10 Things I Hate About [insert just about anything here right now]

I am in a bit of a shit mood. Thus I shall fulfill the venting element of my relationship with BGB.

For starters, I just knocked two really pretty expensive (well, one did not cost a lot but it is worth a lot I just know how to shop well; note also that price is relative and I am a student!) delicate beaded dresses on top of a really pretty dried (not dead) 'strawberry blonde' rose, thus endangering the two and destroying the latter which by the way was the last one of a really pretty bunch given to me on my birthday.

Plus I am really tired even though I slept 12 hours last night. I feel like I never really woke up properly today and thus am worrying that I am foreseeing a difficult recovery from the past week and will inevitably be hurtled into busy life again before I am ready to be, which in turn will result in the crazy scary mean Kat(i)e who does not live in the full glory of God but stumbles through in the dark and doesn't even know how to get back to light. I have too much to do this week to not be OK for it!

The weather just turned cold and none of my jeans fit me anymore :-(

I am losing my voice which is making speaking and singing and well, all kinds of communication, impossible/very hard, painful and tiring.

I made lots of bad choices today resulting in feeling like nothing was productive, everything took longer than it should, I ate too much crap, spent too much money and interacted poorly with people I didn't know. Leaving me feeling like a spazzock and that I wasted a day that was supposed to be really cool (just 'cause days are these days) but wasn't.

The biggest bummer is that at the time I wasn't even able to see what was wrong and only realised everything too late which means that it couldn't have been any different anyways. I don't quite know where I went wrong as I was trying to rest and thought I had done so but my brain is not functioning properly implying that I haven't. Maybe I didn't stop soon enough and so it will take a while to get back to top form but I am a little bit worried that I never will and being fuzzy in the head is not a very nice feeling when you are supposed to be processing things.

All in all I am pissed off 'cause yesterday life rocked and now things have changed so quickly, without anything specific actually being wrong even. I suppose that being tired and sick and confused will do that to oneself but it just sucks that I can lose track of joy when it was so very profound.

In good things I found another suitcase in the street, which will come in handy when my friends come over and take back stuff for me. But it is not leopard print so it doesn't really count for much more than neutral.

I feel like a bit of a bitch to everyone I hung out with today! I'm not saying you were a waste of time, just me that's all. Hopefully there will be progress before the YAGs BBQ/pool party tomorrow else I will be a sulky cow and probably have a hissy fit. Could be interesting but not ideal.

On that note bed calls...

P.S. For those who thought "raised to the ground" was a strange phrase actually it is not. The word is "razed" and it originates in latin - think erase. You might still think it's strange but at least you can spell it now!

She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead

I don't like how fabulously enthusiastic my blog has gotten. For goodness sake, I must be coming across as a mental soft head going on about Jesus like all my problems are solved and the world is made of sunshine and flowers. Well, it's not true and I can't deceive you anymore. Even Kat(i)e gets pissed off and today I want to tell you about that.

The first annoying thing is that I had a 'fabulous' thought on the bus about this blog and I forgot it. I can remember that it was definitely AMAZING but can I recall what it was? No.

The second annoying thing is that I don't have the right to be annoyed. I had a great day, saw and spoke to loads of lovely friends, went to the ILO for lunch(!), had wonderful conversations all about the future and hope and faith and empowerment and all sorts of stuff; work was even cool and I felt like I was almost making a difference. On top of that this past week rocked out and I had lots of encouragement and drive and passion and vision and what not. Great stuff. Then, suddenly, no.

I suppose sometimes it just gets too much. When God is great but He is not in your face it is easy to focus on the world and let Him get blurry in the background. That doesn't have to take very long, we're not talking years or weeks or days, I am vulnerable enough that even after a couple of hours of despondence or laziness; a stupid rom com (they are definitely emotional pornography); a song on the radio or a bad Facebook moment, I am all about humanity and it's failed promises. It's so easy for stuff like that to get you down and make you feel worth less than you are with a big fat "L" plastered across your face. Or angry with a big fat fist plastered across someone else's. Or possibly a combo of the both.

Oh happy day, I remembered! Let's reference it back to Screwtape shall we. Natural undulations leave us going up and down (I like to see it as having a sinusoidal spirit) making it feel sometimes like things have gone bad when really it is just the seasons of life. In this knowledge however, the downs do not have the power to keep us from the wonderful state that is a relationship with God - who by the way is always true to his promises. Do not despair, recall Ecclesiastes and remember too that one day perfect we will be.

[I am also annoyed by how sickly sweet this entry has gone and gotten when all I wanted was to moan :-S]

Another thing about French Class

I don't know what I have said about my French teacher but she is called Bee and she is Great! We met a few weeks after I came to Geneva and she offered really early on to give me lessons for free: one of the many wonderful things that happened surround my departure/arrival that pointed me towards the big JC (Jesus Christ not Johnny Cash, who is by the way the medium JC).

Anyway, Bee has had an amazing life. She was a really '68er and, well let's just say she has some stories. I should get her to write a blog it would be much more interesting than mine. Bee is also a German, though her French is totally perfect and her grammar much better than most actual French people (I am so not the one to talk!).

Her English is pretty amazing too; occasionally I teach her new words but only colloquially (that's fun), or the correct pronunciation of manure. There is one thing that she says though, or the manner in which she says it, which stands out every time. Sometimes when you translate things there is a bit of a gap between the languages and the intended message does not come across quite as it might in it's native tongue. For example, I am apparently a REAL freak. Sincerely and honestly; but it's OK 'cause she likes freaks. As time has passed I've established that there are a good many of us, herself included, that fit into this category; and decided that I quite like the definition.

I admit though, tonight I was thrown. I was wearing my hair slightly differently (face-length bob with a fringe right now and I had a half french plait, for those that care) and had on brown and gold tones. Bee always like to comment (with absolute truth) on my appearance and today she looked at me totally shocked and delighted and said:
"You look really pretty. Strange that you look so nice!"

Thanks.

Now, I am not totally insecure and I have been there with the linguistic short-fallings before, so it was mostly just amusing that even as the evening wore on I was getting occasional glances and the odd reiterated "Amazing, really amazing".

Is it that shocking to you?!

My favourite is when she tells me she doesn't like what I am wearing; or what I was wearing at church last week. I feel it's important, particularly when I am getting the magnitude of compliments I was tonight, that they always come with this healthy pinch of salt. The "I love your outfit today" is so often followed up with a "Shame you weren't wearing it on Sunday" that I can't ever become vain.

Thanks for helping me keep it real!