I was also reading another blog yesterday, in one of my this-doesn't-look-productive-but-it-may-be moments. It's entitled the Jolly Blogger and it definitely spoke to me.
A the top of the site is this quote:
Grace substitutes a full, childlike, and delighted acceptance of our Need, a joy in total dependence. We become "Jolly Beggars." - C.S. Lewis
You know it will be good when it begins with Lewis.
I don't know if it was what started the blog, but this guy David has been writing about having been diagnosed with cancer and the top post for yesterday day was about how he was supposed to find joy in that, despite not knowing what would happen. His hope was in healing but he's all to aware that that may not be God's plan in this.
And I don't want to sound insensitive to the gravity of his situation, I know that where I am at (3o hours till an essay is due in) is nothing in comparison, but the idea of the hope we have in God not necessarily meaning what we want it to mean yet still keeping joy in that was significant. This whole time I have not been about the joy at all. Honesty, yes. Remain hopeful and even accepting of apparent failure, partially. Joy... never even occurred to me. Yet here is a man facing death who talks about finding the greatest joy in the midst of the greatest suffering. I love joy, get it out all the time when I'm excited or glad, but this steps it up a gear.
It is also totally obvious when you remember the grace that Lewis mentions first and foremost. The grace that dawned on me yesterday. The grace that is so huge and amazing it is more than enough to keep joy in the most dire situations, nay so fantastic and delightful that joy couldn't escape if it tried. If we let it in that is.
So on my last day of this relatively small trial I am going to try and keep the joy as my top priority. That is, actually, I am up for keeping the joy and will now rely on God to bring it about. Not hard so far: waking to a fresh blanket of snow(!) and homemade pancakes with maple syrup(!!) are all good motivators... but then, so is Grace.
Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Unnatural Hope in the face of Utter Horror
My Facebook status.
My life.
Just a comment about the reading I was doing today for the previously mentioned paper (in which my thinking is majorly affected by the Bible but it's hard to express that convincingly when writing about Philosophy of Maths... see a few posts ago...). A book called 'Beyond the limits of thought', the first line of which was:
"Finitude is a basic fact of human existence."
We are going to have some problems.
The dude (his name is Priest, ironically) goes on to give the examples of human endurance, resources or even life itself. I really am not feeling eye to eye on this. What with God and all - who is later given as an example of something beyond the limit of our thought (quite a debate there among these learned people as to whether or not He is; if only I could bring 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 into it.)
Then it hit me, just now, that this is exactly where I am at. My "status" is hope in horror. The horror being the deadline, the limitation (in endurance, resources and time). The hope being that I can go beyond the limitations; that I am subject to neither deadline nor death; that finitude is a myth and while things are beyond understanding they are also completely within my grasp by His spirit. A paradox explained, but only outside the realm of earthly "logic" (which is in fact my conclusion). My work is like my spiritual journey - the two being about the same thing as I rely on the impossible to be able to discuss the inconcievable in a way that is unimaginable yet fully comprehensible. Ummmm.
Reading 1 Corinthians 2 as part of my not-very-routine bible routine has once again proved completely relevant to what I am doing - even when what I am doing is maths homework. It has been a good day with lots of work (subjective view point granted) and some great God moments and, you'll never believe it, but I'm listening to Positive songs on my ipod now. Oh yes! The joy is coming back.
Incase you weren't already resigned, the next week or so will probably have a lot of crazy sounding maths that may or may not also claim to be spiritual. Sorry about that, but I'm gonna be pretty one tracked...
Oh, and one other cool thing. My old pastor from GVA sent round an email to anyone on the worship mailing list that said:
"Don't forget God is working His purpose out!!"
Really bloody handy that was, totally the sort of thing I need to hear. A little thrown by the randomness of it... till it came to light that that was the name of a hymn they are doing on Sunday! Still, good to know.
Hmmmmm. Feeling rather confident. Maybe it's the peace that passes understanding... Best go get something done this eve though. I have 2 ish hours, let's bend time!
My life.
Just a comment about the reading I was doing today for the previously mentioned paper (in which my thinking is majorly affected by the Bible but it's hard to express that convincingly when writing about Philosophy of Maths... see a few posts ago...). A book called 'Beyond the limits of thought', the first line of which was:
"Finitude is a basic fact of human existence."
We are going to have some problems.
The dude (his name is Priest, ironically) goes on to give the examples of human endurance, resources or even life itself. I really am not feeling eye to eye on this. What with God and all - who is later given as an example of something beyond the limit of our thought (quite a debate there among these learned people as to whether or not He is; if only I could bring 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 into it.)
Then it hit me, just now, that this is exactly where I am at. My "status" is hope in horror. The horror being the deadline, the limitation (in endurance, resources and time). The hope being that I can go beyond the limitations; that I am subject to neither deadline nor death; that finitude is a myth and while things are beyond understanding they are also completely within my grasp by His spirit. A paradox explained, but only outside the realm of earthly "logic" (which is in fact my conclusion). My work is like my spiritual journey - the two being about the same thing as I rely on the impossible to be able to discuss the inconcievable in a way that is unimaginable yet fully comprehensible. Ummmm.
Reading 1 Corinthians 2 as part of my not-very-routine bible routine has once again proved completely relevant to what I am doing - even when what I am doing is maths homework. It has been a good day with lots of work (subjective view point granted) and some great God moments and, you'll never believe it, but I'm listening to Positive songs on my ipod now. Oh yes! The joy is coming back.
Incase you weren't already resigned, the next week or so will probably have a lot of crazy sounding maths that may or may not also claim to be spiritual. Sorry about that, but I'm gonna be pretty one tracked...
Oh, and one other cool thing. My old pastor from GVA sent round an email to anyone on the worship mailing list that said:
"Don't forget God is working His purpose out!!"
Really bloody handy that was, totally the sort of thing I need to hear. A little thrown by the randomness of it... till it came to light that that was the name of a hymn they are doing on Sunday! Still, good to know.
Hmmmmm. Feeling rather confident. Maybe it's the peace that passes understanding... Best go get something done this eve though. I have 2 ish hours, let's bend time!
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