Relational Matters

I have always found trousers a bit of a tricky thing to buy. Different people have different tailoring needs but for me it is pantalons that are cut in an unhelpful manner. That's ok though, after quite a lot of shopping experience I have worked out exactly what does and does not suit or flatter. I now have quite a collection of trousers in fact, and wear them a whole lot. I can see on the hanger what will or won't fit right and exactly what size I need. As I have mentioned it before, shopping is one of my spiritual gifts.

And I think obscure analogy making is another. I was in a cute (yet very touristy) market in Montreux yesterday and I found one of those fake-hippy stalls. The kind where everything is really cool but thoroughly overpriced and overdesigned. That is in part the look I go for these days and so I was of course excited to see the cool baggy trousers (Sinbad style) in a whole range of takes, textures, and colours. This I felt was one of my 'safebet' styles and so with glee I take 4 pairs into the makeshift cubicle. And not one pair fit. Rejected by an item of clothing.

Now, I find that when one goes clothes shopping and for some reason things just aren't going right, it is best to stop before it gets too much. I mean, it may be 'cause what is in season really doesn't suit you; or you're having a bad face/hair/fat day and can't look in the mirror! Or perhaps just low sugar levels and a non-relaxed attitude, which are not at all conducive to this kind of shopping. There ought to be official research done but I would postulate that when a woman has low success in the changing room department, she needs to stop after circa 5 consecutive let downs and quit while she is still able to walk down the road looking straight ahead. Else things just get messy. I have perfected this well and these days I have enough confidence to tell myself that those trousers were not made for women of my stature and that it was OK 'cause the ones I was wearing were better anyway. I know how to shop in an uplifting manner.

But do I know how to deal with people (as opposed to 'pant') rejection? I have a feeling I've applied the same rule. I give it a go a bit, take a few blows and then leave the arena convinced that I am OK without.

Being a Christian has facilitated this a lot too. Particularly as I have recently been learning the lesson that God is enough to satisfy all my needs and the only one that can and should bolster me. How easy is it to turn around and say that, in conclusion, man does not satisfy anything and definitely both can't and shouldn't. So in true opposites fashion I have now, today, been challenged to wonder if perhaps I do not rates relationships with people enough. Like when I learnt to love myself so much I had to then address the issue of vanity!

Now, I am not talking about boy-girl relationships in particular but the next bit of this blog pertains to a conversation I had on that topic. I was talking today with someone who had quite a different opinion to me on Christian dating. He did challenge me quite a lot (about how not long term relationships have value for both learning and support) but I think I am still in the same place as before the conversation (that God is kinda the central theme at the moment and that, for me, any relationship that may or may not develop at some point in the future would have to have longevity potential else it is just a distraction and waste of emotional and other resources). I explained my current thinking to this chap as such: the merits of a relationship with a particular individual, in the completely healthy non-dependent, not distracting sense, are admittedly envious (I have noticed this also with having Robyn in my life - in some ways she is like an actual husband!); there is someone there to talk to about the shit stuff, share the amazing stuff, have follow your life story and really care, give you feedback when you need it and just listen when you are ranting. There's also praying together, reading the Bible together and generally build towards a future, together; and more besides I don't doubt. It is pretty neat. But my point was, and as I was about to say to this boy, I've realised I have God to do all that with.

Expect, of course, he wanted to make a witty comment and thus when I said "I have ...", he inserted "a blog".

Ha ha ha. The funny thing is that it's become a bit of a longstanding joke how I 'advertise' my blog in general conversation to everyone I meet. It stems from the blog-off and I find it amusing (though I am sure no-one else does) enough that it is pretty much inexhaustible. This day, however, I had not mentioned once to him that I have a blog.

So that comment actually hit me pretty hard, even though he was just joking 'cause of what I said about sharing and off-loading. It made me wonder if perhaps I have an unhealthy relationship with my blog as a bit of a replacement for a significant other and perhaps with all the dangers of gratification seeking. [Wow, how crazy does that sound as I do a read through!]

But you know, I don't think so. Relationship, yes, but unhealthy? Maybe this sounds like justification but, well, I think I may have given relationships (in both the generic and specific sense) a taboo that is in fact the uncool thing. God did not create us to be isolated from each other, even those called to singleness are meant to have society and friends and confidants and mentors and whatnot; I mean, that is what we call the church, right? God definitely digs that: Hebrews 10:25. Plus, as I said a couple of posts ago, I want to share what God is doing in my life and not be tempted to keep it back. Relating to people is a key part of what we as human beings are supposed to do, both for our own wellbeing and for His glory.

Turning to man instead of God is not cool, but since we are made in His image I think that seeing God in fellow man is pretty exciting too. The thing to remember is that, when secure in His love for us, the failings of others do not matter. Like my ace pair of trousers that I went back to when all the others didn't fit right.

Keeping relationships healthy is just as much about avoiding independence as it is dependence. Isn't it funny how it took a realisation about my positive relationship with a lil' bit of cyberspace for me to acknowledge that relating to people can be a good thing!