Resolutions and Change

Can I sum up in one post everything that I want to say?

The year is over. Only a few short hours away. Christmas has been an exciting but bewildering time. Having seen quite a few of my peers from my youth I have come into the realisation that I am on the cusp of being a grown up. Not a "young adult" or pretending anymore but actually fully matured with bills to pay and lives to plan. I'm not quite there yet but I reckon by the time my degree is over my establishment in adulthood will be well and truly made. I already am a bit of a wuss when it comes to late nights and hardcore socialising! My bob will be in place, my future starting to take shape and there will be no more excuses. Fortunately(?) I am not actually there yet but it seems close on the horizon...!

So where am I at? Well this term has seen me change as much as in the previous three months. A real time of finding and removing the bones and cleansing the land to get it ready for what is going to happen next. I feel my faith growing and am seeing more of God's power moving, in what feels like a direct result of that. I have had wonderful times of sharing what's happened to me, finding communities to build, experiencing good leadership and receiving great support. I've learnt that relationships and interdependency are what life is about and how we need to start actively working in our locality to be Jesus and see change occur.

Joy is oh so key. It is our strength even in the valleys, which these past few months have felt a bit like at times. But what a fruitful one it has been: really immediate and deep friendships with like minded people forming; establishing a Women of God community where we are seeking to live holistic lives of integrity; finding a place in Bristol as somewhere I feel my heart lies. Rediscovering love and what that is all about - everything. It is all you need. A many splendoured thing. I'm excited that two of the main things I have been involved in/am getting involved in are called Agapé and LoveBristol respectively. Love love love. God is love which is why it really is the most important thing, above all other agendas. I read 2 John yesterday and particularly appreciated how it was for a woman (though it really is relevant to everyone). This bit really jumped out at me:

"And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."

I've got chills they're multiplying. And it isn't the coffee... Which I drink now, from time to time. Probably the reason this post is a bit disconnected! Finding peace in myself leaves me a lot freer to do such things (in moderation obviously) though I don't think I like being this woosey so I won't make a regular habit of it!

What now then? As I go into the new year I have several practical goals for the next stage:

To start a trust fund like a scholarship for homeless people with a specific need. I hate meeting those that, for want of mere money, are trapped in a viscous and destructive cycle.

To start a free shop - let's beat the system man! I'm clearing out and as I slowly break free of the consumerist "stuff" pattern I want to see a trend being set for change. It's obviously not working and the world is finally starting to see it so let's facilitate that.

To give more to my communities, living an integrated holistic life and putting faith into practice.

To eat more "whole" foods and start cooking/baking from scratch.

To commit to finishing my degree and being dedicated to that - and finding cool God moments in the maths!

To pray more!! That's the hardest one I think.

To make more music (though I fear that is for the second half of the year once the work is done).

To write a student alternative newspaper that promotes living a different life to the way the world functions. On an environmental and economic slant promoting community, sustainability, rediscovered identity and creativity. Holistic living and a loving lifestyle. Sounds a bit glib but I have hopes and as we look for "Another Way" the idea is to introduce The Way, in Truth and be intentionally evangelical with it. 'Cause duh, that is the whole point isn't it? This last one goes in bold as it will require the most work and 'cause I want you to pray for it...!

On top of all this I want to see more of God's love and power in my life and get to know him more and deepen our relationship... but then really, who doesn't?!

Let's face it though. This is a lot and will take a hell of a commitment not to mention supernatural support. I feel, in order to be realistic, that from my perspective something has to give... and that something is going to be Baby Got Brit.

As I mentioned before, when I started writing I was in a different place. Half my time could be spent living and the other half telling my blog readers about it :-P Now I barely have a moment spare to tell myself and it is just unsustainable to try and capture it here. And we all know that unsustainable is not good. I am not nearly as compulsive which is great for me but means I am not obsessing over blogging and have found it increasingly hard to do so. There are tons of incomplete stories in my draft box and I have to accept that it just can't happen right now.

The thing is, as I have said before, writing alone isn't going to do very much. My observational skills have been honed and there is now no denying that I am fully equipped to understand all the analogies and can no longer hide behind the analysis - it is time to close my laptop and get my hands dirty.

It's not a total goodbye. For one thing once the degree is done it might be the right time - I am considering voluntary unemployment for a while (not that I will necessarily have the option anyway) which may or may not leave me free to write... plus I will still put the odd (quite literally) thing up in the interim if I write a poem or an article for proposed magazine. You never know, I may even pop by for a chat randomly or if I find something funny (so long as I don't use it as a procrastination tool - keep me accountable!) but the point is that my life is no longer going to be available for download. This processor can't cope with how big it's got - there are simply too many bits of information to communicate.

Lol, now it's over I'll suddenly want to be here all the time! I can't say for sure what will happen and once again this may be another big idea that doesn't quite work out and I will return, wiser. But, as with attempting a homeless choir in 3 months (check out 'Homeless Stuffs' tag) with limited French and no idea didn't quite pan into a Sister Act moment, it did still turn out with God saying it was cool. We had a gig at the end of the engaGE week and it was a wonderful time where there was joy living in that place, the staff suddenly went from miserable to fun loving and people got a chance to have the something-more-than-just-dinner moment that I first been inspired by. The last day I was there a lady spoke to me that never had before saying in perfect English that she had really enjoyed it and I felt like it had all been worthwhile. So I think even if my "big ideas" seem a little over-reaching it will be OK and God can turn them to something sweet. Better than doing Fuck All anyway, in't it?

Alors, bye bye baby, Baby bye bye. Who knows what the future brings... the story goes on but not right here right now. Stay in touch, the open invite still remains (though ideally do ring first!) and if we never "speak" again I hope to see you on the other side...

Love Kat(i)e x x x

Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime

It's definitely wrong to make three posts in one night... but I've not been blogging in ages... I don't reckon I will for a while... and I think I may have just had one of those really tangibly "deep" moments. This post is going to be working things out as I go and who knows if it will make it to the publishing stage. Whatever happens, it will probably be real... and narcissistic.

I just watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". That is a cue for anyone that doesn't find this film meaningful to stop reading now. I had never seen it, I knew it was a classic, the story sounded interesting indeed but I think that I avoided it because I could not deal with the concept of forgetting. I am, as I may have mentioned, a hoarder. Of all things, tangible and existential. I've been facing up to this challenge of late and the timing was perfect.

'Cause recently I have been doing some active forgetting. Recently as in this past year since God starting changing my life, these past 3 months since I got back to England, these past few weeks as I've been facing some residual memories, these last few days as I've had to challenge all of the above. The imagery is a big boulder that He smashed to pieces with His love and the revelation thereof but now He is going around picking out the bits of gravel - and some of them are pretty wedged in.

I threw out a bag of "stuff" last week which was neat. Took it with me from London to Bristol to deal with but couldn't face getting it out the car till then. Nothing specifically dodge but I needed to let it go for memories sake. I'm pretty sure that when I go back at Christmas there will be a whole lot more of that to do and so I'm getting ready...

Last night (late Friday) I had a conversation I shouldn't have about a person I don't know anymore. You know, when you can tell you are in an unhealthy discussion and that there is a lot of potential for badness but you are tired, hurting and frankly too stupid to know better. I was challenged on my memories and came away not sure what I recall as fact and fiction - problem with saying things best unsaid is that you end up hearing things best unheard. Let's call a spade a spade, I'd "erased" someone from my life and sometimes they do just creep back in.

The risk of being someone with a past (i.e. anyone) that can't be wiped clear whether you want to, don't want to or sometimes want to, is that it stays around. Even when we are sanctified by the blood of Jesus; even when we have forgiven, are guilt free and looking ahead; our brains have an uncanny way of wanting to defy all the best intentions in the world. I know that it is a decision I must make to move forward. It's a decision I have already made without any doubt in my mind, yet it is a decision I must continue to keep making. Still, having a piece of history based around love - which is what we seem to base our most significant things around - is messy 'cause it mixes up good stuff with not good stuff and leaves the two so tangled you can end up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

We shouldn't say goodbye to love but we must learn to extract it back for ourselves and put it to better use somewhere else. I don't want to leave my heart in a memory then try and erase the memory but equally I don't want to carry the crap around with me.

The thing that really struck me was that the minute before I watched the film I read a poem (have been trawling the labyrinth of my files, hence the sudden splurge of them) and I had opened one I did not recognise then forgotten so that it popped up when I was closing programs. It's from last October and isn't very positive: all about stuff going wrong really...

What comes before a fall?
“They” say pride.
The inevitable fall out of a conceited heart
Just desserts on every part

What comes before a fall?
I say hope.
The inevitable fall out of an expectant heart
Just surviving alone in the dark

What is it that makes a fail?
Pushing resources beyond the mark
With pacing yourself and working hard
Success will entail, set you apart

What is it that makes me fail?
Trying for something I cannot live out?
Or speaking the words that make it go south?
Having an attitude full of doubt

How to avoid the spiraling doom?
Cannot expect for risk of defeat
Instead, telling forth, I sow what I reap.
When what we believe is the key to our curse
With each emphasis it gets worse and worse

Can the pattern be broken?
One thing’s for sure
Writing this verse isn’t the cure

I just love that it is about self-curses which is effectively what we put in place when we hold onto our broken memories and give them power in our lives. I suppose the point is a reminder that we need to break the patterns. Not be moping over the defeat or the fall or anything else that is going to drag us down but by letting the memory be where it is, in the past. God doesn't want to give us a hope and a past now does He? Jesus came to make all things new.

So don't tell me that that film is all about the need to remember things you sometimes want to forget. It is about dealing with memories properly. Not running away but also not deciding that they are all there is to the truth. We are/should be changing all the time into what we don't fully know but memories can only tell us about the past, not the future.

"What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out she’s a stranger." The fear of letting go is that we have wasted time but ironically the more we hold onto it the more we waste. There's gonna be no junk in heaven anyway so why have it here on earth? It's funny, you get warned about storing up your treasures on earth but sometimes we are storing up far worse things.

Change your heart, look around you. Change your heart, it will astound you. Parting theme tune, parting theme. Goodnight.

I start off rambling, I sort of have a point by the end... I dare you to read it:

You know that exciting feeling you get when your phone receives a text? The anticipation, the knowledge that someone loves you, the idea that the course of your life could actually change in that moment (Note: if this is because it could be a proposal then you should probably get another boyfriend) or at least the course of your evening. Then of course, there is the amplification factor when you are really anticipating a text or just willing something to come in and break the expected routine for the rest of the day... well, I just got a text that was the King of Anticlimax!

From no-one rubbish, not saying anything bad (making a vague invitation for some point in the future to something I don't particularly want to do). Just a nothing text. Thing is it came right at the wrong moment. When all you want is a last minute invite for a Saturday night or a little bit of a friendly wassup (I don't mean one of those conversations that go nowhere... they do very little for me) or an answer to a question you asked. Ironic since I just came home from a party I could have stayed at but am socially drained from previously/afore mentioned ball and party and need to be on my own. My point? Have I got one? I suppose something along the lines of when things just aren't as classically comforting as you would wish for. But that it's OK. God knows what I really need and I know that He can and will give it to me. Which is nice. Makes a change from the no faith I had in that a year ago.

How was the ball? Well, I suppose I kinda felt like, just as God took me shopping for a dress and made me feel like I could justify pampering myself for the evening, that He was then my date too. Which is a good thing 'cause it wasn't really the pick up a guy sort of place! :-P I hadn't been out dancing for a while (except about half an hour at the Halloween gig but not that many of my friends were shaking their thang and it was, afterall, in Pickwicks) and it was good to move. I went with a new friend Rachel that I have only met properly recently, having chatted with a bit over t'internet these past 6 months or so; that was really cool and I dragged her into the dance-off competition... and we made it to the finals! So exhilarating. Which was, I suppose, what I needed then. (I swear we only lost 'cause the winners were a mixed couple and it was a church!)

Today my friend Ben told me my hair was looking longer. I was waiting for someone to mention it - that's kinda how you assess growth isn't it, 'cause you see it in yourself so slowly it's hard to be sure. Like with personal growth. Which I've done a bit more of recently I think. Scary to notice how fast things are happening actually, given that the longer my hair gets the more progress I will make, the readier I become (readier for what I don't know but it's good to be ready!), the newer the challenges, the bigger the responsibilities (this is taking the basic though controversial assumption that my hair and spiritual development are directly proportional). Sometimes you just want to regress to early years and cling onto what you are comfortable with. But to quote an old cheesy DCTalk lyric:
"Separated, I cut myself clean, from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams. Been apprehended by a spiritual force and a grace that replaced all the me I divorced".
If I regress now, in fear of what this growth will bring, then the faith I was talking about; the fact that I can now shake it on a dance floor under the judgement of a room full of unknown Christians (which honestly is probably the most intense kind of judgement!); and generally being able to say I'm going home now, I've had enough (Aside: Ben also said to me today that I was a lot calmer than when he knew me before, which was particularly funny given the shock on the faces of the people who had only just met me!) will be but vague shadowy forms of what could have come.

Paul said this. Jesus said this. I've met people that seem to assume the latter means staying naïve in your faith but I really don't think that is the point. We need to stay fresh in our faith and our purity from worldly influences but as far as not growing or learning or thinking differently - that is the whole deal. I've done a fair amount of thinking about what I really see as the point of life - I don't know if I mentioned it before but I kinda suddenly found that I'd got this "I have all the answers" attitude and realised it was only true by default and not by heart. As I write I realise that this is basically the crux of what God has been doing in me: working on my own understanding so that it isn't just a matter of signing up blind to find out one day what's going on. He's showing me, as I start to think more like an adult (sometimes!), more fully what is going on and how His Kingdom works. This is what Paul said straight away next and it doesn't mean we shouldn't know anything; we will know in part and we need to strive towards that in our maturity - not taking the innocence as an excuse for ignorance.

Some nice bloke prophecied over me t'other day (happens a lot here, like it! When done sensibly with a good bit of critical spirit of course) and the thing I'm excited by as I write is that the verse he gave was the next one in this passage (I don't plan ahead in these entries, they kinda just happen. I don't know the bible well enough - thank Heaven for Biblegateway search!). Faith, hope and love - the greatest being Love. Which is basically what I have been learning about don'tcha know. The next blog I write will be called "The Meaning of Life"... I just gave the synopisis but hey, I can stretch it out.

God knows I need to know a bit, not everything but a rough guide, a poor reflection, an essence of what the hell is going on anyway. So I am rather glad that He has shown me some stuff and given me a good bit of general direction etc.

On the topic of Christian maturity, it was Beautiful Brian's sweet 16th yesterday, so Happy Rebirthday Brian! If you still ever read BGB... It's my 6 months on Tues too - getting old. Lord knows who I'll be at Christmas. More like Jesus I hope! Not in a "superspiritual" way of course... In a "super spiritual" way! (Can you pick up that intonation?!).

I just got the King of Anticlimax phone call - a wrong number on my landline! Lol, I'm off to spend a quite night in with God, a DVD and maybe some late tea (the eating kind) and tea (the hot decaff kind)... Night! x

A collection of Arbitrary Thoughts

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
- doesn't mean beer doesn't exist though, does it?

I'm shamelessly stealing the post one friend made to another on facebook today. What can I say, sometimes an original thought is just not as good as a copied one. Anyway, who says there is such a thing as original thought? And if you don't believe me look at the cyclicity of catwalks. I just wonder what it will be like when we get to heaven - is that why we are going to wear robes of righteousness? They want everyone in the same thing so that the fashion industry doesn't go insane over the course of eternity.

Time is of the essence these days as I challenge myself on waste. Whilst it's true that one has to be careful not to fill up one's time excessively and end up missing out on what is really important, as I look at all the crazycool things I want to do (least of all finish my degree) I find myself aware that there is a lot of time in my life that is not spent wisely and which if so could be put to such uses. So that has been something I am working on. I mean, I can't really say I don't have time to feed homeless people 'cause of my studies when what I really mean is I don't have time to feed homeless people 'cause it takes me an hour to get dressed every day, I can't go into a supermarket without wandering round aimlessly for at least half an hour and possibly not buying anything, I have a midday change 'cause I get bored of what I am wearing, I don't know what to have for dinner, I write down everything that goes through my head (that one is getting better mind), I spend ages on facebook and other internet based blackholes and generally waste such a lot of time on indecisive behaviour that I can barely fit my studies in around it. I reckon I can save 2 hours a day easily, which translates into lots of productivity in potentia.

We so often talk about being stewards of the money that God gives us but I think time is our most precious resource. We can't earn it or borrow it or be gifted it (excepting of course when God wants to make something really cool happen) or store it up. Everyone has a equal amount and it is something we can all offer back to God the same. So I am trying to do that with mine a bit.

I have had an AMAZING second half to my day; full of direction, vision, revelation, healing and generally great stuff. I don't want to spend time expanding on that now when I have bed to be sleeping in, reading to get done and generally time to be stewarding so I'll leave you with a couple more collected thoughts and fill you in when I next schedule some BGB QT.

I'm fed up of wishing people good luck. It is what we say naturally 'cause of one of those foolish human semantical bollocks things. I don't believe in it and hate that sometimes it just seems like the obvious thing to say. E.g. I can't come out I have an exam tomorrow. Oh, good luck with that! "Blessings" sounds really serious and a bit patronising, particularly with non-Christians. So I have decided on God luck. Like when something is a God idea but with luck. Looks like it could be a spelling mistake and makes me feel less like a hyprocrite. OK, so a *little* bit cheesy perhaps but this is me after all... Watch out for it people, I'll be exercising that one!

Been talking a fair amount about teleportation. The little know miracle of the New Testament and very very cool. That is my most sought after spiritual gift (after optional invisibility that is)...

Anyway. I just spent too much time looking up the miraculous movement incident in the Old Testament that involved being carried by an eagle from the hair and I think that, for the sake of my not wasting time policy, I will leave this unfinished and a bit confusing and hope you love me anyway. I don't think, having looked, that it really happened - I only heard about it third party afterall... Shame, I was going to steal another joke about Old Covenant and New Covenant teleportation.

Jumping on other people's comedy bandwagon as it were. That's one of those "is it an inny or an outy?" phrases in't it. From the bible or not that is. "Word or turd?" when talking to post-16's. It's not exactly a concept foreign to us Christians. My whole life is built upon jumping on the bandwagon of a 2000 year old lowly bastard Jewish carpenter that had a penchant for rebellion. How he made his ideas stick around so long and spread so very very far and wide across time and culture I'll never know. It's almost as if something out of the ordinary was going on...

How Can You Know Me?

A bit of a pretentious analogy for the way in which I am so very very deep...!

OK, so, the idea is that my blog represents me, right, and the message I "put out there"? And that it is a big jumbled up mess of thoughts. Some of it is personal, some (well a lot) silly, but not even together do all the posts give a full picture. I can't always write and when I do it is honed to give you the impression I want and the insights that I am in the mood to share.

Really, if you could login to my dashboard, you'd find TONS of half-drafted posts. Some too personal. Some a poor representation of who I want you to see. Lots and lots and lots I just haven't had the chance to finish and share. Then there are the ones I haven't quite worked through yet and it might take a conversation or two with others to get things to a point of greater clarity.

Which is how I feel about relationships with people. That what we give out is the tip of the iceberg and that it takes a hell of a lot of time and probing to get to the things that there just isn't a chance for day-to-day. Even with those people that in theory you would let in, it takes a major effort in this day and age (or perhaps in every day and age, how can we tell?).

Which isn't even taking into account the fact that for some things you will need my private password to get to read...

People, with all their complicated messages and ideas. Some private personal soul wrenching details; others just a bit sideways that take unraveling. The vast majority un-chartered for no reason other than lack of opportunity. Logistically we can't get close to too many but I think if we take the time it is worth it for a few.

Maybe the only person you will ever get to know is yourself. That alone would take a lifetime+ Of course it may be rather nice to share it with another and have them help you on the journey - work out those posts/areas in which you have come to a brick wall and need a conversation to move forward and grow.

LOL, did Miss Independent get all soppy about boys for a minute? Not likely! Just, you know, I concede that it can actually be a good thing. Say, for example, when you want to give strangers a bed for the night and don't like the idea of being alone in the house with them... ENTER The Husband! :-P Until then, I've got my friends to keep me talking and walking. Plus, there aren't enough Christian men for everybody and it would feel selfish to nab one for meself!

Ha ha ha. I'm going to bed. This is just the tip of the iceberb...

F'd in the A

I am so happy today! Despite the rain which is incessant and totally got in the way of my swim in the lake. Yesterday my weather prayer was SO successful that this morning I decided to take my swim suit with me, rather than my umbrella... I ended up walking down the street with a towel over my head!

Still. Nice lunch, met some lovely new people at church 'fya know what I mean...?! ;-) Enjoyed playing the piano in the service; I have been doing that for a few months now, approx every other week and am SO lovin' it. It's really helped me with my ability and confidence and been one of the more blatant blessings of life here.

What other ones are there? Well, getting away from the UK to be honest was a much needed and welcome break. Then there is my pimp place to live (I have a rooftop pool!) and wonderfully slow working week (4-20 hours long during the afternoon and some weekends) which is now totally at an end for the summer. So many fabulous opportunities for trips and activities like skiing, rafting and other fun stuff came along too. The friends, who I can't begin to express how much I love and value, play a MAJOR part: at the YAGs group (I'll expound another time, needless to say a silly Christian acronym but I have heard worse!), church and the ones I met in trains and clubs too - love you guys!

I have also learnt A LOT. God aside, one obvious thing is French, which though not at all perfect is much better. My dear friend who teaches me for free and diligently sees me every week over a lovely soirée has really taught me a lot, both linguistically and spiritually. Others have shown me a bit of Russian too (I can ask where the toilets are, recite poetry and say "I want to have your babies"!) which will come in handy when I adopt my Eastern European baby. Well, it might not. I mean there are lots of languages 'over there' and I probably won't get a Russian child since they actually have population problems and, as Erkki says, "You have to learn Finnish to understand Finnish" which I think is a principle that can be applied to most languages.

I digress.

Sometimes I feel like I am in a stream of consciousness. I ought to read that book that Carolyn told be about (please remind me) but I would struggle 'cause I'd then want to write about it afterwards/as I went along and so the vicious cycle continues. I do feel a bit like Russell Brand when he says his life is a "serious of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents" but where you replace the word 'embarrassing' with 'mediocre' and 'telling' with 'boring [people] with'... And perhaps 'people' with 'my parents, my sister and MS twice a day'. Hmmm.

I have a bit of an obsession with remembering things though, hence the stream-like flow. I sometimes need to boycott journaling 'cause else it takes over and I do literally spend my life writing about it. (I mostly got the blog to force me to check spelling and grammar.) This is also exemplified (word choice?) in things such as filling up my phone Inbox and then getting a new one! And I keep all the receipts and labels I ever get; if you saw my room back home you might wonder what all the drawers and boxes are full of. Well, now you know!

But, slowly, that is being dealt with. For a start I no longer print receipts at cash machines - breakthrough! Funny story: when I told Darryl I 'need' to keep receipts he took it very to heart and when he ordered his lunch gave me his food ticket too. Sweet. I was like, Darryl, I don't need yours.... but, well, now I do 'cause it's a keepsake! Ha ha!

So, I just came clean about one of my biggest oddities. I didn't even mean to, I really am good at digressing aren't I?! I suppose I see it as one of the bigger blessing from this year; freedom from shit like that. I don't think I could do it on my own strength and I see little point in trying now I know God is much better. It's like, I could just about cope and be really argggh or I could give up, move on and reach higher heights. Why take 40 years to get across a 40 day desert? He is in general responsible for everything so I may as well let him be in total control and do it really really well. I have 40kg to bring all my stuff back, which is a lovely biblical number, let's see what God can do...!

Oh and meaning of title? Well, that is a legendary phrase that my student used when she had done something really well (if you don't get it don't ask, you don't want to know) and seeing as she got a 6/7 for her maths mark today I am pretty pleased. I was going for the 7 but hey, she wasn't even passing last year and this way I get to not be proud!

So, another blessing from my time abroad. That and the Salvation. Shouldn't forget Salvation... Which by the way has 7 meanings from original Jewish (I think I mean Hebrew right?) or perhaps Greek: saved, protected, liberated, preserved, free from harm, complete, without defect. I like these all.

Shit old life: F'd that in the A. Even better than a good exam result in my humble opinion... Sorry if it got too personal; I think perhaps that green tea does, after all, have caffeine in it (I know you told me sis but I didn't want to believe you and I could not see it on the box). Whoops.

Yet still mostly Whoop!!