Wendy

is my gorgeous black cocker spaniel. See?

Her and I have an incredible affinity, in keeping with the whole like your owner thing - a moody strumpet that loves to play but then gets very emotional in an instant and puts herself to bed. And lo and behold anyone who disturbs her there, the growling is her way of reminding you that one step closer and she will attack. Ask Robyn, I have a high adoreability threshold (subjective) but cross it and your life in my company is not worth living.

But I do need to learn to curb my emotions. I mean, sometimes I am somewhat legitimised in my feelings; sometimes I am physically and/or emotionally run down enough to use it as an excuse and get some pity afterwards; but never am I justified to be such a bitch.

Tonight I witnessed a scary and I do confess slightly comic thing. I was worried 'cause it produced a noise that made me think Wendy was possessed. I was amused 'cause it sounded like she was growling and hucking up huge amounts of phleghm at the same time. I was also moved to make an analogy. Alright, that last one was a bit of a lie. I was getting bored of the blog I was writing and figured (in keeping with my quick enthusiasm and short attention span) that I would start a new one.

My mum was trying to discipline Wendy. The vision is that one day she will be safe around small children. (Some might say it is about 3 years too late but good luck with trying mum!). Her method was teaching submission - pining the dog gently but firmly to the floor by the neck! Oh my it sounds cruel when you put it like that, but she got it off the telly (lol) and to be honest W was just pissed off at the idea and not really suffering at all.

Makes me think a bit about me and my discipline. Sometimes God takes us for lovely long flat walks along the canal, lets us stop when we get tired and it is always some beautiful scene or other and lovely weather. Then, just as you are enjoying life he comes along and sits on your neck. All for the benefit of being able to trust us with more important things and only a bit uncomfortable really, but not nearly as fun.

So, next time I am feeling the call to be subdued I should bear in mind that everyone else in the room will only be laughing if I make stupid noises, kick up a fuss, then go sulk in my basket. I think I would rather get the reward even if I don't like the feeling of being put in my place.

All this said, We must be careful with who is doing the discipline, or perhaps how we are doing it to others. Mum did admit (after a classic fail where Wendy just ended up grumpy and I swear to you glaring at us all from under that floppy fringe) that she had not actually seen the start or the end of the program.

So that's the tenuous message gleaned from an earlier moment of amusement. Be prepared to be submitted (if that is possible linguistically speaking) but please, be wary of people that don't really know what they're doing. Discernment is only good if it is used gently after all (thanks for that wisdom C).

A wrong move only makes a person more rebellious in the long run and then they might miss the important lessons. If your doing it, be careful; if you've experienced it, don't let it screw you up.

Ta ta! x

Ma'wedge... tha dweam wivin a dweam

T'other day I was havin' a chat with Darryl (by which I mean I talked across him about me as he tried to tell me about apertures) and he said that he thought I was the kind of person that would need to 'be with' someone that was able to give me lots of stimulation - suppose that is 'cause I am all loud and excitable and what not. I was not at all convinced. I mean, I get verbose about things all on my own quite a lot of the time anyway. For those that know me, doesn't the idea of someone who would magnify that just scream terrifying? Darryl even got my point that were I to be in that situation I may just explode. Kinda why it works so well with Robyn and I me thinks. I can be quiet, I like being by myself; indeed, sometimes all I want is for people to bugger off!

But this blog is not about finding my match. For one I am quite content to pine after Colin Firth for the next 10 years as I go about being a busy career woman (OK, as I sit in my flat with my cat and blog and write poetry and cross-stitch and grow my own veg) before I start to fret about the biological clock. And that is good because, besides the impossible task of finding someone with the right balance of calm, capable and visionary (I feel a Mr Perfect blog coming on one day but those three are a concise list for now), I need a lot of time to plan The Wedding.

Yes, there is of course a Wedding. You may think I would be unwise to share it with you, given that they are supposed to be a big exciting time and well, these are the plans that surprises are made of. But they are also the plans that broken engagements are made of and it seems a little optimistic that were I to find Mr Right he would also be Mr Themed Wedding. Alors, I can only live this one out through sharing it with you.

Well, the dress will be white and though I have some ideas it is not the most important thing. Surprisingly, the bride in this one plays a relatively small part (the groom even less so!) and anyway, I have to hold a little back. So, the only outfit info is the shoes. They will be red and sparkly and I have always know this. That is not subject to change.

And it is from the shoes that everything else stems. Yes, you must have guessed it: The Wizard of Oz.

So. What does this involve? Well, first off I will walk down the aisle to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". The Eva Cassidy version of course. Except, the aisle will actually be paved with yellow bricks (there could be some scope for lino to be used). The church will be emerald green and flowers made of foliage only. That kind of thing.

My bridesmaids. Well there is only space for 3. No more, no less. My dog Wendy will be the ring-bearer with a little plaid coat and behind me are three creations of wonder: a silver foil-esque dress (tin man); a Hawaiian style grass skirt theme (scarecrow) and last but not least a fur creation (need I say, the lion). The last will be mostly leopard print 'cause it has to get in there somewhere but it shall involve a fluffy 'mane-like' trim. That should be just right.

The scene is set. Next is where the hubby will have to be a bit forgiving 'cause it is likely that his friends will not get to be ushers as they will probably not fulfill the necessary requirements. That is, I will need to hire actors of a certain height in order that they can effectively dress up as Munchkins. I mean, if it is legitimate to employ them based on their size to play a role in a film I don't think it is wrong to try and recreate that at a serious themed wedding. They may even be the ones from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and could do a dance while people wait for me..?

That aside, we will need a tolerant pastor to marry us. The building I am not worried about, it is all about where we are happy (once you green wash something it doesn't really matter where it is) but the minister will have to be up for hiding behind a giant throne with a big moving head and talking through a microphone with a scary voice "DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN... " Not that big an ask really and I think it's less silly that writing your own vows. Oooooh, writing your own vows, maybe that is not such a bad idea now I think of it in this context...? "I want to walk this road with you in boldness, seeking love and in pursuit of common sense... and magical shoes"?

So, last one and this is just simple and obvious. I always wanted a gospel choir at my wedding and, without wanting to sound politically incorrect, I have come up with the perfect way to incorporate them: they can be an army of flying monkeys and the director will be the Wicked Witch of the West complete with hat and green skin. Maybe they could sing something from the musical while we sign the register?

I am not sure how I will incorporate Glinda in this. The MC of the reception? Perhaps she could be the maid of honour... Carolyn, good witch, yes? You'd get a wand.

But you know, of course I will let my husband choose some things. The song as we leave almost definitely. The button holes? No, I will need to supervise that. He does have to wear green. But there will be something...

Now really Darryl, you think I need someone that stimulates me?