Carrots vs Confusion

When it comes to carrots things are pretty easy. You can eat them whole or in sticks, boiled steamed or stir fried, long or round, grated in a salad, dipped in a dip, curried or mashed, as soup or even juiced. I have tried quite a few of these already (I would estimate my carrot intake today to be 6 but I am persevering for more) and intend to make my way through them all.

But there are so many ways to be a Christian, and not all of them are compatible at all. Recently my biggest issue is to do with things of a "spiritual" nature. I use speech marks not 'cause I am being patronising but 'cause lots of things are of a spiritual nature and I am trying to differentiate about issues of demons and angels and all that jazz.

This I think can be demonstrated by the following example, taken from a conversation I was having this afternoon. Satan. Now, fortunately I started the sentence with the name which meant I didn't have to face the question of whether or not it ought to be capitalised. I read a post on Stuff Christian's Like (which is a pretty cool blog when I get round to reading it. You know how some people are more listeners and some more talkers, well I am a blog writer rather than reader... make your mind up what that says about having a conversation with me!) ages ago about this once but I couldn't find it again to give you the link. It doesn't really matter 'cause my feelings on it are much less formed and I am more confused than amused.

The question is, does it give more recognition to the devil (that is not a proper noun so I can rest easy) to capitalise the 'S' or to forsake accuracy for the sake of reducing the value of the word?

And that is where I am at. I am a pretty open minded lady and I have no problem believing in a spiritual realm that overlaps with the physical. We are physical beings and as such there is an effect from the unseen on the seen. I also think there is an effect from the seen on the unseen that my frustration a few days ago is testimony to (see 10 Things I Hate About [insert just about anything here right now]), where my tiredness and unbalanced body left me verging on a depressive episode and I really had to slow down and recoup whilst at the same time praying God's rule over my life (seeing as I had inadvertently let this slip when I was physically under par (isn't that a good thing is golf? What a funny expression.)).

But then I wonder, can we give too much space to worrying about what Satan can do? I mean, call him satan and you are recognising that you are not comfortable to the point of compromising grammar, leaving space for a fear of attack - and we all know that God in the only one to fear.

Words are powerful. But then, so is God. I think He is more powerful so I have nothing to fear... right...?

There exist so many different ideas and, unlike ways to serve carrots, some of them have to be wrong. Like, can we say or do things that bring down 'badness' on our lives? Do generational curses still exist? Or is it all covered by the blood of Jesus without any further issue except perhaps in the most extreme cases? And what is a most extreme case anyway...?

It makes me, as a scientist, very uncomfortable. I want evidence and as I may have mentioned before it took a huge step of faith to accept, well faith. My only axiom is the bible/The Bible and I don't even know the grammatically-spiritually correct way to write that. Do I next have to start accepting/rejecting all sorts of other theologies that I can't see explicitly answered therein? For now at least I just can't do it, so I'm gonna stick with God's love and The Word and hope/trust that by giving my days to Him I am covering all my bases.

I wish it was all about carrots.

P.S. Input welcome at this point by the way...

Sommat else about Discernment

I was going to reply to Nate's comment on my last entry but I thought I would make a post of it seeing as my morning 'fellowship' so easily ties in with a response. Almost as though it were planned...

I went to see a friend from church this morning who lives in a village just outside Geneva. They have such an idyllic life in the country and the balcony overlooks the school where her two boys go (who are adorable by the way!). We spent the morning planning for the 'kid spot' on Sunday's service - teaching them a song about Obedience. It's fun but I feel a little bit hypocritical - O B E Y obey your mum and dad! She has a great lesson planned to go with it so should be ace. We also talked about the holiday bible club that may be happening. Yet another wait to see what God wants...

And she said something to me that was really encouraging. We were talking about listening to God and whatnot and she reiterated what countless people have said to me recently and which, in true human fashion, is taking much repetition to fix so that I can recall it on my own and take heed: what He wants us to do is be like Jesus.

That statement always seems so sweeping and belittling of the details doesn't it? All God cares about is you being like Him, the shape of your life doesn't really matter, is not significant. But that is not the case at all. The plan is that by being more like Jesus we will start to think like Him. Our desires will align with God's desires and from that we will know what He says about the details. I thought I said it in another post but I forgot to... when I mentioned John 10 in Coffee and Sacraments it was 'cause I had been given that verse by a couple of great mentors who were encouraging me about listening to God's voice by getting to know Him better. I glossed over it in my blog and it appears I missed the point as well since I needed to relearn the lesson. Get to know His voice. What better way to know what someone is thinking than trying to live a life that is in accordance with their desires? Only from that point can The Word (that is Christ, also the good shepherd) be discerned from the Wolves.

I wanted to respond to the comment with a "Well, great for those that can hear it but I'm sticking to what is written down, I've made too many mistakes trying to discern the will of God" but today, for some reason or coincidence, I was in a conversation that encouraged me to not give up just yet. Yeah, Bible GREAT and not to be overlooked on a daily basis, as well as a good way to check if what you hear is in line with Him. But hold true to the promises that He is there to light the path. I mean, the very fact that He is putting people in my life to be wise shows that He speaks in other ways doesn't it...?

There is still the question of is the door is really shut yet? I am not sure how to answer that, but it is being asked so I suppose I will have to give it some prayerful/bible reading thought. This morning I was going to catch a tram and I had three minutes to just cross the street and get on, so I was being leisurely. I know my time was right 'cause it was set by the Swiss transport system. Then the b*st*rd (token gesture as it's before the watershed) left early; as I was pushing the button no less and someone else had just got on. I was in such a fluster, having already been rushing that morning, and I flung my hands up in despair and wanted to cry and give up. Watching it pull away I wandered down the street a little as I didn't want to stand there waiting. It had stopped at a light... I had caught it once before by running to the next stop but I'd had a better headstart then... it was hot, I was wearing a dress and partially broken flip flops (thongs!)... I needed that tram - shoes off and I sprinted. Could not cross the street and found myself dashing down the tracks in hot pursuit (literally, that tarmac was not soothing) and I did just about make it. The risk of being left a second time did not bear thinking about but as I got on the satisfaction was in the conquest. I showed that tram driver, I showed him good.

So, do I fling my hands up in defeat or run to the next stop and see if I am really too late?

Hmmm, what to do now?

So. This morning I gave my day to God. It's easier I find. When you have lots on He is there, coordinating the diary and making things fall into place with as much blessing as possible. When there is not a lot on I like it even more. I think this is because I am naturally adverse to inactivity; it leaves me feeling a bit directionless. But with Him in control I am learning that nothing happening is just a chance to spend time together uninterrupted. Not always easy but definitely good.

Well, that said it's not like I was not busy today. Just slightly less. I went to my last music lesson in the morning and spent the afternoon recording some songs with Caro. Quite fun musically, I rather think this summer may be heavy on the tunes which is good :-). I went on a bit of a wild goose chase around midday to take a Bob Marley CD back to Lindell which gave me some time to think. I don't know about you but I have a bit of a tendency to be busy in order that thinking doesn't have to happen... I found myself in a tired, hungry, stressed situation whereby all I wanted to do was be miserable and feel let down and dwell on self-pitying issues. These are some of my major temptations and it is hard to avoid this type of 'sin' when the only witness is you. And God obviously, but He is a given. It's times like that that I understand why people drink/smoke/eat/shut down emotionally. It is hard being with yourself 24/7. Pleasantly surprising though, we talked it through and I came out feeling alright actually. Good thing I prayed when I got up, couldn't have done that in my own strength. It reminded me once again how big the struggle is: I'm in a constant fight against temptation and a bad mindset is such an easy one to fall for. Thorn in the flesh, OK, still: doesn't make it easier does it? On the way home however, I was reading my bible (my headphones are too broken to use so it is all I have to do on the bus!) and I rerealised for the umpteenth time that it is full of some good shit. Kinda puts things into perspective.

Then tonight I went to watch the football at Plainpalais fanzone. Well, I'd done it in Vienna, it had to happen for completeness. I was a bit tired and could have gladly stayed home, watched Eastenders and blogged a little, but boy am I glad I went. Lavanya (my darling Indian friend who was born in the wrong country for sure - rebel at heart and intolerant of heat!) is a big fan of sporting events and knows a lot about the game. She also knows a lot about the bible. As we left (thoroughly disappointed by the 3-0 Spain-Russia result) we had a good long Jesus chat and I love it when I hear His voice coming at me from the people I am with. Our meeting may have been last minute for me but as we talked I knew that this time had been penciled in by my wholly reliable Secretary (not meant as a belittling description, just observing one of the many qualities of God) long ago. She reminded me in a stark and obvious way how important The Word is. There is so much to remember about this faith (well, not a lot in the sense that Salvation is pretty straightforward but everything after that seems pretty complicated) I had quite forgotten how intrinsic reading the Bible is. It makes sense. There is no way that an invisible (well, for the most part) God can communicate with us securely otherwise. Voices and images are subject to question and interpretation and just plain wrongness. Written down and unchanging, checkable and validatable; the Bible is a great way for God to talk to us so that we cannot question what He is saying (once we have accepted it as true obviously). The thing is, I have been trying so hard to pray and listen to what God wants by reading the world around me (which, by the way is full of confusing and misleading signs) that I forgot He already gave all the answers and wrote them down that there be no confusion. Duh! It's kinda like having a one-sided conversation if you don't read the bible. Also, faith comes from hearing and hearing comes from the word (Romans 10:17) and boy do I need more faith. And it is a sword (Ephesians 6:17) which is handy in this constant battle of temptation - bonus!

So, I get home and I am all excited about this. I love how much I am learning all the time - if I haven't mentioned it before I see this summer as my Crash Course in Jesus before I return to Brizzle and face the future.

Then I get an email from my friend who is helping coordinate with the shelter about venues and what not...

Now, recently things musical have been picking up even more. I met a street musician who plays worship songs and he did some at lunch yesterday which was very well received - music brings so much joy and boy does that place need it. Those who worked there seemed positive (I think, there goes the French again) and yet more people were coming into light that may be able to get involved. Then I am told that we can't use the room.

Only this eve we prayed about hearing what God has planned and as far as this goes I have always wanted to be sure that this is not just some notion of mine. For a start it can't go anywhere under my own direction - I haven't a clue! I was waiting to see what doors get opened (which until now seemed all of them) and while I don't want to give up easily I also don't want to ignore the answers. So. Do I take this as a sign that really I should stick to drying dishes and smiling, or see where else it can go? It is tempting to take up the offer of a vacation (correction, holiday) to the South of France and spend time reading the bible. I mean, I need to be prepared before I can do God's work...

It does seems a little early to write it off completely. And the park has proved great thus far...? Well, no matter what, something is coming out of this - relationships which, after all, are the most important thing. In that I can persevere if nothing else.

One thing is for sure; what I learnt this eve is going into action. Next step: listening to The Word and seeing/hearing exactly what it says about what to do now.