"Dreams can come true, look at me babe I'm with you..."

That was what came on my car radio last night as I came back from Michelle's and I meant to mention it in my blog but I never. So now I have. If this whole God thing really has come together then absolutely anything actually is possible - there was a time I never thought He could be with me and now look: He is and I still can't get over it.

Which is the reason that I am slowly going from being a person who expected things never to work out to someone who is always expecting everything to. Moments of absolute disdain aside (which can take a large chunk out of some of my days, granted) I have been having loads of hope recently. Ridiculous amounts. Raising them stakes good and high. The way I see it, if God is gonna top anything I can conceive of then the best thing for me to do is think BIG. That's a boring game theory model. Think BIG get BIGGER. Think small get Medium. There is no payoff formula is there? I think the answer is "Duh, Supersize me".

So today I did. I dreamed SO big. I planned the next 30 years of my life. There were lots of gaps, don't get me wrong, and I am not saying this all has to happen or else, I just figured "why not get excited by the possibilities?" Some of it is crazy and made up and I won't be really disappointed if becoming Prime Minister doesn't happen (hell, I'm not entirely sure how I would feel about a woman running the country!) and exactly how Eastern Europe comes into it is flexible... but some of it I can see clearly in one shape or another. Like community building in Bristol, being a homemaker (not the same as housewife), working with the homeless, female identity empowerment (not "female empowerment" which sounds a lot like feminism and I don't mean at all), starting a music project that gives opportunity to the deprived and disadvantaged and shares love with the world. I even decided that I probably did need a husband at some point and now have a pretty good feel of what he would need to be up for and capable of!! They're not all bad after all...

So I was kinda stoked about this vision. It clearly isn't going to look exactly like this but I reckon that God is putting some stuff in particular on my heart. And I really do get that if His alternative is to be, say a stay home mum for example, then that would be the better thing.

At the same time I was aware it's important that, in my expecting of great stuff and amazing gifts, how God wants to use me is so not about me. Which is really really hard. I don't know about you but I have this huge imagination which is lots of fun and exciting and enables me to see the "bigger picture" but it also leads me to get carried away with things that are just "cool". The advance autobiography that I wrote for myself would have gotten well loads of credit I swear. I would be everybody's fave prime minister and change the world... whilst also fabulously managing a family of 4/5 and recording several albums. And what with my "childlike" faith that God can do it I am prime candidate for missing the point that He probably shouldn't. I struggle enough with pride (when I'm not struggling with feeling down on myself, obviously) indeed even as I write I am proud that I have recognised this danger in advance! I just can't win...

So I'm sitting at this concert tonight with my sister, contemplating all these important things in my young brain, when God starts stirring a bit more. The gig was amazing. A team of musicians that work with prisoners and ex-prisoners as a rehab type thingy - called changing tunes, check it out. Some of the most powerful songs I have ever heard, particularly one that just spelled out in incredible "The Streets" style this really gritty gripping reality of the unhealthy complicated status between men and women. It all just added to the realisation that music is an amazing tool with the capacity to change lives and bring light. Hurrah! Inspiring much? Coincidence? I knew that I wanted to work with homeless people and "disadvantaged" youth 'cause that's where I have been "moved" and where my albeit limited experiences lie, so the prison work was a really cool overlap but with plenty of scope to bring it to others.

'Cause of course that is my priority. Tapping a new market. Helping people that have no other options. Really making a BIG difference. Being something incredible that makes people go wow and gives a warm fuzzy glow at the *number* of lives changed. Getting my M.B.E.

So I have to laugh when at the interval one of the musicians gets up and talks about this new project that has been set up in the kinda funky-but-really-quite-dodge part of town where there is already a huge vision for change and love revolution. A vision I already feel both excited by and jealous of. The project described ticks in every way what I had just decided to call my life works.

I can't help it. I feel like I missed the window, not been there from the start. Now I'm trying to carve out a special role for me in The Kingdom but really I mean in The World 'cause that is the place that my accolade would be coming from. I arrived back in England to see the beginning of a radical church movement in Bristol, a revolution underway; and though I'd been praying and excited and certain of it happening before I got here I was kinda annoyed that no-one waited. There have been people praying for decades but I had claims on the particular power of mine and where is the recognition? No-one even knows I exist.

So what is this post about? Well, I figure seeing as I don't get to be a "founder" of the self-harmony (it even has a cool name) thing and will no doubt have to be a "worker" instead then the least I could do is put it somewhere in writing that I thought of it too... independently of them!

Lol. I figure this is kinda how we are, right? People. Crap. Yet not. But still so. It's funny, sometimes if I'm really quiet I think I can hear my sinful nature fighting with the Holy Spirit as though they were sitting on my shoulders.

I know, I always have I think since I resigned myself to Christ, that it isn't about me. That community is the best thing and that as I allow it to become important and the love takes over then I will believe in it increasingly, till one day I know it wholeheartedly in every circumstance. Just it sucks when you want to be a pop star! Or anything else.

We see it everywhere you know, taking ownership. Even in the church. Duh, particularly. Even when it is about what God is doing people love to be able to claim that He is doing it just for them, because of what they have been doing and how they have been seeking. Even when it is a community it is a limited community, just you and your friends. Even when it is the Christian world as a whole we forget that it isn't just for us but for EVERYONE and get comfy and superior.

So what will I do? Write my plan in pencil I suppose. Go where He wants. Trust that the timing isn't a fudge and that I will be put in the right place even if that place is somewhere really small - which presumably it will be when my humility is still so small. I think that humility and importance are directly proportional you know. He only lifts people up that don't care - which is why I'm trying so hard not to!

One thing I read that is really helpful for me in my motivations lately (I can spend a long time over-analysing things and getting very confused about what is actually going on in my heart) is something Paul wrote. It's funny, I used to really hate that guy but he does say some good shit:

I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.

Which makes sense given how fickle and complicated we are.

So I will carry on dreaming and believing and seeking and petitioning what is on my heart to the best of my own understanding but there really is very little point in me trying to figure it all out, what with the constant internal battle. If God didn't put it in me then it won't last long, what with the victory having been won. I just have to let Him carry on changing me.

It does suck though. At the moment it still sucks... but I am a work in progress and the masterpiece is yet to be reveal...!

Resolutions and Change

Can I sum up in one post everything that I want to say?

The year is over. Only a few short hours away. Christmas has been an exciting but bewildering time. Having seen quite a few of my peers from my youth I have come into the realisation that I am on the cusp of being a grown up. Not a "young adult" or pretending anymore but actually fully matured with bills to pay and lives to plan. I'm not quite there yet but I reckon by the time my degree is over my establishment in adulthood will be well and truly made. I already am a bit of a wuss when it comes to late nights and hardcore socialising! My bob will be in place, my future starting to take shape and there will be no more excuses. Fortunately(?) I am not actually there yet but it seems close on the horizon...!

So where am I at? Well this term has seen me change as much as in the previous three months. A real time of finding and removing the bones and cleansing the land to get it ready for what is going to happen next. I feel my faith growing and am seeing more of God's power moving, in what feels like a direct result of that. I have had wonderful times of sharing what's happened to me, finding communities to build, experiencing good leadership and receiving great support. I've learnt that relationships and interdependency are what life is about and how we need to start actively working in our locality to be Jesus and see change occur.

Joy is oh so key. It is our strength even in the valleys, which these past few months have felt a bit like at times. But what a fruitful one it has been: really immediate and deep friendships with like minded people forming; establishing a Women of God community where we are seeking to live holistic lives of integrity; finding a place in Bristol as somewhere I feel my heart lies. Rediscovering love and what that is all about - everything. It is all you need. A many splendoured thing. I'm excited that two of the main things I have been involved in/am getting involved in are called Agapé and LoveBristol respectively. Love love love. God is love which is why it really is the most important thing, above all other agendas. I read 2 John yesterday and particularly appreciated how it was for a woman (though it really is relevant to everyone). This bit really jumped out at me:

"And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."

I've got chills they're multiplying. And it isn't the coffee... Which I drink now, from time to time. Probably the reason this post is a bit disconnected! Finding peace in myself leaves me a lot freer to do such things (in moderation obviously) though I don't think I like being this woosey so I won't make a regular habit of it!

What now then? As I go into the new year I have several practical goals for the next stage:

To start a trust fund like a scholarship for homeless people with a specific need. I hate meeting those that, for want of mere money, are trapped in a viscous and destructive cycle.

To start a free shop - let's beat the system man! I'm clearing out and as I slowly break free of the consumerist "stuff" pattern I want to see a trend being set for change. It's obviously not working and the world is finally starting to see it so let's facilitate that.

To give more to my communities, living an integrated holistic life and putting faith into practice.

To eat more "whole" foods and start cooking/baking from scratch.

To commit to finishing my degree and being dedicated to that - and finding cool God moments in the maths!

To pray more!! That's the hardest one I think.

To make more music (though I fear that is for the second half of the year once the work is done).

To write a student alternative newspaper that promotes living a different life to the way the world functions. On an environmental and economic slant promoting community, sustainability, rediscovered identity and creativity. Holistic living and a loving lifestyle. Sounds a bit glib but I have hopes and as we look for "Another Way" the idea is to introduce The Way, in Truth and be intentionally evangelical with it. 'Cause duh, that is the whole point isn't it? This last one goes in bold as it will require the most work and 'cause I want you to pray for it...!

On top of all this I want to see more of God's love and power in my life and get to know him more and deepen our relationship... but then really, who doesn't?!

Let's face it though. This is a lot and will take a hell of a commitment not to mention supernatural support. I feel, in order to be realistic, that from my perspective something has to give... and that something is going to be Baby Got Brit.

As I mentioned before, when I started writing I was in a different place. Half my time could be spent living and the other half telling my blog readers about it :-P Now I barely have a moment spare to tell myself and it is just unsustainable to try and capture it here. And we all know that unsustainable is not good. I am not nearly as compulsive which is great for me but means I am not obsessing over blogging and have found it increasingly hard to do so. There are tons of incomplete stories in my draft box and I have to accept that it just can't happen right now.

The thing is, as I have said before, writing alone isn't going to do very much. My observational skills have been honed and there is now no denying that I am fully equipped to understand all the analogies and can no longer hide behind the analysis - it is time to close my laptop and get my hands dirty.

It's not a total goodbye. For one thing once the degree is done it might be the right time - I am considering voluntary unemployment for a while (not that I will necessarily have the option anyway) which may or may not leave me free to write... plus I will still put the odd (quite literally) thing up in the interim if I write a poem or an article for proposed magazine. You never know, I may even pop by for a chat randomly or if I find something funny (so long as I don't use it as a procrastination tool - keep me accountable!) but the point is that my life is no longer going to be available for download. This processor can't cope with how big it's got - there are simply too many bits of information to communicate.

Lol, now it's over I'll suddenly want to be here all the time! I can't say for sure what will happen and once again this may be another big idea that doesn't quite work out and I will return, wiser. But, as with attempting a homeless choir in 3 months (check out 'Homeless Stuffs' tag) with limited French and no idea didn't quite pan into a Sister Act moment, it did still turn out with God saying it was cool. We had a gig at the end of the engaGE week and it was a wonderful time where there was joy living in that place, the staff suddenly went from miserable to fun loving and people got a chance to have the something-more-than-just-dinner moment that I first been inspired by. The last day I was there a lady spoke to me that never had before saying in perfect English that she had really enjoyed it and I felt like it had all been worthwhile. So I think even if my "big ideas" seem a little over-reaching it will be OK and God can turn them to something sweet. Better than doing Fuck All anyway, in't it?

Alors, bye bye baby, Baby bye bye. Who knows what the future brings... the story goes on but not right here right now. Stay in touch, the open invite still remains (though ideally do ring first!) and if we never "speak" again I hope to see you on the other side...

Love Kat(i)e x x x

It's Official

I am officially back. I just changed my facebook regional network from Switzerland to Bristol. [Edit: I wrote Geneva instead of Bristol but that would make no sense.]

Interesting observation: I had 50 friends in the Swiss network and 51 in the Bristol one. You know what I'm like with things like that - it just says to me that I have tipped the balance between here and there. Which is kinda what it was like returning...

I had an amazing time in Geneva. I saw friends that I love dearly; got the chance to do things I never thought I would (more to follow on everything that the gig taught me and what it was like, including mental photos!); learnt TONS (was talking to a BRS friend the night I got back and she said that she had felt it was going to be a time of... and we both said together: "accelerated learning" which was so true); got real direction from God as to what He is planning next and a bit about later too...; had a chance to chill; to say goodbye to some people; to get re-encouraged about what was important when I left - like prayer and worship, both of which are really starting up here too, seemingly; to catch the lovely GVA peeps up on what has been going on - which felt like a lot. Indeed, when I saw how much Mia (YAGs 20ish month year old darling) had grown and was talking, making sense and singing worship songs and all it was like she had done the same amount of intense growing as I had these two months! Not that I'm claiming to make sense you understand, I just like obscure imagery. Not the best structured paragraph I ever wrote but I suppose what I am saying is that it was a good time, in a jumbled thought processes kind of a way. I celebrated my 5 month rebirth day whilst there and it was nice to do that there at the retreat where so much had happened the year before (I don't think I ever wrote that story did I! That really has to happen...).

And I felt different. At times like I had already moved on even. Which is right and good and I am grateful that, even so, I still have these blessed friendships. I feel like I am in a place of enjoying it for what it was and letting it be something different as time goes by. Not my last visit for sure but it was the final chapter of something. And the beginning of something new!! :-D

The more I change the more I see there is to change but that is cool 'cause I have a really short attention span!

Coming back my flat was finally a home. It had curtains! Another symbol that I am really settled here now. I have decided on where I will make my home church (it turns out not my sister's chuch but the other one - which is a shame but kinda cool as my church's sister church is my sister's church which makes a lot of sense to me); found a few great things screaming out to get involved in (like co-rewriting the training for the discipleship/evangelistic programme and doing a wholeness course which ties in perfectly with what I've been learning... I will let you know how that goes); reconnected with my lovely new friends (who I'm going away with this weekend!); and changed my network.

Which tips the balance to 51. Also the percentage that gives someone a majority share and priority. My return to La Suisse is over, I am back for the long haul and while the trip was great and I love you guys tons and always will, I am fully at home here.

Until God says otherwise anyway :-)

The Anaesthesia is Wearing Off

When I got the placement in Geneva it really felt like I was being pushed out of the country. I applied 'cause it seemed like too good an opportunity to miss out on but I was comfortable in my existence, miserable though it was, and didn't actually want to go. Every stage of interview I went through I said "Yes" but only because I could not, reasonably, say “No”. I said to my mum back then that if I got offered the post I would probably do the same thing but I still spent my whole time making excuses for why it was not a good idea (they were crap by the way). As I made the phone call to refuse the offer, I remember the rainbow that I wrote about 2 posts ago and confirmed.

And so, in a moment, my life was changed.

When I went to La Suisse I took with me a lot of baggage (literally and figuratively speaking). There was a lot of unpacking that needed doing - it turned out that (metaphorically) I had gone and destroyed my heart completely and needed a transplant. At the time it was remarkable how I managed to let go so much of the past and just enjoy life again. With England in the background everything of before seemed a long way away and not at all important. With my new heart I was healed!

Yet there is a time to mourn and a time to dance. England is no longer a fuzzy memory but a very real and tangible place in which I reside. Amidst all the excitement about God giving to me everywhere that I put my foot I am realising that, though the battle is won, there are a lot of skeletons to bury.

It feels like, post-op and post-fabulous feeling of being made whole, the numbness is wearing off and with that I am aware of the tenderness around the incision.

Now, don't worry, I am not writing this in floods of tears. The main initial pain was incredibly avoided with the anaesthesia that is God's love. The new heart has been in place sufficiently long that rejection is unlikely and I still have a large number of carers to check I am stable and keep the wounds clean: Ana last night fed me the most sophisticated TV dinner known to man – stuffed trout with steamed veg, then totally let me vent to her; tonight I am off to house group with my sister and btw the leaders are North American which makes me feel strangely at home!

All of which is great 'cause while it heals I am at a higher risk of infection. For this reason I must be particularly vigilant with aftercare and staying away from major causes of disease till I am strong enough to “be a doctor” myself.

I just have to remember that the pain is part of the joy; acknowledging the past is part of the release from it. It needs to happen which is why I must neither avoid nor fear it. If I stayed in the Geneva mindset it would be akin to drug abuse, keeping anaesthetised long after appropriate and just running away. I know enough people that don’t face up to the emotional fall out of catastrophe to realise that this is the only way ahead. I don’t want to end up smacked off my head on pain killers – figuratively or not. Sometimes you just have to feel it.

But, and it is more of a huge J-Lo sized BUT, there is a huge difference with the inclusion of a new heart. My health is so much better that, while the tenderness is there, I am able to deal with the strain. Obviously it is the God aspect of that which makes a difference. I am fitter than ever before and it is sure not by my own strength.

I totally didn't realise (perhaps naïvely) that I still need to do this but I am content that it is all part of the process and that, one day, the scars will not hurt.

And so, over time, my life will yet again change.

[I didn’t write the rainbow post thinking I would write this a few days later by the way; it just seems to have fitted together as certain things have happened. Not surprising, God is cool like that.]

Bows Are Back in Fashion

I’m publishing this post and last Thurs at the same time.  That is because, lovely though it is, my little nest does not have much web action and I only have uni-based semi-reliable connections.  Today I am coming to you from chez-ma-soeur though I actually wrote it last night.  Sneaky eh?

So, while I cannot give you a run down on what church was like (as technically I have not been yet) I can give a bit of a low down on Bristol this week.

Well, it has rained a lot.  An old friend from Woodies came to stay on Friday and that was great – I think she just came down to see if it was really true.  Wonderful opportunity to connect with UK based Christians and do some pretty damn great bible study.

But it has rained a lot.  Went to see Mamma Mia! for the second time with my dear sister this evening (Sat) which is amazing and I can’t decide if I prefer Colin or Pierce (spelling?) in spandex grooving out to Waterloo.  I also enjoyed spending time with someone that I know is going to be an integral part in this next step of my journey.

It rained on the way back too.

Turns out, rain is a pretty standard part of life.  And it is indeed lifegiving – we would be screwed without it.  Sometimes, however, you can’t help but wish that there was a little less rain and a little more sparkly sunshineness.  Specially in this hilly region of the West Country.

And so comes the analogy…

Rain, like pain, is a part of life.  The sermon on the last day I was in Geneva was about accepting suffering and still finding joy.  What really stuck out was the idea that we spend so long trying to avoid sufferance that we think it is a bad thing.  But it is so clear that in suffering we come closer to God as we prove our faith (see bible to back up this statement) and for this reason should rejoice in it.  It is through the fire that we are refined.

I am a little bit worried that God is preparing me to suffer.  You know, when you hear a message a few times to the point that it becomes blogworthy?  I watched on Friday night the movie, correction: film, Shadowlands.  Story of C.S. Lewis.  It was really good, I thought.  The final fade out comment that he makes was that the pain is part of the joy; that you need to experience the two together.  Today in Hebrews, having just been absentmindedly sing “O-B-E-Y obey your Heavenly Dad…” (kids song from EBCG), we read the bit - here - that talks about Jesus learning obedience through suffering meaning, not that Jesus was disobedient before then, but that His obedience was not proven until He did it despite what He had to bear.

I must admit, it is a little bit unnerving.  I haven't exactly had to prove my obedience or test my faith. As yet.

But, one of my more fabulous favourite things of nature is the rainbow.  This is because it depicts to me in theory what it means in practice.  When I first visited Geneva, before I had even been offered the job, God showed me a rainbow in the jet and, though I was not a Christian and could not accept the symbolic significance of God’s promises, I could see clearly the idea that through the storm clouds shines a light and gives something beautiful.

[This isn't the same rainbow of that day in June 2007 (the big football is kinda a giveaway) but it is in the same place.]

And that, my friend, is exactly what the promises of God are about.  We have the dark clouds of pain and suffering, the light of God shining through (post tenebras…) and then the glory of His fulfilled promises hangs over our lives. 

So while it has rained a lot, and there are whisperings of suffering when it really does not feel like it and I really do not feel like it, I am glad that in all this Bristol has been going through a season of rainbows.

'Cause what with all the rain I have spotted a few this week... here is one that I snapped from my bedroom window t'other day:

[That's my communal garden out there... check out the washing line! Cute much?]

So yeah.  Have some good solid biblical stuff to finish off with as far as suffering and growth goes.  Check it out if you don't know what I mean: Romans 5:3-5.

Brizzle foe shizzle me dizzle

Just a quicky as I have to pop off and see yet another old friend this afternoon.  Socialising is hard work, I don't think I will ever have time for a proper job.

You know when "they" say you can speak things over yourself?  I hope that last statement is one of those things!

Bristol is cool.  Cooler than me and my stupid faux 'hood talk.  Here is something really cool on the wall of [one of] my local pub[s], not 5 minutes from home, that has appeared since I last lived here:

Oh yes, it is a proper Bansky.  How cool is dat?  I will be challenging your graff pics Darryl, with him as a local artist... :-P

I went for lunch with my sister today which was nice.  It's been fun finding new places to hang out, as old haunts have gone or changed... or haven't done either when they ought!  Walking her back to work I met an old coursemate rounding the corner and was greeted with recognition, or so I thought.  Me and C both respond the same and then look at each other in bewilderment while the girl in question then notices me for the first time. There was a moment of appreciable puzzlement.  Confusion over it turns out my ex mathematician pal is now a colleague of ma soeur.  What a small world we live in.

Other things I have been doing involve unpacking, chilling out, shopping (oh how good that is when you are justified in doing it!), making my little nest all cosy like, reading a bit of maths, doing a bit of colouring and painting, connecting with people "randomly", thinking A LOT about everything and trying to work out how to balance living an ethical life with living a feasible and fun life - but that's a whole post of its own...!

Yeah.  My brain is slowly defrosting.  Coming soon: pretentious overthoughout issues with no solutions...

New Chapter, New Verse

1st of September was my first day back in Bristol.  I moved here with my car jam packed, safe journey = total blessing, and I was slowly realising that this is it.  The beginning of life in Bristol.  Exactly a year on since when got to Geneva and was thinking 'maybe, just maybe, life will change from this' and now I am seeing the very real and definite truth of that.

10 days before I moved to La Suisse I became the "lucky" and proud owner of a very small, very cute lady-flat in Brizzle.  Totally right for me, an absolutely blessing and I am looking forward to living in it and making my first home there.  Perfect single Christian girl flat :-)  When I lived there for a brief period last year I was like 'It's my new home!' and got really excited even though I knew it was only for ten days.  That as it happens turned out to be a really amazing time in which I became best mates with Ana and was totally blessed by that friendship (yes my dear, I do consider you to be a gift from God!).  It was also the period (and place) in which she met her man Dan with whom she is now old and boring with...!

So yesterday I came back one year on and it was one of those "waiting pays off" moments.  When you realise really clearly that the concept of everything having a time and a place and whatnot is true and that letting things live out like that is the best thing.  But with all the patience I had got the hang of, I clean forgot to get excited about the fact that this time IT IS IT!!  I get to move in and make a home and put up whatever I like on the walls and not worry about keeping it sparse 'cause I am leaving at the end of the year.  I am still only starting to realise it is for now and the waiting is over... and is was SO worth it.

And, like I had a 10 day taster of the flat, I also had a 10 day taster of Ana.  Now I get her all the time!  She was the first visitor I had and her and Dan helped me totally unload my car then dragged me off to their fantastic seaview pad in Portishead, ran me a bath, cooked me dinner and insulted me!  Got to love having friends like that... It was such a perfect first day back and I was overwhelmed with the truth of the fact that life here is GREAT.

And so perspective changes again.  I knew Bristol was going to be good but in Geneva it kinda took a backward step, blurry as it were with Switzerland in the foreground.  Now they have changed places and, just as I loved Ana from afar but didn't get to eat her Thai, the same will be for GVA.  Robyn's late-night-fruity-salad; Caro's not-as-green-as-I-expected-(but still very good!)-guacamole... Brian's mega-beast-of-an-omelette! Not to mention all the other wonderful people and things and food and places that I love and miss.  But the good news is that I can get maple syrup here (thanks mum!) and I can use Skype, so really it don't matter too much.  The blurry background is still very much a part of my bigger picture.

I'll leave you on some funnies and praises:

-When I was driving here I was like "God, I know you answer prayer and if you don't its 'cause you have a good reason for it and a better plan but really, I don't see what you would not want me to have a parking space right by my flat" - there it was directly opposite when I arrived. Allelujah!

-When I was talking to Dan and said it feels like a new chapter he asked me if nowadays I lived my life by chapter and verse... He also air kissed me goodbye this morning and said "I won't kiss you 'cause that's like 3rd base for you people".  Christian jokes, got to love 'em!  On a serious note I am really glad that we can keep our close friendship despite the changes.  I know Ana was worried I'd be boring but I have proved to her that in fact she is more so - being all settled and loved up and all!

-As we walked along the harbour this morning (beautiful btw, I will get some piccies up) a local man asked us - in a really fabulous SW accent - whether the swan with it's leg out was OK or if he should call the RSPB.  Then Dan was like 'no that swan is always like that, he has a dodgy leg but he's alright'. Love that there are locals that care and more so that there is a local swan.  This place is cool.

So.  Being back in the home town feels pretty good.  Gert good in fact.  As Annie, fellow ginger given a new start in life, would say:

I think I'm going to like it here.

Slow Motion

I am incredibly tired. Like, sitting down in the hall and lying still doing nothing for two hours once I've finished breakfast tired. I hate it. I have SO MUCH to do today: am in the middle of packing as I leave my parents house and head towards Bristol and the new home and life waiting for me there. I can only take what will fit into my Nissan Micra - the clue is in the name (MS I'll put up pics when I can be arsed) - and there is lots left behind that needs to be in some kind of semblance of order. All this and I just want to sit around. Even blogging is an effort.

It worries me. I don't like it one bit and am convinced I am ill. My mother on the other hand seems to think that it is perfectly normal that after a summer jam packed with activity, a final week of mayhem, moving countries, sorting out and moving house here, plus all the emotional jack that goes with it all, may take its toll. Well, I don't know. Maybe she's right. How pants is that, I really need to be able to go go go.

Or not. So apparently it is time to stop and rest and move at half speed for a while. I am just going to have to listen to my body and not have unreasonable expectations of myself. That is, after all, one of the grace killers and if I want to be in line with God's plans perhaps I will have to be content to not do very much.

September, it seems, is going to be a slow month but I suppose that fits in with where I am at right now. I took everything I possibly could from my time in Geneva, would have done more if I had the time. Now I just need to absorb it all and recoup. My body, it seems, is not taking anymore abuse! Plus I am starting 'school' in a month and would quite like to be on top form for that. Haven't done so well in the past and I must take the time to be the best prepared I can, that this time I really do it properly.

On top of this my mind too is half asleep so who knows what will happen to BGB? I won't have the internet where I am going, though apparently the whole harbourside in Bristol is now wireless (some change is good change - the indisputable example!), but the future is unclear... Maybe once the fog clears I'll let you know what the outcome of it all is.

See you around, though I will be slow and boring for a while so perhaps not!

To Russia, With Love

I have spent a lot of time going on about how fabulous my brand spank new life is. Possibly to a sickening degree. Today I want to make it clear that exciting as life here is (and believe me today was pretty special - someone at music practise asked for some of my water and it turns out they were testing what I was drinking! That's how excited I was...) I do have a dual identity and back in Bristol, UK where I make my home I am eagerly awaiting the completion of my degree and an exciting future built around the ragamuffin youth of today (or cruise ship singing). Not only that but I am not altogether going to give some aspects of pre-Geneva and they need to be acknowledged.

I say this for two reasons. 1) I arranged my return flight today (24th August for anyone who cares) and have been doing the necessary planning for moving and scheduling and whatnot which got me all nostalgic; and 2) I just spoke to Ana and she has not gotten enough air time recently...!

Anastasia is my best cold hearted Russian friend. We've known each other since 2004 but only became close mates 10 days before I left last August. Strange that - we lived round the corner from each other briefly and had nothing better to do! The first weeks and months of life here were made so much easier with her on skype. I remember fondly the good old days of Friday nights in with a bottle of wine - at either end! As things picked up pace for both of us we became more independent but she helped me loads through the initial period and I was so lucky to have her - I like to think it was all part of 'the plan' and I don't think she'll mind being called a Gift from God!

We wanted to live together, get a puppy together (called Roger) and grow old together when men failed us. Sadly, she went and fell in love (with one of my friends no less) and is now living with him, getting a puppy with him and growing old together with, wait for it, him! Dan, you are a lovely but seriously mate, do you know what you are letting yourself in for? This is the mean Bond Villain Nazi that believes in survival of the fittest for all human beings and scared me into writing her a tribute in my blog!

I have missed you my Russian Princess :-)

Heaps of blessings to you both as you move into your first proper home together next week... :-O (mental) x x x

Back in the day:

A Postcard from the Emerald Isle

Seeing as you are still checking in on the blog, thanks by the way, I feel like I should write a quick note to you all.

Bristol. Wopnderful. Lovely time with sister, Ana and new bar/restaurant place. Excited to return, loved the fact that it was the same but yet different. Update on the Oreo's: there is a big campaign to bring them in and they even have Oreo McFlurry. Love it!

Dublin. Ace. The Irish are friendly, all is forgiven from past experiences of them. I met a museum man that was wonderful and friendly and told us the following:
That he was the original caveman, never learnt to drive, never had a mobile phone, didn't have a passport. He was cool. Told us he liked to walk his dog but had little success teaching him how to switch on the TV... very fabulous not withstanding the accent which just made it momentous. Art gallery good, food good, beer good, very aware that there is lots to sample in life and little (relatively speaking) time so just gotta take what you can and chill out.

Hopefully beach tomorrow and the Guiness factory.

In other news, Darryl is a liar. I heard him speak French.

In summary: Bailey's cheese cake is a gimic, Irish stew is not; it is confirmed that God resides in the UK and Ireland as well as Switzerland-yet to pass judgement on Hungary and Austria but it looks good...

Now have many things to do, hostel internet may run out and anyway how sad am I to be here and not doing something Irish or at the very least sociable. This must be the fastest blog I have ever written and the quality will be testimony to that. Oh well, what can you do.

Last funny anecdote to keep you interested: Robyn and I rolled down a hill in skirts. It's pretty rubbish as far as funny stories go but the pictures are cute and I can't be arsed to think harder.

Ta ta!