am literally lost for words on what I think of this phenomenon. It's definitely not natural that is for sure.
It seems to rub off on others too. I went to a reggae concert with Dave and Lindell this eve and I found them sitting on chairs by the stage. Not impressed. Like I said at the time, I should not be showing two black men how to dance. The thing about reggae music, I have realised, is this: they talk incredibly fast and move incredibly slowly. Go figure.
I love music. All different kinds. The problem is, I hear it and it's cool but I don't know who it's by or even what name the style goes by so I have no hope of a) finding it again and making it mine or b) being able to answer that really frustrating question of "What kind of music are you into?" I hate it when people say "anything" 'cause that sounds like they are trying to be non-committal and fit whatever you want to hear. I can't say "everything" 'cause I don't know enough and I definitely don't want to say "The Spice Girls" 'cause, limiting factor aside, them being the last band I was a 'fan' of does not make them my favourite. I'm semi-actively seeking to learn more about music so feel free to tell me what your liking at the moment and I may well go listen and tell you what I think (this is me saying "please help make me cool" by the way).
I have run out of things to say about it all. I saw my friend's daughter's Modern Jazz trio after seeing her play with a Ragga band last night. That's quite cool. There was a walking on the spot brass band covering Natalie Imbruglia and others who we listened too as we hung outside La Clemence (or La Cloche as the locals call it - bit of an insight there) early evening. We saw a pig in a buggy (pic to follow...)!
It was just nice to be out of the house and not to think about things too much, or at least not to think about doing things. I have become very aware these days of why God commanded a day of rest. When the body is tired the mind and the emotions find it very hard to cope and this has a tendency of overshadowing the spirit. Jesus said "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." in Matthew 11v30 (thank you Robyn for pointing me towards that little gem when I really needed it!) so if you find yourself with too much on your plate then you aren't actually carrying His burden; or if you are you have forgotten to get into the yoke. Resting is one of His constructions to ensure we can cope and, since God by his very nature probably did not need to stop on the 7th day, maybe that was Him creating rest. That one was my brother-in-law's and I liked it.
On that note, I'm going to bed!
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