I've been sitting by a window all day, watching the snow in my garden melt at an incredible pace and hearing birds chirp. There have been foxes and blackbirds and all kinds of water dripping. It feels like the first day of spring.
Straight after yesterday, the deepest winteryness I've seen in England for years.
It was quite fabulous. I got hardly any work done (plumber in the house meant I couldn't relax but at least I have hot showers now!) but I did get some hope. Oddly. The little pieces of snow, making magic happen one piece at a time. Altogether causing big change though insignificant alone. Lovely.
Also, due to the snow I had my evening plans canceled which meant that when quite out of the blue an old friend from Geneva was in the city for 'one night only' we could hang out. Barely spoke for ages and now he is moving to Exeter to be a marine! What a small world... we went to my friends's place for a big community meal and had some really cool chats. I do like last minute.
Whenever things like that happen I feel like God is doing something. Haven't a clue what but got to be something, all them pieces falling together like that. Could be quite invisible or abstracted but still, something...
I want to get on with my work as I am making snowflakes progresses and hoping it will all add up, so I shall be off. But what with yesterday feeling like the start of "something" cool and now the newness of spring, I have decided to post this poem I wrote called "New Beginnings". It was written for Michelle in Geneva as a YAGs auction item. Offered October 2007, theme picked March 2008 and I got it in the post just before Christmas.
New beginnings
So clear in the spring
All life gives birth, flowers from earth
Babies from… who knows where?
Stork or cabbage or something less fair
Each little-one angels watch over in care
New beginnings
The start of a story
Hope in the journey from Hades to glory
Oh what a joy to watch how He plays
Breath-baited angels run errands and praise
But none comprehend His mysterious ways
New beginnings
When a soul turns from darkness to light
As the son rises, the end of the night
Angels in heaven are celebrating
One little lost sheep and all that rejoicing
Oh what a start, rescued by a King
New beginnings
The daily expression
As we come to God with a heartfelt confession
Obedience blown on a whim or in fear
Fallen angels whispering in our ear
In forgiveness renewal, the slate wiped clear
New beginnings
Oh holy night
In cold winter climes we celebrate life
Humbly born into earthly frustration
While voices in heaven sing of salvation
The angels can see He's the Hope of the Nations
New beginnings
That old metaphor
Each telling a story of the Creator
As He converts his love into life
To make it spring up and echo the cry
Of thousands of angels high up in the sky
Rejoicing eternity that began in a word
In the beginning was God.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
hopeactually
Essay is not really any further along what with having had to postpone French work a whole week till yesterday evening. Today has been one of slowly waking up to the world following lots of presentation pressure, only to be submersed again tomorrow in a land of distraction, study and imminence.
Miss Spitfire came over to see me at the weekend, much to my delight. And indeed salvation, I would not have been able to survive if it were not for her... Really wakened me up to my inbuilt issues with self-reliance, that visit did. I got over it enough to submit, albeit legalistically at times, to God but to surrender myself to the support of others has been *quite* uncomfortable. I can talk all day about community and interdependence and how God provides for me through people but when the shadows creep in, the computer crashes an hour before or the mind is just not even pretending to cope anymore one tends to "forget" how to put the words into action. Needing help made me downright angry, allowing it to happen just felt like absolute crap.
Yet I need to get over that I know it. So, vulnerability rears it's not actually ugly just not "conventionally accepted" head and reminds me of my fallibility. Who am I to try and cope alone anyway? Even Jesus didn't do that.
Godwise? Lots of thinking, even *some* clarity coming there. Issues being raise up, semi-answers sort of fall into place... now is no time to try and talk about that as I have a week and a half to go before I can justify the deep expounding of anything in a non-mathematical area (and even then it would probably be a bit of a long shot). I think am the best I've been since the very start of the year (where if you recall I was actually feeling excellent till it all fell apart literally overnight) and reckon, perhaps, that all the "of the world" trials have helped me to draw near to God in reliance - like a teenager that is angry at their parent but really needs a lift to the pub. Sort of.
'Cause what I have been doing is getting increasingly angry, mostly at Him, and yesterday that really culminated like some kind of inflamed pustule. I pretty much decided that I was fed up of the life I was being subjected to, the constant battle it seems to be to get anything done or to see any progress and how really I was just not up for it anymore... so I popped. My new red glasses have an interesting and even newer shape that testifies to this fact. The strange thing was that as I expressed this I knew, deep down, that it would be OK and that actually God did know what I could bear, He would get me through it and I was going to be OK nay perhaps even better off. Not actually a good feeling I have you know, very much like a teacher that has this "I know best" look and you don't want it to be true but it just is.
Thing is, I can't shake the hope. Despite the fear I have always had this hope and, as God became a consistent feature in my life, it became more and more fulfilled. Nay, turned into faith a little, perhaps. Sometimes you want to indulge in the misery of it all but really, deep down, there is this hope. And, as I shake pain from the past, the hope flows even freer (sp?).
Just, sometimes I don't like the process through which I mush keep hoping. I've heard some pretty cool prophecies for this year and, in all honesty, for me right now one of the most spot on ones is a passing comment I myself made on New Year's Day - when me and two friends had an amazing "improv" pray sesh. One girl said '2008 was great' (which is true! :-)) and I followed almost immediately with '2009 - refine'. Dang it, I seem to have spoken that into being!
But I just "know", somehow, that God is getting me ready for something or other and is doing stuff in me that I may be up to the task. I feel broken shattered and bruised but that is, yet again, a good place for God's strength to be made complete and for my dependency on Him to be renewed. This verse in Job 23:9-10 that I just "got" really sums it up:
"When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
So, ummmm, yeah. Not actually looking forward at all to the next few weeks... but the next few years may just rock out; if I can only get through the fire.
And learning to rely on other people is sure to help. Mummy is coming to look after me next week which is utterly wonderful, welcome and necessary, though I don't envy at all what she will go through! I am just so grateful that there are people who care enough to take me in my unrefined state; I know I won't make it to shiny without being held up in the process...
Miss Spitfire came over to see me at the weekend, much to my delight. And indeed salvation, I would not have been able to survive if it were not for her... Really wakened me up to my inbuilt issues with self-reliance, that visit did. I got over it enough to submit, albeit legalistically at times, to God but to surrender myself to the support of others has been *quite* uncomfortable. I can talk all day about community and interdependence and how God provides for me through people but when the shadows creep in, the computer crashes an hour before or the mind is just not even pretending to cope anymore one tends to "forget" how to put the words into action. Needing help made me downright angry, allowing it to happen just felt like absolute crap.
Yet I need to get over that I know it. So, vulnerability rears it's not actually ugly just not "conventionally accepted" head and reminds me of my fallibility. Who am I to try and cope alone anyway? Even Jesus didn't do that.
Godwise? Lots of thinking, even *some* clarity coming there. Issues being raise up, semi-answers sort of fall into place... now is no time to try and talk about that as I have a week and a half to go before I can justify the deep expounding of anything in a non-mathematical area (and even then it would probably be a bit of a long shot). I think am the best I've been since the very start of the year (where if you recall I was actually feeling excellent till it all fell apart literally overnight) and reckon, perhaps, that all the "of the world" trials have helped me to draw near to God in reliance - like a teenager that is angry at their parent but really needs a lift to the pub. Sort of.
'Cause what I have been doing is getting increasingly angry, mostly at Him, and yesterday that really culminated like some kind of inflamed pustule. I pretty much decided that I was fed up of the life I was being subjected to, the constant battle it seems to be to get anything done or to see any progress and how really I was just not up for it anymore... so I popped. My new red glasses have an interesting and even newer shape that testifies to this fact. The strange thing was that as I expressed this I knew, deep down, that it would be OK and that actually God did know what I could bear, He would get me through it and I was going to be OK nay perhaps even better off. Not actually a good feeling I have you know, very much like a teacher that has this "I know best" look and you don't want it to be true but it just is.
Thing is, I can't shake the hope. Despite the fear I have always had this hope and, as God became a consistent feature in my life, it became more and more fulfilled. Nay, turned into faith a little, perhaps. Sometimes you want to indulge in the misery of it all but really, deep down, there is this hope. And, as I shake pain from the past, the hope flows even freer (sp?).
Just, sometimes I don't like the process through which I mush keep hoping. I've heard some pretty cool prophecies for this year and, in all honesty, for me right now one of the most spot on ones is a passing comment I myself made on New Year's Day - when me and two friends had an amazing "improv" pray sesh. One girl said '2008 was great' (which is true! :-)) and I followed almost immediately with '2009 - refine'. Dang it, I seem to have spoken that into being!
But I just "know", somehow, that God is getting me ready for something or other and is doing stuff in me that I may be up to the task. I feel broken shattered and bruised but that is, yet again, a good place for God's strength to be made complete and for my dependency on Him to be renewed. This verse in Job 23:9-10 that I just "got" really sums it up:
"When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
So, ummmm, yeah. Not actually looking forward at all to the next few weeks... but the next few years may just rock out; if I can only get through the fire.
And learning to rely on other people is sure to help. Mummy is coming to look after me next week which is utterly wonderful, welcome and necessary, though I don't envy at all what she will go through! I am just so grateful that there are people who care enough to take me in my unrefined state; I know I won't make it to shiny without being held up in the process...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
2,000
That's a lot of visits! Well, it's obviously interval dependent but it's still a nice sounding big number! I'd like to thank my parents, for their unceasing interest in my life; my sister for logging in a few times a day to make me look popular and generally being really encouraging; Darryl for humouring me and giving me the prod to start with; Ms Spitfire for loads (though I'm going to do that with a sulky face given she doesn't seem to be around very much right now :-S); British Nathan for being so affirming early on; Lizzie for being so affirming recently; anyone that has ever commented really; my "followers" (oh I have noticed the number grew to plural and then some!); all you people who visit a normal amount :-P; anyone that typed in a song lyric and by chance found me (it still counts as a hit!)... Ummm, and I think that might be it. If you don't fit into those formal catergories then the jury is out on whether you can have a proper class - it may compromise the hierarchy of sets but, to hell with it, have your own collection and I'll thank you too!
I am a pretty different person since I started writing. I think that I have changed a lot since my first counted visitor (I actually added the counter on the eve on my B so I know that have changed a lot) but it's not all been for good. Lots of God - Yay! A bit too much Christianity - *sharp intake of breath*. I of course mean by the world's definitions and not the biblical one. Words are what you make them people - semantics are everything. As I saw once on a random wall in Vienna just at the right moment:
"Don't try to be an apple if you're a banana, you'll only be a second rate apple."
I have almost definitely overcompensated at times - I can be a bit of an all or nothing girl. Made in the image of Christ not generic Christian. It's funny to joke about but less funny to become.
We'll talk about that another time. I've used enough words, I'm off to watch Neighbours!
I am a pretty different person since I started writing. I think that I have changed a lot since my first counted visitor (I actually added the counter on the eve on my B so I know that have changed a lot) but it's not all been for good. Lots of God - Yay! A bit too much Christianity - *sharp intake of breath*. I of course mean by the world's definitions and not the biblical one. Words are what you make them people - semantics are everything. As I saw once on a random wall in Vienna just at the right moment:
"Don't try to be an apple if you're a banana, you'll only be a second rate apple."
I have almost definitely overcompensated at times - I can be a bit of an all or nothing girl. Made in the image of Christ not generic Christian. It's funny to joke about but less funny to become.
We'll talk about that another time. I've used enough words, I'm off to watch Neighbours!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
I just had a lovely girly night out. Day in fact. I spent the afternoon at the Christmas market in Bath with a friend from Geneva who now lives in South UK (which is great!) and then came back for a chocolate party with "my ladies" and other friends. SO great. It was buy nothing day but I decided that legalism loses to relationship any time and so went shopping. Consumerism is my pet hate but it totally doesn't win over love :o)
Then I went out with this wonderful chick named Whitney. She is from Toronto!! I love having Canadian friends, I am so used to them now it would suck if I didn't know any. We were going out to party with her friend for his bday but we had one of those moments where, like, it was totally, just, impossibly rubbish. You know? Got in a taxi across Bris (wearing heels and also on rapist alert) and so that cost like £8 to find out that they were about to head back across town to go to a club that, I kid you not, we got into the taxi in front of.
Now, I might fool you as a clubbing girl but to be honest I am too lazy. I like to dance but I don't like to be out tired when there is a journey ahead of me and I could have been in bed already. It's quite a sad confession. I had gotten all excited but then when it came down to it I was not that cool. My feet were hurting, I didn't know anybody and we had just wasted money to be in this uncomfortable place. I nearly panicked. I lie, I had a full minute and a half where I wanted to cry over the obvious mistake. Why didn't I assert against this? Then, in my place of prayer and repentance (possible unnecessary use of word there) God made things OK. I decided we weren't going to go - I have to sing at church in the morning anyway and there was no way that the way to correct a mistake is to keep persevering at it! But we were already on Gloucester Road so we made the most of it: went for a drink together and then picked up chips (from the best chippy in Bristol) on the way home! And lo, God made something good out of it... Thank you :-)
So, what's all this about love in the title? Well, the thing is that when girls get together, I can't lie, we talk about boys. We don't ONLY talk about boys but it does have a tendency to come up. If you have one, if you want one, if you don't have one, if you don't want one...! It doesn't stop being interesting. All day it had been somehow or other on the agenda and so I come home thinking about how I feel about them. Which is mixed.
As I have shared before, I have had a bit of a tendency to be in a dependent place with men. Seeing them as an easy fix for the love that we are all programmed to desire but should be finding in God. This would be an all too simple way to describe my relationship problems. Now I don't think I am worse that other people but today I want to address the common theme of conversation and share some thoughts (albeit it in a convoluted manner), which are quite the opposite of previous assertions. I don't just struggle with too much want of relationships... oh no, in keeping with the popular theme of "complicated" too often it is all about the not wanting them enough...
We are talking about fear of commitment. Or maybe not commitment but affection. Or a mixture of all kinds of scary tings. I wrote a poem t'other day that says it a lot better so I will now copy that in:
So many people are afraid of love
Afraid to feel love
Afraid to be loved
Afraid to not feel love
Afraid to not be loved
Why are we afraid?
Fear: There to protect us
A response to something more powerful than us
We fear God because he is Awesome
God is love
Is that why we fear love?
The theory: That when we fear God we need not fear anything else
Though there are many things more powerful than me there are none more powerful than He
But that does not make me think that when I fear it is always right and good
I often fear when I should not
‘Tis not my vulnerability but independency that stops me being worry free
Love
So beautiful yet so fierce
There is every chance it will destroy one heart… two… more?
We have a reaction that tells us fight or flight in the face of danger
So tell me, is that why we run and just ignore?
A threat
Keep it far away and not live to regret
A broken heart just cannot be worth the risk of it
Love
Descended from God
Corrupted for sure but in essence Oh so pure
This fear must be a lie
Born out of brokenness and all set up to make us miss what God has in store
A damaged heart is always going to be a risk when we are gambling with love less perfect than His
But remember who is in charge
The only one to fear, the reason you are here, the restorer of the broken heart
Mine will not be destroyed ‘cause God is on guard
My point? I am pretentious. More seriously, that both these extremes are negative. I have been all too down on relationships in the past I confess (eg) but at the same time I realise that they are a great example of God's love for us (read these lyrics and tell me they aren't divinely inspired) when used correctly. There is no way that God wants us to avoid dependency in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this is just another lot of deception to discover.
What is the application to life? I don't know! My hair's not long enough anyway... It's just gossip over red wine and chocolate fondue. I need to go to bed now... x
Then I went out with this wonderful chick named Whitney. She is from Toronto!! I love having Canadian friends, I am so used to them now it would suck if I didn't know any. We were going out to party with her friend for his bday but we had one of those moments where, like, it was totally, just, impossibly rubbish. You know? Got in a taxi across Bris (wearing heels and also on rapist alert) and so that cost like £8 to find out that they were about to head back across town to go to a club that, I kid you not, we got into the taxi in front of.
Now, I might fool you as a clubbing girl but to be honest I am too lazy. I like to dance but I don't like to be out tired when there is a journey ahead of me and I could have been in bed already. It's quite a sad confession. I had gotten all excited but then when it came down to it I was not that cool. My feet were hurting, I didn't know anybody and we had just wasted money to be in this uncomfortable place. I nearly panicked. I lie, I had a full minute and a half where I wanted to cry over the obvious mistake. Why didn't I assert against this? Then, in my place of prayer and repentance (possible unnecessary use of word there) God made things OK. I decided we weren't going to go - I have to sing at church in the morning anyway and there was no way that the way to correct a mistake is to keep persevering at it! But we were already on Gloucester Road so we made the most of it: went for a drink together and then picked up chips (from the best chippy in Bristol) on the way home! And lo, God made something good out of it... Thank you :-)
So, what's all this about love in the title? Well, the thing is that when girls get together, I can't lie, we talk about boys. We don't ONLY talk about boys but it does have a tendency to come up. If you have one, if you want one, if you don't have one, if you don't want one...! It doesn't stop being interesting. All day it had been somehow or other on the agenda and so I come home thinking about how I feel about them. Which is mixed.
As I have shared before, I have had a bit of a tendency to be in a dependent place with men. Seeing them as an easy fix for the love that we are all programmed to desire but should be finding in God. This would be an all too simple way to describe my relationship problems. Now I don't think I am worse that other people but today I want to address the common theme of conversation and share some thoughts (albeit it in a convoluted manner), which are quite the opposite of previous assertions. I don't just struggle with too much want of relationships... oh no, in keeping with the popular theme of "complicated" too often it is all about the not wanting them enough...
We are talking about fear of commitment. Or maybe not commitment but affection. Or a mixture of all kinds of scary tings. I wrote a poem t'other day that says it a lot better so I will now copy that in:
So many people are afraid of love
Afraid to feel love
Afraid to be loved
Afraid to not feel love
Afraid to not be loved
Why are we afraid?
Fear: There to protect us
A response to something more powerful than us
We fear God because he is Awesome
God is love
Is that why we fear love?
The theory: That when we fear God we need not fear anything else
Though there are many things more powerful than me there are none more powerful than He
But that does not make me think that when I fear it is always right and good
I often fear when I should not
‘Tis not my vulnerability but independency that stops me being worry free
Love
So beautiful yet so fierce
There is every chance it will destroy one heart… two… more?
We have a reaction that tells us fight or flight in the face of danger
So tell me, is that why we run and just ignore?
A threat
Keep it far away and not live to regret
A broken heart just cannot be worth the risk of it
Love
Descended from God
Corrupted for sure but in essence Oh so pure
This fear must be a lie
Born out of brokenness and all set up to make us miss what God has in store
A damaged heart is always going to be a risk when we are gambling with love less perfect than His
But remember who is in charge
The only one to fear, the reason you are here, the restorer of the broken heart
Mine will not be destroyed ‘cause God is on guard
My point? I am pretentious. More seriously, that both these extremes are negative. I have been all too down on relationships in the past I confess (eg) but at the same time I realise that they are a great example of God's love for us (read these lyrics and tell me they aren't divinely inspired) when used correctly. There is no way that God wants us to avoid dependency in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this is just another lot of deception to discover.
What is the application to life? I don't know! My hair's not long enough anyway... It's just gossip over red wine and chocolate fondue. I need to go to bed now... x
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Yo, Lizzie!
This is a note for my very dear friend Lizzie who is diligently reading my whole life (abridged) AKA BGB and is somewhere in July as we speak. I don't know when you'll get here but when you do: HI! Thanks for getting this far and thanks for caring...
It's funny. She came over today and was all "I know so much about you now!" I hadn't realised but I suppose that's true - there's a lot that's built up over the past 7 months (by the way this is babygotbrit's 7 month birthday today... it's older than me!) and actually some people may well know me a lot better than I know them as a result, which I never really thought about.
Bit strange that. Lizzie came round today and told me some of her stuff. I kinda enjoyed that two way interaction... it's not like I bite!
That said, no I'm not going to stop writing. But I do realise that, much as I joke, my blog is not a sufficient relationship in my life. Good thing God is teaching me all about community... more ont that when I get the time...
It's funny. She came over today and was all "I know so much about you now!" I hadn't realised but I suppose that's true - there's a lot that's built up over the past 7 months (by the way this is babygotbrit's 7 month birthday today... it's older than me!) and actually some people may well know me a lot better than I know them as a result, which I never really thought about.
Bit strange that. Lizzie came round today and told me some of her stuff. I kinda enjoyed that two way interaction... it's not like I bite!
That said, no I'm not going to stop writing. But I do realise that, much as I joke, my blog is not a sufficient relationship in my life. Good thing God is teaching me all about community... more ont that when I get the time...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Shopping... (and extrapolated notions)
It's not always evil.
How do I know?
'Cause God took me shopping today.
Yeah right, I hear you say. Prove it. Fine I will. He bought me a poncho and a new dress!
Lots of people have the attitude of "in the world but not of the world". I can't remember where to find that but it makes sense. Gives me peace when I buy my milk from a supermarket. I don't think I've got to that bit yet (I am a notoriously slow reader and whilst I have read largish portions of the Good Book I am still very much ploughing through chronologically), I am only up to Romans 14. Which is what I glimpsed this morning before deciding that I had read enough for that day. Just enough it turns out, God even spoke to me through the casual eye I glanced over what is coming next...
Which is. Vegetables. OK, so. My point?
I have gotten on a bit of a bandwagon recently (which mostly just involves using that phrase) that has been all about women's identity and image and being trapped into living by a standard not of God. This is a great verse that has supported me in that. However, it is true to say that a lot of The Bible, Song of Solomon for example, says things like this. Beauty is not evil, indeed it is God made and totally awesome. How does a girl that is fighting against worldly judgments deal with this?
In her own way it seems. For me, recently it has been a bit like eating only vegetables. I love clothes, I love looking nice, I like coordinating my outfits right down to the makeup I wear. It brings me actual pleasure. It was also a little bit controlling and time consuming. So making the call to give all that up - no more make up, no more fussing, no more worrying about what to wear seemed in order. Basically I did let that sort of stuff take control. I would not feel happy unless an outfit was perfect - it didn't have to be "fashionable" mind. Just totally cohesive. I had to stop (or try) when I realised I still got security from it.
But in the same way that we are free to eat meat and drink wine and enjoy things in this world I am also free to look nice and have fabulous outfits. I just couldn't reconcile it with my vehemency on it not being important. I am going to a Masquerade ball at a friend's church in Bath (does anyone else think that church ball implies singles party?!) and this morning was totally wary. I had to BUY a dress. From a SHOP. And wear make up and make an effort to look lovely. How worldly and wrong is THAT!
Then God took me shopping and told me it was OK (I think the fact it was a charity shop makes it particularly OK!) by finding me the PERFECT outfit with a GORGEOUS matching feather mask without any fuss at all, as I casually wondered down Cotham Hill.
So I will look nice on Friday 'cause I am allowed and 'cause God is the one telling me I am lovely so it is OK to enjoy that. But lo and behold if I make it my top priority or my motivation when it is all about deepening this friendship and having fellowship (and no, NOT about meeting nice Christian boys actually!) and just living life in all it's fullness.
But what about the rest of the time. Well, I suppose doing it when I feel like I am free to and not when I feel it is making me. By the same premise I could drink a bottle of wine and have a cigarette if i was strong enough. Which I'm not. Everyone has their standards and weaknesses. Resisting the flesh is also REALLY good to do like in fasting to get closer to God but I have said quite enough for today and need to exercise some self-control with reference to bedtimes.
Hooray I am going to a party! And I am free to enjoy it!!
P.S. C: do you have any turquoise/gold shoes I could borrow?
How do I know?
'Cause God took me shopping today.
Yeah right, I hear you say. Prove it. Fine I will. He bought me a poncho and a new dress!
Lots of people have the attitude of "in the world but not of the world". I can't remember where to find that but it makes sense. Gives me peace when I buy my milk from a supermarket. I don't think I've got to that bit yet (I am a notoriously slow reader and whilst I have read largish portions of the Good Book I am still very much ploughing through chronologically), I am only up to Romans 14. Which is what I glimpsed this morning before deciding that I had read enough for that day. Just enough it turns out, God even spoke to me through the casual eye I glanced over what is coming next...
Which is. Vegetables. OK, so. My point?
I have gotten on a bit of a bandwagon recently (which mostly just involves using that phrase) that has been all about women's identity and image and being trapped into living by a standard not of God. This is a great verse that has supported me in that. However, it is true to say that a lot of The Bible, Song of Solomon for example, says things like this. Beauty is not evil, indeed it is God made and totally awesome. How does a girl that is fighting against worldly judgments deal with this?
In her own way it seems. For me, recently it has been a bit like eating only vegetables. I love clothes, I love looking nice, I like coordinating my outfits right down to the makeup I wear. It brings me actual pleasure. It was also a little bit controlling and time consuming. So making the call to give all that up - no more make up, no more fussing, no more worrying about what to wear seemed in order. Basically I did let that sort of stuff take control. I would not feel happy unless an outfit was perfect - it didn't have to be "fashionable" mind. Just totally cohesive. I had to stop (or try) when I realised I still got security from it.
But in the same way that we are free to eat meat and drink wine and enjoy things in this world I am also free to look nice and have fabulous outfits. I just couldn't reconcile it with my vehemency on it not being important. I am going to a Masquerade ball at a friend's church in Bath (does anyone else think that church ball implies singles party?!) and this morning was totally wary. I had to BUY a dress. From a SHOP. And wear make up and make an effort to look lovely. How worldly and wrong is THAT!
Then God took me shopping and told me it was OK (I think the fact it was a charity shop makes it particularly OK!) by finding me the PERFECT outfit with a GORGEOUS matching feather mask without any fuss at all, as I casually wondered down Cotham Hill.
So I will look nice on Friday 'cause I am allowed and 'cause God is the one telling me I am lovely so it is OK to enjoy that. But lo and behold if I make it my top priority or my motivation when it is all about deepening this friendship and having fellowship (and no, NOT about meeting nice Christian boys actually!) and just living life in all it's fullness.
But what about the rest of the time. Well, I suppose doing it when I feel like I am free to and not when I feel it is making me. By the same premise I could drink a bottle of wine and have a cigarette if i was strong enough. Which I'm not. Everyone has their standards and weaknesses. Resisting the flesh is also REALLY good to do like in fasting to get closer to God but I have said quite enough for today and need to exercise some self-control with reference to bedtimes.
Hooray I am going to a party! And I am free to enjoy it!!
P.S. C: do you have any turquoise/gold shoes I could borrow?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Nice to be in Geneva, 'Citing!
[I wrote this on Tuesday... there is a part II to come...]
I was talking to my mum yday and she observed that I had not actually written anything in my blog about the weekend retreat that I came to Geneva for... this is not because it was rubbish, far from it, I just didn't know quite what to share. A brief overview would be that I was TOTALLY full of joy and learned a lot about prayer - a main point I came away with being that righteousness is a key factor in the effectiveness thereoff... which is cool and given my name means pure not entirely unexciting (your name being the first prophetic thing to be said over your life!).
So that was great and I had a lovely time with friends - writing music, playing music, catching up on what has seemed a VERY long 2 months, celebrating my 5 month rebirthday, playing silly word games, eating fondu etc etc etc
And then yday I was like "What to do with this week?".
I came back for 10 days because I wanted to do the retreat and church and as I could not decided between the two went for the both. Midweek there is YAGs, music practise, pub quiz and, well, other good opps to catch up with friends... but it was basically looking like a bit of an empty time (albeit a chance to work). Not so now...
Last night at the quiz a coupla us were moved to offer to pray for our friend the quiz master/'ents coordinator at this main English speaking pub in Geneva called Pickwick's. Having been limping all night and clearly in a lot of pain, well, it just seemed right. She was well up for it, until she interpreted correctly what we had said... whereupon she refused. Well acknowledged as her right! However, realising that what she had heard was pLay for her we were like "what do you mean Yes?!" Before we knew it she had offered us the warm up slot for the band playing on Friday at Halloween!!!!!
So, we have a gig, all we need now is to be a band. As all involved are total music geeks we simply can't say no to this opportunity, even if we end up being dreadful. I comfort myself that I don't live here anymore so it doesn't really matter but I am still full of too much nervous energy to sleep and am feeling far too sick to eat a thing.
Another element in play is that we need to be dressed up. I think that is the thing scaring our otherwise far too gifted pianist... drummer boy just doesn't want to have to lug his kit around... my spitfire on guitar feigns nerves but is awesome and has done this before and then there's me... Arggggghhh!
But yet this is a total blessing and excitement and, I kid you not, sitting there in the pub about an hour before it came up I was thinking that the one thing I regretted about last year was not taking the opportunity to do a gig there. What is it with God answering prayers we don't even speak out? It's like He's saying "I love you and just want to bless you for the sake of it".
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was talking to my mum yday and she observed that I had not actually written anything in my blog about the weekend retreat that I came to Geneva for... this is not because it was rubbish, far from it, I just didn't know quite what to share. A brief overview would be that I was TOTALLY full of joy and learned a lot about prayer - a main point I came away with being that righteousness is a key factor in the effectiveness thereoff... which is cool and given my name means pure not entirely unexciting (your name being the first prophetic thing to be said over your life!).
So that was great and I had a lovely time with friends - writing music, playing music, catching up on what has seemed a VERY long 2 months, celebrating my 5 month rebirthday, playing silly word games, eating fondu etc etc etc
And then yday I was like "What to do with this week?".
I came back for 10 days because I wanted to do the retreat and church and as I could not decided between the two went for the both. Midweek there is YAGs, music practise, pub quiz and, well, other good opps to catch up with friends... but it was basically looking like a bit of an empty time (albeit a chance to work). Not so now...
Last night at the quiz a coupla us were moved to offer to pray for our friend the quiz master/'ents coordinator at this main English speaking pub in Geneva called Pickwick's. Having been limping all night and clearly in a lot of pain, well, it just seemed right. She was well up for it, until she interpreted correctly what we had said... whereupon she refused. Well acknowledged as her right! However, realising that what she had heard was pLay for her we were like "what do you mean Yes?!" Before we knew it she had offered us the warm up slot for the band playing on Friday at Halloween!!!!!
So, we have a gig, all we need now is to be a band. As all involved are total music geeks we simply can't say no to this opportunity, even if we end up being dreadful. I comfort myself that I don't live here anymore so it doesn't really matter but I am still full of too much nervous energy to sleep and am feeling far too sick to eat a thing.
Another element in play is that we need to be dressed up. I think that is the thing scaring our otherwise far too gifted pianist... drummer boy just doesn't want to have to lug his kit around... my spitfire on guitar feigns nerves but is awesome and has done this before and then there's me... Arggggghhh!
But yet this is a total blessing and excitement and, I kid you not, sitting there in the pub about an hour before it came up I was thinking that the one thing I regretted about last year was not taking the opportunity to do a gig there. What is it with God answering prayers we don't even speak out? It's like He's saying "I love you and just want to bless you for the sake of it".
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Welcome
I just wanted to say a big hi, howdy and hello there to everyone! Particularly my "follower" who I didn't even know read this let alone put a link to mine in his. Note that Darryl. Without me even asking. And anyone else that I don't know is reading, or don't even know. It's cool when I discover the most obscure associations (and those I know and love are pretty neat too) so be aware that I don't just like you visiting, I am wholeheartedly self-professed dead chuffed you stopped by. Thank you.
I must go. The folks are coming to visit :-D and I still have to go buy a textbook for a presentation I'm making next Tuesday. You can pray for it actually, if you are that way inclined...
Ciao Ciao! x
I must go. The folks are coming to visit :-D and I still have to go buy a textbook for a presentation I'm making next Tuesday. You can pray for it actually, if you are that way inclined...
Ciao Ciao! x
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Muffin Anyone? Only if it's "skinny"
I have kept silent for too long about how ruddy bloody crap the world is. Well today a good bit of old fashioned sharing of exasperations has led me to write this post. That and procrastination to avoid the fact I have a seminar to prepare for (quaking in fear... us mathematicians are not used to this).
And today the issue is going to be women, or dare I say the way in which we are objectified, pressurised and downright defiled by society.
Now, before you guys out there start complaining about this and say that men get there fair share of it from women, I know. I've seen the aero advert. I'm not claiming this is the guys fault or even a one way mechanism, simply that right now I have a bone to pick on the behalf of my gender and I'm not quitting until at least one lady stops shaving her legs.
I was having a conversation with a new friend I've made in Bristol. I'd like to take a minute to say a big "howdy and hello there" as I just sent her a link (after she twisted my arm :-P). She is a pretty cool chick and I think we have a fair amount of stuff in common. One of which is anger! But I digress. The subject of muffin tops came up...
Now for those of you that don't know what these are, and I hope that you don't because by having it in your vocabulary it simply means you have been exposed more than you ought to the crapness of media, it is the bit of your belly/sides/back that overhangs trousers at the top. Like a muffin. Now I for one think they sound a lot sexier when they are known as love handles. For two, however and more importantly, I think that if the same people that write articles about muffin tops (oh yes, this is considered newsworthy) hadn't introduced trousers that were so ridiculously low slung the wearer could not bend forward without exposing herself and half of that ever so sexy not-at-all low rising thong (g-string), then the whole phenomenon would not exist!
The sad truth is though, that instead of giving the sound advice to getting rid of muffin tops - buy a pair of trousers that fit - magazines are proporting all kinds of diets and exercises plans to generate women that spend all their time, money and energies obsessing after things that are not achievable and not supposed to be. The self-esteem of the lovely ladies in society has sunken so low as a result of the impossibility of the task that they set standards for themselves that allow the less than lovely members of society to use and abuse them. Consumerism rapes their pockets, men rape their bodies and the lies of who they are suppose to be are screaming so loudly and repeatedly in their ears that there is no space for the quite truth of a woman.
The truth that I can't help believe lies in places like this: Proverbs 31. If we could all aim to live out that character I am convinced that the pain we see demonstrated in eating disorders, unwanted pregnancies, abusive relationships, control issues, low self-esteem, self-harm, psychotic bitchiness etc etc I could go on would subside; I am convinced that the world would not be able to help slackening it's grip on the hearts of the daughters of Eve.
I don't want to start a discussion about women is the church, looking at contentious arguments about jewellery, dresses, head coverings and speaking out. Not 'cause I don't want to talk about it, not at all! Just now is not the time and I have, I confess, a lot more learning and thinking and listening to do about all this stuff. I do know, however, that as I reform my ideas on what sets aside a woman of the Kingdom from women of the world, that somethings have got to change.
What? I am not yet sure. Is it sufficient to sometimes go out with hairy legs or do I need to stop mosturising too? Maybe these things have no significance if the heart attitude is changed? I do know that as long as I pay any heed to what the WAGs are doing (Wives And Girlfriends, a distressing term coined by British media to describe the horrifying iconography of the partners of footballers in all their emaciated glory) or for even one second accept as truth what the media purports as necessary or significant, I will lose sight of my WOG (I couldn't help myself!) role model and as such the whole crux of my true feminine identity.
And today the issue is going to be women, or dare I say the way in which we are objectified, pressurised and downright defiled by society.
Now, before you guys out there start complaining about this and say that men get there fair share of it from women, I know. I've seen the aero advert. I'm not claiming this is the guys fault or even a one way mechanism, simply that right now I have a bone to pick on the behalf of my gender and I'm not quitting until at least one lady stops shaving her legs.
I was having a conversation with a new friend I've made in Bristol. I'd like to take a minute to say a big "howdy and hello there" as I just sent her a link (after she twisted my arm :-P). She is a pretty cool chick and I think we have a fair amount of stuff in common. One of which is anger! But I digress. The subject of muffin tops came up...
Now for those of you that don't know what these are, and I hope that you don't because by having it in your vocabulary it simply means you have been exposed more than you ought to the crapness of media, it is the bit of your belly/sides/back that overhangs trousers at the top. Like a muffin. Now I for one think they sound a lot sexier when they are known as love handles. For two, however and more importantly, I think that if the same people that write articles about muffin tops (oh yes, this is considered newsworthy) hadn't introduced trousers that were so ridiculously low slung the wearer could not bend forward without exposing herself and half of that ever so sexy not-at-all low rising thong (g-string), then the whole phenomenon would not exist!
The sad truth is though, that instead of giving the sound advice to getting rid of muffin tops - buy a pair of trousers that fit - magazines are proporting all kinds of diets and exercises plans to generate women that spend all their time, money and energies obsessing after things that are not achievable and not supposed to be. The self-esteem of the lovely ladies in society has sunken so low as a result of the impossibility of the task that they set standards for themselves that allow the less than lovely members of society to use and abuse them. Consumerism rapes their pockets, men rape their bodies and the lies of who they are suppose to be are screaming so loudly and repeatedly in their ears that there is no space for the quite truth of a woman.
The truth that I can't help believe lies in places like this: Proverbs 31. If we could all aim to live out that character I am convinced that the pain we see demonstrated in eating disorders, unwanted pregnancies, abusive relationships, control issues, low self-esteem, self-harm, psychotic bitchiness etc etc I could go on would subside; I am convinced that the world would not be able to help slackening it's grip on the hearts of the daughters of Eve.
I don't want to start a discussion about women is the church, looking at contentious arguments about jewellery, dresses, head coverings and speaking out. Not 'cause I don't want to talk about it, not at all! Just now is not the time and I have, I confess, a lot more learning and thinking and listening to do about all this stuff. I do know, however, that as I reform my ideas on what sets aside a woman of the Kingdom from women of the world, that somethings have got to change.
What? I am not yet sure. Is it sufficient to sometimes go out with hairy legs or do I need to stop mosturising too? Maybe these things have no significance if the heart attitude is changed? I do know that as long as I pay any heed to what the WAGs are doing (Wives And Girlfriends, a distressing term coined by British media to describe the horrifying iconography of the partners of footballers in all their emaciated glory) or for even one second accept as truth what the media purports as necessary or significant, I will lose sight of my WOG (I couldn't help myself!) role model and as such the whole crux of my true feminine identity.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Convertsation (the spelling mistake that stays)
So. We are talking about Evangelism. Which is one of my more favourite things about Christianity. Not in a really condescending way or like, I am so good at being a confident Christian, I just enjoy having a totally ace, eternity spanning reason for talking to people I don't know. It justifies (wrongly) in my head the idea of being forward and chatty and my failings in the area fall far more in the sensitivity and boundary crossing camp.
Which doesn't matter too much with drunk people.
I haven't had as many opps to prostheletise (lol) recently as I did perhaps in GVA. It stands to reason that things come in seasons and I know that God plans different tasks for different times, not to mention rest. Often though, I associate being aware of His "set-ups" with being more tuned in with His will and I know that when I have a more submissive attitude then I end up in "God" scenarios like they're going out of fashion. It is just a matter of opening my eyes and being willing to compromise my own objectives.
[Aside: Taking this in the context of sustainable is hard, I struggle with the prospect of missed opportunity and not being up to task. Even sitting on a train for examples confuses me - am I supposed to constantly be in prayer for those around me; or just prayer in general; or read my bible; or some other Christian book; or some non-Christian book; or start a conversation; or listen to music... or play on my phone? The perfectionist in me struggles, fails, then gets guilty. The extremist in me burns out then crashes horrendously.]
Today I went to meet up with another pal from Genf. A lovely boy, John Mark (you may recall him? Left in Feb...) from the deep South of the U.S of A and I thoroughly enjoyed some good chat, visiting old haunts (quite lit places with ghosts of the past) in London and going to a BBQ rib house after which I spent the whole rest of the eve with a mandatory toothpick in my mouth! Fun times.
I then made it to Liverpool St Station with enough time to catch the 2318 train home and sat there reading my bible - I am adamant I will get to the end of Genesis by the end of this week. Whereupon a 60something gent sits next to me and comments that it is something you would not normally see at that time of night, in the station, particularly given my nose ring (a relatively new addition of which some of you may not be aware I realise). It was a classic and perfect opener and I don't doubt that his inclination to talk about my faith, buy me herbal tea and laugh at my jokes was a mixture of a deep rooted desire to find the truth... and a less deeprooted desire to enjoy my company while he waited for his train!
Needless to say I felt like walking away from this was just not in line with my duty, there was some good old fashion sowing and/or reaping to be done. I don't really know how I did at that, I didn't feel very convincing and he was, it turned out, an ex-lecturer. Had the whole "logic" thing working against him and I haven't taken that course yet... But I stay 'til the 0003 train and it was cool enough. The thing is it don't matter what I say really, God is the one that works in peoples' hearts, and there was something FABULOUS and out of both our control that happened.
A beggar came along and asked for 20p. I have, I think, made some small comment on how I feel about this. I "generously" gave him 50p and he said bless you (and he is right, it is far a more blessing for me to give that for him to receive). Following this, I turned to Tim (my new friend) and was like OK, let's hear it. I expected a bit of a "you know what they do with that" which I would have responded with "well, I need to show them love" which he would no doubt have pointed out as some kind of flaw in my faith.
As it happened he asked how much I gave, pulled out some loose change, offered me a pound and said would you please take this so I can tell you what I think of begging.
I was confused, bemused and took it to humour him. I thought it was some kind of analogy and accepted whereupon he explained, quite jollily, tipsily and endearingly, that times have changed; followed by something about being in Cairo. He was literally telling me stuff about his experiences of begging and it turned out the £1 was simply to buy my listening! Paying me to tolerate him was his words.
Lol. Talk about a set up. I then went through my list of thoughts - a few comments on not making an excuse to be dismissive, right to choose, their needs being greater, treating them as equal etc etc. Then, as my grand finale, I added that I believed when I gave to others that God gave far more back to me!! Jokes, he had gone and proven this without meaning to and realised it sufficiently that he wanted his pound back. Apparently it was not his intention to provide supporting evidence for my beliefs...!
I thought it was cool. God is pretty funny sometimes.
It all might sound really self-involved, like I think I have this great commission; but I do. Its called The Great Commission and is not exclusive to me. I think it is ironic that the more I have a grip on humility the more wow I get in my own life (and the inverse is also true obviously). Talk about a vicious cycle!
And so it begins again...
Which doesn't matter too much with drunk people.
I haven't had as many opps to prostheletise (lol) recently as I did perhaps in GVA. It stands to reason that things come in seasons and I know that God plans different tasks for different times, not to mention rest. Often though, I associate being aware of His "set-ups" with being more tuned in with His will and I know that when I have a more submissive attitude then I end up in "God" scenarios like they're going out of fashion. It is just a matter of opening my eyes and being willing to compromise my own objectives.
[Aside: Taking this in the context of sustainable is hard, I struggle with the prospect of missed opportunity and not being up to task. Even sitting on a train for examples confuses me - am I supposed to constantly be in prayer for those around me; or just prayer in general; or read my bible; or some other Christian book; or some non-Christian book; or start a conversation; or listen to music... or play on my phone? The perfectionist in me struggles, fails, then gets guilty. The extremist in me burns out then crashes horrendously.]
Today I went to meet up with another pal from Genf. A lovely boy, John Mark (you may recall him? Left in Feb...) from the deep South of the U.S of A and I thoroughly enjoyed some good chat, visiting old haunts (quite lit places with ghosts of the past) in London and going to a BBQ rib house after which I spent the whole rest of the eve with a mandatory toothpick in my mouth! Fun times.
I then made it to Liverpool St Station with enough time to catch the 2318 train home and sat there reading my bible - I am adamant I will get to the end of Genesis by the end of this week. Whereupon a 60something gent sits next to me and comments that it is something you would not normally see at that time of night, in the station, particularly given my nose ring (a relatively new addition of which some of you may not be aware I realise). It was a classic and perfect opener and I don't doubt that his inclination to talk about my faith, buy me herbal tea and laugh at my jokes was a mixture of a deep rooted desire to find the truth... and a less deeprooted desire to enjoy my company while he waited for his train!
Needless to say I felt like walking away from this was just not in line with my duty, there was some good old fashion sowing and/or reaping to be done. I don't really know how I did at that, I didn't feel very convincing and he was, it turned out, an ex-lecturer. Had the whole "logic" thing working against him and I haven't taken that course yet... But I stay 'til the 0003 train and it was cool enough. The thing is it don't matter what I say really, God is the one that works in peoples' hearts, and there was something FABULOUS and out of both our control that happened.
A beggar came along and asked for 20p. I have, I think, made some small comment on how I feel about this. I "generously" gave him 50p and he said bless you (and he is right, it is far a more blessing for me to give that for him to receive). Following this, I turned to Tim (my new friend) and was like OK, let's hear it. I expected a bit of a "you know what they do with that" which I would have responded with "well, I need to show them love" which he would no doubt have pointed out as some kind of flaw in my faith.
As it happened he asked how much I gave, pulled out some loose change, offered me a pound and said would you please take this so I can tell you what I think of begging.
I was confused, bemused and took it to humour him. I thought it was some kind of analogy and accepted whereupon he explained, quite jollily, tipsily and endearingly, that times have changed; followed by something about being in Cairo. He was literally telling me stuff about his experiences of begging and it turned out the £1 was simply to buy my listening! Paying me to tolerate him was his words.
Lol. Talk about a set up. I then went through my list of thoughts - a few comments on not making an excuse to be dismissive, right to choose, their needs being greater, treating them as equal etc etc. Then, as my grand finale, I added that I believed when I gave to others that God gave far more back to me!! Jokes, he had gone and proven this without meaning to and realised it sufficiently that he wanted his pound back. Apparently it was not his intention to provide supporting evidence for my beliefs...!
I thought it was cool. God is pretty funny sometimes.
It all might sound really self-involved, like I think I have this great commission; but I do. Its called The Great Commission and is not exclusive to me. I think it is ironic that the more I have a grip on humility the more wow I get in my own life (and the inverse is also true obviously). Talk about a vicious cycle!
And so it begins again...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Mini Self-Assessment
Technically this counts as Thursdays post cause I haven't gone to bed yet. Plus it is 5 to midnight UK time and I am getting myself readjusted.
So, what's been going down. A good bit of miraculous peace which is nice, yesterday I got all kinds of things done in a really chilled manner including making 'business cards' and fitting in my last Starbucks (made an exception for old times sake) with good friends using vouchers that another good friend gave me for my birthday and I only just found! Anna threw Robyn and I a going away 'share a song' party in the eve, which I was of course fashionably late for. It was lovely and I found myself just enjoying every minute and not thinking about the end. Just having a great last week which is exactly what I was worried would not happen so am very grateful. AND Sheila gave us both fabulous Ghanaian dresses (which Robyn is cheekily calling Moomoos!) so that was lovely :-D.
Today on the other hand I have had my bitchy mean judgmental ungraceful tendencies come out in full force. Not the only thing I have been learning about this week but a key lesson which I failed immeasurable times in all situations and, well, sorry. To everyone and particularly God. Why is it that we can know and vow how to be but it is so easy to slip? I rather felt t'other day some stuff about needing to have a servant heart (more ont another time, maybe) and I think perhaps the next stage of this journey I am on will be in learning humility and love, and in finding that through practical offerings.
'Cause the thing is, this year I learnt to love myself and appreciate who God has made me and be uplifted and encouraged in my giftings and character. Thank you for that, everyone who has added to the stockpile, it really was very gratefully received. Now it is time for me to see that, though I am fabulous and can do lots of things, the first call is to be last. I need to be humble before I can be great for God. If in discernment I judge it is better not to be discernful. If in leading I take control it is better to follow. If in any earthly gifting I get vain it is better do unglamorous mediocre things in secret - Yuck.
I am having to transition from someone who is just discovering faith and getting away with certain things to learning what really isn't appropriate. From misfiring sometimes to taking responsibility for thinking and caring more about those around me. From uncontained naïve excitement to directed encouragement. From passion for change to compassion for the chained. I am growing, I think, but it is not that easy or fun and boy do I suck at it.
Still, there are many rewards waiting on the other side. I can't help thinking of Abraham and Isaac when I think I am giving something up for God. It is hard to say "I will do this for you because I love you and you have called me to" when there is a constant niggle adding "and if you do then He will bless right back atcha". This whole religion thing really isn't altruistic is it? Giving stuff up is SO a personal gain its untrue. It annoys me but then, you can't really get away from your own thought failings. It is so true that God knows us better than we do 'cause even when I want to be genuine I can find myself kidding myself. I think.
I wish I was still a baby. Approaching the 3 month rebirthday on Monday and I have to say, it has been exponential. Don't get me wrong, still very much a newbie, just with less excuses than before. Hmmmm... all good shit though :-)
P.S. I am aware that I wrote a post about wanting to be humble. Seems perhaps the wrong place to start...? But as Sara told me, Moses was the humblest man on the face of the earth - check out this reference for evidence (if you go in for the bible that it) - yet he was the very dude that wrote the Book of Numbers!
P.P.S. While writing about humility may not be a huge error, potentially comparing myself to Moses may well be! I hope this doesn't come across like it reads...!
So, what's been going down. A good bit of miraculous peace which is nice, yesterday I got all kinds of things done in a really chilled manner including making 'business cards' and fitting in my last Starbucks (made an exception for old times sake) with good friends using vouchers that another good friend gave me for my birthday and I only just found! Anna threw Robyn and I a going away 'share a song' party in the eve, which I was of course fashionably late for. It was lovely and I found myself just enjoying every minute and not thinking about the end. Just having a great last week which is exactly what I was worried would not happen so am very grateful. AND Sheila gave us both fabulous Ghanaian dresses (which Robyn is cheekily calling Moomoos!) so that was lovely :-D.
Today on the other hand I have had my bitchy mean judgmental ungraceful tendencies come out in full force. Not the only thing I have been learning about this week but a key lesson which I failed immeasurable times in all situations and, well, sorry. To everyone and particularly God. Why is it that we can know and vow how to be but it is so easy to slip? I rather felt t'other day some stuff about needing to have a servant heart (more ont another time, maybe) and I think perhaps the next stage of this journey I am on will be in learning humility and love, and in finding that through practical offerings.
'Cause the thing is, this year I learnt to love myself and appreciate who God has made me and be uplifted and encouraged in my giftings and character. Thank you for that, everyone who has added to the stockpile, it really was very gratefully received. Now it is time for me to see that, though I am fabulous and can do lots of things, the first call is to be last. I need to be humble before I can be great for God. If in discernment I judge it is better not to be discernful. If in leading I take control it is better to follow. If in any earthly gifting I get vain it is better do unglamorous mediocre things in secret - Yuck.
I am having to transition from someone who is just discovering faith and getting away with certain things to learning what really isn't appropriate. From misfiring sometimes to taking responsibility for thinking and caring more about those around me. From uncontained naïve excitement to directed encouragement. From passion for change to compassion for the chained. I am growing, I think, but it is not that easy or fun and boy do I suck at it.
Still, there are many rewards waiting on the other side. I can't help thinking of Abraham and Isaac when I think I am giving something up for God. It is hard to say "I will do this for you because I love you and you have called me to" when there is a constant niggle adding "and if you do then He will bless right back atcha". This whole religion thing really isn't altruistic is it? Giving stuff up is SO a personal gain its untrue. It annoys me but then, you can't really get away from your own thought failings. It is so true that God knows us better than we do 'cause even when I want to be genuine I can find myself kidding myself. I think.
I wish I was still a baby. Approaching the 3 month rebirthday on Monday and I have to say, it has been exponential. Don't get me wrong, still very much a newbie, just with less excuses than before. Hmmmm... all good shit though :-)
P.S. I am aware that I wrote a post about wanting to be humble. Seems perhaps the wrong place to start...? But as Sara told me, Moses was the humblest man on the face of the earth - check out this reference for evidence (if you go in for the bible that it) - yet he was the very dude that wrote the Book of Numbers!
P.P.S. While writing about humility may not be a huge error, potentially comparing myself to Moses may well be! I hope this doesn't come across like it reads...!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
F'd in the A
I am so happy today! Despite the rain which is incessant and totally got in the way of my swim in the lake. Yesterday my weather prayer was SO successful that this morning I decided to take my swim suit with me, rather than my umbrella... I ended up walking down the street with a towel over my head!
Still. Nice lunch, met some lovely new people at church 'fya know what I mean...?! ;-) Enjoyed playing the piano in the service; I have been doing that for a few months now, approx every other week and am SO lovin' it. It's really helped me with my ability and confidence and been one of the more blatant blessings of life here.
What other ones are there? Well, getting away from the UK to be honest was a much needed and welcome break. Then there is my pimp place to live (I have a rooftop pool!) and wonderfully slow working week (4-20 hours long during the afternoon and some weekends) which is now totally at an end for the summer. So many fabulous opportunities for trips and activities like skiing, rafting and other fun stuff came along too. The friends, who I can't begin to express how much I love and value, play a MAJOR part: at the YAGs group (I'll expound another time, needless to say a silly Christian acronym but I have heard worse!), church and the ones I met in trains and clubs too - love you guys!
I have also learnt A LOT. God aside, one obvious thing is French, which though not at all perfect is much better. My dear friend who teaches me for free and diligently sees me every week over a lovely soirée has really taught me a lot, both linguistically and spiritually. Others have shown me a bit of Russian too (I can ask where the toilets are, recite poetry and say "I want to have your babies"!) which will come in handy when I adopt my Eastern European baby. Well, it might not. I mean there are lots of languages 'over there' and I probably won't get a Russian child since they actually have population problems and, as Erkki says, "You have to learn Finnish to understand Finnish" which I think is a principle that can be applied to most languages.
I digress.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a stream of consciousness. I ought to read that book that Carolyn told be about (please remind me) but I would struggle 'cause I'd then want to write about it afterwards/as I went along and so the vicious cycle continues. I do feel a bit like Russell Brand when he says his life is a "serious of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents" but where you replace the word 'embarrassing' with 'mediocre' and 'telling' with 'boring [people] with'... And perhaps 'people' with 'my parents, my sister and MS twice a day'. Hmmm.
I have a bit of an obsession with remembering things though, hence the stream-like flow. I sometimes need to boycott journaling 'cause else it takes over and I do literally spend my life writing about it. (I mostly got the blog to force me to check spelling and grammar.) This is also exemplified (word choice?) in things such as filling up my phone Inbox and then getting a new one! And I keep all the receipts and labels I ever get; if you saw my room back home you might wonder what all the drawers and boxes are full of. Well, now you know!
But, slowly, that is being dealt with. For a start I no longer print receipts at cash machines - breakthrough! Funny story: when I told Darryl I 'need' to keep receipts he took it very to heart and when he ordered his lunch gave me his food ticket too. Sweet. I was like, Darryl, I don't need yours.... but, well, now I do 'cause it's a keepsake! Ha ha!
So, I just came clean about one of my biggest oddities. I didn't even mean to, I really am good at digressing aren't I?! I suppose I see it as one of the bigger blessing from this year; freedom from shit like that. I don't think I could do it on my own strength and I see little point in trying now I know God is much better. It's like, I could just about cope and be really argggh or I could give up, move on and reach higher heights. Why take 40 years to get across a 40 day desert? He is in general responsible for everything so I may as well let him be in total control and do it really really well. I have 40kg to bring all my stuff back, which is a lovely biblical number, let's see what God can do...!
Oh and meaning of title? Well, that is a legendary phrase that my student used when she had done something really well (if you don't get it don't ask, you don't want to know) and seeing as she got a 6/7 for her maths mark today I am pretty pleased. I was going for the 7 but hey, she wasn't even passing last year and this way I get to not be proud!
So, another blessing from my time abroad. That and the Salvation. Shouldn't forget Salvation... Which by the way has 7 meanings from original Jewish (I think I mean Hebrew right?) or perhaps Greek: saved, protected, liberated, preserved, free from harm, complete, without defect. I like these all.
Shit old life: F'd that in the A. Even better than a good exam result in my humble opinion... Sorry if it got too personal; I think perhaps that green tea does, after all, have caffeine in it (I know you told me sis but I didn't want to believe you and I could not see it on the box). Whoops.
Yet still mostly Whoop!!
Still. Nice lunch, met some lovely new people at church 'fya know what I mean...?! ;-) Enjoyed playing the piano in the service; I have been doing that for a few months now, approx every other week and am SO lovin' it. It's really helped me with my ability and confidence and been one of the more blatant blessings of life here.
What other ones are there? Well, getting away from the UK to be honest was a much needed and welcome break. Then there is my pimp place to live (I have a rooftop pool!) and wonderfully slow working week (4-20 hours long during the afternoon and some weekends) which is now totally at an end for the summer. So many fabulous opportunities for trips and activities like skiing, rafting and other fun stuff came along too. The friends, who I can't begin to express how much I love and value, play a MAJOR part: at the YAGs group (I'll expound another time, needless to say a silly Christian acronym but I have heard worse!), church and the ones I met in trains and clubs too - love you guys!
I have also learnt A LOT. God aside, one obvious thing is French, which though not at all perfect is much better. My dear friend who teaches me for free and diligently sees me every week over a lovely soirée has really taught me a lot, both linguistically and spiritually. Others have shown me a bit of Russian too (I can ask where the toilets are, recite poetry and say "I want to have your babies"!) which will come in handy when I adopt my Eastern European baby. Well, it might not. I mean there are lots of languages 'over there' and I probably won't get a Russian child since they actually have population problems and, as Erkki says, "You have to learn Finnish to understand Finnish" which I think is a principle that can be applied to most languages.
I digress.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a stream of consciousness. I ought to read that book that Carolyn told be about (please remind me) but I would struggle 'cause I'd then want to write about it afterwards/as I went along and so the vicious cycle continues. I do feel a bit like Russell Brand when he says his life is a "serious of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents" but where you replace the word 'embarrassing' with 'mediocre' and 'telling' with 'boring [people] with'... And perhaps 'people' with 'my parents, my sister and MS twice a day'. Hmmm.
I have a bit of an obsession with remembering things though, hence the stream-like flow. I sometimes need to boycott journaling 'cause else it takes over and I do literally spend my life writing about it. (I mostly got the blog to force me to check spelling and grammar.) This is also exemplified (word choice?) in things such as filling up my phone Inbox and then getting a new one! And I keep all the receipts and labels I ever get; if you saw my room back home you might wonder what all the drawers and boxes are full of. Well, now you know!
But, slowly, that is being dealt with. For a start I no longer print receipts at cash machines - breakthrough! Funny story: when I told Darryl I 'need' to keep receipts he took it very to heart and when he ordered his lunch gave me his food ticket too. Sweet. I was like, Darryl, I don't need yours.... but, well, now I do 'cause it's a keepsake! Ha ha!
So, I just came clean about one of my biggest oddities. I didn't even mean to, I really am good at digressing aren't I?! I suppose I see it as one of the bigger blessing from this year; freedom from shit like that. I don't think I could do it on my own strength and I see little point in trying now I know God is much better. It's like, I could just about cope and be really argggh or I could give up, move on and reach higher heights. Why take 40 years to get across a 40 day desert? He is in general responsible for everything so I may as well let him be in total control and do it really really well. I have 40kg to bring all my stuff back, which is a lovely biblical number, let's see what God can do...!
Oh and meaning of title? Well, that is a legendary phrase that my student used when she had done something really well (if you don't get it don't ask, you don't want to know) and seeing as she got a 6/7 for her maths mark today I am pretty pleased. I was going for the 7 but hey, she wasn't even passing last year and this way I get to not be proud!
So, another blessing from my time abroad. That and the Salvation. Shouldn't forget Salvation... Which by the way has 7 meanings from original Jewish (I think I mean Hebrew right?) or perhaps Greek: saved, protected, liberated, preserved, free from harm, complete, without defect. I like these all.
Shit old life: F'd that in the A. Even better than a good exam result in my humble opinion... Sorry if it got too personal; I think perhaps that green tea does, after all, have caffeine in it (I know you told me sis but I didn't want to believe you and I could not see it on the box). Whoops.
Yet still mostly Whoop!!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I left my hearts in Budapest...
...and other random observations.
My trip had been going well, fabulously in fact, until I got to the Budapest train station. Whereupon, though do this day I do not know why or how, something went terribly wrong: I lost my heart-shaped sunglasses. All I know is that I had them before I got on the train but during the course of my journey realised they were no longer there. Gutted. Foolish, much?
I loved those glasses. They stood me in good stead all winter long in the ski season...
(With Caro the day I went skiing without being able to ski and God had to help me down the mountain!)
...and then became my firm friends in the summer too. I have a real thing for heart-shaped stuff and these were far from the exception - they were the fulfillment of my deepest desires! Lol.
I tried to buy them again but they were not in the shop. Then I mentioned to someone today that I had lost them and I was reassured with a "They have them in Topshop, they're everywhere in England, you are sure to be able to find them again". Not cool. TOPSHOP! Do they know what they are telling me? Every 'Rah' from Bristol to Edinburgh (though they're called 'Yahs' there) will be sporting a pair.
The thing is, I am obviously a fashion snob. I bought them in C&A for about 20CHF and I loved them for the kitsch value but even more so for the fact that they don't have that shop back in the UK. The look had not made it to the high street. What can I say? My spiritual gift is accessorising and I take is seriously. C&A is a pretty random shop you know. Some good value, some tat, some regular gear... and then there is the religious body jewelry. Many people ask me how I find my outfits. Shopping, it's a skill; you either have it or you don't I think. However, sometimes it just seems anointed. Yesterday I found a belly bar with a dove of peace dangling from it. Complete with olive branch. Divine inspiration, much? Especially as I have really been feeling God talk to me about peace a lot recently and I think it is a key theme of this summer.
So, in respect of this I donned the dove and went out in the sun today to enjoy it. First time swimming in the lake! I went with dear Zoe and Sara joined us later. It was ace. Some of my highlights include the fact that Z is afraid of 'dark water' and, well, swimming away from the rocks even 3 feet! This became more of a problem when I learned she was also afraid on my behalf. No swimming for Kat(i)e! Still, splashing about was a LOT of fun so I didn't mind. Also, that girl is incredibly funny; if not a little gross. An example is in the following conversation:
"I think I need to pee" - Z
"Well will you go over there to do it then" - K
"Oh Kate... It's too late!" - Z
Darling. Maybe you had to be there... or perhaps not!
Oh, and the thing to fear, apparently, is the currents. The late is full of giant raisins just waiting for you to stumbling into their shadowy lair. Priceless.
My favourite moment, however, was when Z said I looked like someone famous when wet. Random to say the least (especially when said person is Natasha Beddingfield's younger sister?!) but hilarious was Sara thinking that the answer was Jason Donovan! She quickly covered with it being because I was wearing a rainbow coloured bikini with golden trim (I wore my bikini, with golden edging [aha-ah], bright colours wedging [ah-a!]...). I am still a bit insecure though.
So. Think that is it on the random. I just wanted to honour the glasses really as they were sorely missed today.
One last thing, related only because it too was a picture I took on my mobile phone. Rastadog:
I wonder how Wendy would feel about dreds?
Ciao Ciao!
My trip had been going well, fabulously in fact, until I got to the Budapest train station. Whereupon, though do this day I do not know why or how, something went terribly wrong: I lost my heart-shaped sunglasses. All I know is that I had them before I got on the train but during the course of my journey realised they were no longer there. Gutted. Foolish, much?
I loved those glasses. They stood me in good stead all winter long in the ski season...
(With Caro the day I went skiing without being able to ski and God had to help me down the mountain!)...and then became my firm friends in the summer too. I have a real thing for heart-shaped stuff and these were far from the exception - they were the fulfillment of my deepest desires! Lol.
I tried to buy them again but they were not in the shop. Then I mentioned to someone today that I had lost them and I was reassured with a "They have them in Topshop, they're everywhere in England, you are sure to be able to find them again". Not cool. TOPSHOP! Do they know what they are telling me? Every 'Rah' from Bristol to Edinburgh (though they're called 'Yahs' there) will be sporting a pair.
The thing is, I am obviously a fashion snob. I bought them in C&A for about 20CHF and I loved them for the kitsch value but even more so for the fact that they don't have that shop back in the UK. The look had not made it to the high street. What can I say? My spiritual gift is accessorising and I take is seriously. C&A is a pretty random shop you know. Some good value, some tat, some regular gear... and then there is the religious body jewelry. Many people ask me how I find my outfits. Shopping, it's a skill; you either have it or you don't I think. However, sometimes it just seems anointed. Yesterday I found a belly bar with a dove of peace dangling from it. Complete with olive branch. Divine inspiration, much? Especially as I have really been feeling God talk to me about peace a lot recently and I think it is a key theme of this summer.
So, in respect of this I donned the dove and went out in the sun today to enjoy it. First time swimming in the lake! I went with dear Zoe and Sara joined us later. It was ace. Some of my highlights include the fact that Z is afraid of 'dark water' and, well, swimming away from the rocks even 3 feet! This became more of a problem when I learned she was also afraid on my behalf. No swimming for Kat(i)e! Still, splashing about was a LOT of fun so I didn't mind. Also, that girl is incredibly funny; if not a little gross. An example is in the following conversation:
"I think I need to pee" - Z
"Well will you go over there to do it then" - K
"Oh Kate... It's too late!" - Z
Darling. Maybe you had to be there... or perhaps not!
Oh, and the thing to fear, apparently, is the currents. The late is full of giant raisins just waiting for you to stumbling into their shadowy lair. Priceless.
My favourite moment, however, was when Z said I looked like someone famous when wet. Random to say the least (especially when said person is Natasha Beddingfield's younger sister?!) but hilarious was Sara thinking that the answer was Jason Donovan! She quickly covered with it being because I was wearing a rainbow coloured bikini with golden trim (I wore my bikini, with golden edging [aha-ah], bright colours wedging [ah-a!]...). I am still a bit insecure though.
So. Think that is it on the random. I just wanted to honour the glasses really as they were sorely missed today.
One last thing, related only because it too was a picture I took on my mobile phone. Rastadog:
I wonder how Wendy would feel about dreds?
Ciao Ciao!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Postdated Illustrations
Here are a few pictures that go with some of my past blogs. At the moment I haven't got space on my hard-drive for the travel ones but one day they might make their way here too...
Evidence for the story in Clichès and close calls. The angle doesn't do justice to the numbers by the way!
The November YAGs retreat weekend. Where Robyn and I first spent quality time together and the relationship began to blossom... Just as a bit of background to An affair to remember. This shot was taken on a hike up Le Mole in France (there's a story in there when I get the time).
This is the dear Cleopatra. Awwwwwwwww! Who's Cleopatra? See here: Cleopatra comin' at'cha and other incites.
This is the best pic I can find that demonstrates my grey hair (Everything is meaningless...). It also shows what a lovely pair Robyn and I make and how the reconciliation was really worth it (It's the little things)!
My sister came to see me Taking The Plunge. It was ACE and I loved having her here. We were both tackling fears together: she took flight and I plunged (it occurs to me that were we to have switched actions it would be terribly detrimental to both concerns...).
Well who'd have thought?! Just because it may possibly be the most Beautiful picture ever. This one is from my 'B' party. No labeling here, those who know you know you... ;)
Isn't this the most FABULOUS picture ever? Left to right (in descending order) Teresa, me, Gemma, The Girl With Brown Curly Hair. From the crazy day in the parc as mentioned in Coincidence?
I shall try and add visuals as I go from now on. Also, I do in time want to acknowledge fabulous things/events/people that haven't been mentioned on the blog as yet since, believe it or not, my life is bigger than what I write about on here! And it started before April 27th 2008, though some may argue that was merely the shadow of an existence...
Evidence for the story in Clichès and close calls. The angle doesn't do justice to the numbers by the way!
The November YAGs retreat weekend. Where Robyn and I first spent quality time together and the relationship began to blossom... Just as a bit of background to An affair to remember. This shot was taken on a hike up Le Mole in France (there's a story in there when I get the time).
This is the dear Cleopatra. Awwwwwwwww! Who's Cleopatra? See here: Cleopatra comin' at'cha and other incites.
This is the best pic I can find that demonstrates my grey hair (Everything is meaningless...). It also shows what a lovely pair Robyn and I make and how the reconciliation was really worth it (It's the little things)!
My sister came to see me Taking The Plunge. It was ACE and I loved having her here. We were both tackling fears together: she took flight and I plunged (it occurs to me that were we to have switched actions it would be terribly detrimental to both concerns...).
Well who'd have thought?! Just because it may possibly be the most Beautiful picture ever. This one is from my 'B' party. No labeling here, those who know you know you... ;)
Isn't this the most FABULOUS picture ever? Left to right (in descending order) Teresa, me, Gemma, The Girl With Brown Curly Hair. From the crazy day in the parc as mentioned in Coincidence?
I shall try and add visuals as I go from now on. Also, I do in time want to acknowledge fabulous things/events/people that haven't been mentioned on the blog as yet since, believe it or not, my life is bigger than what I write about on here! And it started before April 27th 2008, though some may argue that was merely the shadow of an existence...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Bye Bye Baby (don't make me cry)
Today I was supposed to be meeting a friend at their place early. She lived across town and I was to be there at 8.30 so I could help get her and all her cases to the airport where she would thus depart back to the USofA. Sadness. Also standard Geneva occurrence so we all get pretty hard hearts to it (till it's our turn that is... not thinking about that yet though).
So it was a bummer that my wake up call never happened. I only realised as my cell (nope, I can't/won't do it. It is a mobile; I already called my fringe bangs on Saturday I must stop this before it takes over) rang: it was 8.30 and I was 1 hr minimum from being at her place. Major whoops!
The thing that really peed me off about this whole situation was that I had really wanted to help her out and what I actually managed to do was make her life harder as she had to get down the hill with all her bags (instead of dropping one off the day before) while I rushed over to meet her at the bank so I could help get to the airport at the very least. I hate letting people down and it is rubbish to know that even when I want to be good I am still a fallible human. What hope is there if we can't even rely on ourselves?
I suppose that is what God is for. I mean I was crap and a total let down but still she met someone that gladly helped her to the bus stop (a good 10 minutes down a steep hill in the pouring rain); I got there in record time and met her easily; we got to the airport fine and she still at least got someone to say goodbye to (not to mention she was very forgiving of my faux pas); her flight had been rearranged the day before which was going to make her change in London a LOT easier and as we prayed in the luggage queue for her to not be over-allowance she gets to the desk and they say she had 32 not 23 kgs. Wow! (Some may argue a bummer she did not know sooner I suppose, but that does not help me make my point! She would have struggled to get 64+ kilos on a bus at the other end anyway...).
We then sat in the restaurant and had a drink and a cry and a bit of a pray. We were sitting eyes shut (I know, how cliché) and when we opened them someone had left a pile of napkins on the table for the purposes of tear wiping! How lovely is that?! Awww. People aren't always rubbish now are they?
But I have learnt plenty of other times that they can be (rubbish that is... haven't we all?!) and it is hard to realise that oneself can be too. I suppose it is humbling in a way and reminds us not to be pissed at the people that let us down since we are all just as crappy. The tenuous lesson I would like to take from today (just because I can) is therefore that people can suck, they can be great but that God is always spot on. (Well as evidence thus far proves. All scientists know that it takes infinite successful experiments to prove a theory and only one failed one to disprove it, so we have to agree after "many" trials that something seems consistently reliable, build our whole life upon it and hope that it doesn't all fall apart at the last variable. But then, it's either that or have no theory at all...)
Bye bye Andrea, you will be missed... See you in Nashville!!
So it was a bummer that my wake up call never happened. I only realised as my cell (nope, I can't/won't do it. It is a mobile; I already called my fringe bangs on Saturday I must stop this before it takes over) rang: it was 8.30 and I was 1 hr minimum from being at her place. Major whoops!
The thing that really peed me off about this whole situation was that I had really wanted to help her out and what I actually managed to do was make her life harder as she had to get down the hill with all her bags (instead of dropping one off the day before) while I rushed over to meet her at the bank so I could help get to the airport at the very least. I hate letting people down and it is rubbish to know that even when I want to be good I am still a fallible human. What hope is there if we can't even rely on ourselves?
I suppose that is what God is for. I mean I was crap and a total let down but still she met someone that gladly helped her to the bus stop (a good 10 minutes down a steep hill in the pouring rain); I got there in record time and met her easily; we got to the airport fine and she still at least got someone to say goodbye to (not to mention she was very forgiving of my faux pas); her flight had been rearranged the day before which was going to make her change in London a LOT easier and as we prayed in the luggage queue for her to not be over-allowance she gets to the desk and they say she had 32 not 23 kgs. Wow! (Some may argue a bummer she did not know sooner I suppose, but that does not help me make my point! She would have struggled to get 64+ kilos on a bus at the other end anyway...).
We then sat in the restaurant and had a drink and a cry and a bit of a pray. We were sitting eyes shut (I know, how cliché) and when we opened them someone had left a pile of napkins on the table for the purposes of tear wiping! How lovely is that?! Awww. People aren't always rubbish now are they?
But I have learnt plenty of other times that they can be (rubbish that is... haven't we all?!) and it is hard to realise that oneself can be too. I suppose it is humbling in a way and reminds us not to be pissed at the people that let us down since we are all just as crappy. The tenuous lesson I would like to take from today (just because I can) is therefore that people can suck, they can be great but that God is always spot on. (Well as evidence thus far proves. All scientists know that it takes infinite successful experiments to prove a theory and only one failed one to disprove it, so we have to agree after "many" trials that something seems consistently reliable, build our whole life upon it and hope that it doesn't all fall apart at the last variable. But then, it's either that or have no theory at all...)
Bye bye Andrea, you will be missed... See you in Nashville!!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The Start of a New Chapter
I wish travelling wasn't so damn stimulating. How am I supposed to sum up my perceptions of Dublin the 20 mins I have to kill before boarding a bus that will take me to a plane that will set me on my pathway to Eastern Europe?
Overall perception on most recent leg of journey? This is the first time I have "travelled" with other people. I have visted with them, stayed with them, crashed with them, lived with them, gone on holiday with my family... but I have never been a traveller in company. I like it. Makes for a different dynamic. It helps that the people I came with were pretty damn cool and very easy going but I must say I am relieved to see the back of them!
Jokes. It has been unreal and I would do it again in a shot. What I really mean is that I am ready to be alone, do some exploring and really fulfill my pretentious side by sitting in cafes writing poetry, journalling and generally spending all my time in internal thoughts. Five days of that should be enough but I do think I am rather overdue: it may have been about 8 months since I last found the time and I could be described as somewhat frazzled.
I do like Ireland. I don't love it but I acknowledge that I am yet to see the really defining features (Guinness factory and fighting aside) and feel like a horse drawn caravan is the real way to do this country. It is a little hard to say, given that I have not been in England of late aside from a 19 hour stop over on Tursday (working on the accent) but I think it may be kinda similar. I could be wrong but it's been kinda cool to feel like I am introducing my North American buddies to my culture - exchanging conglomerate coffee for karaoke (yes it's Japanese but we definitely have our own take on it; more to follow...).
The one mistake I have made is letting other people (namely Nathan) do all the navigating while I sat back into Darryl mode, following and taking pictures (unfortunately my pics are not yet up to Darryl standard but I can pretend). Now I am readjusting by going to the airport 45 minutes after the boys (Robyn and Andrea left this morning and Emma is sticking around with her family) to remind myself how to do this alone. Afterall, I can't leave Dublin only being able to find the Starbucks can I?
The next chapter begins and I am looking forward to it. Budapest watch out...
Overall perception on most recent leg of journey? This is the first time I have "travelled" with other people. I have visted with them, stayed with them, crashed with them, lived with them, gone on holiday with my family... but I have never been a traveller in company. I like it. Makes for a different dynamic. It helps that the people I came with were pretty damn cool and very easy going but I must say I am relieved to see the back of them!
Jokes. It has been unreal and I would do it again in a shot. What I really mean is that I am ready to be alone, do some exploring and really fulfill my pretentious side by sitting in cafes writing poetry, journalling and generally spending all my time in internal thoughts. Five days of that should be enough but I do think I am rather overdue: it may have been about 8 months since I last found the time and I could be described as somewhat frazzled.
I do like Ireland. I don't love it but I acknowledge that I am yet to see the really defining features (Guinness factory and fighting aside) and feel like a horse drawn caravan is the real way to do this country. It is a little hard to say, given that I have not been in England of late aside from a 19 hour stop over on Tursday (working on the accent) but I think it may be kinda similar. I could be wrong but it's been kinda cool to feel like I am introducing my North American buddies to my culture - exchanging conglomerate coffee for karaoke (yes it's Japanese but we definitely have our own take on it; more to follow...).
The one mistake I have made is letting other people (namely Nathan) do all the navigating while I sat back into Darryl mode, following and taking pictures (unfortunately my pics are not yet up to Darryl standard but I can pretend). Now I am readjusting by going to the airport 45 minutes after the boys (Robyn and Andrea left this morning and Emma is sticking around with her family) to remind myself how to do this alone. Afterall, I can't leave Dublin only being able to find the Starbucks can I?
The next chapter begins and I am looking forward to it. Budapest watch out...
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Bon Voyage
Is there anything sadder than wishing myself a good trip?!
Anyway, I have a ridiculous amount of things to get done before I head off this afternoon into the blue but I am feeling enough (false) confidence in the 5 hours I have ahead of me to write a quick post.
Yet again so much to say, so little time. Hmmmm, why not give you a bit of an itinerary...:
-Today I head off to Bristol and am excited to be seeing my darling sister and her hubby this eve :-D
-Tomorrow the morning will be spent with Ana there - woohoo! Then I am off to meet the Swiss guys in Dublin! (Crazy how small the world has become, is it not, that my two lives can run so fluidly together across 3 different landmasses.)
-So, I will be in Dublin till Sunday night. Apparently there is not that much to do there but with the Guinness factory nearby and lots of Irish people I am sure we will easily make our own entertainment.
-Then from Sunday evening this is where the real excitement begins, as I head off to Budapest on my own; to goodness knows what with no hostel booking, no idea of Hungarian stuff and not much time to discover such things since I am then voyaging back to Geneva via...
-Vienna! I haven't got a ticket to get there but I have a ticket out next Thursday so I must make sure I make the transition at some point around Monday night/Tuesday morning. I am fortuitous (must watch that language) enough to have somewhere to rest my head, courtesy of the boy we used to do lift shares with at school. Random or what? Nice to have someone able to give me a bit of a low down on Viennese life so that will be fun, as long as I work out how to buy the ticket (Hungarian anyone?).
-Then, since I return to GVA via Zurich, I thought I'd stop off there for the night and check out what all the fuss is about. Some say it's great, some say it's sleazy; I wonder if they just appreciate different things in life?
-Friday is my set day for return. I will be beat and smelly and who knows what colour my hair will have gone (damn it I didn't write the insightful post about my recent trip to the salon, that will have to wait now...).
Part of me wants to blog-it while I'm gone and the other part knows how sad that is. I suppose it will mostly depend on my connectability to cyberspace but if I get the chance I will probably take it. So watch this space for Irish jokes, Austrian anecdotes and Hungarian folklore. If you don't hear from me at all don't worry (mum) I will just be having too much fun... [Resisting urge to make comment about potentially being stuck in a basement somewhere.]
Will leave you with something vaguely interesting so if you got this far it doesn't seem like a waste of your life:
You know how rabbits eat their own poo 'cause there are nutrients in it that they missed the first time? Well, did you also know that if they are pregnant and are in conditions (like ill health, little food etc) which are not conducive to a successful litter, they can reabsorb the foetuses into their system? I think that maybe we over look bunnies, they have a lot of crazy stuff going on inside that fluffy innocent exterior...
Don't forget to miss me!
Anyway, I have a ridiculous amount of things to get done before I head off this afternoon into the blue but I am feeling enough (false) confidence in the 5 hours I have ahead of me to write a quick post.
Yet again so much to say, so little time. Hmmmm, why not give you a bit of an itinerary...:
-Today I head off to Bristol and am excited to be seeing my darling sister and her hubby this eve :-D
-Tomorrow the morning will be spent with Ana there - woohoo! Then I am off to meet the Swiss guys in Dublin! (Crazy how small the world has become, is it not, that my two lives can run so fluidly together across 3 different landmasses.)
-So, I will be in Dublin till Sunday night. Apparently there is not that much to do there but with the Guinness factory nearby and lots of Irish people I am sure we will easily make our own entertainment.
-Then from Sunday evening this is where the real excitement begins, as I head off to Budapest on my own; to goodness knows what with no hostel booking, no idea of Hungarian stuff and not much time to discover such things since I am then voyaging back to Geneva via...
-Vienna! I haven't got a ticket to get there but I have a ticket out next Thursday so I must make sure I make the transition at some point around Monday night/Tuesday morning. I am fortuitous (must watch that language) enough to have somewhere to rest my head, courtesy of the boy we used to do lift shares with at school. Random or what? Nice to have someone able to give me a bit of a low down on Viennese life so that will be fun, as long as I work out how to buy the ticket (Hungarian anyone?).
-Then, since I return to GVA via Zurich, I thought I'd stop off there for the night and check out what all the fuss is about. Some say it's great, some say it's sleazy; I wonder if they just appreciate different things in life?
-Friday is my set day for return. I will be beat and smelly and who knows what colour my hair will have gone (damn it I didn't write the insightful post about my recent trip to the salon, that will have to wait now...).
Part of me wants to blog-it while I'm gone and the other part knows how sad that is. I suppose it will mostly depend on my connectability to cyberspace but if I get the chance I will probably take it. So watch this space for Irish jokes, Austrian anecdotes and Hungarian folklore. If you don't hear from me at all don't worry (mum) I will just be having too much fun... [Resisting urge to make comment about potentially being stuck in a basement somewhere.]
Will leave you with something vaguely interesting so if you got this far it doesn't seem like a waste of your life:
You know how rabbits eat their own poo 'cause there are nutrients in it that they missed the first time? Well, did you also know that if they are pregnant and are in conditions (like ill health, little food etc) which are not conducive to a successful litter, they can reabsorb the foetuses into their system? I think that maybe we over look bunnies, they have a lot of crazy stuff going on inside that fluffy innocent exterior...
Don't forget to miss me!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Coincidence?
I had a really cool experience last weekend, while my friend Gemma was visiting. Rather fabulous in fact and contrary to the question mark in the title I am pretty sure this was not just a Coincidence.
It was on the train returning from the beer festival in Martigny (pronounced Martini to all who went) and we were 5 spread out across two 4 seat booths in the carriage. Hence, when the train stopped at one station and a few more passengers got on we ended up with two attractive and lovely (yes I mean it, not just being English!) ladies sitting in the midst of us. A tall red head and a short and curly brunette. They were lots of fun and we had a good laugh at the expense of the drunken meandering man who was rather keen on self promotion; apparently his appearance is quite a regular experience. I liked them 'cause when I offered cake they accepted - and why wouldn't you? It was spiced loaf. (I later found that one of them had been craving ginger earlier! Coincidence?) Anyway, they got off at Coppet I think and we did not even swap names. Just one of those things: we mused that it was funny you could meet such cool people and never see them again.
The next day Gemma and I went to church, had a drink by the river (that is a whole other experience to be told anon) and then walked to Parc des Bastions to take in the chess and the reforms and what not. Milling about taking photos we hear a shriek and running and a short feisty brunette is making tracks to embrace us, followed by an elegant ginger who was no less forward.
It really was quite remarkable and I can't help smiling now as I remember how I met these two wonderful women, both of whom have since become real people in my life that I text and Facebook (ok, that's not real) and meet up with and everything.
We spent the rest of the afternoon drinking wine and eating biscuits and cashew nuts (more than paying back a squishy piece of cake!) with them and their friends, while we pretended to play chess then actually did play uno. It was lovely and one of the most random experiences I have ever had.
Yet, I don't think it was random, not really. For one, they were both Christians (I'm not saying that if they were not Christians it would have been less cool just that it is something we have ended up sharing together quite a lot and, well also to me it means God is in control.) and one in particular was looking for a church to attend in Geneva. She already came to YAGs last night and they are both coming to EBCG next Sunday (they tried to come last week for the baptism but only found the Lutheran Church - no full immersions there!). We also have loads of other stuff in common and just a right laugh together so it is looking to be some pretty sweet friendships. Now, how often do Strangers On A Train actually end up like that? (I just hope they don't blackmail me into committing murder, else I rather think my point may be lost.)
So that got me thinking. Yesterday off the cuff I called something, which admittedly was less significant, a coincidence just 'cause the word came out naturally. I'm not sure I liked it.
In 'The Screwtape Letters' C.S.Lewis suggests the idea that words can be introduced by Satan into everyday vocabulary to help undermine God and what he stands for. Now, please don't think that what I have to say is not relevant in a secular context (if anything it is equally irrelevant to all!). One can still think that common vocabulary undermines how we view the world without attaching it to spiritual beliefs.
I just worry that by using "Coincidence" as default we are basically belittling every good thing that happens to us as a mere act of chance. When we wonder if something is a direct act of God's involvement (or say fate, the universe, or whatever other higher power you may subscribe to) we always seem to stop and go "Well, it may just be a coincidence". Yet you never hear people say "Don't get carried away with thinking it's a coincidence without considering the possibility of miraculous or purposeful intervention" do you.
It is a word that not only attaches no meaning whatsoever but actually removes the significance an extraordinary event may naturally suggest.
I see nothing wrong with questioning God but sometimes, given that I believe He is capable of all things and on top of that wants to give good gift to His children, perhaps just perhaps I should question the mundane at least as much as the miraculous.
It was on the train returning from the beer festival in Martigny (pronounced Martini to all who went) and we were 5 spread out across two 4 seat booths in the carriage. Hence, when the train stopped at one station and a few more passengers got on we ended up with two attractive and lovely (yes I mean it, not just being English!) ladies sitting in the midst of us. A tall red head and a short and curly brunette. They were lots of fun and we had a good laugh at the expense of the drunken meandering man who was rather keen on self promotion; apparently his appearance is quite a regular experience. I liked them 'cause when I offered cake they accepted - and why wouldn't you? It was spiced loaf. (I later found that one of them had been craving ginger earlier! Coincidence?) Anyway, they got off at Coppet I think and we did not even swap names. Just one of those things: we mused that it was funny you could meet such cool people and never see them again.
The next day Gemma and I went to church, had a drink by the river (that is a whole other experience to be told anon) and then walked to Parc des Bastions to take in the chess and the reforms and what not. Milling about taking photos we hear a shriek and running and a short feisty brunette is making tracks to embrace us, followed by an elegant ginger who was no less forward.
It really was quite remarkable and I can't help smiling now as I remember how I met these two wonderful women, both of whom have since become real people in my life that I text and Facebook (ok, that's not real) and meet up with and everything.
We spent the rest of the afternoon drinking wine and eating biscuits and cashew nuts (more than paying back a squishy piece of cake!) with them and their friends, while we pretended to play chess then actually did play uno. It was lovely and one of the most random experiences I have ever had.
Yet, I don't think it was random, not really. For one, they were both Christians (I'm not saying that if they were not Christians it would have been less cool just that it is something we have ended up sharing together quite a lot and, well also to me it means God is in control.) and one in particular was looking for a church to attend in Geneva. She already came to YAGs last night and they are both coming to EBCG next Sunday (they tried to come last week for the baptism but only found the Lutheran Church - no full immersions there!). We also have loads of other stuff in common and just a right laugh together so it is looking to be some pretty sweet friendships. Now, how often do Strangers On A Train actually end up like that? (I just hope they don't blackmail me into committing murder, else I rather think my point may be lost.)
So that got me thinking. Yesterday off the cuff I called something, which admittedly was less significant, a coincidence just 'cause the word came out naturally. I'm not sure I liked it.
In 'The Screwtape Letters' C.S.Lewis suggests the idea that words can be introduced by Satan into everyday vocabulary to help undermine God and what he stands for. Now, please don't think that what I have to say is not relevant in a secular context (if anything it is equally irrelevant to all!). One can still think that common vocabulary undermines how we view the world without attaching it to spiritual beliefs.
I just worry that by using "Coincidence" as default we are basically belittling every good thing that happens to us as a mere act of chance. When we wonder if something is a direct act of God's involvement (or say fate, the universe, or whatever other higher power you may subscribe to) we always seem to stop and go "Well, it may just be a coincidence". Yet you never hear people say "Don't get carried away with thinking it's a coincidence without considering the possibility of miraculous or purposeful intervention" do you.
It is a word that not only attaches no meaning whatsoever but actually removes the significance an extraordinary event may naturally suggest.
I see nothing wrong with questioning God but sometimes, given that I believe He is capable of all things and on top of that wants to give good gift to His children, perhaps just perhaps I should question the mundane at least as much as the miraculous.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Cleopatra comin' at'cha and other incites
It seems that Cleopatra is feeling at home... I am sitting on the bed with a cat licking my toes and walking over my keys. Awwww. Yet a little arggggh as well! Does she not know I am disturbingly attach to my laptop?
Well. Apparently I am a blogger at heart now. I have spent a most fabulous day-off in Geneva doing all kinds of wonderful things and being rather insightful throughout (or not as it turns out) but the consistent thought I have had is: "This would make a good blog." Oh dear. Particularly since most of the time they were not very good things at all! So, the following entry is a random hotchpotch of everything that half amused or endeared me and I do hope it does not begin to look like a list but given the lateness of the evening I fear that it is inevitable. I hope more that I will eventually find a way to balance real life with cyber stories else it will become a pretty pitiful existence...
[Aside: there is an adorable tabby chasing a wooden mouse around my parquet. If only we were all this easily satisfied.]
Today is (well, it was) the Swiss national holiday marking Ascension. Isn't that cool/weird? I suppose it stems from the days of reformation and Calvin (am I convincing you with this feeble unresearched postulate?) but I liked it 'cause it meant a lie in (OK, everyday is a lie in for me) and I could then hang with my hommies from midi de minuit. It also meant that I got another gift from my generous benefactors - tradition has it that you give lilies of the valley and mine turned up in a cute vase and are stinking out the place in the best possible way.
First thought and a very important one: probiotic yoghurt drinks suck, don't bother. I tried one that Robyn left here and it minged to high kingdom come. Anything dairy and banana flavoured ought to taste like milkshake; needless to say, this one did not. I'd rather be bloated thank you very much.
Having moved the cat in and secured all possible escape routes (I'm not sure why she would want to leap off a first floor balcony but the risk was posed) I then "left her to make herself at home" and headed to my producer's place to do some serious jammin'. En route I walked past a car with a small child in the back seat. Not that unusual. I was however slightly perturbed by the fact that he had decided to victimise me with the worst attack he knew how and was sticking his tongue out in what can only be described as a violent manner. Turn the other cheek aside, this kid needed to learn some manners - it was clear what I had to do and I must admit I took great relish in returning the favour... only to worry for the next few minutes that he had in fact been eating a pink ice lolly (it was a warm day) and I was the meanest passerby in the history of pedestrianisation and had scarred him for life. Luckily I don't think about anything for too long so the guilt quickly passed.
I particularly like jamming with Caro 'cause we make some pretty special harmonies together. She struggles, apparently, with syncopation... and I can't stick to the beat if I try. I'm sure glad her flat mates are francophone 'cause at least I can't understand the comments. I also made a great discovering this afternoon - I can play the guitar. I am not sure how I forgot this fact but sure as hell there were at least two songs that I could join in with. I am rather delighted!
So today was pretty good, and I must say it's ones like this - sharing with beloved friends, music, deep conversation, learning and glorious walks in the sun - that really make you happy to be alive. I am fabulously chilled out, but perhaps a little too much. It turns out I have lost my bank card and with some thought I can honestly say I haven't seen it for a week. How does one go about dealing with issues like this when you don't know who to ring or what to say when you get through? Oh well, I sorted through my small change and 5 cents, approx 2.5p (I remember when it was 2p...), suddenly look a whole lot more appreciable. I really am far too blasé about the whole thing seeing as when I left Caro's I still headed to Starbucks pre-French class. But I did only get a 'grande coffee maison' (anyone else note that un caffee ought to be grand?) so I was almost being frugal. Hmmm. I do hope my card appears miraculously over the next 12 hours as this weekend will be pretty crappy on 8 CHF.
This brings me, in an almost cohesive manner, to my French lesson. Now, I am not being glib when I say that at the moment I genuinely feel like one of the luckiest girls alive; and my French 'class' pose no threat to this. Aside from the fact that it is a beautiful language with wonderful culture (and I am not saying this 'cause Bee might be reading... she is German anyway!) but really and truly I don't think that learning French ever has or will be this fun again. The general form is that I turn up around 7.30/8pm and gossip (these days in a mixture of English and French) about our week and we always have at least one praise point :-). We have a bit of a pray, a bit of food and then manage to throw in a bit of dictation without even really noticing! Today was a particularly fab time - I had to leave early as I had a last minute "I invited you to dinner today but forgot to tell you" from Anna so we squeezed in 2 lessons and a week's worth of news over a table top picnic of sausage, cheese, olives, nuts and red wine! Bee even gave me a gorgeous pair of bronze earrings. This is a far flung experience from the days of Mrs ...? (how have I forgotten your name scary ginger teacher-points for anyone who remember GCSE French) who chased me down for bunking my oral and oversaw the only school detention I ever got (not for bunking said oral but for having my nose pierced in a 'defiant manner').
Then to the eve which, glorious though it was is bringing me way over my self-imposed word count. Anna made great beef borgin-stuff which I did sample though très full and I met Robyn's new lover who is distressingly lovely. Much banter (I think the deep convos can have a separate entry) and wine/dessert/tea later and I was on the bus listening to my iPod and realising that it was time for an update. 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' is a tune but, like many fabulous things, there is a time and a place and I find it hard to delight in the arrival of spring to that wonderful ditty. Why doesn't every season have it's own songs? Maybe you have some ideas as to what the soundtrack to spring ought to be...?
Hmmm, a 'deep' last thought. My successor had a fabulous mishearing today that lead us (her, Robyn and myself) to an almost poignant question. I was describing something/someone as really insightful (it wasn't me!) and she thought I said greedy and spiteful(?!). We then asked ourselves: if you had to choose one or t'other of those things to categorise yourself as, which would honestly be the best fit? Sadly I think today's blog inevitably leaves me looking like a mean glutton...
...though I could always claim I meant inciteful: I am really good at getting other people to do stuff!
Well. Apparently I am a blogger at heart now. I have spent a most fabulous day-off in Geneva doing all kinds of wonderful things and being rather insightful throughout (or not as it turns out) but the consistent thought I have had is: "This would make a good blog." Oh dear. Particularly since most of the time they were not very good things at all! So, the following entry is a random hotchpotch of everything that half amused or endeared me and I do hope it does not begin to look like a list but given the lateness of the evening I fear that it is inevitable. I hope more that I will eventually find a way to balance real life with cyber stories else it will become a pretty pitiful existence...
[Aside: there is an adorable tabby chasing a wooden mouse around my parquet. If only we were all this easily satisfied.]
Today is (well, it was) the Swiss national holiday marking Ascension. Isn't that cool/weird? I suppose it stems from the days of reformation and Calvin (am I convincing you with this feeble unresearched postulate?) but I liked it 'cause it meant a lie in (OK, everyday is a lie in for me) and I could then hang with my hommies from midi de minuit. It also meant that I got another gift from my generous benefactors - tradition has it that you give lilies of the valley and mine turned up in a cute vase and are stinking out the place in the best possible way.
First thought and a very important one: probiotic yoghurt drinks suck, don't bother. I tried one that Robyn left here and it minged to high kingdom come. Anything dairy and banana flavoured ought to taste like milkshake; needless to say, this one did not. I'd rather be bloated thank you very much.
Having moved the cat in and secured all possible escape routes (I'm not sure why she would want to leap off a first floor balcony but the risk was posed) I then "left her to make herself at home" and headed to my producer's place to do some serious jammin'. En route I walked past a car with a small child in the back seat. Not that unusual. I was however slightly perturbed by the fact that he had decided to victimise me with the worst attack he knew how and was sticking his tongue out in what can only be described as a violent manner. Turn the other cheek aside, this kid needed to learn some manners - it was clear what I had to do and I must admit I took great relish in returning the favour... only to worry for the next few minutes that he had in fact been eating a pink ice lolly (it was a warm day) and I was the meanest passerby in the history of pedestrianisation and had scarred him for life. Luckily I don't think about anything for too long so the guilt quickly passed.
I particularly like jamming with Caro 'cause we make some pretty special harmonies together. She struggles, apparently, with syncopation... and I can't stick to the beat if I try. I'm sure glad her flat mates are francophone 'cause at least I can't understand the comments. I also made a great discovering this afternoon - I can play the guitar. I am not sure how I forgot this fact but sure as hell there were at least two songs that I could join in with. I am rather delighted!
So today was pretty good, and I must say it's ones like this - sharing with beloved friends, music, deep conversation, learning and glorious walks in the sun - that really make you happy to be alive. I am fabulously chilled out, but perhaps a little too much. It turns out I have lost my bank card and with some thought I can honestly say I haven't seen it for a week. How does one go about dealing with issues like this when you don't know who to ring or what to say when you get through? Oh well, I sorted through my small change and 5 cents, approx 2.5p (I remember when it was 2p...), suddenly look a whole lot more appreciable. I really am far too blasé about the whole thing seeing as when I left Caro's I still headed to Starbucks pre-French class. But I did only get a 'grande coffee maison' (anyone else note that un caffee ought to be grand?) so I was almost being frugal. Hmmm. I do hope my card appears miraculously over the next 12 hours as this weekend will be pretty crappy on 8 CHF.
This brings me, in an almost cohesive manner, to my French lesson. Now, I am not being glib when I say that at the moment I genuinely feel like one of the luckiest girls alive; and my French 'class' pose no threat to this. Aside from the fact that it is a beautiful language with wonderful culture (and I am not saying this 'cause Bee might be reading... she is German anyway!) but really and truly I don't think that learning French ever has or will be this fun again. The general form is that I turn up around 7.30/8pm and gossip (these days in a mixture of English and French) about our week and we always have at least one praise point :-). We have a bit of a pray, a bit of food and then manage to throw in a bit of dictation without even really noticing! Today was a particularly fab time - I had to leave early as I had a last minute "I invited you to dinner today but forgot to tell you" from Anna so we squeezed in 2 lessons and a week's worth of news over a table top picnic of sausage, cheese, olives, nuts and red wine! Bee even gave me a gorgeous pair of bronze earrings. This is a far flung experience from the days of Mrs ...? (how have I forgotten your name scary ginger teacher-points for anyone who remember GCSE French) who chased me down for bunking my oral and oversaw the only school detention I ever got (not for bunking said oral but for having my nose pierced in a 'defiant manner').
Then to the eve which, glorious though it was is bringing me way over my self-imposed word count. Anna made great beef borgin-stuff which I did sample though très full and I met Robyn's new lover who is distressingly lovely. Much banter (I think the deep convos can have a separate entry) and wine/dessert/tea later and I was on the bus listening to my iPod and realising that it was time for an update. 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' is a tune but, like many fabulous things, there is a time and a place and I find it hard to delight in the arrival of spring to that wonderful ditty. Why doesn't every season have it's own songs? Maybe you have some ideas as to what the soundtrack to spring ought to be...?
Hmmm, a 'deep' last thought. My successor had a fabulous mishearing today that lead us (her, Robyn and myself) to an almost poignant question. I was describing something/someone as really insightful (it wasn't me!) and she thought I said greedy and spiteful(?!). We then asked ourselves: if you had to choose one or t'other of those things to categorise yourself as, which would honestly be the best fit? Sadly I think today's blog inevitably leaves me looking like a mean glutton...
...though I could always claim I meant inciteful: I am really good at getting other people to do stuff!
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