Thank You

Sometimes life gets hard. I mean, I think this is true for everyone, it is definitely true for me. I used to be depressed and, even though I have found God, I can still get that way sometimes. I think it is a part of life, a part of being in this body and in this world and subject, dare I say it, to things I may not even be able to see. I can limit and control it but I do not believe there is an easy fix to quit it. Sometimes we are healed from things, sometimes we learn from them. Right now I am learning.

But it is definitely different with God. And a lot of it I think comes from the concept of spirit controlling the soul. I know what can trigger me a lot of the time but even when I don't, He grants me a peace inside that means I can master the brief interlude. One of the things I do when I am down is write - poetry and songs quite a lot of the time. It seems to help.

Life has been a bit hard recently. Not majorly but a few niggles combined with a bit of stress and some good old fashioned drawing near to the end sadness and fear of the future have tarried together gallantly. Tonight as I was rereading some old stuff (I am trying to finish off songs so I can do some recording before I leave Caro, my fabulously musically gifted and equipped friend) I came across this poem. I wrote it way back at the start of November when there was some shit going down, just after I had discovered God and when I knew even less about Him than I do now. I'm going to show it to you 'cause it is so uplifting for me to remember both how real He was even in the past (where sometimes the truth of things seems to wear off) and how far I have come, yet also to be encouraged by a much 'younger' me and regain some of the early wonder. I don't normally share this shit so please, don't be mean.

"This time in my misery
I still get out of bed
Why is that?

I have never felt so bad
The news is worse everyday
Yet the burden I bear is OK

How is it so that in my utter weakness
I have found strength?
My prayer is so weak and broken
Yet the answer is loud and clear

Even when I despair and see no way
I still stand, still get through, still go on
Why is it that this time I don’t feel the pain as strong?

That the moments pass as they need
And after I am still here
And can still smile and still see beauty and still see truth

For the first time really see truth or right or way or reason

Thank you for getting me through this in a way I could not foresee
The yoke is not so heavy this time, though the burden is greater
There must be someone else pulling with me

And even before, when misery was harsher and deeper and more painful
Yet I still got to here with less damage than I could have bore
And though my heart was scarred, broken and torn
Now it feel like it may once again be whole

So thank you, who I do not yet know
Who loves me and I still can’t grasp
Who watches me and influences my path

Carry on when the way is dark, be my light to keep me on track
And thank you once again that I am not looking back."

Life really has changed a lot, so Thank You.