Can I sum up in one post everything that I want to say?
The year is over. Only a few short hours away. Christmas has been an exciting but bewildering time. Having seen quite a few of my peers from my youth I have come into the realisation that I am on the cusp of being a grown up. Not a "young adult" or pretending anymore but actually fully matured with bills to pay and lives to plan. I'm not quite there yet but I reckon by the time my degree is over my establishment in adulthood will be well and truly made. I already am a bit of a wuss when it comes to late nights and hardcore socialising! My bob will be in place, my future starting to take shape and there will be no more excuses. Fortunately(?) I am not actually there yet but it seems close on the horizon...!
So where am I at? Well this term has seen me change as much as in the previous three months. A real time of finding and removing the bones and cleansing the land to get it ready for what is going to happen next. I feel my faith growing and am seeing more of God's power moving, in what feels like a direct result of that. I have had wonderful times of sharing what's happened to me, finding communities to build, experiencing good leadership and receiving great support. I've learnt that relationships and interdependency are what life is about and how we need to start actively working in our locality to be Jesus and see change occur.
Joy is oh so key. It is our strength even in the valleys, which these past few months have felt a bit like at times. But what a fruitful one it has been: really immediate and deep friendships with like minded people forming; establishing a Women of God community where we are seeking to live holistic lives of integrity; finding a place in Bristol as somewhere I feel my heart lies. Rediscovering love and what that is all about - everything. It is all you need. A many splendoured thing. I'm excited that two of the main things I have been involved in/am getting involved in are called Agapé and LoveBristol respectively. Love love love. God is love which is why it really is the most important thing, above all other agendas. I read 2 John yesterday and particularly appreciated how it was for a woman (though it really is relevant to everyone). This bit really jumped out at me:
"And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."
I've got chills they're multiplying. And it isn't the coffee... Which I drink now, from time to time. Probably the reason this post is a bit disconnected! Finding peace in myself leaves me a lot freer to do such things (in moderation obviously) though I don't think I like being this woosey so I won't make a regular habit of it!
What now then? As I go into the new year I have several practical goals for the next stage:
To start a trust fund like a scholarship for homeless people with a specific need. I hate meeting those that, for want of mere money, are trapped in a viscous and destructive cycle.
To start a free shop - let's beat the system man! I'm clearing out and as I slowly break free of the consumerist "stuff" pattern I want to see a trend being set for change. It's obviously not working and the world is finally starting to see it so let's facilitate that.
To give more to my communities, living an integrated holistic life and putting faith into practice.
To eat more "whole" foods and start cooking/baking from scratch.
To commit to finishing my degree and being dedicated to that - and finding cool God moments in the maths!
To pray more!! That's the hardest one I think.
To make more music (though I fear that is for the second half of the year once the work is done).
To write a student alternative newspaper that promotes living a different life to the way the world functions. On an environmental and economic slant promoting community, sustainability, rediscovered identity and creativity. Holistic living and a loving lifestyle. Sounds a bit glib but I have hopes and as we look for "Another Way" the idea is to introduce The Way, in Truth and be intentionally evangelical with it. 'Cause duh, that is the whole point isn't it? This last one goes in bold as it will require the most work and 'cause I want you to pray for it...!
On top of all this I want to see more of God's love and power in my life and get to know him more and deepen our relationship... but then really, who doesn't?!
Let's face it though. This is a lot and will take a hell of a commitment not to mention supernatural support. I feel, in order to be realistic, that from my perspective something has to give... and that something is going to be Baby Got Brit.
As I mentioned before, when I started writing I was in a different place. Half my time could be spent living and the other half telling my blog readers about it :-P Now I barely have a moment spare to tell myself and it is just unsustainable to try and capture it here. And we all know that unsustainable is not good. I am not nearly as compulsive which is great for me but means I am not obsessing over blogging and have found it increasingly hard to do so. There are tons of incomplete stories in my draft box and I have to accept that it just can't happen right now.
The thing is, as I have said before, writing alone isn't going to do very much. My observational skills have been honed and there is now no denying that I am fully equipped to understand all the analogies and can no longer hide behind the analysis - it is time to close my laptop and get my hands dirty.
It's not a total goodbye. For one thing once the degree is done it might be the right time - I am considering voluntary unemployment for a while (not that I will necessarily have the option anyway) which may or may not leave me free to write... plus I will still put the odd (quite literally) thing up in the interim if I write a poem or an article for proposed magazine. You never know, I may even pop by for a chat randomly or if I find something funny (so long as I don't use it as a procrastination tool - keep me accountable!) but the point is that my life is no longer going to be available for download. This processor can't cope with how big it's got - there are simply too many bits of information to communicate.
Lol, now it's over I'll suddenly want to be here all the time! I can't say for sure what will happen and once again this may be another big idea that doesn't quite work out and I will return, wiser. But, as with attempting a homeless choir in 3 months (check out 'Homeless Stuffs' tag) with limited French and no idea didn't quite pan into a Sister Act moment, it did still turn out with God saying it was cool. We had a gig at the end of the engaGE week and it was a wonderful time where there was joy living in that place, the staff suddenly went from miserable to fun loving and people got a chance to have the something-more-than-just-dinner moment that I first been inspired by. The last day I was there a lady spoke to me that never had before saying in perfect English that she had really enjoyed it and I felt like it had all been worthwhile. So I think even if my "big ideas" seem a little over-reaching it will be OK and God can turn them to something sweet. Better than doing Fuck All anyway, in't it?
Alors, bye bye baby, Baby bye bye. Who knows what the future brings... the story goes on but not right here right now. Stay in touch, the open invite still remains (though ideally do ring first!) and if we never "speak" again I hope to see you on the other side...
Love Kat(i)e x x x
Showing posts with label Consumerism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Consumerism. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Experimenting with Haiku's, Christmas stylee
I know I haven't been writing but I'm just too muddled in my head. It's been a busy term, the end in particular, and finding time to put it all together into words has proven tricky. I've been to six parties and six carol services already and now I've arrived at the parent's in London I am finding myself doing all kinds of visiting and whatnot so my intentions of catching up in the tranquility of home life are not quite being fulfilled.
To top it all off I have been thinking a lot about Christmas and it confuses me. I have a lot of joy for this season, a lot of expectation for good things (and no I don't mean presents) and am loving that it is my first Christmas with Jesus. Last year I said to someone that I wanted to be a Christian by Christmas 'cause then it would be even better and they said to me that God has His own way of doing things and I would be best to accept and follow His plans (or something like that, which was far more helpful than telling me to just go do it) and they were SO right. This way has rocked much more that last year would have 'cause I've had the time (7 months exactly in fact) to get to know Jesus better, making it much more special. In the words of the first track of my first ever Christian Christmas album (Wow Christmas(!)): "It's going to be a Christmas to remember"; and I don't think that is because of snow.
Yet at the same time it is a bit strange to see the world as we know it changing and how the consumer driven society that I am still, unwittingly, oft a part of is crumbling while the unseasonal mildness becomes actually quite worrying. This year is definitely different for more than one reason and I am finding the contrast interesting and a bit strange. I failed to put it into words and so decided to try my hand at a haiku. I like poetry 'cause it encourages me to express myself in limited vocabulary, these being even more restrictive, and while I haven't quite achieved a one verse wonder I still thought I'd share:
Winter is not cold
The shops are so empty now
Something’s going wrong
Different plan this year
Can’t ignore facts anymore
Something’s going wrong
Headlines of despair
It will continue to change
When did it go wrong?
Yet in the face of all this fear the message of Christmas remains simple.
Oh Immanuel
Today brings change for us all
Love joy peace and hope
So I suppose that Christmas (or rather Christ, who is after all the reason for the season) is even more pertinent now in the financial/environmental/social clime that hangs over us.
Oh dark fearful fog
Hovering low and heavy
All lights dimmed but One
I could get used to this writing in verse!
In case we don't speak
May your Christmas be blessèd
Lots of love from me
x x x
To top it all off I have been thinking a lot about Christmas and it confuses me. I have a lot of joy for this season, a lot of expectation for good things (and no I don't mean presents) and am loving that it is my first Christmas with Jesus. Last year I said to someone that I wanted to be a Christian by Christmas 'cause then it would be even better and they said to me that God has His own way of doing things and I would be best to accept and follow His plans (or something like that, which was far more helpful than telling me to just go do it) and they were SO right. This way has rocked much more that last year would have 'cause I've had the time (7 months exactly in fact) to get to know Jesus better, making it much more special. In the words of the first track of my first ever Christian Christmas album (Wow Christmas(!)): "It's going to be a Christmas to remember"; and I don't think that is because of snow.
Yet at the same time it is a bit strange to see the world as we know it changing and how the consumer driven society that I am still, unwittingly, oft a part of is crumbling while the unseasonal mildness becomes actually quite worrying. This year is definitely different for more than one reason and I am finding the contrast interesting and a bit strange. I failed to put it into words and so decided to try my hand at a haiku. I like poetry 'cause it encourages me to express myself in limited vocabulary, these being even more restrictive, and while I haven't quite achieved a one verse wonder I still thought I'd share:
Winter is not cold
The shops are so empty now
Something’s going wrong
Different plan this year
Can’t ignore facts anymore
Something’s going wrong
Headlines of despair
It will continue to change
When did it go wrong?
Yet in the face of all this fear the message of Christmas remains simple.
Oh Immanuel
Today brings change for us all
Love joy peace and hope
So I suppose that Christmas (or rather Christ, who is after all the reason for the season) is even more pertinent now in the financial/environmental/social clime that hangs over us.
Oh dark fearful fog
Hovering low and heavy
All lights dimmed but One
I could get used to this writing in verse!
In case we don't speak
May your Christmas be blessèd
Lots of love from me
x x x
Saturday, December 6, 2008
To Eat or not To Eat, that is the question...
Fasting: this is really good to do. I have had amazing success in fasting for the purpose of seeing breakthrough in prayer. I have had amazing connections with God and hearing His still small voice. I have also had absolutely awful experiences, some when my attitude has been wrong, some when it has been right and I don't know why.
I was fasting through Advent and treating it like a Lent period for me. I thought it was a really good idea. Thing is I am trying to pray for different people every day like and really want good cheer and hope to be spread through this season and be for life, not just for Christmas. So my advent calender is a list of 24 different people and I decided to do a fast until Christmas eve.
I especially thought it was a good idea given that Christmas is a season for lack of self-control and I notoriously have this (as I have shared before) and want to work on it in all areas of my life. So I figured showing discipline in eating is a good way to go about it and would bring me closer to God in this season and deal with something that sometimes gets in the way.
How is fasting for me? Some people say it is about being hungry so they remember to pray. I get that, I do it, but it isn't the main thing. I think the best way I understood fasting was that by not giving in to you fleshly demands of hunger you can somehow get out of this physical mindset and be in a place that can get closer to God by tapping into your spiritual side more. I know that's vague and feel free to correct or expand or whatever...
So anyway, when a friend was doing a lunch fast on the 1st December it just felt right to do it too. Then to carry it on till the 24th... Right?
The thing I hate about humanity is fickleness. How can we be so sure of what we want or what we think we have to do one minute and then the next be completely confused by how wrong it suddenly seems. I get so much comfort out of knowing that at least God gets me 'cause so much of the time I really don't!
First day it was great. Second day I was like, OK, there is a difference between enduring hunger and being too weak to concentrate on my studies. Plus I was not eating day time but getting to the evening and being really really hungry so having big dinners; and also thinking "I need energy for the day so I'll have a big breakfast". Which ended up looking like it had the potential to become a binge-starve-binge sandwich (or not!) and defo not what it was all about. I have a tendency to do things to extremes but I knew this was not good so I decided on day 3 that, though it had been really successful it was not prolong-able, and I would have a fast involving disciplined regular meals and being really strict with myself. Lol, you'll love this, I told my friend in an email:
"I am now doing a 'no snacking or seconds or unneccesarily eating etc' fast as it was starting to feel a bit legalistic."
Now, am I right or am I right that this statement epitomises legalism?!
No snacks, seconds, cake, treats, fun... friends, pleasures, comfort, central heating, nice clothes... hell I should just go live in a cave and pray.
That drove me mad. Suddenly I wasn't even sure when I was allowed to eat. I didn't know if my hunger was hunger or if it was seeking comfort or gratuitous pleasure in food. It felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I didn't think about it much till after I got my presentation finished on the 4th day [Thank God so much I got that done - it was pushed to the far edge of available time but my ability to eventually concentrate was nothing short of miraculous and it feels like God is growing my faith in such things by leaving me wholly dependent on Him to help me.] but then, suddenly, I was like "What now?". Can I have half an hour of peace, maybe a nice lunch, before I get into the discipline? Am I allowed a biscuit with my tea if I'm still hungry or is it only dry bread? Argggggghhhh! I was tired, I was stressed, nothing was right because legalism vs consumerism is not a pretty fight and so I went to bed till my sister came round after work. Granted I needed it after an early start and 5 hours straight of Philosophy of Maths (!) but going to sleep to avoid dilemmas is probably not what Jesus what have done.
So where am I now? Apart from extremely grateful that C could step up and be wise and supportive and helpful when I needed it? Living each day in God and not forcing a thing I suppose. Remembering that He said really clearly there is no condemnation. I suppose my rule (which is something I've heard and heard and heard and not absorbed then suddenly it just became real to me) for how to live an "extreme" (nay any) spiritual life is:
Only do what I want to do and learn to love God more so that my desires reflect His heart. Then it should all be easy.
Easy is as easy does. Anything's easy if He is our strength (some verses in Isaiah, 2 Corinthians, Matthew). I can't even have a cup of tea without.
I was fasting through Advent and treating it like a Lent period for me. I thought it was a really good idea. Thing is I am trying to pray for different people every day like and really want good cheer and hope to be spread through this season and be for life, not just for Christmas. So my advent calender is a list of 24 different people and I decided to do a fast until Christmas eve.
I especially thought it was a good idea given that Christmas is a season for lack of self-control and I notoriously have this (as I have shared before) and want to work on it in all areas of my life. So I figured showing discipline in eating is a good way to go about it and would bring me closer to God in this season and deal with something that sometimes gets in the way.
How is fasting for me? Some people say it is about being hungry so they remember to pray. I get that, I do it, but it isn't the main thing. I think the best way I understood fasting was that by not giving in to you fleshly demands of hunger you can somehow get out of this physical mindset and be in a place that can get closer to God by tapping into your spiritual side more. I know that's vague and feel free to correct or expand or whatever...
So anyway, when a friend was doing a lunch fast on the 1st December it just felt right to do it too. Then to carry it on till the 24th... Right?
The thing I hate about humanity is fickleness. How can we be so sure of what we want or what we think we have to do one minute and then the next be completely confused by how wrong it suddenly seems. I get so much comfort out of knowing that at least God gets me 'cause so much of the time I really don't!
First day it was great. Second day I was like, OK, there is a difference between enduring hunger and being too weak to concentrate on my studies. Plus I was not eating day time but getting to the evening and being really really hungry so having big dinners; and also thinking "I need energy for the day so I'll have a big breakfast". Which ended up looking like it had the potential to become a binge-starve-binge sandwich (or not!) and defo not what it was all about. I have a tendency to do things to extremes but I knew this was not good so I decided on day 3 that, though it had been really successful it was not prolong-able, and I would have a fast involving disciplined regular meals and being really strict with myself. Lol, you'll love this, I told my friend in an email:
"I am now doing a 'no snacking or seconds or unneccesarily eating etc' fast as it was starting to feel a bit legalistic."
Now, am I right or am I right that this statement epitomises legalism?!
No snacks, seconds, cake, treats, fun... friends, pleasures, comfort, central heating, nice clothes... hell I should just go live in a cave and pray.
That drove me mad. Suddenly I wasn't even sure when I was allowed to eat. I didn't know if my hunger was hunger or if it was seeking comfort or gratuitous pleasure in food. It felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I didn't think about it much till after I got my presentation finished on the 4th day [Thank God so much I got that done - it was pushed to the far edge of available time but my ability to eventually concentrate was nothing short of miraculous and it feels like God is growing my faith in such things by leaving me wholly dependent on Him to help me.] but then, suddenly, I was like "What now?". Can I have half an hour of peace, maybe a nice lunch, before I get into the discipline? Am I allowed a biscuit with my tea if I'm still hungry or is it only dry bread? Argggggghhhh! I was tired, I was stressed, nothing was right because legalism vs consumerism is not a pretty fight and so I went to bed till my sister came round after work. Granted I needed it after an early start and 5 hours straight of Philosophy of Maths (!) but going to sleep to avoid dilemmas is probably not what Jesus what have done.
So where am I now? Apart from extremely grateful that C could step up and be wise and supportive and helpful when I needed it? Living each day in God and not forcing a thing I suppose. Remembering that He said really clearly there is no condemnation. I suppose my rule (which is something I've heard and heard and heard and not absorbed then suddenly it just became real to me) for how to live an "extreme" (nay any) spiritual life is:
Only do what I want to do and learn to love God more so that my desires reflect His heart. Then it should all be easy.
Easy is as easy does. Anything's easy if He is our strength (some verses in Isaiah, 2 Corinthians, Matthew). I can't even have a cup of tea without.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Live Repentance feat. Analogy
I don't know what to blog about! I have lots of things I could do - both trivial and non - but I don't know which one to choose. I feel like writing about what is most recent given that would be the freshest "off the press" story and some of the others can go on hold easily... But there are even so many recent things to distill.
Had a great morning full of answers to prayer to do with work and hugely augmented faith as a result. Bit of a crash in the middle which I am putting down to Satan being so annoyed at earlier victory but with a great boost from a very well-timed sister! Amazing evening with my girlies which would take a lot of background info but was very inspired and boosting and wonderful... and then there was the drive home.
Not much has happened since I got in the door so I suppose that is the most recent thing.
I have a car. It is a bit of a luxury as a student. Especially given how safe and functional it is! I know I talk about environment and consumerism but I think that this car is OK and, selfishness aside, I will try and justify it. I see it very much as a gift from God and as such try and use it for other people where possible. Not in a "wow I'm holy way" but you know the bible says for those that use their gifts more is given and for those that don't they will be taken away - I figure if I give people lifts I may get my VW camper and if I don't I may have to take the bus. It's a nobrainer! Anyway. I have recently been able to do this a lot. It's cold and dark and there has been a bit of prowler around Brizzle but in that I have been picking up and dropping off girls and, well, I suppose letting God use me to protect them. I love it! So I was thanking him for this tonight when I took my friends home and it led me onto the story of how I got Valerie (the car). Which made me realise in turn some things that I probably needed to repent of! You can be my witnesses.
When I passed my test, back in the summer of '06, I didn't think I'd get a car. Then a friend of a friend was getting rid of their's and offered it my way. Even that was a God thing (not just 'cause they were a Christian) as it really did bless me tons and gave me a sense of freedom and security at a time when I was a bit unsettled and very not free. In honour of the Christianess of the gift I called the car Eli. It was defo a boy and I thought it was a cool name. Well then, a short way into the first term of the next academic year I had a little accident. First POI (point of impetus!): forgive and let go of blame in that - the person who did not indicate, the person who pissed me off before I got in the car, myself for being a numpty. CHECK. I still drove Eli for ages unrepaired, irresponsibly I suppose but the indicator worked - just. I'm sorry for that too - doesn't really show much love does it. When I got home at Christmas, the last day of term in fact (driving on the M25 to be specific) it finally gave up. I get home and I could not go right without waving an arm. Pretty cool stuff that it lasted till then exactly so thanks God!
It was a clear write-off. A car that cost a penny for legalistic ownership sakes was really not worth replacing the whole front and side of. Rubbish. Or not... here's a cunning tip for you kids: if you want a car get one that is cheap and dangerous, put all your brothers and sisters and their spouses in it, go visit the parents, then drive off in the dark with the bonnet making a noise as it scrape along the ground. This happened in the middle of the term and... well... long story short there was an early 21st present waiting for me back home!
The short story long is that they had been so distressed by this scenario that they decided I had to have a new car and it had to be before my birthday (in April) so it would come at Christmas. They chose it carefully and were going to surprise me with it in the new year just before I drove back but seeing my car at a new level of atrocity they ended up telling me straight away. I couldn't get it till the end of the hols 'cause one of the reasons they acted early was so it could first be used by this lovely missionary couple we know that visit England every Christmas back from their project in Uganda.
Well, needless to say I was delighted! Of course they were welcome to the car for now, I was the luckiest girl already. My wheels now had a roll cage! More than than even (important though it is I'm sure) it had a radio controlled lock and CD player!! OK, the crunch time was that it was a Nissan Micra new style... the girliest middle age car ever made and with a weird face at the front. The funny thing about this was that my parents had bought one 6 months prior (which is why they knew it was good) and at the time I had told them not to 'cause I hated them! Lol, that is so them not to remember, how endearing - I was so excited it didn't really matter.
'Cept when there is a though of negativity, even a little bit, there tends to be a build up of frustration in relationships. We say things are OK and push on trying to make it so, telling ourselves that we are bad for feeling, well ingratitude for example. Meanwhile it boils beneath the surface unless you deal with it or it erupts. Forcing loving ain't possible - it needs to come from God or it won't be lasting and for that we need to confess and ask him to help.
I can see you looking shocked that I ever had a problem, even for a minute, with this situation. What can I say - I told you I'm not holy. Spoiled brat comes to mind right...? Well, I agree. I'm all about exposing the past crap and the lies that bring us to that place and you know what, as I told this story to my car full of friends I realised that some of it just never got officially addressed. People at my church talk about "doing business with God" which makes me cringe but it does kinda have a point too. I often find myself saying "I'll do it later" and I realise that sometimes I find it hard to make time and concentrate and bring these things before Him. Well maybe that "another day" attitude is something that we get from Satan trying to stop us dealing with things that we'd benefit "settling up the account" over. So I'm doing it now, live as it were (!) to make sure I don't let that happen.
What happened then? Well Mum and Dad aren't hearing this for the first time - they did eventually bear the fall out of these pent up thoughts. Sorry 'bout that by the way - I'll ring you and do it properly, but sorry. I needed a bit of practise before the motorway trip so I took their Nissan for spin round Sainsbury's car park and it was then that I had a bit of a stress. The thing is Eli (who was a Mazda LX 121) had this really big square back window with visibility to die for (or not!) and I could park easily and see to the left and right and all kinds of good stuff like that. Check him out:
Suddenly a modern car with side bars and rounded design and safely features just didn't do it at all - I could not drive this car. It wasn't right for me; it wasn't 'me'. I panicked, I stressed, I let all the pent up frustrations ever get to me and God wasn't there to dispell that with his love, or heal any insecurities or damages. So I vented. Big time. I've always been a tell-it-like-it-is-girl but I used to be a lot less loving in that and I suppose for all these things I am really sorry too and need to say it - and accept forgiveness too.
At the time though it just came out. That they hadn't checked with me 'cause they wanted to do this for their friends and my input didn't count, they went for a car I told them I didn't like and didn't even care enough to remember that, they didn't actually care about me at all it was just "doing the right thing" and getting rid of potential guilt, their Christian motives came before their parental ones (always a killer for kids of Christians, ask any shrink!), they chose a car they didn't represent me at all - that wasn't anger so much as me being upset that I had to let go of Eli, retro and cool with a red and grey striped interior, boxy shape and tape player on which I listened to all the old Now's; then replace it with a modern girly-but-not-in-a-good-way boring car that made me a grown up before I was ready. I felt like I was missing the window on being a studenty fun cheap car'd chick who could paint patterns and what not. This was it. A few months of that was all I got. A mum-mobile before I was a mum that would last so long I'd be one by then and it would be too late to be cool.
I don't say this 'cause I want to make my folks feel bad. I acknowledge that it was totally not a valid reaction and most people would be shocked that I said this in response to a car given freely and lovingly out of a genuine care for safety and happiness. There was an oversight of not consulting me but it is just as much sweet that they wanted to surprise me and t'was my own "issues" that made this stuff come up, not their mistakes. Deep rooted ones that are put there by the enemy to upset us and drive wedges between people and hide away so we can't identify them. We were talking today about things from when we're young that we then need to deal with as adults. Happens to us all. Which is the point - one lady shared about her friend who had to forgive her mum for neglecting them as kids because she spent all her energies guarding them from an abusive father. It's hardly wrong and the frustrating thing is that were she to have not done that her daughter would be forgiving her for having not guarded them from an abusive father. It seems like a lose-lose situation.
The truth it, pobody is nerfect (I know, I'm sorry). In any relationship (and parents are just the obvious ones 'cause they are so early on and so key) things go wrong 'cause of the fallen human nature. When we grow up, or just move on, we need to take responsibility for this and learn to deal with it by letting God and his love sort out our problems. There was Adam and he brought in the shite but Jesus came to take it back out so really let's get over the inevitable flaws, forgiving ourselves and each other, so we can receive His perfection.
Our relationship with Him is based upon what we have modeled to us and if we can't get past the errors that will inevitably be there we won't be able to have a whole relationship with Him.
The funny thing too is that Valerie just is me now! Even named after a song that reminds me of me ("I miss your ginger hair and the way you like to dress" - what's that you say...? Narcissistic?). I was rebelling and not feeling ready for maturity but I was and it came and now, well, I am loving her and her electric windows and reliability and security and all that jazz. I like being warm when I drive along and having comfortable suspension! I love that God gave me a car and how, right since I got back, it has come in really handy for so many people. I still wouldn't say no a a VW one day but my identity is in Him and not in my transportation. Though I did just use my car as an analogy for my new life so in a way I suppose my identity is in my transportation... Oh it's late, I'm allowed to make no sense! Going back to the analogy briefly: dangerous wreck that nearly got me seriously injured - loving parent gave me a brand new wonderful safe and fitting vehicle that meets my needs and has far more value... Love it!
I love my car. I love my parents. I love my God. I love leaving old identities behind and coming into new ones. I smirk that my last post was about wanting to not be über-Christian but I still write about this before I share cabbage recipes... Oh well. Some things there just ain't no denying... You've such amazing grace :-)
N.B. The last line quotes an 80's power ballad called 'The Power of Love' but I figure noone will get that unnoitified.
Had a great morning full of answers to prayer to do with work and hugely augmented faith as a result. Bit of a crash in the middle which I am putting down to Satan being so annoyed at earlier victory but with a great boost from a very well-timed sister! Amazing evening with my girlies which would take a lot of background info but was very inspired and boosting and wonderful... and then there was the drive home.
Not much has happened since I got in the door so I suppose that is the most recent thing.
I have a car. It is a bit of a luxury as a student. Especially given how safe and functional it is! I know I talk about environment and consumerism but I think that this car is OK and, selfishness aside, I will try and justify it. I see it very much as a gift from God and as such try and use it for other people where possible. Not in a "wow I'm holy way" but you know the bible says for those that use their gifts more is given and for those that don't they will be taken away - I figure if I give people lifts I may get my VW camper and if I don't I may have to take the bus. It's a nobrainer! Anyway. I have recently been able to do this a lot. It's cold and dark and there has been a bit of prowler around Brizzle but in that I have been picking up and dropping off girls and, well, I suppose letting God use me to protect them. I love it! So I was thanking him for this tonight when I took my friends home and it led me onto the story of how I got Valerie (the car). Which made me realise in turn some things that I probably needed to repent of! You can be my witnesses.
When I passed my test, back in the summer of '06, I didn't think I'd get a car. Then a friend of a friend was getting rid of their's and offered it my way. Even that was a God thing (not just 'cause they were a Christian) as it really did bless me tons and gave me a sense of freedom and security at a time when I was a bit unsettled and very not free. In honour of the Christianess of the gift I called the car Eli. It was defo a boy and I thought it was a cool name. Well then, a short way into the first term of the next academic year I had a little accident. First POI (point of impetus!): forgive and let go of blame in that - the person who did not indicate, the person who pissed me off before I got in the car, myself for being a numpty. CHECK. I still drove Eli for ages unrepaired, irresponsibly I suppose but the indicator worked - just. I'm sorry for that too - doesn't really show much love does it. When I got home at Christmas, the last day of term in fact (driving on the M25 to be specific) it finally gave up. I get home and I could not go right without waving an arm. Pretty cool stuff that it lasted till then exactly so thanks God!
It was a clear write-off. A car that cost a penny for legalistic ownership sakes was really not worth replacing the whole front and side of. Rubbish. Or not... here's a cunning tip for you kids: if you want a car get one that is cheap and dangerous, put all your brothers and sisters and their spouses in it, go visit the parents, then drive off in the dark with the bonnet making a noise as it scrape along the ground. This happened in the middle of the term and... well... long story short there was an early 21st present waiting for me back home!
The short story long is that they had been so distressed by this scenario that they decided I had to have a new car and it had to be before my birthday (in April) so it would come at Christmas. They chose it carefully and were going to surprise me with it in the new year just before I drove back but seeing my car at a new level of atrocity they ended up telling me straight away. I couldn't get it till the end of the hols 'cause one of the reasons they acted early was so it could first be used by this lovely missionary couple we know that visit England every Christmas back from their project in Uganda.
Well, needless to say I was delighted! Of course they were welcome to the car for now, I was the luckiest girl already. My wheels now had a roll cage! More than than even (important though it is I'm sure) it had a radio controlled lock and CD player!! OK, the crunch time was that it was a Nissan Micra new style... the girliest middle age car ever made and with a weird face at the front. The funny thing about this was that my parents had bought one 6 months prior (which is why they knew it was good) and at the time I had told them not to 'cause I hated them! Lol, that is so them not to remember, how endearing - I was so excited it didn't really matter.
'Cept when there is a though of negativity, even a little bit, there tends to be a build up of frustration in relationships. We say things are OK and push on trying to make it so, telling ourselves that we are bad for feeling, well ingratitude for example. Meanwhile it boils beneath the surface unless you deal with it or it erupts. Forcing loving ain't possible - it needs to come from God or it won't be lasting and for that we need to confess and ask him to help.
I can see you looking shocked that I ever had a problem, even for a minute, with this situation. What can I say - I told you I'm not holy. Spoiled brat comes to mind right...? Well, I agree. I'm all about exposing the past crap and the lies that bring us to that place and you know what, as I told this story to my car full of friends I realised that some of it just never got officially addressed. People at my church talk about "doing business with God" which makes me cringe but it does kinda have a point too. I often find myself saying "I'll do it later" and I realise that sometimes I find it hard to make time and concentrate and bring these things before Him. Well maybe that "another day" attitude is something that we get from Satan trying to stop us dealing with things that we'd benefit "settling up the account" over. So I'm doing it now, live as it were (!) to make sure I don't let that happen.
What happened then? Well Mum and Dad aren't hearing this for the first time - they did eventually bear the fall out of these pent up thoughts. Sorry 'bout that by the way - I'll ring you and do it properly, but sorry. I needed a bit of practise before the motorway trip so I took their Nissan for spin round Sainsbury's car park and it was then that I had a bit of a stress. The thing is Eli (who was a Mazda LX 121) had this really big square back window with visibility to die for (or not!) and I could park easily and see to the left and right and all kinds of good stuff like that. Check him out:
Suddenly a modern car with side bars and rounded design and safely features just didn't do it at all - I could not drive this car. It wasn't right for me; it wasn't 'me'. I panicked, I stressed, I let all the pent up frustrations ever get to me and God wasn't there to dispell that with his love, or heal any insecurities or damages. So I vented. Big time. I've always been a tell-it-like-it-is-girl but I used to be a lot less loving in that and I suppose for all these things I am really sorry too and need to say it - and accept forgiveness too.
At the time though it just came out. That they hadn't checked with me 'cause they wanted to do this for their friends and my input didn't count, they went for a car I told them I didn't like and didn't even care enough to remember that, they didn't actually care about me at all it was just "doing the right thing" and getting rid of potential guilt, their Christian motives came before their parental ones (always a killer for kids of Christians, ask any shrink!), they chose a car they didn't represent me at all - that wasn't anger so much as me being upset that I had to let go of Eli, retro and cool with a red and grey striped interior, boxy shape and tape player on which I listened to all the old Now's; then replace it with a modern girly-but-not-in-a-good-way boring car that made me a grown up before I was ready. I felt like I was missing the window on being a studenty fun cheap car'd chick who could paint patterns and what not. This was it. A few months of that was all I got. A mum-mobile before I was a mum that would last so long I'd be one by then and it would be too late to be cool.
I don't say this 'cause I want to make my folks feel bad. I acknowledge that it was totally not a valid reaction and most people would be shocked that I said this in response to a car given freely and lovingly out of a genuine care for safety and happiness. There was an oversight of not consulting me but it is just as much sweet that they wanted to surprise me and t'was my own "issues" that made this stuff come up, not their mistakes. Deep rooted ones that are put there by the enemy to upset us and drive wedges between people and hide away so we can't identify them. We were talking today about things from when we're young that we then need to deal with as adults. Happens to us all. Which is the point - one lady shared about her friend who had to forgive her mum for neglecting them as kids because she spent all her energies guarding them from an abusive father. It's hardly wrong and the frustrating thing is that were she to have not done that her daughter would be forgiving her for having not guarded them from an abusive father. It seems like a lose-lose situation.
The truth it, pobody is nerfect (I know, I'm sorry). In any relationship (and parents are just the obvious ones 'cause they are so early on and so key) things go wrong 'cause of the fallen human nature. When we grow up, or just move on, we need to take responsibility for this and learn to deal with it by letting God and his love sort out our problems. There was Adam and he brought in the shite but Jesus came to take it back out so really let's get over the inevitable flaws, forgiving ourselves and each other, so we can receive His perfection.
Our relationship with Him is based upon what we have modeled to us and if we can't get past the errors that will inevitably be there we won't be able to have a whole relationship with Him.
The funny thing too is that Valerie just is me now! Even named after a song that reminds me of me ("I miss your ginger hair and the way you like to dress" - what's that you say...? Narcissistic?). I was rebelling and not feeling ready for maturity but I was and it came and now, well, I am loving her and her electric windows and reliability and security and all that jazz. I like being warm when I drive along and having comfortable suspension! I love that God gave me a car and how, right since I got back, it has come in really handy for so many people. I still wouldn't say no a a VW one day but my identity is in Him and not in my transportation. Though I did just use my car as an analogy for my new life so in a way I suppose my identity is in my transportation... Oh it's late, I'm allowed to make no sense! Going back to the analogy briefly: dangerous wreck that nearly got me seriously injured - loving parent gave me a brand new wonderful safe and fitting vehicle that meets my needs and has far more value... Love it!
I love my car. I love my parents. I love my God. I love leaving old identities behind and coming into new ones. I smirk that my last post was about wanting to not be über-Christian but I still write about this before I share cabbage recipes... Oh well. Some things there just ain't no denying... You've such amazing grace :-)
N.B. The last line quotes an 80's power ballad called 'The Power of Love' but I figure noone will get that unnoitified.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
SIN
The dirty word.
We all talk about it, we all do it (well I think so) and in a lot of the circles I move we all feel bad about it (eventually anyway)...
But what is it?
It could be easy to say that at some point in the church's history the human element took over and tried to control the world, money, politics etc by the power of guilt. In a sense this is fairly true. I've been getting involved with Agapé a bit this term. One of my flatmates before I lived in GVA worked for them and when I got back it suddenly fitted incredibly well with, well, with me. I have this darling friend who works for them called Grace and she took me out last week evangelising with her...! Yes, it is as mental as it sounds. Basically, three times a week they make a point of each going out into coffee shops and approaching people to talk to them about God. They get all kinds of reactions but one of the main aims is to ensure that they themselves stay a bit out of their comfort zone... I loved it. Well, I mean the scariness of "the approach" aside I really enjoy talking to strangers and having something to do it about is pretty fun (as long as I'm not feeling insecure 'cause obviously the coin would be somewhat flipped then). What is my point with this? Other than how good a Christian I am...? We spoke for over an hour to 4 student girls who all basically think that the church judges too harshly, that the pope is crap (I'm not going to start an interdenominational riot - Satan would bloody love that), that Christianity condemns them for things they really don't see as bad and that it just isn't right that people who don't commit horrific crimes should go to hell. The postulated idea was to have an atheists room for anyone that missed the point with God but weren't evil.
And I found myself apologising for the way they have percieved Christ. Taking some kind of responsibility for Christianity that got it wrong, were corrupt, didn't make it clear and allowed this to become a common view in culture today. Even this afternoon I was thinking about how sad it is that one of my "jobs" as a Christian is to try and undo the damage that "The Church" has done in it's past.
But you know what? I am fed up of this. I don't want to keep apologising for how "We" got it wrong. Human error aside, pure corruption acknowledged, the vast amount of Christians over history have been very sincere and were acting within their own social context. Why should I stress about people feeling condemned when they are??
Yes. This is my judgement post. You think I've been bad before, you ain't seen nothing yet. All over the world Christian's and non-alike (I am sad to confess) are being really really rubbish. Then, to top it all off, they are pretending that it is OK. THEN, just because it isn't bad enough they turn around to the laws of God and the people that try and follow them and have a go for condemnation.
WE DESERVE CONDEMNATION.
Think about it. If God is this purely loving being that wants to see the whole world alight with joy and fullfillment in him then you tell me that even just in your own personal relationships you treat the people you care about with proper love all the time and never slag them off or get annoyed or act selfishly or anything like that... you would be lying. We don't even have to call it God, we can see it as the "goodness in humanity" or some "power" or "greater force". I know TONS of people that think 'friends and family' are the thing that life is about. That is, Relationships. That is, Love. Well, for me that is what I call God. Yet anyone that sees life as having purpose greater than physical wealth still messes up in the pursuits of these "important" things.
Then of course there is the bigger picture. Beyond selfish behaviour and broken relationships we live in a consumer driven lifestyle that is destroying the planet and the most vulnerable people on it. Be it high street shops that use all-too-cheap cheap labour in India to unfairly traded chocolate that uses child slaves that have been stolen or bought on the Cote d'Ivoire. There's been a recent campaign which involves having fondue parties to raise awareness of this issues, I went to my third last night(!) and it takes this much to force me to change one thing on a list of hundreds I do that don't love this planet and these people like I theoretically want to. And I am begrudging as I have to give up Oreos. AND my first reaction was that it is a marketing ploy to sell more "Fairtrade" products. I am a BAD person.
Not one of us is guilt free.
Not one of us can justifying saying to the most perfect source of life and love on this planet (whoever He/She/They/It may be) that we deserve to go to a room for mediocre people because we didn't really see what we do wrong up close and personal and it wasn't that extreme. There is no ratio between 0-bad and a-little-bit-bad. If you had to fit into one category and the choice was perfect or imperfect which would you be?
I think it's high time we stopped telling people that the church doesn't condemn them. I personally condemn each and every member of society and think it's high time they stopped the apathy and started condemning themselves.
Maybe then people will GET why Jesus is so bloody important.
We all talk about it, we all do it (well I think so) and in a lot of the circles I move we all feel bad about it (eventually anyway)...
But what is it?
It could be easy to say that at some point in the church's history the human element took over and tried to control the world, money, politics etc by the power of guilt. In a sense this is fairly true. I've been getting involved with Agapé a bit this term. One of my flatmates before I lived in GVA worked for them and when I got back it suddenly fitted incredibly well with, well, with me. I have this darling friend who works for them called Grace and she took me out last week evangelising with her...! Yes, it is as mental as it sounds. Basically, three times a week they make a point of each going out into coffee shops and approaching people to talk to them about God. They get all kinds of reactions but one of the main aims is to ensure that they themselves stay a bit out of their comfort zone... I loved it. Well, I mean the scariness of "the approach" aside I really enjoy talking to strangers and having something to do it about is pretty fun (as long as I'm not feeling insecure 'cause obviously the coin would be somewhat flipped then). What is my point with this? Other than how good a Christian I am...? We spoke for over an hour to 4 student girls who all basically think that the church judges too harshly, that the pope is crap (I'm not going to start an interdenominational riot - Satan would bloody love that), that Christianity condemns them for things they really don't see as bad and that it just isn't right that people who don't commit horrific crimes should go to hell. The postulated idea was to have an atheists room for anyone that missed the point with God but weren't evil.
And I found myself apologising for the way they have percieved Christ. Taking some kind of responsibility for Christianity that got it wrong, were corrupt, didn't make it clear and allowed this to become a common view in culture today. Even this afternoon I was thinking about how sad it is that one of my "jobs" as a Christian is to try and undo the damage that "The Church" has done in it's past.
But you know what? I am fed up of this. I don't want to keep apologising for how "We" got it wrong. Human error aside, pure corruption acknowledged, the vast amount of Christians over history have been very sincere and were acting within their own social context. Why should I stress about people feeling condemned when they are??
Yes. This is my judgement post. You think I've been bad before, you ain't seen nothing yet. All over the world Christian's and non-alike (I am sad to confess) are being really really rubbish. Then, to top it all off, they are pretending that it is OK. THEN, just because it isn't bad enough they turn around to the laws of God and the people that try and follow them and have a go for condemnation.
WE DESERVE CONDEMNATION.
Think about it. If God is this purely loving being that wants to see the whole world alight with joy and fullfillment in him then you tell me that even just in your own personal relationships you treat the people you care about with proper love all the time and never slag them off or get annoyed or act selfishly or anything like that... you would be lying. We don't even have to call it God, we can see it as the "goodness in humanity" or some "power" or "greater force". I know TONS of people that think 'friends and family' are the thing that life is about. That is, Relationships. That is, Love. Well, for me that is what I call God. Yet anyone that sees life as having purpose greater than physical wealth still messes up in the pursuits of these "important" things.
Then of course there is the bigger picture. Beyond selfish behaviour and broken relationships we live in a consumer driven lifestyle that is destroying the planet and the most vulnerable people on it. Be it high street shops that use all-too-cheap cheap labour in India to unfairly traded chocolate that uses child slaves that have been stolen or bought on the Cote d'Ivoire. There's been a recent campaign which involves having fondue parties to raise awareness of this issues, I went to my third last night(!) and it takes this much to force me to change one thing on a list of hundreds I do that don't love this planet and these people like I theoretically want to. And I am begrudging as I have to give up Oreos. AND my first reaction was that it is a marketing ploy to sell more "Fairtrade" products. I am a BAD person.
Not one of us is guilt free.
Not one of us can justifying saying to the most perfect source of life and love on this planet (whoever He/She/They/It may be) that we deserve to go to a room for mediocre people because we didn't really see what we do wrong up close and personal and it wasn't that extreme. There is no ratio between 0-bad and a-little-bit-bad. If you had to fit into one category and the choice was perfect or imperfect which would you be?
I think it's high time we stopped telling people that the church doesn't condemn them. I personally condemn each and every member of society and think it's high time they stopped the apathy and started condemning themselves.
Maybe then people will GET why Jesus is so bloody important.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Shopping... (and extrapolated notions)
It's not always evil.
How do I know?
'Cause God took me shopping today.
Yeah right, I hear you say. Prove it. Fine I will. He bought me a poncho and a new dress!
Lots of people have the attitude of "in the world but not of the world". I can't remember where to find that but it makes sense. Gives me peace when I buy my milk from a supermarket. I don't think I've got to that bit yet (I am a notoriously slow reader and whilst I have read largish portions of the Good Book I am still very much ploughing through chronologically), I am only up to Romans 14. Which is what I glimpsed this morning before deciding that I had read enough for that day. Just enough it turns out, God even spoke to me through the casual eye I glanced over what is coming next...
Which is. Vegetables. OK, so. My point?
I have gotten on a bit of a bandwagon recently (which mostly just involves using that phrase) that has been all about women's identity and image and being trapped into living by a standard not of God. This is a great verse that has supported me in that. However, it is true to say that a lot of The Bible, Song of Solomon for example, says things like this. Beauty is not evil, indeed it is God made and totally awesome. How does a girl that is fighting against worldly judgments deal with this?
In her own way it seems. For me, recently it has been a bit like eating only vegetables. I love clothes, I love looking nice, I like coordinating my outfits right down to the makeup I wear. It brings me actual pleasure. It was also a little bit controlling and time consuming. So making the call to give all that up - no more make up, no more fussing, no more worrying about what to wear seemed in order. Basically I did let that sort of stuff take control. I would not feel happy unless an outfit was perfect - it didn't have to be "fashionable" mind. Just totally cohesive. I had to stop (or try) when I realised I still got security from it.
But in the same way that we are free to eat meat and drink wine and enjoy things in this world I am also free to look nice and have fabulous outfits. I just couldn't reconcile it with my vehemency on it not being important. I am going to a Masquerade ball at a friend's church in Bath (does anyone else think that church ball implies singles party?!) and this morning was totally wary. I had to BUY a dress. From a SHOP. And wear make up and make an effort to look lovely. How worldly and wrong is THAT!
Then God took me shopping and told me it was OK (I think the fact it was a charity shop makes it particularly OK!) by finding me the PERFECT outfit with a GORGEOUS matching feather mask without any fuss at all, as I casually wondered down Cotham Hill.
So I will look nice on Friday 'cause I am allowed and 'cause God is the one telling me I am lovely so it is OK to enjoy that. But lo and behold if I make it my top priority or my motivation when it is all about deepening this friendship and having fellowship (and no, NOT about meeting nice Christian boys actually!) and just living life in all it's fullness.
But what about the rest of the time. Well, I suppose doing it when I feel like I am free to and not when I feel it is making me. By the same premise I could drink a bottle of wine and have a cigarette if i was strong enough. Which I'm not. Everyone has their standards and weaknesses. Resisting the flesh is also REALLY good to do like in fasting to get closer to God but I have said quite enough for today and need to exercise some self-control with reference to bedtimes.
Hooray I am going to a party! And I am free to enjoy it!!
P.S. C: do you have any turquoise/gold shoes I could borrow?
How do I know?
'Cause God took me shopping today.
Yeah right, I hear you say. Prove it. Fine I will. He bought me a poncho and a new dress!
Lots of people have the attitude of "in the world but not of the world". I can't remember where to find that but it makes sense. Gives me peace when I buy my milk from a supermarket. I don't think I've got to that bit yet (I am a notoriously slow reader and whilst I have read largish portions of the Good Book I am still very much ploughing through chronologically), I am only up to Romans 14. Which is what I glimpsed this morning before deciding that I had read enough for that day. Just enough it turns out, God even spoke to me through the casual eye I glanced over what is coming next...
Which is. Vegetables. OK, so. My point?
I have gotten on a bit of a bandwagon recently (which mostly just involves using that phrase) that has been all about women's identity and image and being trapped into living by a standard not of God. This is a great verse that has supported me in that. However, it is true to say that a lot of The Bible, Song of Solomon for example, says things like this. Beauty is not evil, indeed it is God made and totally awesome. How does a girl that is fighting against worldly judgments deal with this?
In her own way it seems. For me, recently it has been a bit like eating only vegetables. I love clothes, I love looking nice, I like coordinating my outfits right down to the makeup I wear. It brings me actual pleasure. It was also a little bit controlling and time consuming. So making the call to give all that up - no more make up, no more fussing, no more worrying about what to wear seemed in order. Basically I did let that sort of stuff take control. I would not feel happy unless an outfit was perfect - it didn't have to be "fashionable" mind. Just totally cohesive. I had to stop (or try) when I realised I still got security from it.
But in the same way that we are free to eat meat and drink wine and enjoy things in this world I am also free to look nice and have fabulous outfits. I just couldn't reconcile it with my vehemency on it not being important. I am going to a Masquerade ball at a friend's church in Bath (does anyone else think that church ball implies singles party?!) and this morning was totally wary. I had to BUY a dress. From a SHOP. And wear make up and make an effort to look lovely. How worldly and wrong is THAT!
Then God took me shopping and told me it was OK (I think the fact it was a charity shop makes it particularly OK!) by finding me the PERFECT outfit with a GORGEOUS matching feather mask without any fuss at all, as I casually wondered down Cotham Hill.
So I will look nice on Friday 'cause I am allowed and 'cause God is the one telling me I am lovely so it is OK to enjoy that. But lo and behold if I make it my top priority or my motivation when it is all about deepening this friendship and having fellowship (and no, NOT about meeting nice Christian boys actually!) and just living life in all it's fullness.
But what about the rest of the time. Well, I suppose doing it when I feel like I am free to and not when I feel it is making me. By the same premise I could drink a bottle of wine and have a cigarette if i was strong enough. Which I'm not. Everyone has their standards and weaknesses. Resisting the flesh is also REALLY good to do like in fasting to get closer to God but I have said quite enough for today and need to exercise some self-control with reference to bedtimes.
Hooray I am going to a party! And I am free to enjoy it!!
P.S. C: do you have any turquoise/gold shoes I could borrow?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Consumerism, part I
Watch this when you have a spare 20 minutes. I tell you now it's worth it to get the thoughts thinking. Done? Now, what you think...?
For those of you that are "going to do it later" it is a short film about "The Story of Stuff". It's quite "American" (not that there's anything wrong with that it's just sometimes as Brit I forget they are for real but that is so my bad) in it's statistics and approach and has a lot of loaded comments to make but if you can watch it and be a bit open minded then I think it has some important messages.
Maybe you don't believe... maybe you take it with enough of a pinch of salt and a "how can I know it's true" attitude to disregard it... maybe you just don't know what to do with the information and feel a little bit like you can't make a difference anyway... maybe you have already challenged yourself in this and have a cohesive response... maybe you are running outside screaming and shouting at the world to stop in their tracks and CHANGE! Do tell.
I will let you how I feel some time but it's this or nothing as a post tonight and I want to get the ball rolling...
For those of you that are "going to do it later" it is a short film about "The Story of Stuff". It's quite "American" (not that there's anything wrong with that it's just sometimes as Brit I forget they are for real but that is so my bad) in it's statistics and approach and has a lot of loaded comments to make but if you can watch it and be a bit open minded then I think it has some important messages.
Maybe you don't believe... maybe you take it with enough of a pinch of salt and a "how can I know it's true" attitude to disregard it... maybe you just don't know what to do with the information and feel a little bit like you can't make a difference anyway... maybe you have already challenged yourself in this and have a cohesive response... maybe you are running outside screaming and shouting at the world to stop in their tracks and CHANGE! Do tell.
I will let you how I feel some time but it's this or nothing as a post tonight and I want to get the ball rolling...
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