Maths and Fighting!

Re: "Clarity Restored": I meant extensibility not extendability. Which I think are interchangeable and both different from extensionality.

This is really pants. I swear my tutor said one and wrote the other. Well, I suppose I am just going to have to roll with it and pray (and perhaps ask a human person just to make sure). I've had a good day in assorted coffee shops though, 2,000 words down!! (Which may actually be a bad thing as I don't know how close I am to half way :-S) Ho hum, we are content and pretty darn peaceful :o)

I also wonder if there is truly a difference between "real" and "apparent" paradoxes... bloody mathematicians and all their silly nuances.

Was doing kids work this morning, it was ace, we were talking about The Great Commission. I love this church... there are enough adults out there that don't talk about that (which is a bit silly since it is The Last Thing Jesus Ever Said and not quite "P.S. Please put the cat out") and I got to supervise the making of documentaries about miracles, dramas about the defeat of Satan and posters about how much Jesus can change your life and bring salvation! They then prayed for help when it gets hard and spent some time learning to hear God's voice - talk about raising up an army!

Now this is extensibility applied to something infinite and eternal.

Backtrack

I’m blogging ‘cause I want to. Deal with it. The paper evolved to something more exciting and more manageable which is now on hold because I am having a personal crisis, so I am back. For the time being anyway.

I went on a Christian conference and stopped believing. Worse than that, I went on an Evangelism incentivating weekend and stopped loving others.

We are talking genuinely not caring about unreached people groups.

I wish I could tell you I’m better now but I can’t. I can tell you how I feel about it all though.

Like I’ve lost everything.

I draft this on a Sunday night. On Saturday I felt aflame. I had some wicked bad chats with people I care about over Christmas. Thought I was getting really excited about God’s work in my life and in how he uses/is going to use me. Even at the start of the conference I was like 'ooooh I’m getting encouragement and guidance and lovin’ all this surrender'.

Then in the blink of an eye it was gone. I was in shock. Confused. Crying a lot and just realising that the whole thing was made up. Back in March my best friend stopped being my friend when I first discovered God and said I was always bound to “‘cause I was so miserable all the time.” Oh my goodness 'they have a point' I could suddenly see. In the midst of this I have to go out and do street evangelism which either was a huge success ‘cause God wants to show he can use me in my weakness or out of some irony that it is still about how bloody good I am at approaching randoms and “fulfilling my commission”.

As I realised more and more how I just don’t care like I should about these video clips we are seeing, I must have one by one broken down in front of everyone from my “team”. Great. Now I’m attention seeking.

Later we had a Christian rock band (lol) come and do a gig and all I wanted to do was dance and love it but all I could think was “my bubble has burst and now it is over”. The worst it’s ever been since the start. I eventually ended up talking to my dear friend Grace (so glad of her name!) and the situation came down to thus: I can’t possibly just start believing again by choice ‘cause it will be fake, like I was always afraid it was and had (I thought) worked through the first time. It could be Satan backlashing to good stuff, for example how the evening before I felt I had loads of direction to write a column for the regular student paper (pray if you believe) particularly in this verse, but I can’t assume that either. The joke was that Satan lying to me is the less of two evils (the greater being that it is definitely not real, obviously).

Somehow though, I came to a bit of a point where I could, almost bizarrely, have some semblance of hope. Wrapped in irony and cynicism I concluded that there was a chance this could all be part of God working amazingly in me as a response to certain areas I have been praying about. Particularly given a friend prophesied over me in November that God would drop in really deep foundations of The Word, Hope, Faith and Love that would be incredibly painful ‘cause he wanted to do it quickly so that I was “ready” soon. The first three I have had sort of confirmation over (not that they are finished, obviously, it is always a work in progress) but I was (and still am) battling with the love (not never having it but like it was not consistent to or from me and still had a long way to go, I may explain at greater length another time). It is the greatest of these after all. Last term was not easy but it was not unbearable… and then this weekend the pain started to hit. Wow. The very opposite of love became so true for me.

So when Grace said she felt like God was doing something really deep (which I took with huge amounts of ‘yeah buts’) I shared that other prophecy and she got all excited ‘cause she said that when her sister had a baby recently she wanted it to be quick and the midwife told her it would be much more painful if it was and she just had to not resist the pain and go with it. Grace is certain that’s a word for me – that for this to happen I just need to let it hurt and see the fruit that comes straight after.

What do I think? I dunno, that I have nothing to lose I ‘spose. It’s either gonna be even better than before all this, or the worst thing ever, and both answers require simply waiting. Sure I’ll let it hurt, be it from sheer surrender or because I am too miserable about my life being over to care. Time will tell.

The funny funny thing is that since I got this decision I’ve started being less upset and more cynical. I am now doubting my doubt and think it is me trying to find something exciting in the fact that I am nearly a whole 8 months old and seeing the reality of life instead of the holiday. Yet I can’t make it happen now, even if I am subconsciously faking the pain.

So I’m just waiting for deliverance – ba dum ch. I will still keep some semblance of 'The Life' up of course, not sure how much... I just hope that God’s scale of quick is one that I can relate to. Until then, everything will just have to come with caveats. For example: God is so amazing isn’t he? Or else not at all real that is.

Wouldn’t it be strange if my blog turned non-Christian half way? I wonder what that would do to my hits?


Seriously, a post-script as I publish. I figure either I was totally wrong about all what has happened thus far and am at the brink of it going horribly wrong; or that God is Sovereign and can bring me back 'cause he is faithful even when we aren't. Apparently. There hopes to be a sequel as another day has brought development of sorts but my bed is calling me for now...

The Analogy That Keeps on Giving

I am waiting for growth. Enjoying it short while it lasts. Surely I can let the metaphor go for a while.

But no! What's happened now? I hear you ask. Is the style growing out, maybe I got a trim or a perm (wow that would not work at all)? I actually think that the shape is doing OK. I may or may not tidy it up when I get back to London but it seems to have lasted alright.

I have simply made an insightful observation based upon pre-existing features.

Before I got the chop and went for the "cut the crap and start again approach" to my hair. I was trying to bring it back to ginge (which, in case you didn't know due to repeated brainwashing of jealous people, is a wonderful colour akin to gold and totally cool) the artificial and "fast-tracked" way. That is through dye. The latest time I tried this, when my roots were already at least an inch long, they used an "organic permanent mix" instead of the usual semi as it would be better for the condition. Organic you say? Bring it on I say. BUT, you know what this means? The bit of root I had that ended up being the bulk of the short drastic 'starting again' haircut was actually dyed.

Which meant that I turned out to be more ginger than I actually am naturally.

Only fractionally, maybe a shade more orange, but it does notice in the right light (now my true true roots are coming through) and the overall effect is subtly but significantly brighter.

And this is where it gets clever see. I have been thinking about how maybe I have been being a bit "too" Christian of late. Like, it started out funny and it still is a lot of the time but I don't want to become someone that is all about generic identity and forgetting the fearfully and wonderfully made part.

Looking for your new identity in Christ can be hard, particularly when there are things in your old identity that are tied in with negative conotations. The temptation is to say these things I knew about me are wrong and I need to "find myself" again but you know what, Jesus has already found me. I once was lost but he left those 99 sheep to look for me and is now rejoicing over me with singing. Along with all the angels. I just need to take out the bits of debris that I picked up in the wilderness.

For example: I talk a lot. I mean a lot. There are good things in this. Some of my friends have really encouraged me with statements such as "I like it 'cause it means I don't have to" and it sure comes in handy with some people some of the time and certain types of in-your-face evangelism. But this verbosity has been a bit of point of tension for me, particularly recently since, delightful character trait though it is, it becomes hard to pretend that being "too much" is always other people's problem. I mean, you seldom hear people say that Russell Brand just isn't understood properly and should be put in charge of more things, do you?! Unless you hear it from me that is... "They just can't handle me" was not something that Paul said about mixing with both the Jews and Gentiles etc. So from this came the temptation to believe, based upon the times that I miss the mark, that I am actually just totally wrong in myself. I sure didn't want to live in denial of things I need to change.

The idea of refinement vs rejection of these qualities got a bit muddled up till I wasn't really sure where the old me and the new me changed over. I know I do get it wrong and have a tendency to sometimes speak compulsively and without due care and attention but I didn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater and assassinating my whole unique character seemed a bit drastic. Confusing.

But the hair thing helps a lot.

As I see it, I am a hell of a lot closer to natural than platinum blonde was. In all the process of trying to force myself into God's identity for me I just got a bit carried away and over did it. But it is relatively small, it will not last forever and it isn't a bad bad match. In time the ends will become a smaller ratio of dyed to real and then, little by little, get trimmed away. (Mum, could you book me that appointment actually please!)

People that know me of late think I'm a bit off the wall; people that knew me before Switzerland think I have calmed down a lot; people that watched it happen... I don't really know what they think...! But somewhere in the middle of all this is a happy balance and I just need to peace out and let God make it happen. In time. As I wait patiently and don't try and force it 'cause actually that don't work. I am alright. I am not perfect. I am in the best possible hands.

When was in GVA and we did the gig (a prime time for God showing me insecurities I forgot I had) we dressed up in *quite* silly outfits. Both my other band members (which is why I am putting their pic up too! Share the responsibility...) wanted orange hair and I am game for most things. So we did this:

Which now screams to me to be the perfect symbol of what I am not supposed to do. Put on make up and fake it to make the issues go away. I ain't conforming for anyone, it isn't about being as orange as I can (fun though it sometimes is!) but about being as orange as I am supposed to be. The blonde in strawberry blonde is there for a reason.

Best of both. Like hovis only not bread.

SIN

The dirty word.

We all talk about it, we all do it (well I think so) and in a lot of the circles I move we all feel bad about it (eventually anyway)...

But what is it?

It could be easy to say that at some point in the church's history the human element took over and tried to control the world, money, politics etc by the power of guilt. In a sense this is fairly true. I've been getting involved with Agapé a bit this term. One of my flatmates before I lived in GVA worked for them and when I got back it suddenly fitted incredibly well with, well, with me. I have this darling friend who works for them called Grace and she took me out last week evangelising with her...! Yes, it is as mental as it sounds. Basically, three times a week they make a point of each going out into coffee shops and approaching people to talk to them about God. They get all kinds of reactions but one of the main aims is to ensure that they themselves stay a bit out of their comfort zone... I loved it. Well, I mean the scariness of "the approach" aside I really enjoy talking to strangers and having something to do it about is pretty fun (as long as I'm not feeling insecure 'cause obviously the coin would be somewhat flipped then). What is my point with this? Other than how good a Christian I am...? We spoke for over an hour to 4 student girls who all basically think that the church judges too harshly, that the pope is crap (I'm not going to start an interdenominational riot - Satan would bloody love that), that Christianity condemns them for things they really don't see as bad and that it just isn't right that people who don't commit horrific crimes should go to hell. The postulated idea was to have an atheists room for anyone that missed the point with God but weren't evil.

And I found myself apologising for the way they have percieved Christ. Taking some kind of responsibility for Christianity that got it wrong, were corrupt, didn't make it clear and allowed this to become a common view in culture today. Even this afternoon I was thinking about how sad it is that one of my "jobs" as a Christian is to try and undo the damage that "The Church" has done in it's past.

But you know what? I am fed up of this. I don't want to keep apologising for how "We" got it wrong. Human error aside, pure corruption acknowledged, the vast amount of Christians over history have been very sincere and were acting within their own social context. Why should I stress about people feeling condemned when they are??

Yes. This is my judgement post. You think I've been bad before, you ain't seen nothing yet. All over the world Christian's and non-alike (I am sad to confess) are being really really rubbish. Then, to top it all off, they are pretending that it is OK. THEN, just because it isn't bad enough they turn around to the laws of God and the people that try and follow them and have a go for condemnation.

WE DESERVE CONDEMNATION.

Think about it. If God is this purely loving being that wants to see the whole world alight with joy and fullfillment in him then you tell me that even just in your own personal relationships you treat the people you care about with proper love all the time and never slag them off or get annoyed or act selfishly or anything like that... you would be lying. We don't even have to call it God, we can see it as the "goodness in humanity" or some "power" or "greater force". I know TONS of people that think 'friends and family' are the thing that life is about. That is, Relationships. That is, Love. Well, for me that is what I call God. Yet anyone that sees life as having purpose greater than physical wealth still messes up in the pursuits of these "important" things.

Then of course there is the bigger picture. Beyond selfish behaviour and broken relationships we live in a consumer driven lifestyle that is destroying the planet and the most vulnerable people on it. Be it high street shops that use all-too-cheap cheap labour in India to unfairly traded chocolate that uses child slaves that have been stolen or bought on the Cote d'Ivoire. There's been a recent campaign which involves having fondue parties to raise awareness of this issues, I went to my third last night(!) and it takes this much to force me to change one thing on a list of hundreds I do that don't love this planet and these people like I theoretically want to. And I am begrudging as I have to give up Oreos. AND my first reaction was that it is a marketing ploy to sell more "Fairtrade" products. I am a BAD person.

Not one of us is guilt free.

Not one of us can justifying saying to the most perfect source of life and love on this planet (whoever He/She/They/It may be) that we deserve to go to a room for mediocre people because we didn't really see what we do wrong up close and personal and it wasn't that extreme. There is no ratio between 0-bad and a-little-bit-bad. If you had to fit into one category and the choice was perfect or imperfect which would you be?

I think it's high time we stopped telling people that the church doesn't condemn them. I personally condemn each and every member of society and think it's high time they stopped the apathy and started condemning themselves.

Maybe then people will GET why Jesus is so bloody important.

Unnamed Poem

I found this poem I wrote a coupla weeks ago. Kinda at this point when I was a) sitting in Starbucks struggling to get any work done, and b) questioning how sincere I felt about the call to "reach" people as something other than academically discernible. Which is something I touched upon in my last post I think. So I kinda started thinking about what it's like to not have Jesus and I'm not being condescending here, I can remember. I don't suppose it feels the same for everyone but I guess what I'm saying is that this is a valid account for at least one person. Thus follows the as-yet-unnamed poem (Aside: after I wrote it I managed to get quite a lot of work done which was cool):

You’re living a life from hell
Ideals designed to keep you down
In the dark, cold, lonely place
Terrified look on your face
Never enough
These thoughts from the depths
Keep you there daily
A struggle to find truth
Joy quashed by bitter faded dreams
Life is not what you thought it should be
You have made your bed, clearly see the road ahead
Garish lamps light the way
Down
Deceive yourself what you know well
Can’t conceive of going to hell
But yet, there you are now

What is it like to live in fear?
Hating everything, even those near
Even you
Pushing through
The gloom
When lighter shadows are the best you can get
In between the dark regret
A moment that seems what life is about
Till once again the lights go out

I am there
Watching
It hurts so bad to see you sad
I cannot bear to know that you do not know I care
What to do?
How can I get through the cloud you choose?
Though you do not realise the alternative
There is more than this
This is not it.
The pain
To know I love in vain
That in a moment all hope will be lost
The choice will be taken, eternity to pay the cost
I cannot cope with the idea
I must do something
Loud
Drastic
That lasts across the years

Are you listening?
I LOVE YOU
I’ll come right now and tell you
Why do you not want to hear such truth?
The best news yet fear conquers all
I’ll shout louder
You’ll fight harder
Do you not know this hurts me so?
I am your biggest fan
Yet you always look to man

I’ll show you
A picture speaks a thousand words
The ultimate visual aid
Our pain, demonstrated, in My Father’s name
Watch me reel
Writhing
The worst you know before your eyes
Plus what you cannot see inside
This is how it felt to see you suffer my child.
The lights go out
As the world acknowledges what has gone down in this place
The King of all in such disgrace
All so you can my know His grace

The son rises
And the sun rises
Chasing the shadows away
Having born all the grief from all your deeds
You are free to greet the day!
I suffered because I love you
See that it is true
And EVERYTHING you know will be made new…

It's Official

I am officially back. I just changed my facebook regional network from Switzerland to Bristol. [Edit: I wrote Geneva instead of Bristol but that would make no sense.]

Interesting observation: I had 50 friends in the Swiss network and 51 in the Bristol one. You know what I'm like with things like that - it just says to me that I have tipped the balance between here and there. Which is kinda what it was like returning...

I had an amazing time in Geneva. I saw friends that I love dearly; got the chance to do things I never thought I would (more to follow on everything that the gig taught me and what it was like, including mental photos!); learnt TONS (was talking to a BRS friend the night I got back and she said that she had felt it was going to be a time of... and we both said together: "accelerated learning" which was so true); got real direction from God as to what He is planning next and a bit about later too...; had a chance to chill; to say goodbye to some people; to get re-encouraged about what was important when I left - like prayer and worship, both of which are really starting up here too, seemingly; to catch the lovely GVA peeps up on what has been going on - which felt like a lot. Indeed, when I saw how much Mia (YAGs 20ish month year old darling) had grown and was talking, making sense and singing worship songs and all it was like she had done the same amount of intense growing as I had these two months! Not that I'm claiming to make sense you understand, I just like obscure imagery. Not the best structured paragraph I ever wrote but I suppose what I am saying is that it was a good time, in a jumbled thought processes kind of a way. I celebrated my 5 month rebirth day whilst there and it was nice to do that there at the retreat where so much had happened the year before (I don't think I ever wrote that story did I! That really has to happen...).

And I felt different. At times like I had already moved on even. Which is right and good and I am grateful that, even so, I still have these blessed friendships. I feel like I am in a place of enjoying it for what it was and letting it be something different as time goes by. Not my last visit for sure but it was the final chapter of something. And the beginning of something new!! :-D

The more I change the more I see there is to change but that is cool 'cause I have a really short attention span!

Coming back my flat was finally a home. It had curtains! Another symbol that I am really settled here now. I have decided on where I will make my home church (it turns out not my sister's chuch but the other one - which is a shame but kinda cool as my church's sister church is my sister's church which makes a lot of sense to me); found a few great things screaming out to get involved in (like co-rewriting the training for the discipleship/evangelistic programme and doing a wholeness course which ties in perfectly with what I've been learning... I will let you know how that goes); reconnected with my lovely new friends (who I'm going away with this weekend!); and changed my network.

Which tips the balance to 51. Also the percentage that gives someone a majority share and priority. My return to La Suisse is over, I am back for the long haul and while the trip was great and I love you guys tons and always will, I am fully at home here.

Until God says otherwise anyway :-)

Christian Hell Hole

On Monday I went to dinner at one of my new friends flats (grammar?). I very much buy into the New Testament model of faith related meal provision, particularly when it involves 3 courses. When I first went to GVA I joined a church to meet people obliged to be friendly that wouldn’t try and sleep with me. I achieved both and called them my “wholesome” friends. Now I’m back in BRS some of the people I have reconnected with are those that I met in the pub over Christmas. They hold somewhat different views to my Swiss crew; thus, for the sake of continuity (and ‘cause it makes me smile) I shall refer to them as my “unwholesome” friends.

One of the things we discussed was the university residence that their flatmate used to live in. This particular one is called ‘Clifton Hill House’ but, due to the dominating number of Christians (get in there), it got rechristened ‘Christian Hell Hole’. Apparently they would do things like give away toasties whilst inviting them to Alpha courses.

The irony of the name, combined with the cheesiness (literally and in reference to stereotyped behaviour) of the gesture amused me. As did the following comment:

“Why would I become a Christian. They’d only stop bringing me toasties… AND then I’d have to make them for other people?!”

Woah. Talk about profound.

I used to be the toastie receiver. Just to clarify: a toastie is a grilled cheese sandwich. And I am being metaphorical. Before I went to Geneva I lived in the roof of a church with a load of other students, most of who were, inevitably, Christian. I KNEW about the whole reaching out thing. The church would put on free BBQs for freshers and all year long we would get leftovers sent upstairs from various other events. I seldom had to do food shopping. Also, a lot of my flatmates had this whole “I’ve got to be a good witness thing going on” and I can’t lie, it is nice to be surround by people that are consciously making an effort to be friendly.

Then of course going to Switzerland and looking for friends: you can’t go wrong turning up at a church and saying I don’t believe in this but I want to hang out with you and I will listen. People were falling over themselves to spend time with me – not least when I started showing signs of cracking – live conversions would be such a hit on the God channel.

Ok, I do exaggerate a *little*. However, the premise remains that I am batting for the other side now. Which in turns means that I have to go out and make the toastie. Or, failing that, the BBQ. Or, failing that, the excessive niceness. It really must be worth it.

Today (Tuesday but what with the no internet yet I am blogging in advance.) I woke up in a terrible mood. I have a tendency to react quite strongly to lots of activity, by getting really fatigued and 'low mooded' and as such have to be careful not to follow my natural 'go go go go STOP' model. I had overdone it slightly by staying out till 4 am at aforementioned dinner party (OMGoodness you have to watch 'Big Stan'. If you can get past the gay rape premise you will LOVE it. It’s got the feel good factor of Sister Act. Well, some of you may love it, Carolyn definitely won’t ;-)) having been away all weekend visiting and making music in the South. So on Monday I was starting to go and by Tuesday really wasn’t in a good place. Physically, conversationally, compassionately... it was all a big no no.

Or no no no no STOP. Stop letting things get in my way and hold me back from living life and serving God. See I have found that when you don't want to do anything, the last thing you should do it nothing. I started writing this post before I left the house and, well, with strength I would not have had before, I actually went out and got involved. (Which by the way is AMAZING and such fantastic encouragement given the trepidation with which I begin a year of high demands.) This day that meant helping with the welcome BBQ at the church I used to live in. Alongside the people I used to take advantage of and argue with!

So I gave out the proverbial toasties (which is not a grilled cheese sandwich with proverbs hidden inside fortune cookie stylee though how AMAZING would that be?!), made a conscious effort to care and found that I really did. With a hell of a lot of energy! I was reminded of exactly why I changed sides. And it felt good.

After all, everybody is a slave to someone. Why make friends with the ones that have toasties when you can be friends with the One that provided the toasties in the first place – unlimited supply.

Convertsation (the spelling mistake that stays)

So. We are talking about Evangelism. Which is one of my more favourite things about Christianity. Not in a really condescending way or like, I am so good at being a confident Christian, I just enjoy having a totally ace, eternity spanning reason for talking to people I don't know. It justifies (wrongly) in my head the idea of being forward and chatty and my failings in the area fall far more in the sensitivity and boundary crossing camp.

Which doesn't matter too much with drunk people.

I haven't had as many opps to prostheletise (lol) recently as I did perhaps in GVA. It stands to reason that things come in seasons and I know that God plans different tasks for different times, not to mention rest. Often though, I associate being aware of His "set-ups" with being more tuned in with His will and I know that when I have a more submissive attitude then I end up in "God" scenarios like they're going out of fashion. It is just a matter of opening my eyes and being willing to compromise my own objectives.

[Aside: Taking this in the context of sustainable is hard, I struggle with the prospect of missed opportunity and not being up to task. Even sitting on a train for examples confuses me - am I supposed to constantly be in prayer for those around me; or just prayer in general; or read my bible; or some other Christian book; or some non-Christian book; or start a conversation; or listen to music... or play on my phone? The perfectionist in me struggles, fails, then gets guilty. The extremist in me burns out then crashes horrendously.]

Today I went to meet up with another pal from Genf. A lovely boy, John Mark (you may recall him? Left in Feb...) from the deep South of the U.S of A and I thoroughly enjoyed some good chat, visiting old haunts (quite lit places with ghosts of the past) in London and going to a BBQ rib house after which I spent the whole rest of the eve with a mandatory toothpick in my mouth! Fun times.

I then made it to Liverpool St Station with enough time to catch the 2318 train home and sat there reading my bible - I am adamant I will get to the end of Genesis by the end of this week. Whereupon a 60something gent sits next to me and comments that it is something you would not normally see at that time of night, in the station, particularly given my nose ring (a relatively new addition of which some of you may not be aware I realise). It was a classic and perfect opener and I don't doubt that his inclination to talk about my faith, buy me herbal tea and laugh at my jokes was a mixture of a deep rooted desire to find the truth... and a less deeprooted desire to enjoy my company while he waited for his train!

Needless to say I felt like walking away from this was just not in line with my duty, there was some good old fashion sowing and/or reaping to be done. I don't really know how I did at that, I didn't feel very convincing and he was, it turned out, an ex-lecturer. Had the whole "logic" thing working against him and I haven't taken that course yet... But I stay 'til the 0003 train and it was cool enough. The thing is it don't matter what I say really, God is the one that works in peoples' hearts, and there was something FABULOUS and out of both our control that happened.

A beggar came along and asked for 20p. I have, I think, made some small comment on how I feel about this. I "generously" gave him 50p and he said bless you (and he is right, it is far a more blessing for me to give that for him to receive). Following this, I turned to Tim (my new friend) and was like OK, let's hear it. I expected a bit of a "you know what they do with that" which I would have responded with "well, I need to show them love" which he would no doubt have pointed out as some kind of flaw in my faith.

As it happened he asked how much I gave, pulled out some loose change, offered me a pound and said would you please take this so I can tell you what I think of begging.

I was confused, bemused and took it to humour him. I thought it was some kind of analogy and accepted whereupon he explained, quite jollily, tipsily and endearingly, that times have changed; followed by something about being in Cairo. He was literally telling me stuff about his experiences of begging and it turned out the £1 was simply to buy my listening! Paying me to tolerate him was his words.

Lol. Talk about a set up. I then went through my list of thoughts - a few comments on not making an excuse to be dismissive, right to choose, their needs being greater, treating them as equal etc etc. Then, as my grand finale, I added that I believed when I gave to others that God gave far more back to me!! Jokes, he had gone and proven this without meaning to and realised it sufficiently that he wanted his pound back. Apparently it was not his intention to provide supporting evidence for my beliefs...!

I thought it was cool. God is pretty funny sometimes.

It all might sound really self-involved, like I think I have this great commission; but I do. Its called The Great Commission and is not exclusive to me. I think it is ironic that the more I have a grip on humility the more wow I get in my own life (and the inverse is also true obviously). Talk about a vicious cycle!

And so it begins again...