I do not wish to apologise in advance for the length of this post. It is all relevant and worthy of reading. Whether you choose to do so is, of course, another matter!
Last week I called something "funky cool" and the person I was talking to immediately assumed I had said "fucking cool". The fact is that to do so hadn't even occurred to me - worrying. It was looking like I may have been giving up my corner on swearing before I have even argued the case for it. But I could not let that happen, so today brings the long promised post on using words that are bloody rude...
I met a friend's mum over Christmas and when she heard my "story from dark to light" she asked me some fabulous questions. (Quite a pentecostal background btw.) They were:
1. Have you received the Holy Spirit yet?
2. Do you speak in tongues yet?
3. Have you stopped swearing yet?
I laughed so hard. I then tried to to explain why I didn't think no. 3 was necessarily a necessity... she told me that I would be convicted in time.
The whole image of being changed when you become a Christian is an interesting one. Of course the point is that you are a new creation, standing in the grace of God. Things about life are going to look pretty different, the darker it was before the starker the change some may say. And I have talked a lot recently about how much I have changed. It's been fucking amazing actually, to look back and gasp in awe at the incredible effect knowing Jesus has had on my life.
But on the other hand, something cool one person said about it all was that I was utterly different yet more me than I had ever been. And one of the things about me was my creative linguistic expression. That and my desire and giftings for shocking other people.
Now. Don't hear that and think that my adamancy to explete stems purely from a willingness to be contentious. This has been something that has affected my interpretation of this issue but it has also been something that has been challenged as time goes by. From an early point of thinking it is hilarious to say that "God is fucking amazing" because I really felt that Christians were "stuck up their own arses" about swearing I have mellowed somewhat. In a way I wish I could still say that classic phrase but I feel more uncomfortable about it. Though I don't think it's the word so much as the capacity to belittle what I really think of God - making a point is not what praise should be about.
So, let me outline to you what I have discovered and pondered on as I make my journey from f'ing and blinding to slipping into alternative lingo without even realising.
Before I begin I must first deny that swearing is for "boring people". I have found it to be very creative and I also think that it does a very good job of emphasising things when it has to. I don't care what you say, there is a reason that they were invented and it wasn't to disempower communication. Most people don't like it because of the strength of the expression and whilst it can be quite sad to use the same vocab every other word the same can be said for people that blandly utter non-swear words and atleast the ones that do it aren't afraid of making an impression.
That said, it has little bearing on my thoughts. I found myself absorbed into a very Christian environment when I starting going to church in Switzerland. I love my pals there dearly and this really isn't about anyone in particular, actually a large part of this is to do with culture or should I say the mix thereof. So many people were shocked by my language. It is fair enough, I sort of cultivated it to shock (mostly my parents!) but at the same time I had never met people who genuinely were taken aback by it. Yet I sometimes felt very strongly that the reasoning behind the discomfort I caused was not because I was offending anyone in a really personal way but more because I was crossing an arbitrary line that they had down. It really depended vastly on the continent of origin of the person who was reacting but I suppose the argument was that it was an unholy way of speaking. And I just saw this as legalistic mumbo jumbo. I really couldn't believe that people gave a shit what words I would say when it was clear my motivation was not ill.
So I have to admit it became a bit of a thing that Kat(i)e did. There were those that really appreciated the "fresh of breath air" that I brought actually, believe it or not! The way I saw it, language is a tool and these words were able to bring comedy, expression, and challenge into situations. I felt that people needed shaking up and it was my job to do it. Like I said, I was always one to stir so why not incorporate that role from before into the Kingdom now?
I was challenged in this of course, sometimes rightly so, and as time went by my usage got whittled down and down and down.
The number one command is to be loving and I didn't want to cause offence to people, particularly strangers or the vulnerable, so doing it in public I felt had to be metered.
As for children, well they probably wouldn't get that I had theologically reasoned why I wasn't in the wrong and so I had to guard the impression that would make.
It goes without saying, though I better had, that it is never right to swear directly at someone in an abusive way.
God loves this world and every body and thing in it and to be disrespectful is not cool.
Phrase like "fucking cool" and "bloody brilliant" are only every meant to add emphasis. When talking about something genuinely bad I could add it there too but negativity in general is not cool so I don't think I condone it then either.
That said, I would sometimes tell Satan to "fuck off" but then I heard that even the angels were polite to him so I figured best not.
One person told me that they witness by not swearing in a swear heavy environment and I can totally dig that. If it shows you are different. I just stuck to my guns that I was showing I was different in a different way. That I was not subject to the arbitrary laws of the church (small 'c') that wanted to put people into a box.
A big thing I realised was the whole "stumbling block" issue in Romans and as I spoke to Christians that said they struggled with swearing and felt bad when they messed up I realised that my "job" wasn't to get them to be OK with it as for them swearing is a big deal and I had no right to lead them into a place of guilt.
All these things added up to a limited context where I could let it rip! I never did adhere to the whole "don't swear in church" thing as God is everywhere and his temple is no longer a building but me and if I can swear at home I can definitely swear in the big old pile of bricks down the road. I did continue to swear, around those who weren't grieved by me but only for me!
You may argue that the loving neighbours and brothers thing means that challenging other Christians to not be legalistic goes out of the window. I know what you mean, but I have to say I don't think it is that black and white. If we accepted people's existing thresholds as the place within which to function then we may never get to the real honesty of life or the stuff that God wants us to do that is truly important, as we are caught up on insignificant details. There is the story of Tony Campollo (sp?) who got up at a conference and talked about how shit it was that people were dying in Africa but that the really shit thing is the fact that people react worse to the swearing than the situation. He got banned and people are still dying in Africa 10 years on... I feel that within loving there is sometimes the need to be cruel to be kind and I refuse to accept that because people find something "unacceptable" that they should be allowed to always not accept it. If we all went at the pace of the slowest runner then progress would be appalling and sometimes the slow ones need motivation forward in order to grow.
That said. Being the lesser of two evils does not make something right. What arguments have I heard against me? (Now is the time to stop if you think this post in long enough!).
Well, the main points were taken straight from the bible, which I must admit is pretty strong. I will try and remember the best ones:
Ephesians 4:29 - 5:7 which talks about unwholesome words and coarse joking being obscene and unholy.
James 3:1-12 which is about taming the tongue and the power of the words that leave your mouth.
Matthew 15 where Jesus himself discusses what comes out of your mouths being the things that make you unclean.
I've probably heard more but I never made a list of them all (feel free to add any you think of) and I already think these are all good points. I also think that my response is not going to be changed by this argument for, as I see it, the way all of these counter mine is if I am swearing in a way that is motivated by cruel or unholy intentions. Which is not at all my point.
For you see, language is a tool. It has evolved over so many years and words have meant so many things that I cannot see how the utterance of one is objective since even the definition is subjective to time and place. Did you know that in Māori the word for coward sounds just like fucker? And when we use the word gay it used to mean happy, then homosexual and now, for many silly "laddish" cultures, rubbish. Surely the context of a word is the thing that gives it meaning and thus power? If I am using "fucking" or "bloody" as qualifiers, or saying "shit" to mean "no way?!" then does that actually proclaim a heart that is coarse or unclean? In this subjective environment, motivation must be the only thing that counts and if a person's motivation not to swear is because they think people will frown upon them, it doesn't mean that God cannot see the secret hate words of frustration that they mumble to themselves. Doesn't cheeky verbalised bant beat hidden and internal angst any day?
Some say that language may be this mutable thing but that, actually, it is defined by how society sees it and not how I want it to be seen. Apart from the fact that many other people in society use it the same way as me (for I didn't just make up "love-swearing" but rather adopted it) and we cannot possible decide who's opinion is more valid, I postuate that perhaps refusing to accept swearing as wrong can instead take the power out of the words and stop them from being able to spread hate.
I sat next to the national director of Agapé at dinner tonight (check me and my name dropping!) and I told his all of this. He came up with the same ol' chestnuts for a while but then he did offer a new gem which I was quite thoughtful on. Right back in the day (when people were still friends with dinosaurs) man was told to name the animals. This dude's idea was that perhaps, in our era of "post-modernism" where we all talk about language as being this mutable thing, maybe this is actually a lie that keeps us from the fact that words have got specific meaning because we give it to them. A lion is a lion, end of. We created this language and we can't just decide willy nilly that "shag", for example, doesn't talk about sex in a degrading way. The meaning is there and is fixed and, as we all know, words have power; maybe by hiding this power from humanity a clever ploy is under way to get us all cursing and bringing negative connotations in secretly. Maybe that is why campness is so stereotypically jovial - because being "gay" spoke of joy before bumming. (That wasn't his example by the way!) Now, I can't fully accept this because of the historic way languages have morphed and evolved and even biblically speaking the first definitions were changed at babel, but I can see what he says about a word's meaning hanging around even when the people present don't intend it to. Still, there must be a cross over point when a connotation is changed? I mean, I have met miserable gay people... plus the word "wicked" used to mean evil and now means great and I'm not convinced that that speaks curses over everything cool to be found in North-East London. Something to think about but by no means a definitive answer. And what, are we supposed to go with the flow and just use words as society intends us to? Letting the world put us in a box?
I actually have a theory, which I will throw in here seeing as the post is already ridiculously long. I have heard the word "shabba" said in tongues (Christian language of the Holy Spirit, kinda like a secret language with God) by quite a few people and apparently a lot them famous charismatic ones all say it, like a popular slogan. Make sense, if you hang out with the same people you use the same lingo. Now, if I get so excited I can't express it sometimes I just want to talk in tongues and you know what, I think that maybe "shabba!" is angel talk for "shit!" When meant in a good way. It is a holy exclamation! Why not, eh? We all need to blurt it out sometimes. After all, aren't tongues for when you run out of human words? Screw society and all it's definitions, I'll use holy words. I don't know what they mean at all, so noone can corrupt them!
Anyway. Back to "swearing". I use "" because I think that the current implicit connotation of "to swear" is negative and my point is that the words aren't necessarily and shouldn't be tarred so. Life in Jesus is meant to be about freedom, not regulation. I do think that I am truly free to do this and the pleasure of taking those words and knowing that I am not condemned to use them is pretty cool! I also think that I am far far far too adamant about it and that, actually, if I deem it so possible that those people who think swearing is objectively wrong are themselves wrong then it is contrapossible that myself deeming swearing to be subjective is also wrong.
I may or may not be right but what I am not is God and I feel, after arguing my corner and taking the anti-legalistic high ground for so long, that I have become legalistic about my right to swear. Also, I may well say it is about the heart and not the actual words, but if my motivation becomes fighting then I am not loving and I am not being cruel to be kind but merely to be right. Which is definitely a load of bollocks.
So, it is now time to surrender. To say that, despite the frustration at falling into the stereotype and the potentially unnecessary softness of Christian life, that I am prepared to do it anyway. Acceptable or not, maybe it is important right now that I don't swear, in the same way that it is important my friend's nan does. Or quite possibly that none of us should in our plight for purity. Whether language is mutable we could discuss till the cows come home... the thing that Jesus wants is for me to be mutable. I don't know that the Holy Spirit has convicted me to stop swearing but He has convicted me to be willing to, to be open to changing even this deep-rooted defining personal feature in order that I may take on the features of Jesus instead. And so, this lent I will be fasting all my fave words and I won't even use "bums" "tits" and "willies" in case they are displacement. I'll have a swear jar too, though the plan is for it to remain empty. I don't know how I'll feel about taking it up again after Easter and so tomorrow, on one final splurge as I leave pasturate, I may well have to bid them C U Next Tuesday! :-O
Showing posts with label Legalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Legalism. Show all posts
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Amazing Grace
I was thinking yesterday, in one of my motivational moments, some stuff which I was refusing to blog about 'cause I needed to just start applying it... but I am less motivated to work right now so maybe writing it out will rekindle the passion!
I've been getting myself all churned up about if I am messing up God's plan. Like, He has got a really cool escape route mapped out so that I can miraculously be alright in this situation, meet my deadline and get the grade... but I am being an idiot and sitting around waiting for it to happen instead of just writing.
Now, granted some people probably think I am right about that and actually I should just get on with my essay instead of blogging but, even though I doubt it will make a difference to their opinion, I want to state that I genuinely struggle with concentration A LOT. I'm in the middle of being diagnosed with ADHD but the referral is weeks away (I do love the NHS) with all methods other than medication taking far too long to effect change before Friday. A friend asked me if I thought I might be using it as an excuse but actually I really just see it more as an explanation for how my life has always been...
We can talk more about all that some other time. It's been a bit of a journey for me and something I haven't shared partly 'cause of the stigma and this being the internet, partly the not actually having an answer yet. It gives a girl a lot to think about, studying being the least important in comparison to things like social interaction, relationships, identity, healing(?). But I'll leave those stuffs for another time, today I just wanted to vindicate my struggles a little and lay it out on a plate.
So yeah. I don't really know what I can actually do, but I look at a page/screen and panic. I love to write and I have all these ideas and when it is a short piece I can eventually organise it and hone it and make it flow... I know exactly what I want to say and within limitations I can do that. But 5,000 words with a lot of technical details and referencing is a whole other ball game and my perfectionism doesn't know where to begin. Yet surely in this I am messing up every chance that God has to rescue me? I have to do *something*.
Yet again, duh, I am prompted to recall that GOD IS SOVEREIGN. He doesn't actually need me to do anything. In fact, HE LIKES IT WHEN I AM WEAK SO HE CAN SHOW ME HE'S STRONG. How am I supposed to remember my dependency if I am always capable? How am I supposed to get that He loves me if He never has the chance to show me?
Yet again I was being legalistic, thinking I have to reach some kind of threshold of effort before He meets me halfway. If anything of this world depended on what we humans did, well... we kinda see what that looks like don't we? Life is impossible for a reason. Failure imminent without intervention, that we may recognise intervention for what it is and receive it gladly in the shape of True Love.
It takes the flavour out of grace for me to think that what I do matters at all. God reached out to man and made a way (Jesus) and I tell myself that He can only see His plans come through if I work for it? Crazy fool.
So I'm in the library, giving what I can but not giving a damn if what I have isn't enough. It isn't. I read another person's blog this morning. Don't do that much but this guy seems good and I like the sound of his ideals (I say that vaguely 'cause I only know them vaguely!). The article linked above really spoke to me and in case you don't feel like reading someone else on your coffee break I'll sum up the relevant part.
It is looking at the story of David and Goliath and how so many people interpret it: little weak person overcomes some big, scary, technically impossible to beat, "Giant" in their life. Miraculous empowerment of man. He then (and this is the bit that made me go "Oh yeah, duh!") instead describes it thus:
We are little Israelites standing round shitting ourselves with the Philestines surrounding us, doomed. Then a seemingly insignificant and weak nobody steps out from the midst of us and saves us from an impossible Giant so that we can surge forward with a shout, enemy defeated! Miraculous empowerment for man. The analogy here is, of course, Jesus.
How naïve, nay arrogant, to think that we are David when really Jesus is? David didn't need the army of scared and foolish soldiers behind him, he did if for the army so that they would not die.
All that said, an essay is not eternal life and just 'cause I am guaranteed of the second does not mean that the first will come to pass. I cannot claim that in hope I know the full extent of the mind of God and I must remember that my certainty of grace is in the eternal sense and that here and now, finitely, we cannot comprehend the full applications of infinity. That is to say, grace acted out on earth doesn't always look like a gift as we know it (also coming in the shape of lessons, refinement, rebuke etc) and I must be wary that this coursework does not become a "what have you done for me lately" scenario with my idea of grace being pined onto something so subjective.
God likes blessing me and wants the best for me, I can hope assuredly for that... and just ask really nicely that academic success is the way He chooses to administer it!
P.S. I'm not very good at acknowledging grace, I didn't even have a tag for it (only for 'Grace Killers'). I've been too tied up receiving it and applying it to my life to stop and go "Wow" so I reckon this is a lesson that I am well in need of. It's pretty Amazing, isn't it?!
I've been getting myself all churned up about if I am messing up God's plan. Like, He has got a really cool escape route mapped out so that I can miraculously be alright in this situation, meet my deadline and get the grade... but I am being an idiot and sitting around waiting for it to happen instead of just writing.
Now, granted some people probably think I am right about that and actually I should just get on with my essay instead of blogging but, even though I doubt it will make a difference to their opinion, I want to state that I genuinely struggle with concentration A LOT. I'm in the middle of being diagnosed with ADHD but the referral is weeks away (I do love the NHS) with all methods other than medication taking far too long to effect change before Friday. A friend asked me if I thought I might be using it as an excuse but actually I really just see it more as an explanation for how my life has always been...
We can talk more about all that some other time. It's been a bit of a journey for me and something I haven't shared partly 'cause of the stigma and this being the internet, partly the not actually having an answer yet. It gives a girl a lot to think about, studying being the least important in comparison to things like social interaction, relationships, identity, healing(?). But I'll leave those stuffs for another time, today I just wanted to vindicate my struggles a little and lay it out on a plate.
So yeah. I don't really know what I can actually do, but I look at a page/screen and panic. I love to write and I have all these ideas and when it is a short piece I can eventually organise it and hone it and make it flow... I know exactly what I want to say and within limitations I can do that. But 5,000 words with a lot of technical details and referencing is a whole other ball game and my perfectionism doesn't know where to begin. Yet surely in this I am messing up every chance that God has to rescue me? I have to do *something*.
Yet again, duh, I am prompted to recall that GOD IS SOVEREIGN. He doesn't actually need me to do anything. In fact, HE LIKES IT WHEN I AM WEAK SO HE CAN SHOW ME HE'S STRONG. How am I supposed to remember my dependency if I am always capable? How am I supposed to get that He loves me if He never has the chance to show me?
Yet again I was being legalistic, thinking I have to reach some kind of threshold of effort before He meets me halfway. If anything of this world depended on what we humans did, well... we kinda see what that looks like don't we? Life is impossible for a reason. Failure imminent without intervention, that we may recognise intervention for what it is and receive it gladly in the shape of True Love.
It takes the flavour out of grace for me to think that what I do matters at all. God reached out to man and made a way (Jesus) and I tell myself that He can only see His plans come through if I work for it? Crazy fool.
So I'm in the library, giving what I can but not giving a damn if what I have isn't enough. It isn't. I read another person's blog this morning. Don't do that much but this guy seems good and I like the sound of his ideals (I say that vaguely 'cause I only know them vaguely!). The article linked above really spoke to me and in case you don't feel like reading someone else on your coffee break I'll sum up the relevant part.
It is looking at the story of David and Goliath and how so many people interpret it: little weak person overcomes some big, scary, technically impossible to beat, "Giant" in their life. Miraculous empowerment of man. He then (and this is the bit that made me go "Oh yeah, duh!") instead describes it thus:
We are little Israelites standing round shitting ourselves with the Philestines surrounding us, doomed. Then a seemingly insignificant and weak nobody steps out from the midst of us and saves us from an impossible Giant so that we can surge forward with a shout, enemy defeated! Miraculous empowerment for man. The analogy here is, of course, Jesus.
How naïve, nay arrogant, to think that we are David when really Jesus is? David didn't need the army of scared and foolish soldiers behind him, he did if for the army so that they would not die.
All that said, an essay is not eternal life and just 'cause I am guaranteed of the second does not mean that the first will come to pass. I cannot claim that in hope I know the full extent of the mind of God and I must remember that my certainty of grace is in the eternal sense and that here and now, finitely, we cannot comprehend the full applications of infinity. That is to say, grace acted out on earth doesn't always look like a gift as we know it (also coming in the shape of lessons, refinement, rebuke etc) and I must be wary that this coursework does not become a "what have you done for me lately" scenario with my idea of grace being pined onto something so subjective.
God likes blessing me and wants the best for me, I can hope assuredly for that... and just ask really nicely that academic success is the way He chooses to administer it!
P.S. I'm not very good at acknowledging grace, I didn't even have a tag for it (only for 'Grace Killers'). I've been too tied up receiving it and applying it to my life to stop and go "Wow" so I reckon this is a lesson that I am well in need of. It's pretty Amazing, isn't it?!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Hot Topic
This news article has created quite a stir in the UK. Here is but one example and here is another though you may need to sign into Facebook to see it (for mum and dad, it is a countering group that says there is a God so stop worrying and have fun).
Now. Almost all my friends in Bristol are outraged, the Methodists are optimistic and, as is a recent theme, I am pretty apathetic. But I'm going to put out there some of my pre-blues views and try and see objectively just how I feel about it. It's a long shot I know but I wouldn't mind your opinion either...
I think it is stupid 'cause it is scientifically bogus. Any sensible logician can see that opening this can of worms as an issue of "probability" brings up all kinds of questions, not least semantic, and that certainly one must question the legitimacy of trying to rationalise or mathematically assess such a claim. By definition God is bigger than our intellects and lies outside of our comprehesive logic (duh, miracles) so probability doesn't come into it. You can't prove something unproveable so the game just doesn't apply. He comes from the powerset of the world as we know it so is a whole set level above (if you want to talk maths let's do it properly). It makes the atheists look stupid.
There is an argument is that young impressionable people would read it and accept it. If only that were true. There is a lot more spending power behind the church and if we could get a whole load of signs up that say "God loves you so much but He's a gentleman so He's waiting for you to invite Him in" on the side of buses then does that mean we'd see a revival? Maybe?! It would be pretty sweet...!
Thing is, I think there is legitimacy behind the reasoning that atheism, requiring the step of faith that it does to so avidly believe in nothing, is a faith group and as such has the same freedom to express views that "we" do.
There is also a claim of arrogancy. Now, a few hundred people facebook group (I don't actually dis what they're doing I just would have phrased it differently) isn't a lot but the statement there IS a God seems a lot more arrogant than a foolishly laid down, not-fully committed conversation stirrer (and by the way I think the Methodists are right. It's publicity isn't it? Any publicity is good publicity, just ask Paul). To go one step further, the Alpha course (which again I think is really cool actually) says things like "Is this it?" and "What am I doing here" which could be construed as condescending to anyone that finds themselves to be perfectly content with life. "Well, actually, you're not. You need more purpose..."
The thing about it that is most stupid, in my opinion and as the counter-group rightly says, is that [if] God does exist then we can stop worrying and enjoy life to the full. "Fun" being such a subjective word. That is why these signs are so bogus. They don't listen to any of the irrefutable claims (irrefutable in that they are undeniably premises of Christianity) that are true (by definition or 'a priori') about the consequence of the existence of God... No, instead they look at the demonstrations they have around them.
Which is why we (Christians) cannot get outraged: because the world saw us when they looked around them. We are the reason that this statement made it onto the buses and didn't scream ridiculous. No one knows by what they see in us that worrying and being boring are not symptoms of God. If we were living under those promises then no matter what a person thought about God's existence, they would never accept these posters are even close to being legitimate. Richard Dawkins would get laughed at. Back in the good old days of Acts people wanted to get close to the early followers of The Way because they liked what they saw. No-one could accuse them of being wet. READ. Highly regarded. People were scared to join then, nevertheless they were added to daily.
Christianity is a laughing stock, pathetic or at best a vaguely interesting personal choice right now in England. The guy that stood up for his beliefs to not drive that bus went back on the condition that he "would only have to do so if there were no others available". WTF. Talk about pushover. These people back then were respected. The fear of what it would mean with the Romans was not enough to keep the people away. That defied logic - how could they not dare to join yet still come in? The TRUTH of what was being taught was and is more powerful that whatever was/is preventing them - be it angry Roman soldiers, strict Jewish rabbi's, snide post-Christendom taunting or post-Enlightened independence.
What people need is a posteriori logic, that is they need to experience what it means for God to be real to someone and then use that observed evidence to determine truth. Unfulfilled claims are worse than empty, they are dangerous. That's why Satan likes them.
Luckily, though, despite all our failings God is still huge and totally in control and The Truth is still The Truth and the Spirit still here. So that is another reason not to fret about them silly buses... 'cause it really isn't a very big deal in the grand scheme of things and is certainly not the end of the story. Richard Dawkins has missed a really vital key in his quest to kill "religion" (let's use the word for sake of communication, I don't mean that old legalistic crap) - he doesn't realise that it is immortal and he isn't. Yet.
I rather think good old Professor D may have even more currency in the conversion stakes than our lovely Russelly B. Get prayin'.
Lol. My nice, objective surmise. I can still rustle up the ole' passion when required it seems. ;-)
Now. Almost all my friends in Bristol are outraged, the Methodists are optimistic and, as is a recent theme, I am pretty apathetic. But I'm going to put out there some of my pre-blues views and try and see objectively just how I feel about it. It's a long shot I know but I wouldn't mind your opinion either...
I think it is stupid 'cause it is scientifically bogus. Any sensible logician can see that opening this can of worms as an issue of "probability" brings up all kinds of questions, not least semantic, and that certainly one must question the legitimacy of trying to rationalise or mathematically assess such a claim. By definition God is bigger than our intellects and lies outside of our comprehesive logic (duh, miracles) so probability doesn't come into it. You can't prove something unproveable so the game just doesn't apply. He comes from the powerset of the world as we know it so is a whole set level above (if you want to talk maths let's do it properly). It makes the atheists look stupid.
There is an argument is that young impressionable people would read it and accept it. If only that were true. There is a lot more spending power behind the church and if we could get a whole load of signs up that say "God loves you so much but He's a gentleman so He's waiting for you to invite Him in" on the side of buses then does that mean we'd see a revival? Maybe?! It would be pretty sweet...!
Thing is, I think there is legitimacy behind the reasoning that atheism, requiring the step of faith that it does to so avidly believe in nothing, is a faith group and as such has the same freedom to express views that "we" do.
There is also a claim of arrogancy. Now, a few hundred people facebook group (I don't actually dis what they're doing I just would have phrased it differently) isn't a lot but the statement there IS a God seems a lot more arrogant than a foolishly laid down, not-fully committed conversation stirrer (and by the way I think the Methodists are right. It's publicity isn't it? Any publicity is good publicity, just ask Paul). To go one step further, the Alpha course (which again I think is really cool actually) says things like "Is this it?" and "What am I doing here" which could be construed as condescending to anyone that finds themselves to be perfectly content with life. "Well, actually, you're not. You need more purpose..."
The thing about it that is most stupid, in my opinion and as the counter-group rightly says, is that [if] God does exist then we can stop worrying and enjoy life to the full. "Fun" being such a subjective word. That is why these signs are so bogus. They don't listen to any of the irrefutable claims (irrefutable in that they are undeniably premises of Christianity) that are true (by definition or 'a priori') about the consequence of the existence of God... No, instead they look at the demonstrations they have around them.
Which is why we (Christians) cannot get outraged: because the world saw us when they looked around them. We are the reason that this statement made it onto the buses and didn't scream ridiculous. No one knows by what they see in us that worrying and being boring are not symptoms of God. If we were living under those promises then no matter what a person thought about God's existence, they would never accept these posters are even close to being legitimate. Richard Dawkins would get laughed at. Back in the good old days of Acts people wanted to get close to the early followers of The Way because they liked what they saw. No-one could accuse them of being wet. READ. Highly regarded. People were scared to join then, nevertheless they were added to daily.
Christianity is a laughing stock, pathetic or at best a vaguely interesting personal choice right now in England. The guy that stood up for his beliefs to not drive that bus went back on the condition that he "would only have to do so if there were no others available". WTF. Talk about pushover. These people back then were respected. The fear of what it would mean with the Romans was not enough to keep the people away. That defied logic - how could they not dare to join yet still come in? The TRUTH of what was being taught was and is more powerful that whatever was/is preventing them - be it angry Roman soldiers, strict Jewish rabbi's, snide post-Christendom taunting or post-Enlightened independence.
What people need is a posteriori logic, that is they need to experience what it means for God to be real to someone and then use that observed evidence to determine truth. Unfulfilled claims are worse than empty, they are dangerous. That's why Satan likes them.
Luckily, though, despite all our failings God is still huge and totally in control and The Truth is still The Truth and the Spirit still here. So that is another reason not to fret about them silly buses... 'cause it really isn't a very big deal in the grand scheme of things and is certainly not the end of the story. Richard Dawkins has missed a really vital key in his quest to kill "religion" (let's use the word for sake of communication, I don't mean that old legalistic crap) - he doesn't realise that it is immortal and he isn't. Yet.
I rather think good old Professor D may have even more currency in the conversion stakes than our lovely Russelly B. Get prayin'.
Lol. My nice, objective surmise. I can still rustle up the ole' passion when required it seems. ;-)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Russell Brand’s autobiography is my new bible
I’m not saying I won’t read the original one (bible that is). It’s just, right now, I am more motivated with that ole Booky Wook.
Well, no wonder you’ve lost your faith I hear you cry.
Whatever. I’ve decided that seeking is an attitude of heart and not some kind of perverse discipline.
[Here may be a good time to note that I am desperately trying to catch up with the past few days and have barely gotten things down here without moving on and discovering more but I'm going to try and give a bit of a journey and not skip straight to the most recent.]
One time, say last February, I was too depressed to read my bible or do anything really and I was reading Russell then too (it takes me a long time to finish books due to concentration problems) whereupon God spoke to me through the line "If celebrity hynotist Paul McKenna can't help me then who can?".
So I figure, it could happen again… and I rather think it might be.
Now I can’t be sure that I never meant any of my passion before. As Russell says quite aptly:
“My zeal was potent, as is often the case with the newly converted in any faith.”
Who knows, perhaps I too am just disgruntled by the lack of immediacy for my cause (though I rather doubt it since this didn’t come after a dry period by actually quite the opposite).
However, whether I did or not and whether it was real (which is what I am doubting right now) or not, I am definitely not feeling the love at the moment.
I’ve been told by tons of people I know a surprising amount of stuff for a newbie. Like the bible and that and just the idea that it is all about Jesus, simply looking to and becoming more like him and that everything else will follow. It’s true. Objectively. I’m not a statistician by trade but my sample group has been sufficiently large and diverse, even my dad noticed the other day! I don’t know how this has happened, I have quite a good memory I suppose and who knows, maybe God played a part too.
So, with all this behind me I have been playing the game very very well. Kidding everyone, perhaps even me (though I may have been in denial).
And one of the main keys I realised pretty quick is: SUBMISSION.
I never got why people struggled with it. I am very much an all or nothing at all girl and the few times that I have found it tricky I still manage to say I want to want to and it all worked out cool. I prouded myself (you know there’s a problem when pride is involved) on the fact that I was surrendered in every area of my life. “Force me to be free” was my prayer (for those of you that don’t know Rousseau I will explain this some time) and it was seemingly working, even if I had to repeat it several times a day. I don’t mean that I was perfect but I really thought that I was, theoretically at least, open with it all… an act of will maybe but it only takes our will and then God’s power comes in and makes all things possible. (Imagine a caveat at this point.)
The thing I’ve realised now though is that I have been living a legalistic life. I haven’t submitted ‘cause I really love God and want to follow everything He says but because by doing so I know that I will be best off. Selfish designs to succeed in everything I do. I am one for getting “it” right and so The Way and The Truth and The Life spells out to me exactly what I have been looking for. Always a bit of a control freak (as well as a perfectionist) I carried these traits through with me... I think it is rather ironic that I was trying to keep a handle on life by giving up control to a being that is omni-everything.
Hence getting stuck into evangelism; striving to be pure in everything; buying/living green and ethically in all that I can. Stopping at every homeless person I meet, at all times living as an example to non-Christian friends etc etc. I don’t mean I always did it right but I sure always felt the call.
It was all like one really big fast, striving for perfection and constantly sacrificing things. And in the same way that when married couples refrain from sex for too long and they end up giving in, I have stopped being able to work at it.
Life is not meant to be always fasting, I worked that out here. I’ve been working for a place of intimacy and relationship, telling myself that if I form the habit of love I will inhabit the form of it. Which isn't a bad concept in itself about needing to choose to change but when applied willy nilly can have disastrous effects. I knew all about grace in my head but not on my heart.
So no longer.
I hadn't quite worked all this out on Monday morning as I set off home; and I was still pretty sleepy from the late night drafting my last blog, not to mention pissed off. So that day I embraced the fact that I no longer wanted to try. Nothing too risky, but here are some of the boundaries I pushed then and over the following day or so:
Drinking coffee when I wasn't in a good place (lol, it's bad trust me!)
Buying non fairtrade chocolate (peanut butter chunky kitkats are Good)
Speeding along the motorway (it is pure legalism to not I realise)
Shopping in Tesco. More specifically actually buying a jumper there and all kinds of things wrapped in plastic and of dubious source.
I also realised an area I may not have submitted (being open to conviction about swearing) but didn't give a shit by that point
Thinking unloving things and not being afraid to allow it
Watching TV, namely catching up on EastEnders, all day long
It's not a fully encompassing list.
Note that I am still not a fan of Cosmo magazine.
I hadn't really thought it through much, other than that I was not prepared to do it anymore. So I wouldn't. You know what? I enjoyed it. All of it.
Do I feel different now to how I was before all the God happened, or have I been reset? That question was open for a day or so. I suppose what it is really asking is much deeper about the nature of the change that you go through when your spirit is reborn. I know that after the initial anger and disregard I don't hate myself hardly at all. Indeed I am pretty empowered in ways that I haven't been recently to get myself together. And I'm not sure that is a bad thing.
In fact. There seems to be some pretty good things coming out of this. Not unlike the advice I got from EVERYONE that has been motivationally writing/talking to me! I suppose I am slightly more inclined to God now than I was a couple of days ago. I'm not actually sure I had a faith issue so much as a methodology issue. I was surprised by how much (granted apathetic) expectation I had for it to be resolved in the end. I just don't care much, 'tis all.
This piece of writing has come out a bit backwards (given I started this morning and ended on last Monday) but overall progress is forwards. I reckon I am discovering good lessons and really having bad things gotten rid of. The thought I had on Tuesday that my ability to trust had gone and I needed something akin to a mini rerevelation is over. I have enough in the memory bank to know God is there.
And if he wants me to do things right now let him convict me, for sure, but I ain't living a life that is a constant mission of my own. This burden is light, come on Kat(i)e let's apply some of the head knowledge.
Does that sound bad? Good thing I still don't care. There is more to come but this is hard to organise in my mind and I am more than ready for bed (note: this has been written over the course of about a day and a half, started thurs am and actually finally published fri eve). So to bed I will go...
Oh and, er, just for a POI and it may mean nothing as people are only now coming into post-Christmas routine, but my hits have gone WAY up since I started writing about this. Well who’d have thought… struggles are more interesting, I’ll bear that in mind ;-)
Well, no wonder you’ve lost your faith I hear you cry.
Whatever. I’ve decided that seeking is an attitude of heart and not some kind of perverse discipline.
[Here may be a good time to note that I am desperately trying to catch up with the past few days and have barely gotten things down here without moving on and discovering more but I'm going to try and give a bit of a journey and not skip straight to the most recent.]
One time, say last February, I was too depressed to read my bible or do anything really and I was reading Russell then too (it takes me a long time to finish books due to concentration problems) whereupon God spoke to me through the line "If celebrity hynotist Paul McKenna can't help me then who can?".
So I figure, it could happen again… and I rather think it might be.
Now I can’t be sure that I never meant any of my passion before. As Russell says quite aptly:
“My zeal was potent, as is often the case with the newly converted in any faith.”
Who knows, perhaps I too am just disgruntled by the lack of immediacy for my cause (though I rather doubt it since this didn’t come after a dry period by actually quite the opposite).
However, whether I did or not and whether it was real (which is what I am doubting right now) or not, I am definitely not feeling the love at the moment.
I’ve been told by tons of people I know a surprising amount of stuff for a newbie. Like the bible and that and just the idea that it is all about Jesus, simply looking to and becoming more like him and that everything else will follow. It’s true. Objectively. I’m not a statistician by trade but my sample group has been sufficiently large and diverse, even my dad noticed the other day! I don’t know how this has happened, I have quite a good memory I suppose and who knows, maybe God played a part too.
So, with all this behind me I have been playing the game very very well. Kidding everyone, perhaps even me (though I may have been in denial).
And one of the main keys I realised pretty quick is: SUBMISSION.
I never got why people struggled with it. I am very much an all or nothing at all girl and the few times that I have found it tricky I still manage to say I want to want to and it all worked out cool. I prouded myself (you know there’s a problem when pride is involved) on the fact that I was surrendered in every area of my life. “Force me to be free” was my prayer (for those of you that don’t know Rousseau I will explain this some time) and it was seemingly working, even if I had to repeat it several times a day. I don’t mean that I was perfect but I really thought that I was, theoretically at least, open with it all… an act of will maybe but it only takes our will and then God’s power comes in and makes all things possible. (Imagine a caveat at this point.)
The thing I’ve realised now though is that I have been living a legalistic life. I haven’t submitted ‘cause I really love God and want to follow everything He says but because by doing so I know that I will be best off. Selfish designs to succeed in everything I do. I am one for getting “it” right and so The Way and The Truth and The Life spells out to me exactly what I have been looking for. Always a bit of a control freak (as well as a perfectionist) I carried these traits through with me... I think it is rather ironic that I was trying to keep a handle on life by giving up control to a being that is omni-everything.
Hence getting stuck into evangelism; striving to be pure in everything; buying/living green and ethically in all that I can. Stopping at every homeless person I meet, at all times living as an example to non-Christian friends etc etc. I don’t mean I always did it right but I sure always felt the call.
It was all like one really big fast, striving for perfection and constantly sacrificing things. And in the same way that when married couples refrain from sex for too long and they end up giving in, I have stopped being able to work at it.
Life is not meant to be always fasting, I worked that out here. I’ve been working for a place of intimacy and relationship, telling myself that if I form the habit of love I will inhabit the form of it. Which isn't a bad concept in itself about needing to choose to change but when applied willy nilly can have disastrous effects. I knew all about grace in my head but not on my heart.
So no longer.
I hadn't quite worked all this out on Monday morning as I set off home; and I was still pretty sleepy from the late night drafting my last blog, not to mention pissed off. So that day I embraced the fact that I no longer wanted to try. Nothing too risky, but here are some of the boundaries I pushed then and over the following day or so:
Drinking coffee when I wasn't in a good place (lol, it's bad trust me!)
Buying non fairtrade chocolate (peanut butter chunky kitkats are Good)
Speeding along the motorway (it is pure legalism to not I realise)
Shopping in Tesco. More specifically actually buying a jumper there and all kinds of things wrapped in plastic and of dubious source.
I also realised an area I may not have submitted (being open to conviction about swearing) but didn't give a shit by that point
Thinking unloving things and not being afraid to allow it
Watching TV, namely catching up on EastEnders, all day long
It's not a fully encompassing list.
Note that I am still not a fan of Cosmo magazine.
I hadn't really thought it through much, other than that I was not prepared to do it anymore. So I wouldn't. You know what? I enjoyed it. All of it.
Do I feel different now to how I was before all the God happened, or have I been reset? That question was open for a day or so. I suppose what it is really asking is much deeper about the nature of the change that you go through when your spirit is reborn. I know that after the initial anger and disregard I don't hate myself hardly at all. Indeed I am pretty empowered in ways that I haven't been recently to get myself together. And I'm not sure that is a bad thing.
In fact. There seems to be some pretty good things coming out of this. Not unlike the advice I got from EVERYONE that has been motivationally writing/talking to me! I suppose I am slightly more inclined to God now than I was a couple of days ago. I'm not actually sure I had a faith issue so much as a methodology issue. I was surprised by how much (granted apathetic) expectation I had for it to be resolved in the end. I just don't care much, 'tis all.
This piece of writing has come out a bit backwards (given I started this morning and ended on last Monday) but overall progress is forwards. I reckon I am discovering good lessons and really having bad things gotten rid of. The thought I had on Tuesday that my ability to trust had gone and I needed something akin to a mini rerevelation is over. I have enough in the memory bank to know God is there.
And if he wants me to do things right now let him convict me, for sure, but I ain't living a life that is a constant mission of my own. This burden is light, come on Kat(i)e let's apply some of the head knowledge.
Does that sound bad? Good thing I still don't care. There is more to come but this is hard to organise in my mind and I am more than ready for bed (note: this has been written over the course of about a day and a half, started thurs am and actually finally published fri eve). So to bed I will go...
Oh and, er, just for a POI and it may mean nothing as people are only now coming into post-Christmas routine, but my hits have gone WAY up since I started writing about this. Well who’d have thought… struggles are more interesting, I’ll bear that in mind ;-)
Saturday, December 6, 2008
To Eat or not To Eat, that is the question...
Fasting: this is really good to do. I have had amazing success in fasting for the purpose of seeing breakthrough in prayer. I have had amazing connections with God and hearing His still small voice. I have also had absolutely awful experiences, some when my attitude has been wrong, some when it has been right and I don't know why.
I was fasting through Advent and treating it like a Lent period for me. I thought it was a really good idea. Thing is I am trying to pray for different people every day like and really want good cheer and hope to be spread through this season and be for life, not just for Christmas. So my advent calender is a list of 24 different people and I decided to do a fast until Christmas eve.
I especially thought it was a good idea given that Christmas is a season for lack of self-control and I notoriously have this (as I have shared before) and want to work on it in all areas of my life. So I figured showing discipline in eating is a good way to go about it and would bring me closer to God in this season and deal with something that sometimes gets in the way.
How is fasting for me? Some people say it is about being hungry so they remember to pray. I get that, I do it, but it isn't the main thing. I think the best way I understood fasting was that by not giving in to you fleshly demands of hunger you can somehow get out of this physical mindset and be in a place that can get closer to God by tapping into your spiritual side more. I know that's vague and feel free to correct or expand or whatever...
So anyway, when a friend was doing a lunch fast on the 1st December it just felt right to do it too. Then to carry it on till the 24th... Right?
The thing I hate about humanity is fickleness. How can we be so sure of what we want or what we think we have to do one minute and then the next be completely confused by how wrong it suddenly seems. I get so much comfort out of knowing that at least God gets me 'cause so much of the time I really don't!
First day it was great. Second day I was like, OK, there is a difference between enduring hunger and being too weak to concentrate on my studies. Plus I was not eating day time but getting to the evening and being really really hungry so having big dinners; and also thinking "I need energy for the day so I'll have a big breakfast". Which ended up looking like it had the potential to become a binge-starve-binge sandwich (or not!) and defo not what it was all about. I have a tendency to do things to extremes but I knew this was not good so I decided on day 3 that, though it had been really successful it was not prolong-able, and I would have a fast involving disciplined regular meals and being really strict with myself. Lol, you'll love this, I told my friend in an email:
"I am now doing a 'no snacking or seconds or unneccesarily eating etc' fast as it was starting to feel a bit legalistic."
Now, am I right or am I right that this statement epitomises legalism?!
No snacks, seconds, cake, treats, fun... friends, pleasures, comfort, central heating, nice clothes... hell I should just go live in a cave and pray.
That drove me mad. Suddenly I wasn't even sure when I was allowed to eat. I didn't know if my hunger was hunger or if it was seeking comfort or gratuitous pleasure in food. It felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I didn't think about it much till after I got my presentation finished on the 4th day [Thank God so much I got that done - it was pushed to the far edge of available time but my ability to eventually concentrate was nothing short of miraculous and it feels like God is growing my faith in such things by leaving me wholly dependent on Him to help me.] but then, suddenly, I was like "What now?". Can I have half an hour of peace, maybe a nice lunch, before I get into the discipline? Am I allowed a biscuit with my tea if I'm still hungry or is it only dry bread? Argggggghhhh! I was tired, I was stressed, nothing was right because legalism vs consumerism is not a pretty fight and so I went to bed till my sister came round after work. Granted I needed it after an early start and 5 hours straight of Philosophy of Maths (!) but going to sleep to avoid dilemmas is probably not what Jesus what have done.
So where am I now? Apart from extremely grateful that C could step up and be wise and supportive and helpful when I needed it? Living each day in God and not forcing a thing I suppose. Remembering that He said really clearly there is no condemnation. I suppose my rule (which is something I've heard and heard and heard and not absorbed then suddenly it just became real to me) for how to live an "extreme" (nay any) spiritual life is:
Only do what I want to do and learn to love God more so that my desires reflect His heart. Then it should all be easy.
Easy is as easy does. Anything's easy if He is our strength (some verses in Isaiah, 2 Corinthians, Matthew). I can't even have a cup of tea without.
I was fasting through Advent and treating it like a Lent period for me. I thought it was a really good idea. Thing is I am trying to pray for different people every day like and really want good cheer and hope to be spread through this season and be for life, not just for Christmas. So my advent calender is a list of 24 different people and I decided to do a fast until Christmas eve.
I especially thought it was a good idea given that Christmas is a season for lack of self-control and I notoriously have this (as I have shared before) and want to work on it in all areas of my life. So I figured showing discipline in eating is a good way to go about it and would bring me closer to God in this season and deal with something that sometimes gets in the way.
How is fasting for me? Some people say it is about being hungry so they remember to pray. I get that, I do it, but it isn't the main thing. I think the best way I understood fasting was that by not giving in to you fleshly demands of hunger you can somehow get out of this physical mindset and be in a place that can get closer to God by tapping into your spiritual side more. I know that's vague and feel free to correct or expand or whatever...
So anyway, when a friend was doing a lunch fast on the 1st December it just felt right to do it too. Then to carry it on till the 24th... Right?
The thing I hate about humanity is fickleness. How can we be so sure of what we want or what we think we have to do one minute and then the next be completely confused by how wrong it suddenly seems. I get so much comfort out of knowing that at least God gets me 'cause so much of the time I really don't!
First day it was great. Second day I was like, OK, there is a difference between enduring hunger and being too weak to concentrate on my studies. Plus I was not eating day time but getting to the evening and being really really hungry so having big dinners; and also thinking "I need energy for the day so I'll have a big breakfast". Which ended up looking like it had the potential to become a binge-starve-binge sandwich (or not!) and defo not what it was all about. I have a tendency to do things to extremes but I knew this was not good so I decided on day 3 that, though it had been really successful it was not prolong-able, and I would have a fast involving disciplined regular meals and being really strict with myself. Lol, you'll love this, I told my friend in an email:
"I am now doing a 'no snacking or seconds or unneccesarily eating etc' fast as it was starting to feel a bit legalistic."
Now, am I right or am I right that this statement epitomises legalism?!
No snacks, seconds, cake, treats, fun... friends, pleasures, comfort, central heating, nice clothes... hell I should just go live in a cave and pray.
That drove me mad. Suddenly I wasn't even sure when I was allowed to eat. I didn't know if my hunger was hunger or if it was seeking comfort or gratuitous pleasure in food. It felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I didn't think about it much till after I got my presentation finished on the 4th day [Thank God so much I got that done - it was pushed to the far edge of available time but my ability to eventually concentrate was nothing short of miraculous and it feels like God is growing my faith in such things by leaving me wholly dependent on Him to help me.] but then, suddenly, I was like "What now?". Can I have half an hour of peace, maybe a nice lunch, before I get into the discipline? Am I allowed a biscuit with my tea if I'm still hungry or is it only dry bread? Argggggghhhh! I was tired, I was stressed, nothing was right because legalism vs consumerism is not a pretty fight and so I went to bed till my sister came round after work. Granted I needed it after an early start and 5 hours straight of Philosophy of Maths (!) but going to sleep to avoid dilemmas is probably not what Jesus what have done.
So where am I now? Apart from extremely grateful that C could step up and be wise and supportive and helpful when I needed it? Living each day in God and not forcing a thing I suppose. Remembering that He said really clearly there is no condemnation. I suppose my rule (which is something I've heard and heard and heard and not absorbed then suddenly it just became real to me) for how to live an "extreme" (nay any) spiritual life is:
Only do what I want to do and learn to love God more so that my desires reflect His heart. Then it should all be easy.
Easy is as easy does. Anything's easy if He is our strength (some verses in Isaiah, 2 Corinthians, Matthew). I can't even have a cup of tea without.
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